What really defines the demeanors "masc/fem" we so casually throw around?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 15, 2013 1:26 AM GMT
    I have thought about this for some time and cannot quite figure it out.

    If I were to label myself anything I would say I am an "inbetween"; I am "masculine" enough not to walk with a sway to my ass or a lisp on my tongue. However, I am "fem" enough to be able to express my dreams and whims of the heart in a colorful artsy way.

    So my question is the following:

    Being we all have both qualities of what it is to be "Masc" or "Fem". (Don't try to deny it, even if its a sliver of it, you're still a fem inside icon_wink.gif )

    Who can really say what is "Masculine" and what is "Feminine" ?

    I have seen so called "Queens" suddenly turn "butch big man" in a split second when the situation called for it and vice versa.

    Do the qualities of interests such as cars, muscles, working out, and the like really make you all that masculine or is it a front to hide what little (or great) amount of feminine that resides within you? (And the same to the opposite)

    ---

    So what really defines it, if anyone is really the authority to do so, and where do you think/feel you belong? Even if you believe you don't associate with either and are content with being you.
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    Apr 15, 2013 1:35 AM GMT
    It is meaningless, something that everyone puts on their profile to make them appear more attractive.

    When I was young and stupid, I met someone who had on his profile "NO FATS NO FEMS!!!!"

    I met him, he was both fat and fem :-(.

    So instead of worrying if someone is masc, meet up with them and determine it for yourself. Besides, I believe that my more fem qualities are what makes masc men attractive to me in general.
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    Apr 15, 2013 1:38 AM GMT
    I think when people say masc or fem they are talking first about the outward appearance.

    Masc is basically a guy who you can't tell is gay just by seeing him walk or hearing him talk, IMO. Fem is the opposite.

    Now there are masculine and feminine interests. Some guys like cars, sports and hands-on activities vs. shopping, eating at fancy restaurants, etc.

    I, for example, am masculine guy (cannot tell I'm gay) yet I do enjoy eating at nice restaurants and hanging with girls. I don't like hands-on things much, but I do like the outdoors, gym, etc. I like playing a sport vs. watching it, for the most part. So everyone is different and has a combination, whether you're straight, gay, whatever.
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    Apr 15, 2013 1:54 AM GMT
    It depends, some guys dont understand the concept of being ' in between ' because they are either obsessed with big biig and masculine or being a drag queen, often times in between guy dont get our middle category because people want to box you into either masc or fem,

    Myself for instance, I'm a dancer, I am a professional fusion belly dancer, and Fire staff spinner. When i belly dance i still generally get positive attention ( after my performance guys want to start treating me like a harem boy ) but at the same time i can tell the view me in a more ' fem ' ( even though i dont dance like a girl ), But when i Fire staff spin i get a more ' dangerous/masc ' response from guys an example of my - in betweenness down below

    i dont talk like a girl or cross dress, I love ripped jeans ..

    i love mariah carey but not a fan of gaga

    i think ru'pual is cool but i dont like drag shows or the drag ' scene '

    i like martial arts and weapons training ( i was trained in using the sias from age 13-16 and was the best in my class at using them ) but sport like football and basketball bore me

    sais elek3.jpg

    i prefer the ' bottom ' position and i like big hairy muscly guys, but i am the opposite of ' submissive ' , I have authority issues and i dont take bullshit well and i always have to tell guys that I SERVE NO ONE !!!!, being a bottom does not = bitch

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 15, 2013 2:04 AM GMT
    The replies are interesting so far, seeing a glimpse of ya'lls paradigm on this topic is rather curious. icon_smile.gif
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    Apr 15, 2013 2:43 AM GMT
    yourname2000 saidSome people think karate is masculine. Some people think big boobs are feminine. I really don't know what this is, but it made me laugh, and most of the time that's enough.

    tumblr_m2a8ccNmj01qdlh1io1_r1_400.gif

    Mostly I think ideas of masculine and feminine are cultural --and even regional--constructs. Hormones can create a drive, but how that drive is expressed (imo) is more dependant on how that person thinks they should express themselves to achieve the balance of masculine and feminine that each of us has of ourselves. I think generalities fail too often to be relied upon: is the person who makes the major household decisions in a family the masculine one? --in patriarchal societies, more likely "yes"; in matriarchal ones, likely "no". Is it who wears the dress? --best not to call a burly Scotsman in a kilt "femmy"; and in the 1920's, fashionable women wore pants.

    What are you looking for? Do you like big manly men with beards who make you feel safe? --does it matter if he has the "Sex in the City" bluray limited edition boxset? People (male or female; gay or straight) have a whole lotta both going on and play whatever they think is needed fluidly as situations demand.


    Those are some manly titties going on there, haha!

    I like this reply though very well thought out! icon_smile.gif
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    Apr 15, 2013 2:49 AM GMT
    Shawnathan saidAnyone who uses autostart for youtube videos in their profile is no friend of mine icon_mad.gif


    Sounds like a personal problem. icon_razz.gif
  • killercliche

    Posts: 948

    Apr 15, 2013 2:53 AM GMT
    To my understanding, the truest tendencies of the masculine and feminine to my understanding are based in the hormones of testosterone and estrogen, where testosterone brings out competitive qualities and estrogen social qualities... something to that effect.

    Having said that, most other masculine and feminine traits are constructs of different societies.

    More in line with what OP asks, I believe in the "gay world" the term "masc" or masculine traits were really made in order to differentiate a person from the "gay stereotype" where you see a guy walking down the street and think, "oh, he is very gay."

    Harsh but true.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 15, 2013 3:04 AM GMT
    Why even ask this question? We all know what a 'masculine' or 'feminine' guy is supposed to act like. And when we see it, we just know. Being masculine isn't all that wonderful anyway. You have to constantly 'come out' the rest of your life, and the anxiety you have when you meet new people or go back to your small town is so high, sometimes you just want to wear a pink boa and be done with it all.
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    Apr 15, 2013 3:22 AM GMT
    killercliche saidTo my understanding, the truest tendencies of the masculine and feminine to my understanding are based in the hormones of testosterone and estrogen, where testosterone brings out competitive qualities and estrogen social qualities... something to that effect.

    Having said that, most other masculine and feminine traits are constructs of different societies.

    More in line with what OP asks, I believe in the "gay world" the term "masc" or masculine traits were really made in order to differentiate a person from the "gay stereotype" where you see a guy walking down the street and think, "oh, he is very gay."

    Harsh but true.


    Thank you for your honesty, I appreciate it and this makes sense. icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 15, 2013 3:23 AM GMT
    huhwhat saidWhy even ask this question? We all know what a 'masculine' or 'feminine' guy is supposed to act like. And when we see it, we just know. Being masculine isn't all that wonderful anyway. You have to constantly 'come out' the rest of your life, and the anxiety you have when you meet new people or go back to your small town is so high, sometimes you just want to wear a pink boa and be done with it all.


    Why not ask?

    By never asking I would not really know or understand, to get the views and responses of many I am able to better understand than to remain in ignorance and continue to make assumptions based off said ignorance.

    It is better to be knowledgeable than to be ignorant and pretend otherwise.
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    Apr 15, 2013 3:25 AM GMT
    Shawnathan saidAnyone who uses autostart for youtube videos in their profile is no friend of mine icon_mad.gif
    visual representation of auto-play:
    tumblr_inline_mghx13Te2v1r473xn.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 15, 2013 3:27 AM GMT
    yourname2000 saidSome people think karate is masculine. Some people think big boobs are feminine. I really don't know what this is, but it made me laugh, and most of the time that's enough.

    tumblr_m2a8ccNmj01qdlh1io1_r1_400.gif

    Mostly I think ideas of masculine and feminine are cultural --and even regional--constructs. Hormones can create a drive, but how that drive is expressed (imo) is more dependant on how that person thinks they should express themselves to achieve the balance of masculine and feminine that each of us has of ourselves. I think generalities fail too often to be relied upon: is the person who makes the major household decisions in a family the masculine one? --in patriarchal societies, more likely "yes"; in matriarchal ones, likely "no". Is it who wears the dress? --best not to call a burly Scotsman in a kilt "femmy"; and in the 1920's, fashionable women wore pants.

    What are you looking for? Do you like big manly men with beards who make you feel safe? --does it matter if he has the "Sex in the City" bluray limited edition boxset? People (male or female; gay or straight) have a whole lotta both going on and play whatever they think is needed fluidly as situations demand.


    wtf @ that gif?! ahahahahaaha
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    Apr 15, 2013 3:30 AM GMT
    McQueen said
    Shawnathan saidAnyone who uses autostart for youtube videos in their profile is no friend of mine icon_mad.gif
    visual representation of auto-play:
    tumblr_inline_mghx13Te2v1r473xn.gif


    I would agree, if I was playing Nicki Minaj. However the song is gentle and slow that "as".

    In the end, would one be that lazy not to scroll down (since its the first thing on my "about" section) and press the pause button? Or... is that just too much to ask?
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    Apr 15, 2013 3:32 AM GMT
    Chainers saidIt is meaningless, something that everyone puts on their profile to make them appear more attractive.

    When I was young and stupid, I met someone who had on his profile "NO FATS NO FEMS!!!!"

    I met him, he was both fat and fem :-(.

    So instead of worrying if someone is masc, meet up with them and determine it for yourself. Besides, I believe that my more fem qualities are what makes masc men attractive to me in general.



    AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
  • deathstrums

    Posts: 8

    Apr 15, 2013 3:39 AM GMT
    Im really glad this topic is open. Because I feel I dont know what to consider myself.

    I mean some people say Im "Fem" because of my voice, to which I cant control that. My somewhat young appearance including my hair.

    The hair was a big issue for me. Seeing as Im part black I am expected to have my hair short or low fade, but because its not Im a girl. Turning to my left is some guy with hair down his back and hes white, but hes a real man Right!?

    Ive lost sense on what separates masc and fem.

    I mean I lift weights when I get the chance, I play sports and Im damn good at it. I dont get manacures or pedacures or get my eyebrows waxed and arched sooo? And my personality is wierd so its not in either category.

    So what is Fem and Masc. Looks or Personality? Why is it so bad for a different race to have the same style and one being pointed as Masc and the other Fem?
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    Apr 15, 2013 4:00 AM GMT
    deathstrums saidIm really glad this topic is open. Because I feel I dont know what to consider myself.

    I mean some people say Im "Fem" because of my voice, to which I cant control that. My somewhat young appearance including my hair.

    The hair was a big issue for me. Seeing as Im part black I am expected to have my hair short or low fade, but because its not Im a girl. Turning to my left is some guy with hair down his back and hes white, but hes a real man Right!?

    Ive lost sense on what separates masc and fem.

    I mean I lift weights when I get the chance, I play sports and Im damn good at it. I dont get manacures or pedacures or get my eyebrows waxed and arched sooo? And my personality is wierd so its not in either category.

    So what is Fem and Masc. Looks or Personality? Why is it so bad for a different race to have the same style and one being pointed as Masc and the other Fem?


    It is questions like these that inspired me to open this topic. Thank you for the validation. icon_smile.gif

    I hope you find some sort of answer for you throughout the posts, even if a couple of them are just complaints of off-topic issues (aka spam).
  • killercliche

    Posts: 948

    Apr 15, 2013 4:07 AM GMT
    deathstrums saidIm really glad this topic is open. Because I feel I dont know what to consider myself.

    I mean some people say Im "Fem" because of my voice, to which I cant control that. My somewhat young appearance including my hair.

    The hair was a big issue for me. Seeing as Im part black I am expected to have my hair short or low fade, but because its not Im a girl. Turning to my left is some guy with hair down his back and hes white, but hes a real man Right!?

    Ive lost sense on what separates masc and fem.

    I mean I lift weights when I get the chance, I play sports and Im damn good at it. I dont get manacures or pedacures or get my eyebrows waxed and arched sooo? And my personality is wierd so its not in either category.

    So what is Fem and Masc. Looks or Personality? Why is it so bad for a different race to have the same style and one being pointed as Masc and the other Fem?


    In the very superficial sense of the terms in the gay world, I believe it is both but for both ONLY ON THE SUPERFICIAL levels.

    In truth all people have both aspects to them, but the judgment of the random stranger is based on only what is immediately perceivable to them.

    So the truth you are both. You seem to say that people perceive you as more fem. The truth about this is that you could easily change this perception if that were your goal.

    Your voice, for instance, is actually something you can change. The human voice has many aspects to it. You probably got into a habit of resonating your voice in the mask of your face, this gives a higher pitched sound that people could perceive as more feminine. With practice, you could learn to resonate your voice from you chest. This would lower the pitch of your speaking voice and make it richer, people would perceive this as more masculine. Some people on here would refer to making these changes as some kind of self hatred. I think that it is just a matter of being in control of yourself and how you are perceived by strangers. to each his own though.
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Apr 15, 2013 4:19 AM GMT
    It really depends on the person as you can find so many opinions on masc vs fem. Personally, I don't dabble in it. I find those arguments/standoffs obnoxious and it does more harm then good in some cases. It really separates the community even more considering how hostile the discussions can get.

    I think if your masc, you're masc (and no, I don't consider "straight acting" masc, no such thing in my opinion) and if you're fem, you're fem. Nothing wrong, everyone has their own personalities. I think as long as the people don't shove their traits in front of people, it's fine. In example, let's say you are one of those "I'm so macho masc" type of guys. if that's the case, don't trot in an area where YOU know there will be tons of those people. Childish maybe but it's better then verbally assaulting someone you don't like just because of the way they are.

    Anyway, that's really the gist for me. :/
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 15, 2013 5:12 AM GMT
    I don't understand why people say masc or fem, like it is truly what defines a person. I agree on what some people said above that people "label" themselves as masc because it makes them more marketable in the gay community. Which to me is kinda dumb, you're basically just giving into what the media or gay scene wants you to believe is attractive, and shows that you honestly can't really think/see for yourself on what is beautiful to you.

    When I see guys post "masc" anywhere in their profiles, I honestly can't take them seriously. icon_rolleyes.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 15, 2013 7:47 AM GMT
    It's a social construct.
    In the US, it has to do with fitting into Eisenhower-era gender roles.

    POZL
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    Apr 15, 2013 9:52 AM GMT
    yourname2000 saidPOZLtumblr_m7aftdn1wq1qanz3no1_500.gif


    I see your lady and raise you this:

    tumblr_lov8k5M3xx1qjwky0.gif