15 things gay guys need to stop doing

  • slimnmuscly

    Posts: 541

    Apr 12, 2013 6:44 PM GMT
    I'm not usually into list-y articles -- they're just lazy ways to generate disposable content -- but most of the recommendations in this one are actually pretty good. Although, if you're not doing No. 11, I don't see why No. 7 should be a problem.

    http://thoughtcatalog.com/2013/15-things-gay-guys-need-to-stop-doing/

    1. Going into a gay bar and deciding immediately that you hate everybody there. Then getting upset when no one hits on you.

    2. Shaming someone or deeming them unattractive for acting “femme.” Not only is this some deep self-loathing shit, it also feeds into the idea that behaving in a feminine way is, in fact, bad. AKA misogyny!

    3. Feeling the pressure to act in a certain accordance of “gayness.” Spoiler: you can never be “too gay” or not “gay enough.”

    4. Snapping your fingers and saying something stereotypical like “OKAY, GIRLFRIEND?” to appease your “raised on Will & Grace” friends. Unless, of course, you actually like to snap your fingers and say things like that. In which case, that’s fine!

    5. Killing themselves. (Seriously.)

    6. Treating their girl friends like shit. Just because you’re gay doesn’t mean you can call your buddies “sluts” and “whores.” I have seen so many gay men make jabs at their girl friends and I JUST DON’T GET IT. What is going on with all the misogyny among gay men?

    7. Hooking up with “straight” guys. They’re the forbidden fruit(cake) of the gay world but I would be wary of them if I were you. Chances are they aren’t ready for this petroleum jelly and will break your heart!

    8. Slut-shaming other gay guys. There is no right or wrong way to be gay. If someone wants to have anal sex with a guy they just met, that’s their prerogative. As long as they’re safe, no one is getting hurt… I hope. Similarly, it’s totally okay if having anal sex is a big deal to you and you only want to have it in a relationship. Gay guys spend too much time comparing themselves to other gays. Just do you, babe.

    9. Being #NotClearOn lesbians. They aren’t going to bite, you fools!

    10. Complaining about wanting a boyfriend but the second you achieve an iota of intimacy with another guy, you bolt.

    11. Fetishizing your friendships with straight men.

    12. Assuming everyone you meet is gay. Although if you live in SF or NYC, this might be a little true.

    13. Ask a borderline stranger if they’re a top or a bottom. Rude Girl by Rihanna!

    14. “Straight acting, masc.”

    15. Hate other gay guys for no reason. It’s so important to have a great big gay family. Don’t alienate yourself!
  • Rhi_Bran

    Posts: 904

    Apr 12, 2013 8:04 PM GMT
    It's funny that you say we shouldn't shame femme gays when most of the items in this article are, in fact, things that many femme gays do.

    Not saying we *should* shame femme gays, but this entire article is kind of self-defeating.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 12, 2013 9:59 PM GMT
    *nods* with everything that has been said. JUST BE NORMAL!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 12, 2013 10:17 PM GMT
    yourname2000 saidAh, #8..... icon_biggrin.gif

    "There is no 'wrong way' to be gay. And no one knows how to be the kind of gay guy you are/will be better than you." has been part of my profile since I started with RJ. So true.

    ROTFLMAO
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 12, 2013 11:30 PM GMT
    the top thing should have been gay guys pushing the insecurities with themselves onto other gay men in general. not only with the whole masculine and feminine thing but also appearances, skin color, height and etc. it's always folks that are insecure that feel the need to boost themselves up by putting others down for some reason. icon_cry.gif
  • TroyAthlete

    Posts: 4269

    Apr 13, 2013 3:29 AM GMT
    16. Thinking that every straight dude who is not homophobic and treats them nicely is into them and might be gay.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 13, 2013 3:30 AM GMT
    TroyAthlete said16. Thinking that every straight dude who is not homophobic might be gay.


    Tell that to scruffypup icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 13, 2013 3:31 AM GMT
    Nonsense90 said
    TroyAthlete said16. Thinking that every straight dude who is not homophobic might be gay.


    Tell that to scruffypup icon_lol.gif


    Ugly doo-doo faced queens hiding behind "private photos". icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 13, 2013 3:43 AM GMT
    15 things people need to stop doing:

    1. Telling other people what to do.

    2.

    3.

    4.

    5.

    6.

    7.

    8.

    9.

    10.

    11.

    12.

    13.

    14.

    15.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 13, 2013 3:45 AM GMT
    TroyAthlete said16. Thinking that every straight dude who is not homophobic and treats them nicely is into them and might be gay.


    I am guilty of that one. Also the converse, not realizing when gay guys are into me.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 13, 2013 3:47 AM GMT
    But you can't tell people to not tell other people to not do stuff.
  • Eccomi09

    Posts: 203

    Apr 13, 2013 4:00 AM GMT
    This list is actually summed up quite nicely with one rule:

    1) Treat others the way you would want to be treated.

    Pretty simple.

    You don't know how much hate mail I get in a day from people I've never spoken to or met who will say the most vile things. Sad thing is, that's exactly the point-- they are so miserable that they want to drag others down like crabs in a bucket.
  • aznduderocks

    Posts: 67

    Apr 13, 2013 4:11 AM GMT
    10. Complaining about wanting a boyfriend but the second you achieve an iota of intimacy with another guy, you bolt.

    Guilty as charged lol icon_razz.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 13, 2013 5:15 AM GMT
    TLDR;
    Don't be a dick.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 13, 2013 5:48 AM GMT
    slimnmuscly saidI'm not usually into list-y articles -- they're just lazy ways to generate disposable content -- but most of the recommendations in this one are actually pretty good. Although, if you're not doing No. 11, I don't see why No. 7 should be a problem.

    http://thoughtcatalog.com/2013/15-things-gay-guys-need-to-stop-doing/

    1. Going into a gay bar and deciding immediately that you hate everybody there. Then getting upset when no one hits on you.

    2. Shaming someone or deeming them unattractive for acting “femme.” Not only is this some deep self-loathing shit, it also feeds into the idea that behaving in a feminine way is, in fact, bad. AKA misogyny!

    3. Feeling the pressure to act in a certain accordance of “gayness.” Spoiler: you can never be “too gay” or not “gay enough.”

    4. Snapping your fingers and saying something stereotypical like “OKAY, GIRLFRIEND?” to appease your “raised on Will & Grace” friends. Unless, of course, you actually like to snap your fingers and say things like that. In which case, that’s fine!

    5. Killing themselves. (Seriously.)

    6. Treating their girl friends like shit. Just because you’re gay doesn’t mean you can call your buddies “sluts” and “whores.” I have seen so many gay men make jabs at their girl friends and I JUST DON’T GET IT. What is going on with all the misogyny among gay men?

    7. Hooking up with “straight” guys. They’re the forbidden fruit(cake) of the gay world but I would be wary of them if I were you. Chances are they aren’t ready for this petroleum jelly and will break your heart!

    8. Slut-shaming other gay guys. There is no right or wrong way to be gay. If someone wants to have anal sex with a guy they just met, that’s their prerogative. As long as they’re safe, no one is getting hurt… I hope. Similarly, it’s totally okay if having anal sex is a big deal to you and you only want to have it in a relationship. Gay guys spend too much time comparing themselves to other gays. Just do you, babe.

    9. Being #NotClearOn lesbians. They aren’t going to bite, you fools!

    10. Complaining about wanting a boyfriend but the second you achieve an iota of intimacy with another guy, you bolt.

    11. Fetishizing your friendships with straight men.

    12. Assuming everyone you meet is gay. Although if you live in SF or NYC, this might be a little true.

    13. Ask a borderline stranger if they’re a top or a bottom. Rude Girl by Rihanna!

    14. “Straight acting, masc.”

    15. Hate other gay guys for no reason. It’s so important to have a great big gay family. Don’t alienate yourself!



    I agree with all of these except the following:

    4: If anyone on Will & Grace ever actually acted that way it was probably Jack (or one of Jack's "Boyfriends") which is a moot point since Jack was a caricature of every gay stereotype in existence.

    8: Straight people shame each other for being sluts/whores. Its hardly a "gays-only" club. If we truly want to be "equal" in society we have to recognize that some guys/gals are whores, just like in the straight world. If someone feels strongly about that then that's their prerogative. Whether they comment on it or not is up to them.

    12: This is actually a stereotype. The average gay man does NOT assume every guy he meets is gay. I am very comfortable with my sexuality and will treat it as a non-issue in normal conversation (Guy: Are you seeing anyone right now? Me: Nah, I was seeing this guy from Baton Rouge for a while but...) but I actually assume everyone is straight (which presents its OWN set of problems)

  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Apr 13, 2013 6:06 AM GMT
    Welcome to the human experience
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Apr 13, 2013 7:04 AM GMT
    16. stop making stupid lists
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 13, 2013 9:14 PM GMT
    Fivealive saidJUST BE NORMAL!


    This ^
  • Niceguy91

    Posts: 27

    Apr 13, 2013 9:30 PM GMT
    Wait what!? straight acting?? What if im masculine naturally, should i force myself to be more feminine?? I dont get it. How about be yourself and dont judge?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 13, 2013 10:01 PM GMT
    Rhi_Bran saidIt's funny that you say we shouldn't shame femme gays when most of the items in this article are, in fact, things that many femme gays do.

    Not saying we *should* shame femme gays, but this entire article is kind of self-defeating.


    being femme isnt the same as being a bitch, its not shaming people for being femme its shaming them for doing douchey things whether they happen to femme or not.
  • omgazn

    Posts: 342

    Apr 13, 2013 10:21 PM GMT
    Eccomi09 saidThis list is actually summed up quite nicely with one rule:

    1) Treat others the way you would want to be treated.

    Pretty simple.

    You don't know how much hate mail I get in a day from people I've never spoken to or met who will say the most vile things. Sad thing is, that's exactly the point-- they are so miserable that they want to drag others down like crabs in a bucket.


    This rule beats the 15 listed. I alway follow this rule and it works great.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 14, 2013 1:45 AM GMT
    yourname2000 saidBut.....didn't you just break your own rule? icon_eek.gificon_confused.gif
    Hypocrisy is a human condition.
  • uptownmnguy11

    Posts: 28

    Apr 14, 2013 1:59 AM GMT
    OOH...and one more thing...


    When you refer to your status as "CLEAN"....





    You imply that someone with HIV is DIRTY....





    END THE STIGMA
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 14, 2013 2:04 AM GMT
    WHEN U REFER TO URSELF AS STRAIGHT U IMPLY THAT GAY PPL ARE CROOKED END THE STIGMA
    WHEN U REFER TO URSELF AS GAY U IMPLY THAT STRAIGHT PPL ARE UNHAPPY END THE STIGMA
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Apr 14, 2013 2:11 AM GMT
    No WRONG way to be gay, but we need a list of 15 things gay guys should not do?...is the dichotomy and irony lost somewhere?