Why are huge age differences not "creepy" in the gay community?

  • Eli_jah

    Posts: 1391

    Apr 17, 2013 12:28 AM GMT
    Always wondered about this. Why is it not considered "creepy" or inappropriate when a 50 year old man pursues a 22 year old guy for instance, but if this were a man pursuing a young girl or a woman pursuing a young guy, it would be criticized or mocked?

    I see this all the time with gay men and I honestly find it somewhat disturbing that a 45+ year old would even want to date someone younger than 30 (what could they even have to say to one another). I realize that the goal is more sex-oriented, but it still doesn't diminish the "creep" factor. I feel like these men should be mentoring these young guys in some way instead of trying to bed or marry them.

    Just a thought. icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 17, 2013 12:41 AM GMT
    Who says its not creepy? The majority of people will most likely find it odd or disturbing, but who cares about other people's business anyway?

    I feel like I can relate with older people in many different ways actually. I'm more of an old soul really. It all comes down to just being happy.

    My boyfriend is in his 50's and I'm almost 21. Never been happier ;-)
  • Varanus

    Posts: 58

    Apr 17, 2013 1:55 AM GMT
    Everyone has their own version of what "creepy" means for them.
    As long as both parties are of legal age, who is anyone else to say anything about someone else's relationship?

    I myself am in a relationship with a man who is 20 years my senior (I'm 21 in a few months) and we've been seeing each other for almost 2 years now.
    When we first met he thought i was in my late 20's but i was actually only 19.

    I consider myself an "old soul" as ive always enjoyed the company of older people and have always gotten along better with them.
    I guess that was from being forced to grow up faster than i should of.
    While we have received a few odd stares and comments, the best being from an older hetro couple "Isnt it nice hun, look the boy is with his father at the movies" we just looked at each other and laughed i soon planted a big kiss on those lips of his; in these two years our friends and family are very supportive of us and where happy, so to me that's all that matters.

    But everyone has an independent choice on who they date and commit too, what works for me and my partner wont nessesarily work for the next couple.
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    Apr 17, 2013 2:04 AM GMT
    I once read that age differences in gay relationships are often bigger than in straight relationships because we gay men don't have the difference of gender in our relationships so we sometimes look to highlight some other difference between one another. Not sure if I buy this explanation, but, in any event, as long as both partners are of legal age, I don't think anyone should make judgments about other gay men's choice of partners.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 17, 2013 2:13 AM GMT
    Most guys my age are BORING as shit.


    Yeah...I said it.
  • Pontifex

    Posts: 1882

    Apr 17, 2013 2:13 AM GMT
    I'm with a guy 10 years younger than me. It may sound strange but we have a lot in common. We want to do the same things. We like the same things. Maybe I'm immature, maybe he is mature but it doesn't matter. We both find each other attractive and we have a lot in common. We also love and trust each other.

    There isn't really anything else you need to base a relationship off of. Nobody is being taken advantage of and things are surprisingly equal. There isn't a power difference in the relationship and I think that is the important part. We've both been around for long enough to know what we want.

    Someone can call it creepy if they want. Some people call my trans friends creepy. To some people gays and lesbians are creepy. It basically comes down to being nobody else's business just as your sexual orientation is nobody's business. There is nothing wrong with two people who make each other happy finding each other.
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    Apr 17, 2013 2:15 AM GMT
    dustin_K_tx saidMost guys my age are BORING as shit.


    Yeah...I said it.


    +1
  • TroyAthlete

    Posts: 4269

    Apr 17, 2013 2:15 AM GMT
    NeutralObserver saidI see this all the time with gay men and I honestly find it somewhat disturbing that a 45+ year old would even want to date someone younger than 30 (what could they even have to say to one another). icon_smile.gif


    Disturbing? If it's not your relationship, why are you even thinking of it to the point that it disturbs you? They're both consenting adults, who cares? Past a certain point in adulthood, age differences are less sharp. Your 30-45+ range is largely arbitrary. If it is creepy for a 46 year old to date a 29 year old, what suddenly makes it less creepy when the the 29 year-old turns 30?

    I tend to date guys my age (plus or minus 6 or so years, preferably plus at this point) but for those who date outside that, more power to em. The pickins are slim enough for gay guys without limiting yourself based on age, no? If they're compatible and happy *shrug*

    As to not having anything to talk about, I went bike riding with my 67 year-old female coworker a couple of weekends ago, and we talked for four hours. I can (and have) talked to my grandmother from sunup to sundown. When two people are not shallow and have depth, they'll always have stuff to discuss.
  • He_Man

    Posts: 906

    Apr 17, 2013 2:22 AM GMT
    Oh, come on! Not another "CREEP" thread! WTF?

    It's not creepy; it's natural, really. It's not just a gay disease where "old perverts" go after sweet, innocent, young boys. It's in the heterosexual community, as well, and it exists in every single culture and across time.

    My father was fifty when he had me, and my mother was only thirty at the time, so that makes him twenty years her senior, so I guess my father was a huge creep for bagging a thirty year old, right? Well, he was a creep for other reasons, but I won't go into that right now.

    Study evolutionary psychology, and you'll see that mate preferences have always shown that males prefer females in their prime or peak reproductive potential. There's no difference with homosexual men. The sexual mechanism are still there, but we transfer our desire to mate onto the same sex.

    As the female species hits her reproductive potential, which is generally around 20 years of age, males start losing interest in them.

    viewer?pid=bl&srcid=ADGEESitKQF5uKfSpQrH

    There's an inverse relationship between male mate preferences and women's ages. As women age, men are less likely to choose them as sexual partners.

    viewer?pid=bl&srcid=ADGEESitKQF5uKfSpQrH

    Again, it's natural that men go for younger people, whether it's with men or women. It's in our genes, so if you don't like it take it up with Darwin! icon_lol.gif
  • hanzo83

    Posts: 457

    Apr 17, 2013 2:36 AM GMT
    It is creepy to me whether it's with straight people or gays lol. I can sort of understand it in the gay world because it's a small world. When 2 gay guys with a huge age gap find each other they don't mind being together since it's such a rare find. That still wouldn't make me want to be with an 18 year old when I'm 40 but to each his own.
  • Apparition

    Posts: 3521

    Apr 17, 2013 2:37 AM GMT
    some of it has to do with lack of dating experience if you come out late, a 50 year old could have the same sexual experience as a 25 year old .

    men dont have babies, so it is less creepy because either partner could be the older one, not just the woman. heteros its almost always older man younger woman if they are after kids. men also age better than women in their forties if they are lucky to keep their hair which is the only real age factor between 35-60 for the most part.
  • waccamatt

    Posts: 1918

    Apr 17, 2013 2:39 AM GMT
    If both parties are consenting adults it's nobody else's business.
  • chemistry

    Posts: 29

    Apr 17, 2013 2:44 AM GMT
    Lol @ yourname2000... hilarious - though I got to say the best blow jobs I ever got was from a guy in his 50s... I was 18... yeah he groomed me, took me to the pancake shop, always beer in his fridge for me... we drove around plenty... had a very gentle and reassurng touch and eventually i was gagging for him to suck... went on for three months until he wanted more sexually and I got distracted by other things and moved on - although we still swap emails every year or so... man; he must be ancient now! icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 17, 2013 2:46 AM GMT
    My boyfriend is 23 years younger than me and (I initially worried about the age factor but) he's essentially told me to get over it and I have. I think he's awesome and he feels the same way about me so all I can say is age doesn't matter for us (at least at this juncture) and that's what counts.
    He's an amazing guy and I'm thrilled and delighted beyond belief to have him in my life.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 17, 2013 2:47 AM GMT
    Were already gay (which is a big no no in our society) so we can break any and every societal norm including age difference.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 17, 2013 2:48 AM GMT
    Its cause men who are older are hot as fucking hell!

    Lets face it, as guys age they can work out and build all that muscle that comes with time. You cant have muscly 20s without tons of super suppliments coursing through their buttocks, and that aint hot.

    But with 30 year olds, you get manly, hairy, muscly, protective goodness! Love it, love it all!
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    Apr 17, 2013 2:52 AM GMT
    waccamatt saidIf both parties are consenting adults it's nobody else's business.


    Well said, i dont see any problem as long as they're happy, i am 31 and in a relationship of almost 7.5 months with 19 year old, i am sure most age gaps are much higher than mines, but it shouldn't bother no one.
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    Apr 17, 2013 2:52 AM GMT
    I still think its creepy...

    and I mean like...20 year old with a 60 year old lol
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 17, 2013 2:57 AM GMT
    I find it creepy if there's more than an hour difference in the guys ages. I mean, gross.


    It's only creepy if it's unwanted attention.

  • Trauts

    Posts: 1012

    Apr 17, 2013 2:59 AM GMT
    Because society has a lenient view towards females and treats them as the "fairer sex", so when an older man dates a younger girl, we make the older man out to be a predator while the girl is seen like an innocent victim. Whereas, if both parties are men, there seems to be a balance of society's impression, thus becoming less creepy for the situation.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 17, 2013 3:02 AM GMT
    I actually think it is creepy. Like the gay scene it might not be shocking, but if at 22 year old you bring home a BF that is approaching your Dad's age... your family might revolt.

    Older guys are still hot though ;)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 17, 2013 3:12 AM GMT
    Everyone just wants us older guys, we can't help it. Sorry.
  • Rhi_Bran

    Posts: 904

    Apr 17, 2013 3:13 AM GMT
    Macaque saidI find it creepy if there's more than an hour difference in the guys ages. I mean, gross.


    It's only creepy if it's unwanted attention.



    This. What people do with their relationships is nobody elses' business.
  • spunkywasabi

    Posts: 126

    Apr 17, 2013 3:13 AM GMT
    I am going to argue that since the dawn of gay sex, it has been somewhat the norm for older men to take on younger men for sexual pleasure. Socrates is famously known to have engaged in this type of behavior, as well as many other greeks. Pederasty is the label we gave to this practice.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pederasty_in_ancient_Greece

    I guess I think it seems rather normal for queer men, many who become outcasts from there family, to look to older gay men for guidance and to be somewhat of a surrogate parent, at least in some cases. Besides that...Some older guys are smoking hot and some younger guys are attracted to that.
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    Apr 17, 2013 3:33 AM GMT
    One of my big concerns (being 65yo) about being here on RJ is being thought of as "creepy". I don't want to be a creep and I don't like men who are. I was young once (believe it or not) and I know how disturbing that can be. So, for example, I'm sometimes hesitant to look at the profiles, even of guys who have looked at mine, if I see they're in their 20s. I'm afraid they'll think I'm 'creeping' on them.

    From the very first when I came here I made it a point to not contact anyone who didn't contact me first. That has worked well for me. I've made quite a few pen-pal friends.

    More recently, if someone looks at my profile more than once, I'll email them just to say hi and ask them what's up and something about themselves. I don't always get a reply and that's fine but often I do which I really appreciate.

    As I say in my profile, I like young people. Its just a fact (and 'young people' kind of covers a lot of territory at my age). However, that doesn't necessarily mean I want to have sex with them, much less get into a relationship. I'm not saying I wouldn't do that but the chemistry and personality would have to be just right. I don't do hook-ups, anonymous or even virtual. I also know I'm a bit eccentric and most guys of any age aren't going to 'click' with my personality type. So, that's just the way it is. It's not like I'm desperate to get in a relationship. It is sort of 'been there, done that' and outlived both of them. I do hope I meet someone but if not that's cool.

    All that said, I do try to 'mentor' some guys who are looking for that kind of friendship (platonic). In fact, I have one on-line friend (also an RJ member, he joined after I turned him on to RJ), that I've known since he was 16yo. He's 20 now and FINALLY just coming out and went on his first ever gay date last weekend. When he told me about it on Skype it totally made my day. I'm so happy for him. I love him as a friend and that is mutual.