The Busy Excuse

  • Joeyphx444

    Posts: 2382

    Apr 16, 2013 9:03 AM GMT
    When a guy says, "I have just been real busy" or "I'm real busy" in response to you asking to meet, do you think it's sincere? Do you fall for it? Or is it a backwards way of saying not interested?

    I always felt that if you were interested in someone, you would respond to them and want to get to know them and meeting would be a good way to do that. If you were really busy though, you'd wanna make time for them. Am I just dreaming that up or is it true?

  • Fable

    Posts: 3866

    Apr 16, 2013 9:22 AM GMT
    IT MEANS NOT INTERESTED AND I HAD BETTER THINGS TO DO KTHXBAI
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    Apr 16, 2013 9:40 AM GMT
    LOL, not always.

    It really depends. Each case is different. Some are simply giving you a BS excuse so to not hurt your feelings (paradoxically) or avoid an embarrassing confrontation, whilst others, a minority perhaps, are being genuine and very open about their schedule constraints.

    Some people really do work crazy hours, and have other commitments on top of that. I for one have been one of these people for the last 6 months. Especially as my working hours are unsociable ones, nights/early hours in the morning (including weekends), and I also have been taking on a lot of work placements/internships too during the weekdays here and there. Thus, hanging out with my friends who are often working when i'm free, and vice versa, can be pretty hard. And when one is free to finally meet, one is usually sleep deprived and energy drained.

    And I know somebody who works 12 hour days, 6 days a week, then goes to the gym after, who is pretty much the same with not keeping up with socialising with friends in person since he started his job (and I really fancied this guy, and wanted to land him at the time when we did finally meet for a date, but our schedules meant we could only feasibly meet for a couple of hours on any given week- so, a non starter: I guess that's just how the cookie crumbled - boooo hiisss boooo).

    It's true that if somebody is EXTREMELY motivated to make time to meet up with you, they will ultimately sacrifice something else that they deem important, such as work/commitments/rest/gym/sleep etc, but, it's unfair to blame them if they don't do so exactly when you wan them to, as we all have to place importance on things going on in our lives respectively, and respect that in others too.

    The 'busy' excuse is not a blanket statement able to be ascribed one generalised meaning.

    Enquire further and find out for yourself, in each situation you feel you would like to verify. Anything else is laziness on your part.
  • Joeyphx444

    Posts: 2382

    Apr 16, 2013 10:21 AM GMT
    _SAGE_ saidLOL, not always.

    It really depends. Each case is different. Some are simply giving you a BS excuse so to not hurt your feelings (paradoxically) or avoid an embarrassing confrontation, whilst others, a minority perhaps, are being genuine and very open about their schedule constraints.

    Some people really do work crazy hours, and have other commitments on top of that. I for one, have been one of these people for the last 6 months. Especially as my working hours are unsociable ones, nights/early hours in the morning (including weekends), and I also have been taking on a lot of work placements/internships too during the weekdays here and there. Thus, hanging out with my friends who are often working when i'm free, and vice versa, can be pretty hard. And when one is free to finally meet, one is usually sleep deprived and energy drained.

    And I know somebody who works 12 hour days, 6 days a week, then goes to the gym after, who is pretty much the same with not keeping up with socialising with friends in person since he started his job (and I really fancied this guy, and wanted to land him at the time when we did finally meet for a date, but our schedules meant we could only feasibly meet for a couple of hours on any given week- so, i guess that's just how the cookie crumbled - boooo hiisss boooo).

    It's true that if somebody is EXTREMELY motivated to make time to meet up with you, they will ultimately sacrifice something else that they deem important, such as work/commitments/rest/gym/sleep etc, but, it's unfair to blame them if they don't do so exactly when you wan them to, as we all have to place importance on things going on in our lives respectively, and respect that in others too.

    The 'busy' excuse is not a blanket statement able to be ascribed one generalised meaning.

    Enquire further and find out for yourself, in each situation you feel you would like to verify. Anything else is laziness on your part.


    OK, if they are genuine about their schedule being crazy then what is a way they would explain it to you without making it sound like an excuse and that they WANT to meet you despite the schedule
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    Apr 16, 2013 10:27 AM GMT
    Joeyphx444 said...

    OK, if they are genuine about their schedule being crazy then what is a way they would explain it to you without making it sound like an excuse and that they WANT to meet you despite the schedule


    There is no single way. Try talking to them on the phone if you want to hear if there is (what you consider to be) a genuine tone in their voice. You can choose to believe them or not.

    Personally, i'd put the scenario on the back-burner, and also reserve judgement until I know for sure one way or the other down the line.

    If he proposes a time to meet up at some point, then you can be pretty sure that he does actually want to meet up with you.

    If he doesn't, then it's a non-starter either way.

    There is no fool proof, standardised litmus test that enables you to tell the difference by simply analysing the way they explain something to you.

    Use your common sense, due dilligence and rational judgement every time this scenario pops up and you'll be the wiser for it.
  • Joeyphx444

    Posts: 2382

    Apr 16, 2013 10:38 AM GMT
    OK but I've gotten things like, "I've been real busy busy but let me check my schedule this week for week, blah blah blah" then they never get back to me unless I contact them again

    I think, if I were the busy one, I'd say something like, "I am real busy but I'd like to meet you. Let's plan something in advance so it's easier to work in." I guess planning well in advance is better for some than others

    Also, if I were the busy one, I'd offer the best date in time since I am working it into my schedule differently than the other person. I, as the non-busy person, always like to have the busy one pick the time and date to meet since what I suggest is usually a time they are busy or something lol
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    Apr 16, 2013 10:52 AM GMT
    Joeyphx444 saidOK but I've gotten things like, "I've been real busy busy but let me check my schedule this week for week, blah blah blah" then they never get back to me unless I contact them again

    I think, if I were the busy one, I'd say something like, "I am real busy but I'd like to meet you. Let's plan something in advance so it's easier to work in." I guess planning well in advance is better for some than others

    Also, if I were the busy one, I'd offer the best date in time since I am working it into my schedule differently than the other person. I, as the non-busy person, always like to have the busy one pick the time and date to meet since what I suggest is usually a time they are busy or something lol


    I hear ya.

    Yep, the more organised minded will suggest a date in advance (if they have a standard work/commitment pattern). That is the best remedy.

    If you've tried a few times and they can't stick to a date, or pick one. Keep it moving re meeting up imo.

    However, I know from personal experience of being on the other side lately that sometimes you might not know when you will next be free/energised enough to meet up at any given point. Although, I don't forget, I simply keep a mental note to arrange something with 'x' the next time i'm able (and hope they are too).

    Personally, I am trying to be a lot more organised and structured re socialising now though, which I never really had to do too much before. If I didn't do this now, gawwd knows when i'll next catch up with the people who I do actually want to meet up with (but who may get the wrong idea that i'm simply blowing them off)! icon_neutral.gificon_confused.gif

    If you feel the person is possibly worth the effort, don't give up at the first hurdle. Hang in there until and unless you know it is no longer possibly conducive to a positive outcome
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    Apr 16, 2013 11:52 AM GMT
    Everyone that's been "too busy" hasn't worked out for me personally. I get pretty damn busy sometimes, yet I still find time to text back or arrange a date, especially if done in advance like you've said.

    I'm not gonna say this is the best way to do it, but for me, if I don't see a better effort from the guy by 'making up for it' or planning a date/meeting later on, then I just let him go.

    Do you really want to be in a relationship with someone that in the honeymoon stage can't find time for you?
  • Diceroll

    Posts: 224

    Apr 16, 2013 12:19 PM GMT
    When someone starts using the busy line I normally just tell them to let me know when they're free and forget about them. If they call/text back then great, if not then no great loss.
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    Apr 16, 2013 12:39 PM GMT
    I agree.

    The truth is that the people who use this as an excuse do not want to hurt other people or are afraid that rejection might cause confrontation. Whether this is appropriate or not is not really relevant because it simply is a fact of life.

    I'm not saying that all people who say this are blowing you off, but certainly anyone who does not try to set something up on their own when you have made an attempt to connect is someone who is clearly not interested.

    Diceroll saidWhen someone starts using the busy line I normally just tell them to let me know when they're free and forget about them. If they call/text back then great, if not then no great loss.
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    Apr 16, 2013 12:57 PM GMT
    hes not interested, or talking to someone else.
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Apr 16, 2013 1:39 PM GMT
    Joeyphx444 saidIf you were really busy though, you'd wanna make time for them. Am I just dreaming that up or is it true?



    sounds incredibly selfish to me
  • Eccomi09

    Posts: 203

    Apr 17, 2013 1:41 AM GMT
    Joeyphx444 saidWhen a guy says, "I have just been real busy" or "I'm real busy" in response to you asking to meet, do you think it's sincere? Do you fall for it? Or is it a backwards way of saying not interested?

    I always felt that if you were interested in someone, you would respond to them and want to get to know them and meeting would be a good way to do that. If you were really busy though, you'd wanna make time for them. Am I just dreaming that up or is it true?



    I have done both. I am genuinely busy managing my life and, thus, I prioritize. That said, I am usually quite honest if I don't have time.
  • TroyAthlete

    Posts: 4269

    Apr 17, 2013 2:03 AM GMT
    fable saidIT MEANS NOT INTERESTED AND I HAD BETTER THINGS TO DO KTHXBAI


    This. If a dude wants to see you, he'll find a way. People make time for what they want /end story. Would he be too busy if it was Channing Tatum/Kellan Lutz/Adrian Peterson calling? Somehow I think he'd find time. If he can't find time for you, he's not into you.

    A good test is to see if he suggests an alternate time/date. "Oh, man, I'm too busy on Saturday afternoon, but how about next Tuesday at 8pm?" means he's legit occupied but still wants to see you.

    "Sorry, I'm too busy, maybe some other time," means he's trying not to hurt your feelings but wants you to take a hint.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 17, 2013 2:09 AM GMT
    if hes really interested, he will make time. I dont know know what else to say.
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    Apr 17, 2013 2:21 AM GMT
    I really don't think there is just one answer to this question
  • TroyAthlete

    Posts: 4269

    Apr 17, 2013 2:31 AM GMT
    blueyedItalian saidI really don't think there is just one answer to this question


    Well don't be coy give us the other answers dude! Inquiring minds want to know.

    I went on an awesome date two Wednesdays ago with a great guy, then when I called to setup a second date he was "too busy" that weekend and suggested "maybe another time." It would have been weird and pushy for me to counter "Okay, what about Mon/Tues/Wed during the work week?" and he didn't suggest another day, so we left it at that.

    Haven't communicated since, but if he wasn't blowing me off what was it? If I was supposed to call and try again I'd love to know.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 17, 2013 2:33 AM GMT
    um, the answers are: (2) Yes, he has actually been busy, or, (2) he's using it as an excuse..
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 17, 2013 2:34 AM GMT
    If someone really wants you in their life they will make time for you. Let him go and concentrate on someone who appreciates you. Don't settle for less because you're worth more than that! icon_smile.gif
  • Whipmagic

    Posts: 1481

    Apr 17, 2013 2:39 AM GMT
    calibro said
    Joeyphx444 saidIf you were really busy though, you'd wanna make time for them. Am I just dreaming that up or is it true?



    sounds incredibly selfish to me


    People who are genuinely extremely busy have learned to manage their time very well. If they're genuinely interested, they'll find a way to make it happen, and communicate that clearly.
  • TroyAthlete

    Posts: 4269

    Apr 17, 2013 2:41 AM GMT
    blueyedItalian saidum, the answers are: (2) Yes, he has actually been busy, or, (2) he's using it as an excuse..


    And if he's actually been busy, then he should just say "I have just been real busy" or "I'm real busy" and that's that? And expect you to come back and try another day?
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    Apr 17, 2013 2:45 AM GMT
    TroyAthlete said
    blueyedItalian saidum, the answers are: (2) Yes, he has actually been busy, or, (2) he's using it as an excuse..


    And if he's actually been busy, then he should just say "I have just been real busy" or "I'm real busy" and that's that? And expect you to come back and try another day?
    perhaps in an ideal world, yes
  • Apparition

    Posts: 3521

    Apr 17, 2013 2:46 AM GMT
    nobody should be too busy for sex. if they are, they aren't doing it right.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 17, 2013 2:48 AM GMT
    This is relatively easy. If he says he is busy and he won't commit to rescheduling for a specific date, you know he is not interested. I am often busy, but if I am interested, I'll try to pick a date that fits in both our schedules.
  • waccamatt

    Posts: 1918

    Apr 17, 2013 2:54 AM GMT
    Someone who really wants to see you will make time for you. A couple of times gets a pass, but after that I'd fish in a new pond.