Is there another way to go?

  • badzu903

    Posts: 13

    Apr 15, 2013 3:27 AM GMT
    well first of all, as I"m not an openly gay and have a slim body, it's hard for me to make friends or even strike up a conversation with other people without getting a raised eye brows. icon_eek.gif I really want someone to be around with. I"m really lonely and lost. I'm thinking about open a grindr account just to see if anyone would be interested but fear that people in my college or my family would find out that I'm attracted to men. Is there another way to go? or I'll be like this alone for another 19 years of my life? icon_eek.gif
  • kevmoran

    Posts: 1543

    Apr 15, 2013 3:44 AM GMT
    Why do you get raised eyebrows?

    Without reading too much into this, I say get a Grindr. There are actually people just looking for friends or something slow, and start from there. And for someone to find you on there, they'd have to have a Grindr themselves...

    Parents are understandable, but why are you so afraid to tell strangers and classmates?
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Apr 15, 2013 5:23 AM GMT
    think fat fag hag .... hey .... you gotta start somewhere ... one friend leads to another
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    Apr 15, 2013 5:37 AM GMT
    This is one of those no risk, no reward kind of things. I doubt your family would find out if you had a Grindr acct. At college? Maybe, but colleges are big places, and straight guys are unlikely to be hanging out on gay themed apps/websites.

    I'd recommend trying to expand your circle of friends, particularly towards people that are more open minded. Maybe try to befriend another gay guy or two, that can be motivating. Or, as AMoonHawk suggested, an open-minded female friend would give you someone in your corner.

    I'm sure this won't be a problem long term. You're young, and a lot will change in your life during your 20s.
  • chadwick1985

    Posts: 391

    Apr 15, 2013 11:58 AM GMT
    As a guy in his 20's myself I can say I understand your concerns. I did not come out until about 2you years ago. As for how to meet other gay guys, honestly Grindr may help or adam4adam. I wouldn't worry too much about people finding out because like people have said, for them to view your profile they have to have an account as well. I haven't found a single straight male on either of those apps.

    I told several people I was gay, a few friends found out and were completely fine with it. Those who have a problem with it, screw em, you don't need them around anyways.

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    Apr 15, 2013 1:49 PM GMT
    Here is a well-established pattern for growing up gay:

    1. Sublimate your sexuality for several more years.
    2. Use that time to develop strong intellectual capabilities by devoting yourself intently to your studies.
    3. Graduate.
    4. Find a job - preferably far away from home - in a large metropolitan city.
    5. Simply exist. The sexual partners that you so desperately crave - will find YOU.

    (Tongue firmly planted in cheek with the above, but this truly has worked for a generation of guys. God knows we've all met them or been them.)

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    Apr 15, 2013 3:25 PM GMT
    badzu903 saidwell first of all, as I"m not an openly gay and have a slim body, it's hard for me to make friends or even strike up a conversation with other people without getting a raised eye brows. icon_eek.gif I really want someone to be around with. I"m really lonely and lost. I'm thinking about open a grindr account just to see if anyone would be interested but fear that people in my college or my family would find out that I'm attracted to men. Is there another way to go? or I'll be like this alone for another 19 years of my life? icon_eek.gif


    My guess is that you are not as closeted as you might think. You are probably one of those gay guys for whom even straight people's gaydar goes off the charts. After you "come out" I will imagine more people than not will not be surprised (including your parents although they will feign surprise, hurt, dismay, anger, etc.). So stop agonizing.

    Does your school have a gay organization you could join? Being around other gay people (especially openly gay people who have embraced themselves) will be such a learning experience and so liberating for you.

    I don't recommend Grindr. You will only become disillusioned with the gay world if that is the only caliber of gay man you are exposed to.
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    Apr 15, 2013 3:34 PM GMT
    badzu903 saidwell first of all, as I"m not an openly gay and have a slim body, it's hard for me to make friends or even strike up a conversation with other people without getting a raised eye brows. icon_eek.gif I really want someone to be around with. I"m really lonely and lost. I'm thinking about open a grindr account just to see if anyone would be interested but fear that people in my college or my family would find out that I'm attracted to men. Is there another way to go? or I'll be like this alone for another 19 years of my life? icon_eek.gif


    You want new friends? What kind? Try to think - what kind of person would Your friends like to meet? Sporty? Then start with sport. Intelectual? Then become good listener. Funny? Than just don' t be corn in ass. Go to enviroment where You'll feel ok and watch, listen and learn. Learn new skills, don' t stay rigid. Just change Yourself into someone You want to be.

    if You need any advice, no problém. I went threw the same.
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Apr 15, 2013 4:36 PM GMT
    No, seriously ... find a fat fag hag ... they are magnets to gay men ... they will be attracted to every gay man on earth ... once you make friends with them, every guy they meet and introduce you too, has a higher potential of being a gay man .... sounds funny, but it is usually true icon_biggrin.gif

    Actually, if you think about it, it makes sense. Straight men are very superficial especially when young, so they are only going to be attracted to skinny, boney women. This leave only the gay men for the poor fag hag to communicate with and try to build a relationship. She of course does not realize this so will crush on a gay men. Some gay men who are not at all out, will eventually marry them ... but they are still gay whether they admit it or not. That's why in life you come across these WTF moments where a really good looking guy is married to an obese woman and you think to yourself, well that couple just doesn't match, I wonder how that ever happened?
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    Apr 15, 2013 4:53 PM GMT
    AMoonHawk saidNo, seriously ... find a fat fag hag ... they are magnets to gay men ... they will be attracted to every gay man on earth ... once you make friends with them, every guy they meet and introduce you too, has a higher potential of being a gay man .... sounds funny, but it is usually true icon_biggrin.gif

    Actually, if you think about it, it makes sense. Straight men are very superficial especially when young, so they are only going to be attracted to skinny, boney women. This leave only the gay men for the poor fag hag to communicate with and try to build a relationship. She of course does not realize this so will crush on a gay men. Some gay men who are not at all out, will eventually marry them ... but hey are still gay whether they admit it or not.


    NO! Please stop these tragic symbi-idiotic relationships. I'm tired of fat fag hags taking up more than their fair share of limited space in gay clubs. They're loud and obnoxious and that's before they get drunk. I for one am not attracted to fat fag hags and do not approach guys towing a hag behind them. Ugh!
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    Apr 15, 2013 5:25 PM GMT
    No, you won't be 19 and alone for the rest of your life. It really does get better but you have to take your time. Don't fret about it too much but be pro-active.

    You know, the internet hasn't always existed. How did gay men find one another before?

    When I was growing up there used to be books on local cruising places. There may still be for all I know. You can probably just google something like "gay cruising" and then the city or town near you and see what comes up.

    Of course that's just for hook-ups, though, as are the aps for the most part. So if that isn't what you're looking for, they won't be much help. In fact it could give you a totally bad experience, so I'm not recommending that.

    The problem is being in the closet and feeling fear (and maybe shame) living in a hetero-centric and often homophobic society. You *can* come out little by little. You don't even have to make a big deal about it. (Not saying it isn't a big deal, just that it has more to do with the way you approach it, feel about it and your attitude about it.) You don't necessarily have to announce it, just don't keep it so much a secret. The less of a 'big deal' it is to you, the less it will be for anyone else.

    Others have said it and it is true: You need to meet gay people in real life (and hooking up is not the best way to do that). If there is some sort of social club or something, that might be a place to start. You might not feel totally comfortable at first but that's the way it goes. Just don't let your fear get the best of you.

    Take baby steps. Every day do one little thing that lets you be more yourself. It could be anything. For example, pick a t-shirt you already own that *to you* says "I'm gay" (it doesn't have to actually say this, its just the way you think about it for yourself) and wear that t-shirt. Probably no one else will 'get it' but you will and that's the point. Buy yourself some sexy underwear and put those on. No one else will see them, but you'll know they're there. Or, better yet, go commando (if you find that sexy) icon_twisted.gif and let *yourself* feel the sexiness of it. Again, it doesn't matter if anyone else even notices. This is for you.

    Whatever makes you feel sexy, more powerful, stronger, more sure of yourself, more 'ok' with being a sexual human being and specifically a gay guy. Just let these little things become more apart of you. People might not notice right away but you're sending the message and, trust me, you WILL get noticed ;)

    Next lesson will be learning what attention you want and what you don't and how to manage that! haha. But w/e, one thing at a time.





  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Apr 16, 2013 1:31 AM GMT
    UndercoverMan said
    AMoonHawk saidNo, seriously ... find a fat fag hag ... they are magnets to gay men ... they will be attracted to every gay man on earth ... once you make friends with them, every guy they meet and introduce you too, has a higher potential of being a gay man .... sounds funny, but it is usually true icon_biggrin.gif

    Actually, if you think about it, it makes sense. Straight men are very superficial especially when young, so they are only going to be attracted to skinny, boney women. This leave only the gay men for the poor fag hag to communicate with and try to build a relationship. She of course does not realize this so will crush on a gay men. Some gay men who are not at all out, will eventually marry them ... but hey are still gay whether they admit it or not.


    NO! Please stop these tragic symbi-idiotic relationships. I'm tired of fat fag hags taking up more than their fair share of limited space in gay clubs. They're loud and obnoxious and that's before they get drunk. I for one am not attracted to fat fag hags and do not approach guys towing a hag behind them. Ugh!

    Don't pay attention to him .. he didn't come out until later in life ... when you're young those boundaries don't exist ... go with it
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 16, 2013 3:28 AM GMT
    Join a social club or volunteer for a good cause (whether it's gay related or not). You'll be sure to meet new people that way. When I moved to a new city I didn't know anyone. I joined a cultural club and made friends within weeks.

    If what you're looking for is dating opportunities, just be lucky you're living in the 2000's. There are millions of options now: online dating sites, apps, dating services, bars/clubs. Just be patient.
  • badzu903

    Posts: 13

    Apr 18, 2013 3:25 AM GMT
    lol u guys r right about Grindr. Got people talked to me but for one same reason icon_eek.gif and yes I'm joining some club in my current school and see how will come from there. Thanks y'all for the advices! such encouragement icon_razz.gif