Boyfriend flirts with other gay guys on facebook, what should I do?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 14, 2013 2:35 AM GMT
    Thank you all, we are going to work it out.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 14, 2013 2:43 AM GMT
    id watch out, dont let him make a fool out of you
  • wherewillwebe

    Posts: 120

    Apr 14, 2013 3:24 AM GMT
    icon_confused.gif sorry to hear that....not sure what to say but hope everything will be just fine! Good luckicon_biggrin.gif
  • LoveAndPeace

    Posts: 460

    Apr 14, 2013 4:24 AM GMT
    Your NOT overreacting...yes it was wrong to look through his phone but your bf should not even be talking to these men if he is in a relationship with u....confront him
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    Apr 14, 2013 6:50 PM GMT
    Faye has the right idea !

    tumblr_mg2tboeHwa1qg10sbo1_500.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 14, 2013 6:52 PM GMT
    dump him
  • blueyedgrey20...

    Posts: 285

    Apr 14, 2013 6:54 PM GMT
    1-800 SLAPAHOE!
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    Apr 14, 2013 7:02 PM GMT
    Did you confront him about the messages? Is he not getting something he needs at home? It may hurt, but i'd talk to him to get to the root cause, then dump his ass if he truly is fucking around. Not worth it bro!
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    Apr 14, 2013 7:03 PM GMT
    Totally agree with CopperDevil. That string of msgs from a week ago is really awckward/not good.. Confront him and see what he has to say, but yeah don't let him fool you...
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    Apr 14, 2013 7:04 PM GMT
    Boy, you need to talk it out.
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    Apr 14, 2013 7:09 PM GMT
    I wrote a similar post a while back about a guy who I was seeing for a month. On the first date while at his place , curiosity got the better of me and I read his inbox. Lets just say it I was placed in an unbecoming light and would be just another conquest.

    (I got chewed out by some of the guys here so just brace yourself in that front)

    However after that first date, he was keen to see me further so I put aside my nagging instinct and went ahead.

    Guess I deserved for being foolish because he screwed me over three days after our Valentine's Day. He confessed that he was seeing someone else and it was getting serious. I felt so betrayed as I gave him space, being communicative and even inviting him over to my place in front of my brother and other friends.

    There is more to this story but as of this moment, he's now seeing a guy who he first mentioned to me (and thinking he was clingy)...Did I mention that he cheated on the guy who I got dumped over...

    I believe you need to confront your guy. Every guy flirts, so as long as he's not cheating on you physically behind your back. Worst comes to worse, you need to ask him to leave.
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    Apr 14, 2013 7:12 PM GMT
    LoveAndPeace saidYour NOT overreacting...yes it was wrong to look through his phone but your bf should not even be talking to these men if he is in a relationship with u....confront him


    My ex had a password which he would never let me know what it was. He would always tilt his computer screen away from me and close everything out before showing me anything on a website or whatever. It was sketchy to say the least.

    Trust unfortunately is a rare thing to come by these days because so many people are being shady or slimy.
  • MuscleComeBac...

    Posts: 2376

    Apr 14, 2013 7:26 PM GMT
    Dude, if you snooped that means you don't trust him. If snooping confirmed your suspicion that's even worse.
    Face it, he's fucking you over and not a good guy. Period.
    Dump his ass and don't wait.
    Trust is gone and it ain't coming back. That simple.
  • kellenJ

    Posts: 48

    Apr 14, 2013 7:30 PM GMT
    I'd be pissed. I don't take cheating lightly. He could get a disease and bring it home to you. In other words he can kill you! This is way beyond flattery or flirting. If ysomeone is hiding something it's because of guilt, shame, or because you know their doing something wrong. Ditch him and upgrade.
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Apr 14, 2013 7:33 PM GMT
    i'd not be a sock account... maybe he'd then talk to you
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    Apr 14, 2013 7:36 PM GMT
    Are you paying for everything? He moved in, his he pitching in? If not I'd be concerned he's over you and just mooching.
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    Apr 14, 2013 7:49 PM GMT
    S34n05 saidAre you paying for everything? He moved in, his he pitching in? If not I'd be concerned he's over you and just mooching.


    We actually pay all the bills 50/50, except my car payment/insurance which I pay myself. He pays for most of the groceries bc Im only getting unemployment atm lost my job a few months back. And when we go out he usually pays too.When my cat got sick, he paid $500 of the $2500 bill. Im really shocked still, and no I have not confronted him yet. He is acting like nothing is wrong. He either didnt think I saw those messages or he doesnt think its a big deal if i did?
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    Apr 14, 2013 7:51 PM GMT
    have you talked to him about this, and how it makes you feel?
  • Medjai

    Posts: 2671

    Apr 14, 2013 8:01 PM GMT
    So... What's the big deal? None of those messages seemed perticularily incriminating...
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    Apr 14, 2013 8:04 PM GMT
    5pcentwalk said
    S34n05 saidAre you paying for everything? He moved in, his he pitching in? If not I'd be concerned he's over you and just mooching.


    We actually pay all the bills 50/50, except my car payment/insurance which I pay myself. He pays for most of the groceries bc Im only getting unemployment atm lost my job a few months back. And when we go out he usually pays too.When my cat got sick, he paid $500 of the $2500 bill. Im really shocked still, and no I have not confronted him yet. He is acting like nothing is wrong. He either didnt think I saw those messages or he doesnt think its a big deal if i did?


    Honestly he could just be bored and talking to random guys. I'd only be concerned about the people it seems he's actually met.
  • He_Man

    Posts: 906

    Apr 14, 2013 8:37 PM GMT

    Boys will be boys! You can't expect guys not to look at, flirt or talk to other guys. It's unreasonable, and it'll never happen, no matter how in love you two think you are with each other.

    I actually had this happen to me during my last relationship. My ex was/is a huge online-porn addict. He would spends four to six hours a day online looking at bodybuilding porn, bodybuilding websites and be chatting with his online friends from Facebook and bodybuilding websites, etc. At first I tried to "love" him unconditionally and not judge his addiction, but at the same time help him and not feel depressed because he was more into that lifestyle than our relationship.

    After a while the curiosity got the better of me. He left his Facebook page open on his laptop computer, and I went to use it and saw that he had left his page up. Yes, I should have been a good boy and closed it, but I, at that time, was severely depressed at where our relationship was heading and lost all trust anyway, so I looked. He was engaging in sex talk with many of his Facebook friends, scheduling future meet-ups, and even sending nude pictures of himself to guys online. I was hurt beyond belief and extremely angry.

    I confronted him about it, and of course, he was upset that I had invaded his privacy, and rightly so because I should have not did that, but it was too late to undo what I had just did. He explanation was that he never cheated or planned on cheating. It was "innocent" flirting and that I shouldn't get all upset because he was with me and didn't want to be with anyone else. You know the typical BS you get whenever you catch a partner cheating.

    Long story short, the relationship ended shortly after that because there were too many issues between the two of us. It made things even worse now that the trust eroded between the two of us. I didn't trust him not to cheat or to stop his online cheating and flirting, and he didn't trust that I was not going to keep track of his cheating.

    Looking back at it, I was insecure with our relationship because of issues that I won't go into, but the online cheating made the issues far worse. I do agree with my ex that he wasn't actually planning on cheating or meeting these guys. He is into bodybuilding and has major insecurities about his looks and himself, and he is always looking for validation from an outside source. For him, having guys flirt with him online gives him a much needed ego boost. He feeds off of these compliments from other guys, and there was nothing that I could do or say to make him feel better about himself because he needed constant attention from others (yes, he is a narcissistic sociopath). He wanted, or needed, to hear all of these compliments from complete strangers in order to feel good about himself. I could tell him every minute how big he is and how hot he is, but it wouldn't matter coming from me.

    In my situation, my ex's cheating and online-porn addiction problems revealed his extremely low self-esteem and the issues that he's had with guys his whole life. It was NOT a poor reflection on me or what I wasn't doing at home or in the bedroom. He had these issues way before I met him and no matter how much love, support and empathy I gave him, nothing I did could help.

    Don't ever blame yourself for him looking other places, especially if you're there for him because it's him, not you. You have to make the decision whether to stick by his side and work out the problems or just walk away from it now, and it might be the latter because it seems the trust has already left, so there's not too much left to work on.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 14, 2013 9:05 PM GMT
    Time for a conversation.
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    Apr 14, 2013 9:06 PM GMT
    That's kinda messed up. I'd ask him to stop. Gee, some guys just don't know how to be in a relationship.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 14, 2013 9:10 PM GMT
    Your boyfriend is guilty of having possibly planned to tap another ass, and you are guilty of happily breaking the most basic trust and respect one could await from a partner. ggnore.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 14, 2013 9:11 PM GMT
    ok ill try and bring it up today.