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Have you dated while still in the closet?

  • Posted by a hidden member.Log in to view his profile
    QUOTE Apr 13, 2013 4:03 AM GMT
    I'm 20 and still in the closet. Haha, not good I know. I've dated and been with a lot of guys. Not quite comfortable telling my parents yet.

    Anyway - have you dated while still in the closet and would you date someone who's in the closet? I'm talking an actual relationship not sex or fuck buddy agreement.
  • willular Posts: 1241
    QUOTE Apr 13, 2013 12:35 PM GMT
    I dates a few guys while DADT was still around. made life very difficult, but i was into the guys so i tried my hardest.

    life got so much better coming out.
  • Posted by a hidden member.Log in to view his profile
    QUOTE Apr 13, 2013 1:32 PM GMT
    That's your business. You don't have to tell people your personal life and don't owe them. Just be you.
  • LuckyGuyKC Posts: 2048
    QUOTE Apr 13, 2013 2:48 PM GMT
    Yes and it was a disaster. It was a few years ago when I was just starting to wrestle with my sexuality and the man I dated is easily one of the most eligible gay men in my city and beyond and he was offended that by me still having one foot in the closet that it put his well adjusted hot self one foot back in the closet too.

    I get it now
  • Destinharbor Posts: 1600
    QUOTE Apr 13, 2013 3:14 PM GMT
    Ya sure I dated men in the closet when I was in the closet. lol A good fit. Now that I'm out, if I wasn't partnered, I probably would if I felt he had a fair reason to not be out. And that might be his job, or family, or even just scared. If I felt he would come out eventually, I'd try to be understanding. And patient. If you care for someone, you understand them and cover their back. Love them despite their flaws. I thought about this when I was pissed at the intolerant, mentally 4th grade morality displayed in the "Would you date a guy who lied about his age" thread. All the "A lie is a lie" huffing and (self-important) puffing displayed a childish grasp of human frailty. Ya gotta love to be loved.
  • Posted by a hidden member.Log in to view his profile
    QUOTE Apr 13, 2013 3:40 PM GMT
    yes
  • jo2hotbod Posts: 3302
    QUOTE Apr 13, 2013 3:43 PM GMT
    theblatanttruth saidI'm 20 and still in the closet. Haha, not good I know. I've dated and been with a lot of guys. Not quite comfortable telling my parents yet.

    Anyway - have you dated while still in the closet and would you date someone who's in the closet? I'm talking an actual relationship not sex or fuck buddy agreement.


    If you're not ready to come out then you have to in order to be with someone and you're better with someone than alone bro.
  • tomjeck Posts: 1
    QUOTE Apr 13, 2013 3:53 PM GMT
    yes i do because of so many reasons, family, peers, work etc. it is very hard because you can't do what you want feely.
  • Posted by a hidden member.Log in to view his profile
    QUOTE Apr 13, 2013 5:24 PM GMT
    I've been with my homie for about 11 months now. I'm out to all my close mates and my cousins, but he is not out at all. It works though because after a few months he trusted me enough to meet all the mates that know about me, so we can out with people and be ourselves.


    Because I'm only out to a handful of people, I'm able to hang out with his friends too without them being suspicious of us being together (due to that fact that its not a well known fact that I'm gay)

    There's definately been a lot of paranoia, a few close calls and a few arguments stemming from the fact that he's not out at all. But its definitely working for us because we know eachothers boundaries and have trust in eachothers judgement. Most importantly we make compromises and sacrifices to make it work.

    We understand the positions were both in and see how it can be hard for both of us, so, although it can be frustrating at times, we've learnt how to deal.

    I guess it helps that I'm not out to my immediate family, it takes the pressure off.
    From this point on I hope one day he finds the courage to let his friends in, but if it doesn't happen then I'm content with that.
  • Medjai Posts: 2671
    QUOTE Apr 13, 2013 5:37 PM GMT
    I did, once. He cheated, I ended up in the hospital. I was young, naive, and stupid.

    But it can be done. I just never found a good balance.
  • Posted by a hidden member.Log in to view his profile
    QUOTE Apr 13, 2013 5:51 PM GMT
    You are 20, what's the big deal if it takes you a couple of years to be comfortable with yourself and then come out. Take your time and do it when YOU are ready.

    You can definitely date someone that is ok with your situation, don't fall for the pressure just 'cause you want a relationship, if they like you they'll be ok with it. Don't depend on somebody to be happy, just have someone in your life that enhances your already happy self.

    Best wishes!
  • Posted by a hidden member.Log in to view his profile
    QUOTE Apr 13, 2013 6:10 PM GMT
    nope, actually want to but doesn't seem like folks are interested in dating me or at least the guys that i want to be with aren't interested. oh well.
  • Posted by a hidden member.Log in to view his profile
    QUOTE Apr 13, 2013 6:45 PM GMT
    As you realize, it would be better to come out of the closet. Until then, there is no reason you can't date other closeted guys. It really is so much better being out that you will have a hard time finding someone out who will let you pull him back in. Just do a search for the keyword "discreet," or whatever you kids are calling it these days.

  • Posted by a hidden member.Log in to view his profile
    QUOTE Apr 13, 2013 7:39 PM GMT
    Yep, actually seemed to get more dates that way.
  • Posted by a hidden member.Log in to view his profile
    QUOTE Apr 13, 2013 7:45 PM GMT
    It was really difficult dating guys while they were in the closet, but I was not.
  • Posted by a hidden member.Log in to view his profile
    QUOTE Apr 13, 2013 7:46 PM GMT
    Seric saidIt was really difficult dating guys while they were in the closet, but I was not.


    The door gets in the way.
  • Diceroll Posts: 223
    QUOTE Apr 13, 2013 8:22 PM GMT
    I met my first boyfriend when I was in the closet (he wasn't). This was before social/hookup apps etc and I didn't have a lot of intenet access so I couldn't really meet guys that way. He was the one who took me to clubs and bars, and introduced me to other gay people. It really helped me come to terms with my sexuality (which eventually helped me come out) and i've always been thankful to him for that.

    I can understand why some guys wouldn't want to date someone who isn't out but personally I wouldn't dismiss the idea, based on my own experience.
  • Posted by a hidden member.Log in to view his profile
    QUOTE Apr 13, 2013 10:07 PM GMT
    I started dating my first bf in college...I ended up coming out that year to everyone including family. So I was only in the closet while in a relationship from weeks to months depending on who they were.


    My most recent ex, was in the closet and wouldn't just announce our relation. At first I was like that's fine...I respect that and I won't make him come out. It ended up eating away at me personally because I became sick of lying/being hidden to other people. Just being his 'friend' who came to visit or whatevs. I won't date anyone who isn't out just cuz of that reason. I don't like feeling like I have to tip toe around and make up lies and such. Granted at the end of our relationship a hand full of people knew, but it was still hush hush.
  • Destinharbor Posts: 1600
    QUOTE Apr 13, 2013 10:16 PM GMT
    melbourne92 saidI've been with my homie for about 11 months now. I'm out to all my close mates and my cousins, but he is not out at all. It works though because after a few months he trusted me enough to meet all the mates that know about me, so we can out with people and be ourselves.


    Because I'm only out to a handful of people, I'm able to hang out with his friends too without them being suspicious of us being together (due to that fact that its not a well known fact that I'm gay)

    There's definately been a lot of paranoia, a few close calls and a few arguments stemming from the fact that he's not out at all. But its definitely working for us because we know eachothers boundaries and have trust in eachothers judgement. Most importantly we make compromises and sacrifices to make it work.

    We understand the positions were both in and see how it can be hard for both of us, so, although it can be frustrating at times, we've learnt how to deal.

    I guess it helps that I'm not out to my immediate family, it takes the pressure off.
    From this point on I hope one day he finds the courage to let his friends in, but if it doesn't happen then I'm content with that.

    Sounds like love.....
  • Posted by a hidden member.Log in to view his profile
    QUOTE Apr 13, 2013 11:32 PM GMT
    Yup and I don't mind as long as he doesn't turn into a complete dick while being outside and trying to look all straight.
  • Posted by a hidden member.Log in to view his profile
    QUOTE Apr 14, 2013 12:01 AM GMT
    ithnku8micr8on said.


    My most recent ex, was in the closet and wouldn't just announce our relation. At first I was like that's fine...I respect that and I won't make him come out. It ended up eating away at me personally because I became sick of lying/being hidden to other people. Just being his 'friend' who came to visit or whatevs. I won't date anyone who isn't out just cuz of that reason. I don't like feeling like I have to tip toe around and make up lies and such. Granted at the end of our relationship a hand full of people knew, but it was still hush hush.


    +1 totally been there, and done that. I told myself never again. But then again, who knows. It will probably take a really amazing dude to make me want to date another closeted guy again.
  • Posted by a hidden member.Log in to view his profile
    QUOTE Apr 14, 2013 4:42 AM GMT
    No and no.