any inexperienced virgins on this forum that are terrified of having sex, dating, kissing and stuff of that nature?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 17, 2013 3:22 AM GMT
    icon_sad.gif seriously speaking, i'm kind of flirting with the idea of getting busy with somebody BUT i don't feel that i'm ready to do it. in fact, i don't want to do any of that period-making out, hugging, getting intimate or any of that when the opportunity presents itself right in my face. i am literally scared and getting sick to my stomach thinking about it where i just feel like running away to simply avoid it. the other night before, i had a nightmare about it. don't have a single idea why that is. anybody here can relate?
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    Apr 17, 2013 3:25 AM GMT
    Yup. I have a serious fear of intimacy, getting close to people, performance anxiety, etc. Hugging and kissing I can handle, but the thought of the rest causes extreme anxiety. I have involuntary celibacy basically.

    Which totally sucks because I'm a hopeless romantic, and with the psychological barriers I deal with, I think it's going to be impossible for me to find an understanding partner. icon_cry.gif
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    Apr 17, 2013 3:29 AM GMT
    I'm different..I want to fuck something right now god dammit!

    no seriously, being a 21 year old virgin sucks.
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    Apr 17, 2013 3:30 AM GMT
    Fiyero27 saidYup. I have a serious fear of intimacy, getting close to people, performance anxiety, etc. Hugging and kissing I can handle, but the thought of the rest causes extreme anxiety. I have involuntary celibacy basically.

    Which totally sucks because I'm a hopeless romantic, and with the psychological barriers I deal with, I think it's going to be impossible for me to find an understanding partner. icon_cry.gif


    do you think that there's a such thing as love-shyness where there's some people that have a phobia towards love?

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love-shyness
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    Apr 17, 2013 3:31 AM GMT
    itsonme41 saidI'm different..I want to fuck something right now god dammit!

    no seriously, being a 21 year old virgin sucks.


    would you do it if you had the chance to if you were offered? it's normal to be a virgin at 21 though.
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    Apr 17, 2013 3:32 AM GMT
    scaredmidget said
    Fiyero27 saidYup. I have a serious fear of intimacy, getting close to people, performance anxiety, etc. Hugging and kissing I can handle, but the thought of the rest causes extreme anxiety. I have involuntary celibacy basically.

    Which totally sucks because I'm a hopeless romantic, and with the psychological barriers I deal with, I think it's going to be impossible for me to find an understanding partner. icon_cry.gif


    do you think that there's a such thing as love-shyness where there's some people that have a phobia towards love?

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love-shyness
    Yes, although the term I usually hear is Involuntary Celibacy. Basically, for whatever reason other than physical disability, someone with "Incel" is unable to pursue a romantic/sexual relationship like their peers. Intimacy issues, anxiety, shyness, etc. can all play a factor.

    It's interesting that you posted this thread, since I was just thinking of making the same one today.
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    Apr 17, 2013 3:33 AM GMT
    I am so terrified to have sex.

    I think about it a lot but I think if am penetrated I might scream and shout, or might just let it all out.

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    Apr 17, 2013 3:33 AM GMT
    itsonme41 saidI'm different..I want to fuck something right now god dammit!

    no seriously, being a 21 year old virgin sucks.
    Lol, a 21 year old virgin is no big deal. Late 20s/early 30s is when people start to really look down on you and it creates a great deal of shame.
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    Apr 17, 2013 3:34 AM GMT
    Yea, I have intimacy issues as well. I've always had the mentality that guys will just pretty much say anything you want to hear just to get into your pants. So i'm always on my toes when it comes to guys saying pretty words. It doesn't help that I was ugly as fuck when I was younger, so the ugly duckling syndrome kinda left a few scars. So trusting guys, is a bit difficult for me.

    But I made a decision that my first will be someone special to me, and not some random person. Someone that I wont regret when I look back.
  • Rhi_Bran

    Posts: 904

    Apr 17, 2013 3:35 AM GMT
    Fiyero, I feel your pain, but in a slightly different way. I do not have a fear of intimacy; rather, there are certain aspects about standard "intimacy" that turn me off hardcore. Stuff like saying "I love you" several times a day, fancy dates, that kind of thing. Cannot stand it. About the only thing I can tolerate is cuddling, which I enjoy.

    It's very difficult to find a partner who wants to be more a best friend than a Hollywood love interest. I want someone to do badass stuff with, play video games with, mock and be mocked by (jokingly), and have witty banter with. This is why my previous (and only) relationship did not last long - my boyfriend felt the need to send "I love you!" texts at least three times a day. When I asked him to ease up a bit, he did not understand why, even though I explained this all to him. We just kind of drifted apart after that.
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    Apr 17, 2013 3:40 AM GMT
    scaredmidget said
    itsonme41 saidI'm different..I want to fuck something right now god dammit!

    no seriously, being a 21 year old virgin sucks.


    would you do it if you had the chance to if you were offered? it's normal to be a virgin at 21 though.


    Normal to be a 21 year old virgin? I don't think so. Unless you're trying to be abstinent or it's your own personal choice then it's definitely NOT normal.

    People with normal healthy social lives usually lose their v card much earlier.

    I'm willing to bet the majority of 21 year old virgins aren't virgins by choice..

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    Apr 17, 2013 3:52 AM GMT
    itsonme41 said
    scaredmidget said
    itsonme41 saidI'm different..I want to fuck something right now god dammit!

    no seriously, being a 21 year old virgin sucks.


    would you do it if you had the chance to if you were offered? it's normal to be a virgin at 21 though.


    Normal to be a 21 year old virgin? I don't think so. Unless you're trying to be abstinent or it's your own personal choice then it's definitely NOT normal.

    People with normal healthy social lives usually lose their v card much earlier.

    I'm willing to bet the majority of 21 year old virgins aren't virgins by choice..



    so. what if that was the case? nobody's going to laugh @ you. you may be embarrassed but then it's really not that bad.
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    Apr 17, 2013 3:56 AM GMT
    When I had NO experience last year, I don't remember being scared. Just ashamed.

    Don't let it bother you that you're scared. I wish I was so I would have waited to do all my firsts with someone who actually gave two fucks.

    (and don't listen to itsonme - I think especially amongst gay men, it's normal to be a virgin in your twenties)
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    Apr 17, 2013 3:58 AM GMT
    The more experience you have the better you get at it (and comfortable you become with sex in general). The first time I had sex I literally just laid there because I wasn't really expecting it to go that far, and I was freaked out. I was like visibly shaking LOL. I don't think the guy minded though, because we fooled around all night (and in the morning...). I wasn't too concerned because he knew what he was doing and made it feel good. This was the first time I had anal sex, and I was 21 at the time.

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    Apr 17, 2013 4:00 AM GMT
    IceBuckets saidWhen I had NO experience last year, I don't remember being scared. Just ashamed.

    Don't let it bother you that you're scared. I wish I was so I would have waited to do all my firsts with someone who actually gave two fucks.

    (and don't listen to itsonme - I think especially amongst gay men, it's normal to be a virgin in your twenties)


    The average male loses his virginity at age 16.9; females average slightly older, at 17.4. And a new study shows that genetics may be a factor: inherited traits, such as impulsivity, can make a person more or less willing to have sex at an earlier age.

    Sources: Kinsey Institute; California State University

    obviously it's different for gay men silly icon_smile.gif
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    Apr 17, 2013 4:06 AM GMT
    itsonme41 said
    IceBuckets saidWhen I had NO experience last year, I don't remember being scared. Just ashamed.

    Don't let it bother you that you're scared. I wish I was so I would have waited to do all my firsts with someone who actually gave two fucks.

    (and don't listen to itsonme - I think especially amongst gay men, it's normal to be a virgin in your twenties)


    The average male loses his virginity at age 16.9; females average slightly older, at 17.4. And a new study shows that genetics may be a factor: inherited traits, such as impulsivity, can make a person more or less willing to have sex at an earlier age.

    Sources: Kinsey Institute; California State University

    obviously it's different for gay men silly icon_smile.gif

    Regardless, I don't feel as if it's abnormal.
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    Apr 17, 2013 4:07 AM GMT
    Well, obviously I'm no virgin. But since I haven't been sexual in over a decade I feel like one. I'm very 'sex shy' at this point so on that I can relate. I wish I weren't like this but I am and there's nothing much I know to do about it. On the other hand, since I'm not desperate, I feel fine about letting things take their course. If it happens, it happens.

    One day at a time.
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    Apr 17, 2013 4:21 AM GMT
    IceBuckets said
    itsonme41 said
    IceBuckets saidWhen I had NO experience last year, I don't remember being scared. Just ashamed.

    Don't let it bother you that you're scared. I wish I was so I would have waited to do all my firsts with someone who actually gave two fucks.

    (and don't listen to itsonme - I think especially amongst gay men, it's normal to be a virgin in your twenties)


    The average male loses his virginity at age 16.9; females average slightly older, at 17.4. And a new study shows that genetics may be a factor: inherited traits, such as impulsivity, can make a person more or less willing to have sex at an earlier age.

    Sources: Kinsey Institute; California State University

    obviously it's different for gay men silly icon_smile.gif

    Regardless, I don't feel as if it's abnormal.


    Maybe I should have used a better word. All I'm saying is it's not typical for a guy to be a virgin at 21 years old. Just like it's not typical for a 30 year old to not have his/her drivers license.

    EDIT: That is a horrible example, but you get my point.
  • LoveAndPeace

    Posts: 460

    Apr 17, 2013 4:28 AM GMT
    LoveAndPeace saidI'm honestly terrified of everything.I want to hug and makeout that's a no brainer but when I have my first relationship and when I swip my v card idk..I'm scared because unlike the others I want a guy to text I love u 3x every day and I want to cuddle with my lover at night and I want to on dates and be ourselves and love one another..hopefully I will get that. icon_smile.gif
  • Generaleclect...

    Posts: 504

    Apr 17, 2013 5:12 AM GMT
    scaredmidget saidicon_sad.gif seriously speaking, i'm kind of flirting with the idea of getting busy with somebody BUT i don't feel that i'm ready to do it. in fact, i don't want to do any of that period-making out, hugging, getting intimate or any of that when the opportunity presents itself right in my face. i am literally scared and getting sick to my stomach thinking about it where i just feel like running away to simply avoid it. the other night before, i had a nightmare about it. don't have a single idea why that is. anybody here can relate?


    I think it really depends on the value you give to sex and intimacy. Do you feel like sex is something you should reserve for the right person in the right situation (a committed relationship), or are you just scared of the act itself?

    Those feelings are understandable. We're all scared of things that are unfamiliar to us, and that goes beyond sex acts. Sometimes fears are just paper tigers, and all it takes is one experience to clear things up. I'm sure you've been through this in your life in some other way.

    There's a difference between "not being ready" and being scared. If you think the former is based on the latter, try to ask yourself why.
  • LoveAndPeace

    Posts: 460

    Apr 17, 2013 5:19 AM GMT
    Generaleclectic said
    scaredmidget saidicon_sad.gif seriously speaking, i'm kind of flirting with the idea of getting busy with somebody BUT i don't feel that i'm ready to do it. in fact, i don't want to do any of that period-making out, hugging, getting intimate or any of that when the opportunity presents itself right in my face. i am literally scared and getting sick to my stomach thinking about it where i just feel like running away to simply avoid it. the other night before, i had a nightmare about it. don't have a single idea why that is. anybody here can relate?


    I think it really depends on the value you give to sex and intimacy. Do you feel like sex is something you should reserve for the right person in the right situation (a committed relationship), or are you just scared of the act itself?

    Those feelings are understandable. We're all scared of things that are unfamiliar to us, and that goes beyond sex acts. Sometimes fears are just paper tigers, and all it takes is one experience to clear things up. I'm sure you've been through this in your life in some other way.

    There's a difference between "not being ready" and being scared. If you think the former is based on the latter, try to ask yourself why.
    You just made me question the meaning of life itself...are you jesus cause I knew he was black
  • Generaleclect...

    Posts: 504

    Apr 17, 2013 5:42 AM GMT
    LoveAndPeace said You just made me question the meaning of life itself...are you jesus cause I knew he was black


    A gracious compliment, lol - but no, I'm just a lowly peasant procrastinating on my work for tomorrow. icon_razz.gif

    And I must say, you're quite the looker.