How you react to crushes.

  • kevmoran

    Posts: 1543

    Apr 15, 2013 3:58 AM GMT
    I want to know how most guys react to crushes. I tend to have huuuuge crushes on guys that I've never really talked to just because they are hot and seem nice (or the right kind of aggressive). I always want to at least tell them. Even if they're out of my league, I kinda want to give it a shot, but I'm afraid they'll be super uncomfortable and I'll make an ass out of myself.

    How would you react/ How should I know they're not interested?
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    Apr 15, 2013 10:56 AM GMT
    Unleash your twink powers and you will be set icon_smile.gif
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    Apr 15, 2013 11:18 AM GMT
    Lol well I don't have crushes easily or often, but whenever I have had one my IMMEDIATE thought is "don't even think about it, they hate you" and so I don't do anything about it.
    Whenever I have had a crush on someone I always think they are waaaay too good for me and I accept that and leave it at that and just go about my business.
    LOL yeah I know it's pathetic. I am the very opposite of brave.
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    Apr 15, 2013 12:46 PM GMT
    im very vocal bout appreciating people
    my crushes are cute & good people & say ur "so nice & sweet"
    & it never turns bad for me
    coz i keep a civilized boundary of networking ettiquetes

    & i dont like guys who write me up for any sexual favor at all
  • jayatl56

    Posts: 463

    Apr 15, 2013 1:48 PM GMT
    I was about to start a new topic on something similar to this.

    I met a young guy on Grindr a while back and we hit it off quickly. He's 20 (I'm 56) but he speaks and acts like someone much older. He's not American so that might account for part of this.

    In any case, he had a major crush on me. We talked for hours the first time we met. I have to say, I was quite impressed with his knowledge of world events etc.

    The third time we met he spent the night and we had sex. There was a real connection. The guy KNOWS how to make love. Expert kissing included.

    Well, he has an incredible crush now and I explained to him that (1) I just got out of a 4 year relationship and not ready for another just yet (2) I don't think that kind of an age spread would work out in the long run.

    He bounced right into another "relationship" with another older guy (in his 40s) but they're both tops. He says he loves the guy but that this is an issue and he wants to have FWB relationship with me.

    Besides flaming on me for the age thing, what do you guys think? I don't even know how I would explain him to friends even IF we were in a relationship but the physical part is incredible.
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    Apr 15, 2013 2:00 PM GMT
    I always say thanks but let them know that I have a partner but appreciate them taking notice.
  • Fable

    Posts: 3866

    Apr 15, 2013 3:17 PM GMT
    jayatl56 said

    Besides flaming on me for the age thing, what do you guys think? I don't even know how I would explain him to friends even IF we were in a relationship but the physical part is incredible.



    you already know your answer
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Apr 15, 2013 3:22 PM GMT
    If it is just a simple crush, I don't react or address it. Sometimes it just passes. I've also had those "not so subtle crushes" when I have reminded them that I have a partner and I'm happy to be a friend... that's it.
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    Apr 15, 2013 3:26 PM GMT
    Personally, I think crushes are very cool.

    It is Human and Pure and and Visceral.

    And fun.

    There's not enuff fun left anymoar!!!!!
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    Apr 15, 2013 3:32 PM GMT
    ugggh
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Apr 15, 2013 4:46 PM GMT
    Cash saidPersonally, I think crushes are very cool.

    It is Human and Pure and and Visceral.

    And fun.

    There's not enuff fun left anymoar!!!!!


    Absolutely. Why lock up your feelings and not enjoy life and love. Doesn't mean you abandon your commitments, or even act on the crush, but surely it is something to embrace and enjoy.
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    Apr 15, 2013 4:51 PM GMT
    kevmoran saidHow would you react/ How should I know they're not interested?


    Very carefully.

    First of all, there is no such thing as "out of your league." You should never assume someone is too good for you. Before I came out, I worried about that. Within two weeks after coming out, I discovered that guys I thought wouldn't look twice at me found me very attractive. You never know what somebody else is looking for. No matter what you think are your shortcomings, someone wants exactly what you have to offer. You will soon learn that guys who think they are out of your league are not worth knowing.

    When I approach a guy, he's usually pretty amazing. So, just to be polite, I leave my message open-ended. If he wants to continue the conversation, the opportunity is there. If he doesn't, I make sure my message could be interpreted as the end of the conversation. Does that make sense? Here's a fictitious example of what I mean:

    "Hey, buddy. I've never seen anyone develop their forearms the way you have. You're Popeye! Keep up the good work!"

    When I am approached by someone who has a crush that I don't reciprocate, I tread lightly. I don't want to be the jerk who gets off hurting other people, so I let him know gently but firmly that I don't share his feelings.

    "Thank you for complimenting my forearms. Although we're not a match, I appreciate the sentiment. Good luck in your search!"

    Unfortunately, some people aren't so polite, or are too polite to be honest. You will have to learn to get a feel for the other guy's interest by the way he responds (enthusiastically? curtly?) or fails to respond. Be ready to take no for an answer. If I get anything other than an unequivocally enthusiastic reply, I assume the other dude is just being polite, and I let it go. Plenty of fish in the sea.

    For the record, I seldom compliment a guy's physique in the first message. (Hence the fictitious example.) Even though they may be powerfully attractive, the guys I like are more than just a hunk of meat. I find something intelligent to say based upon what they wrote in their profile. But that's just me; feel free to develop your own approach.

    One last thing. As hard as it may be to believe, some of us are genuinely interested in making new friends. Not everyone wants to put you on their "to do" list. If you're one of the good guys, be open-minded about the type of relationship that is being proposed.
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    Apr 15, 2013 4:59 PM GMT
    NEVER reveal to your crush you have a crush on them. It gives them the upper hand or at least results in having them running away and avoiding you in the future. Just strike up conversations with guys you find attractive and let it go from there. You will soon know whether or not the guy is interested in you.
  • kevmoran

    Posts: 1543

    Apr 15, 2013 6:37 PM GMT
    NerdMonastery saidLol well I don't have crushes easily or often, but whenever I have had one my IMMEDIATE thought is "don't even think about it, they hate you" and so I don't do anything about it.
    Whenever I have had a crush on someone I always think they are waaaay too good for me and I accept that and leave it at that and just go about my business.
    LOL yeah I know it's pathetic. I am the very opposite of brave.

    I usually do the same, but recently I told the dreamiest man on earth that I had a crush on him, more as a joke because I assumed he wasn't interested (he's 6'5" hairy, muscly, intelligent, etc). But when I told him his eyes lit up and he went on about how he thought I was adorable and stuff.

    He turned out to be a drug-addicted asshole and I ended it after a few weeks, but the moral of the story is I want to speak up about it more because I had a crush on this guy for about a year without ever speaking a word to him.
  • kevmoran

    Posts: 1543

    Apr 15, 2013 6:38 PM GMT
    UndercoverMan saidNEVER reveal to your crush you have a crush on them. It gives them the upper hand or at least results in having them running away and avoiding you in the future. Just strike up conversations with guys you find attractive and let it go from there. You will soon know whether or not the guy is interested in you.

    I know I'm the one asking for help but that sounds like the worst advice ever.
  • killercliche

    Posts: 948

    Apr 15, 2013 7:27 PM GMT
    kevmoran said
    NerdMonastery said I had a crush on this guy for about a year without ever speaking a word to him.


    How did you go from not speaking a word to this guy to telling him you had a crush on him? Was it that simple? Just out of the blue you approached this complete stranger and told him you found him attractive etc?
  • kevmoran

    Posts: 1543

    Apr 15, 2013 7:39 PM GMT
    killercliche said
    kevmoran said
    NerdMonastery said I had a crush on this guy for about a year without ever speaking a word to him.


    How did you go from not speaking a word to this guy to telling him you had a crush on him? Was it that simple? Just out of the blue you approached this complete stranger and told him you found him attractive etc?

    We had some mutual friends, so when groups collided I ended up finally telling him. But we had been in the same group of people talking before, I had just never directly talked to him.
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    Apr 15, 2013 7:51 PM GMT
    kevmoran said
    UndercoverMan saidNEVER reveal to your crush you have a crush on them. It gives them the upper hand or at least results in having them running away and avoiding you in the future. Just strike up conversations with guys you find attractive and let it go from there. You will soon know whether or not the guy is interested in you.

    I know I'm the one asking for help but that sounds like the worst advice ever.


    Well then just open up to them like a flood gate and gush on profusely about how you are madly in love with them and that you think they are the greatest thing since Buddah, Jesus and the Dalai Lama all rolled into one and see where that takes you.
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    Apr 15, 2013 8:09 PM GMT
    if a guy really wants you nothing will be able to stop him from contacrijg you or trying to get with you
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    Apr 15, 2013 10:42 PM GMT
    I think one should always be polite. Even if you aren't interested in the person, as long as they aren't being really rude or aggressive, that's no excuse for being rude. I just say thanks and move on.
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    Apr 15, 2013 10:50 PM GMT
    I throw sand at them and become highly sarcastic....icon_cool.gif
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    Apr 15, 2013 11:11 PM GMT
    eh, i'm pretty indifferent. I don't usually act nicer, or meaner towards them.
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    Apr 16, 2013 1:02 AM GMT
    Twinks can get any guy they want!!
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    Apr 16, 2013 1:04 AM GMT
    I have a couple right now... sadly they haven't spoken a word to me yet haha. I need to start taking the initiative though.
  • ohioguy12

    Posts: 2024

    Apr 16, 2013 1:15 AM GMT
    Sometimes I avoid them, sometimes I'm an asshole to them, sometimes I get tongue-tied