Does becoming a fit jock after being a couchpotato for years (like your husband is), make you want to leave your other half if they don't want to also become fit?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 18, 2008 4:01 PM GMT
    just asking because I am the other half who is the couch potato.
  • MikePhilPerez

    Posts: 4357

    Oct 18, 2008 4:17 PM GMT
    Can I ask, did he leave you?

    Why don't you want to become fit?

    Wouldn't you like to be fit and healthy and be able to enjoy all life has to offer?

    To answer your question, no. But I would never stop trying to get him to change that attitude. I'm with him because I love him, but I want him to be fit and healthy.

    Mike
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    Oct 18, 2008 4:18 PM GMT
    Leave him? No. Not want to have sex with him if he is out of shape? Yes. Fortunately my partner is also active so it has never been an issue.
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    Oct 18, 2008 6:58 PM GMT
    If you're worried about this, and posting on an obviously biased website not telling you enough. If your paranoid enough about ti, go out and do something about it. Being lazy won't solve anything.


    Then again you could always ask your husband if it bothers him. some people just don't ask the right questions
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    Oct 18, 2008 7:18 PM GMT
    I'm going to guess a few things here:

    First of all, you are morally opposed to getting fit or have some kind of handicap (otherwise why wouldn't you join him?).
    Secondly, your relationship is based on something more durable than your bodies (like dick size!)
    Third, you are posting on a gay fitness site to have the most biased opinion possible.

    I don't see why he would leave you just because he got a hot gym bod, otherwise he wouldn't really be your 'husband' (once again guessing that it's a long term relationship).
    It's a bit like asking if someone would leave you if they started making more money than you.
  • rusty_dk

    Posts: 29

    Oct 18, 2008 11:47 PM GMT
    You're obviously upset and not left with an answer as to why your r/ship has ended and this seems to be the only logical conclusion you can come up with.

    Reality is none of us know the inner workings of your partner's thought patterns. Is it possible? Sure, anything is. Forget about the "biassed website" comments, I completely disagree with that. Just because you are on a fitness website does not mean you are morally against working out, or that your relationship survived on other parts of your body.

    The reality, you don't know why it ended and you're looking for an answer. I been through something similar but I guess all you can do is move on, and stop trying to come up with answers because you'll end up making the situation worse for yourself.
  • CAtoFL

    Posts: 834

    Oct 18, 2008 11:55 PM GMT
    Without knowing each of you, it's impossible to say. What can be said, however, is the more interests that couples share, the better their relationship is.

    Now put down the damned remote, get off the couch and exercise.icon_exclaim.gif
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    Oct 19, 2008 3:12 AM GMT
    Couch potatoes should be afraid, very afraid.
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    Oct 19, 2008 3:17 AM GMT
    I've definitely noticed a change in my taste in men since I've lost weight. My standards for physique and activity are definitely higher. HOWEVER, I could only find myself leaving somebody if the sedentary lifestyle was out of depression or a stubborn attitude. I've dated men with bellies and models. Physical attraction is all in the mind for me. A guy who makes me laugh, shows humility, shows intelligence, etc...gets me hard - it's as simple as that.

    So, my opinion on those that aren't as emotionally attracted to someone as I: It's OK to lose attraction for somebody who isn't willing to live a healthy lifestyle - that includes smoking and those that don't even attempt a healthy appetite. But, the fat itself comes and goes. You'll have to learn patience and accept the continual challenge. Don't do an ultimatum - your partner won't be doing it for himself. Just have a discussion with him and go from there. If he's not willing, THEN start talking terms. It shouldn't be hard to convince someone that he should live a healthy lifestyle.

    As for attraction in general, each person is different. Maintaining a healthy emotional connection and communication will help ease the situation.
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    Oct 19, 2008 5:25 AM GMT
    In a marriage (or any partnership) when one member embarks on major life and lifestyle changes, it can be stressful if the other retains the old way of life. That goes for more than fitness (which is synonymous with looks and desirability to some, but not all) - if one goes from a homebody to a more active social life, for instance, while the other wants to stay home like they both did before ... well, this can be a test. More than that, it can be a sign that you're actually growing apart.

    Growth is good. And no relationship exists in a frozen state - not a healthy one. Change is part of the equation, even if it's not visible.

    One thing to remember is that the person "getting fit" also is experiencing higher energy - he may wish you'd join him in that new level of "power" and energy, and he may find it hard to sit still so much (truly!). Also, part of their regime almost always means a change of diet - are you two parting ways there? Sometimes the guy on the regime feels his partner is sabotaging his efforts by keeping the same old foods around ...

    So there are lots of issues. And attractiveness or sexiness is often the least of it - it's the other aspects that can cause more trouble.

    I'm just getting back into the habit of regular exercise myself, after a few years of slipping, gradually. And at my age it is hard to stay motivated - when you're a kid you can undo 6 months of damage in a few weeks. In your 50s you can undo 6 months of effort in the same couple of weeks!

    I suggest meeting him half way - you may not have the same unthusiasm for "working out", but a little bit won't kill you - it might keep you alive!

    (I note a misspelling above, but I'm keeping it. It's my new word: unthusiasm - what you muster up for something you really don't want to do, but want to be able to know you've done.)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 19, 2008 5:37 AM GMT

    Love means never having to say, "You're fat!"

    Originally I made this statement to suggest that a partner would never care enough if his partner was fat if there was enough love in play, but I guess in reference to your situation, you could love him too much to let yourself go.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Oct 19, 2008 12:20 PM GMT
    The problem is that some men when they are in a relationship think
    OK we're in this relationship and now I don't have to:

    *Change
    *Dress nice
    * Be polite
    *Try to improve myself in any way

    Once the courtship is over basically Coast

    It doesn't work that way