FAST QUESTION: Getting over a guy who played mind games...

  • di0rh0mme

    Posts: 38

    Apr 14, 2013 3:40 PM GMT
    Hey gents,

    So, I'm sure I'm not the only guy who has found himself in the position of falling for a guy who ended up being nothing but a mindf*ck, not to mention a player and arguably just mindf*cking me...and like the poor sap I am I really liked him and a small part of me still does.

    (I could give you the whole story - it's part of what I posted a little while back; plus several INCREDIBLY messed up twists and turns... check out this grade-A insanity here: http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/3013049)

    How do you get over someone like that? I still find myself making the dumbass moves of txting him from time to time and checking his FB.

    Logic says CUT ALL TIES! CHANGE THAT NUMBER! DELETE DELETE DELETE! Yet here I find myself unable to *sigh*
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    Apr 14, 2013 3:49 PM GMT
    di0rh0mme saidHey gents,

    So, I'm sure I'm not the only guy who has found himself in the position of falling for a guy who ended up being nothing but a mindf*ck, not to mention a player and arguably a scumbag...and like the poor sap I am I really liked him and a small part of me still does.

    (I could give you the whole story - it's part of what I posted a little while back; plus several INCREDIBLY messed up twists and turns)

    How do you get over someone like that? I still find myself making the dumbass moves of txting him from time to time and checking his FB.

    Logic says CUT ALL TIES! CHANGE THAT NUMBER! DELETE DELETE DELETE! Yet here I find myself unable to *sigh*


    A straight gal I worked with once remarked, when I was trying to get over a guy who was a real jerk,

    " Ah Doug", as she patted my hand "if I was gay I'd tell you everyone likes an asshole."

    OK, it took me a minute and I burst out laughing.
  • Mark87

    Posts: 106

    Apr 14, 2013 5:17 PM GMT
    I'm trying to get over my own asshole. In my case I've been clear about what I want and now ive gone a week without contact. Resisting my Taurus urge to simply call him out in his bullshit because...well I've been told not to. Meh
  • di0rh0mme

    Posts: 38

    Apr 14, 2013 5:23 PM GMT
    Mark87 saidI'm trying to get over my own asshole. In my case I've been clear about what I want and now ive gone a week without contact. Resisting my Taurus urge to simply call him out in his bullshit because...well I've been told not to. Meh


    There's a lot of scummy guys out there eh icon_sad.gif ?

    I haven't contacted this guy in 2 weeks, partially becaue he said he'd "hit me up" when he got back which I don't believe for 30 seconds. Bleh...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 14, 2013 6:21 PM GMT
    How funny, I met a guy last night while I was out with my friends and this guy was totally giving me the player vibe. He tried taking me home, after 5 minutes dancing with him, but I just really milked the time I was with him, and played with his emotions, I kinda left him dumbfounded, when I just walked away from him randomly. I know some might think I was being an ass, but oh well, for guys like that I don't have any remorse.

    as cliche as it sounds, yes delete everything, and even block his number. It's the fastest way to move on with your life.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 14, 2013 7:53 PM GMT
    tumblr_inline_mh34s7Wy8U1rbf627.gif

  • di0rh0mme

    Posts: 38

    Apr 14, 2013 7:59 PM GMT
    Fivealive saidtumblr_inline_mh34s7Wy8U1rbf627.gif



    AHAHAAHAHA YES!!!
  • Eccomi09

    Posts: 203

    Apr 14, 2013 8:55 PM GMT
    Run. You're just abusing yourself, and not in a good way.

    It's like eating the same rotten Chinese food that gave you the sharts for 5 days just because you liked the flavor. It's silly.
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    Apr 14, 2013 10:04 PM GMT
    let your anger make you fall out of love with him, become disgusted so that you wont want to talk to or about the disgusting piece of .....
  • hdurdinr

    Posts: 699

    Apr 14, 2013 10:10 PM GMT
    anytime you find yourself thinking about him and 'the good times' visualize them happening to you in the third person like watching a video of the event, then push the image further from you and into black and white. Trust me it helps.

    If you have feelings of jealously because of thinking about him being with someone else anytime those thoughts and images come into your head just 'white them out' like upping the exposure on a photo all the way up.

    These are just some little visualisation tools icon_smile.gif
  • jtz03932

    Posts: 200

    Apr 14, 2013 10:14 PM GMT
    Wow are you a psycho following his every social media moves? Not surprised if you're gonna slash his tires.
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    Apr 15, 2013 2:24 AM GMT
    Ugh, we've all been there! I can distinctly remember a few guys that just liked to toy with people's emotions simply because they could. You know, the super-attractive, smooth talking guys who know just how far to string you along before they leave you high and dry.

    What helps me to get beyond my urges to text, call, meet up, etc. is a couple of things:
    1. For the short term, set yourself small goals. Like promise yourself you won't text him until Wednesday, for example. As you wait that out, replay the feeling of what it's like to get his vague and leading texts back, then remember that YOU JUST DON'T WANT TO DEAL WITH THAT CRAP ANYMORE! Allow yourself to remember that feeling, but don't make yourself go through it again. Resist the urge to contact him, 'cause you know you're just going to be back to square one once you text/call/see him again. Don't let yourself do it, and when Wednesday rolls around, you'll see how strong you can be. Set another goal further down the road, remember that you don't want to relive those feelings, and keep moving.

    2. For the "middle-term," focus on meeting other people. People who are worth your time. If you're introverted, make it a goal to challenge yourself to "come out of your shell" and meet new people. Or, get back to your roots and share more of yourself with your family. Either way, start to surround yourself with good family and friends and it'll help you remember that it's not worth hanging out with shallow, mean-spirited guys. Everyone goes through some self-destructive periods, but you've got to remember how great your social life can be! Remove yourself from the toxic situation and focus more on family and friends that care about you.

    3. Finally, for the long term, think about what you want out of a relationship. Really think about it. Analyse your relationship goals from many angles and come to understand what you hope to gain out of a future partnership. For me, I'm more of the type who wants a LTR with a similar-minded guy. For example someone who enjoys the same activities I do, has similar goals, and wants to share everything with me. This is obviously the opposite of some guy who just wants to string me along for his own selfish entertainment, so I don't even waste my time with those guys. Keep looking for the guy you want to be with rather than wasting your emotions on some chump you allow yourself to associate with.

    Tl;dr (a.k.a. "to conclude this lecture," lol) = challenge yourself to get over this guy in as many ways as you can. Set some goals, re-focus on yourself, and keep moving toward something better. Most importantly, don't give that chotch the satifaction of crawling back to him. After all, you're better than that!

    Take care and best wishes!
  • di0rh0mme

    Posts: 38

    Apr 15, 2013 2:54 AM GMT
    buckeyespride saidUgh, we've all been there! I can distinctly remember a few guys that just liked to toy with people's emotions simply because they could. You know, the super-attractive, smooth talking guys who know just how far to string you along before they leave you high and dry.

    What helps me to get beyond my urges to text, call, meet up, etc. is a couple of things:
    1. For the short term, set yourself small goals. Like promise yourself you won't text him until Wednesday, for example. As you wait that out, replay the feeling of what it's like to get his vague and leading texts back, then remember that YOU JUST DON'T WANT TO DEAL WITH THAT CRAP ANYMORE! Allow yourself to remember that feeling, but don't make yourself go through it again. Resist the urge to contact him, 'cause you know you're just going to be back to square one once you text/call/see him again. Don't let yourself do it, and when Wednesday rolls around, you'll see how strong you can be. Set another goal further down the road, remember that you don't want to relive those feelings, and keep moving.

    2. For the "middle-term," focus on meeting other people. People who are worth your time. If you're introverted, make it a goal to challenge yourself to "come out of your shell" and meet new people. Or, get back to your roots and share more of yourself with your family. Either way, start to surround yourself with good family and friends and it'll help you remember that it's not worth hanging out with shallow, mean-spirited guys. Everyone goes through some self-destructive periods, but you've got to remember how great your social life can be! Remove yourself from the toxic situation and focus more on family and friends that care about you.

    3. Finally, for the long term, think about what you want out of a relationship. Really think about it. Analyse your relationship goals from many angles and come to understand what you hope to gain out of a future partnership. For me, I'm more of the type who wants a LTR with a similar-minded guy. For example someone who enjoys the same activities I do, has similar goals, and wants to share everything with me. This is obviously the opposite of some guy who just wants to string me along for his own selfish entertainment, so I don't even waste my time with those guys. Keep looking for the guy you want to be with rather than wasting your emotions on some chump you allow yourself to associate with.

    Tl;dr (a.k.a. "to conclude this lecture," lol) = challenge yourself to get over this guy in as many ways as you can. Set some goals, re-focus on yourself, and keep moving toward something better. Most importantly, don't give that chotch the satifaction of crawling back to him. After all, you're better than that!

    Take care and best wishes!


    Thank you so much for this, this is really really helpful icon_smile.gif I'll get over this loser sooner than later (because he might have a successful company or whatever, and yeah he's a take-charge kind of guy..but that's about it! I don't need mind games, to be strung along or to be a back burner...NEXT! icon_cool.gif)
  • TroyAthlete

    Posts: 4269

    Apr 15, 2013 6:43 AM GMT
    di0rh0mme said
    Mark87 saidI'm trying to get over my own asshole. In my case I've been clear about what I want and now ive gone a week without contact. Resisting my Taurus urge to simply call him out in his bullshit because...well I've been told not to. Meh


    There's a lot of scummy guys out there eh icon_sad.gif ?

    I haven't contacted this guy in 2 weeks, partially becaue he said he'd "hit me up" when he got back which I don't believe for 30 seconds. Bleh...


    Oh yes, I too am dealing with one of these beautiful killers right now. Realized six months in he's probably just a player and scumbag -- typical me, slow on the uptake. For a split second after we met I thought it was too good to be true. "Hes gorgeous! He's smart! He's into me???" But it passed and I went with it. Sucks that moment of self-doubt was accurate.

    I agree with those telling you to delete delete delete. Delete his number, old texts, anything you might succumb to in a moment of weakness. I deleted mine's a week ago. I had a sad "under the influence" moment last night and would have texted him but couldn't thank gawd.

    My real test will come this week when the scumbag tries to reel me back in, like he always does. The difference this time is an unkonwn number will come up instead of his name. He won't be pleased with my "Who is this?" response, and I'm already starting to forget his name. Delete delete delete.

  • Mark87

    Posts: 106

    Apr 16, 2013 9:45 PM GMT
    Ive also unfriended him on Facebook. We texted briefly on Sunday and he used a smiley face and a party hat icon. Not fooled I am. It's not enthusiasm, he just wants a fan club. Cutting off a narcissist is the best punishment as they crave your attention even if it's you cussing them. It's tempting to have the last word but remember action speaks louder than words
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    Apr 16, 2013 10:21 PM GMT
    Follow what Buckeyespride says and you'll be OK. Take it one day at a time and each day will get easier...there will be rough spots in each day but resist the temptation to contact him.

    I'm going through the same thing right now and I found initially I only focused on the "good times", but the more I dissected the relationship I came to realize there were a lot more times when I felt like shit then there were good times.

    One final thing, keep busy! I've gotten more projects done around my house in 3 months than I have in the past year, so the asshole did have one positive impact on me, lol.
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    Apr 16, 2013 10:24 PM GMT
    But mind games are fun, when someone is playing mind games with me I usually have some fun with it.
  • di0rh0mme

    Posts: 38

    Apr 17, 2013 12:46 AM GMT
    Mark87 said We texted briefly on Sunday and he used a smiley face and a party hat icon. Not fooled I am. It's not enthusiasm, he just wants a fan club. Cutting off a narcissist is the best punishment as they crave your attention even if it's you cussing them.


    Wow - that sounds like my 'Mr. Questionable' down to a "T". You sure we aren't talking to the same sketchy guy LOL? Likewise...Not fooled I am! icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 17, 2013 3:34 AM GMT
    I don't get this.
    You called him a mindfucker and a scumbag. Do you really feel that you're missing out by not having a mindfucker and a scumbag in your life?
  • TroyAthlete

    Posts: 4269

    Apr 17, 2013 3:38 AM GMT
    Crap, he's texting me hardcore right now -- what do I do?
  • di0rh0mme

    Posts: 38

    Apr 17, 2013 3:58 AM GMT
    Macaque saidI don't get this.
    You called him a mindfucker and a scumbag. Do you really feel that you're missing out by not having a mindfucker and a scumbag in your life?


    A part of me still likes him icon_sad.gif - ain't dating and relationships grand?! *sigh*
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    Apr 17, 2013 4:15 AM GMT
    TroyAthlete saidCrap, he's texting me hardcore right now -- what do I do?

    Go to the website of your cell provider where you pay your bill. With Verizon, you can block up to 5 numbers but it expires in 30 days. It's free.

    Hoping I never find out what happens when you text a blocked number. icon_sad.gif
  • mynyun

    Posts: 1346

    Apr 17, 2013 4:18 AM GMT
    di0rh0mme said
    Macaque saidI don't get this.
    You called him a mindfucker and a scumbag. Do you really feel that you're missing out by not having a mindfucker and a scumbag in your life?


    A part of me still likes him icon_sad.gif - ain't dating and relationships grand?! *sigh*



    Maybe but he is so over you. Unless it happens to be one day that he is alone and figures he needs some attention.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 17, 2013 4:19 AM GMT
    Screw Love, sleep around!
    Popularity is the best Revenge. icon_twisted.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 17, 2013 4:27 AM GMT
    Gandalf said it much better then I could say it.