New Mexico Chilli almost kills New York Newspaper Writer

  • NMGUY505

    Posts: 145

    Apr 13, 2013 11:30 PM GMT
    I'm from NM born and raised. So my fellow New Mexican's and people from the southwest you know that eating and enjoying spicy/hot food is basically requirment to live here. I always enjoyed watching out of staters try to eat what we normally eat here in NM. Our definition of mild is what could be considered Straight from hell hot for most people on the east coast or not accustomed to eating chilli. So you could only imgaine what we consider hot would do to a normal person. SO read the article below to see what happened when a NY Times tried to judge a chilli cook off in Santa Fe icon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gif



    New Mexico Chili Cook-off
    If you can read this whole story without laughing, then there's no hope for you. I had tears in my eyes by the end. This is an actual account as relayed to paramedics at a chili cook-off in New Mexico ......

    Note: Please take time to read this slowly. If you pay attention to the first two judges, the reaction of the third judge is even better.

    For those of you who have lived in or visited New Mexico , you know about their famous Chili Cook-off. They actually have a Chili Cook-off about the time Halloween comes around. It takes up a major portion of a parking lot at theSanta Fe Plaza . Judge #3was an inexperienced Chile taster named Frank, who was visiting from ROCHESTER , NEW YORK .

    Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off.. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table, asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges ( Native New Mexicans ) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy; and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted and becameJudge #3 ."

    Here are the scorecard notes from the event:

    CHILI # 1 - MIKE'S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI

    Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.

    Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.

    Judge # 3 (Frank) -- Holy crap, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These New Mexicans are crazy.

    CHILI # 2 - EL RANCHO'S AFTERBURNER CHILI

    Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.

    Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.

    Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain.. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.

    CHILI # 3 - ALFREDO'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI

    Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick.

    Judge # 2 -- A bit salty, good use of peppers.

    Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. The Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting sh*t-faced from all of the beer.

    CHILI # 4 - BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC

    Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.

    Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.

    Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the beer maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. This 300 lb. woman is starting to look HOT ..... Just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?

    CHILI # 5 - LISA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER

    Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Jalapeno peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.

    Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the jalapeno peppers make a strong statement.

    Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted, and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off.. It really ticks me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw them.

    CHILI # 6 - VARGA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY

    Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers.

    Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, garlic. Superb.

    Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I crapped on myself when I farted, and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Sally. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my butt with a snow cone.

    CHILI # 7 - SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI

    Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.

    Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. **I should take note that I am worried about Judge #3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.

    Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing. It's too painful. Screw it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.

    CHILI # 8 - BIG TOM'S TOENAIL CURLING CHILI

    Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.

    Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor fella, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chili?

    Judge # 3 -- No report
  • NMGUY505

    Posts: 145

    Apr 14, 2013 3:37 AM GMT
    damn that looks good probally go good with some chilli rellenos and pork red chilli tamales
  • Menergy_1

    Posts: 737

    Apr 14, 2013 3:11 PM GMT
    funny chili review! I can sort of relate, because I do enjoy many of the complex flavor combos of New Mexican cuisine, and also like to keep my tastebuds intact -- incendiary is not always good, in my opinion! icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 14, 2013 3:45 PM GMT
    NM chile is nature's way of testing you. If you learn to love the burn you know you are called and the Land of Enchantment has made you one of its own.
    It warms you in the winter and makes you forget about the heat of the summer. It's even rich in antioxidants. And what can equal the aroma of roasting green chile in September?
    If New Yorkers can't cope with it so much the better. There have been too many articles in the travel section of the NYT extolling the beauty of Santa Fe and simultaneously sneering because it's not edgy and hip enough for NY tastes. If chile can keep such people from coming back, it's a win.
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    Apr 14, 2013 3:49 PM GMT
    Judge 3# reminds me of Simon Cowell when he was on American Idol once..
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Apr 14, 2013 3:58 PM GMT
    this whole thing is just a joke. here's your "article" with new mexico swapped for texas http://www.joslinhall.com/laugh21.htm

    and for the record, a nyt food critique would wipe the floor of your plebeian palate pepper patrol people
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    Apr 14, 2013 10:45 PM GMT
    yourname2000 saidLunch: a plate of stuffed red habaneros. icon_cool.gif

    7e7e80bca0c209eebd3a0411bde07718.jpg

    "Spicy chili", lol. icon_lol.gif You're adorable. icon_razz.gif


    icon_lol.gif
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    Apr 14, 2013 11:04 PM GMT
    OMG icon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gif


    Did this actually happened! I love the paramedic bit! icon_biggrin.gif
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    Apr 14, 2013 11:32 PM GMT
    icon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gif

    As someone who has over 200 different recipes for chili, this had me ROFL icon_exclaim.gif

    icon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 14, 2013 11:36 PM GMT
    I have sort of a sensitive stomach so I could never eat that,My Dominican fiancee maybe lol.
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    Apr 15, 2013 11:06 AM GMT
    yourname2000 saidLunch: a plate of stuffed red habaneros. icon_cool.gif

    7e7e80bca0c209eebd3a0411bde07718.jpg

    "Spicy chili", lol. icon_lol.gif You're adorable. icon_razz.gif


    As a native Texan I love some heat.

    This just looks painful, though. icon_eek.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 15, 2013 12:57 PM GMT
    City slickers! Only if he would try some of our chilli!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 16, 2013 1:43 AM GMT
    AP_INDIAS_CHILI.jpg

    Although the chili is from India, note where the science is documented.

    However, the Trinidad Scorpion and Trinidad Moruga Scorpion are hotter...