I can't seem to find a guy who likes me for ME and not what I look like, makes me hate being gay! Please help me guys

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    Apr 17, 2013 7:55 AM GMT
    Hi Guys! I am 19 years old. I have been single my entire life...I started chatting to some guys over the net, I would meet them and my hopes would be high afterwards only to find that they don't like me back or I'd send them pictures after days of sending flirty texts then they'd tell me they are not interested. I just hate this, being gay is awful for me, I know I don't look like Ricky Martin or anything but still. I really wish I were straight, then maybe SOME girl may find me attractive, I don't get it...maybe it's my looks! I am a good, honest guy who's also career-orientated...why is this happening to me? Is it so hard to find a guy who doesn't care about looks? A guy I can fall in love with and hold his hand? Please help me guys! I would really appreciate your guy's advice, PLEASE!
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    Apr 17, 2013 2:50 PM GMT
    Even the handsomest gentlemen on the planet have to learn Rejection Management at some point or another. I'm sure you really don't want to hear "you're 19!", but you're 19. There are 19-year olds and young adults of every conceivable gender and sexual orientation making the same "why me?" pleas. Give yourself some time and patience. If you're anxious, it will come across in your dialogues with those who interest you, and creep people out far more than anything you might look like.

    I would suggest going out and meeting people face-to-face as your primary tactic. Not being flirty, just conversing simply and naturally. When we start ALL our interpersonal connections online, we have perceived notions of what we hope the other person looks/sounds like... then the Catfishy revelations kick in and hamper what could at least have become a decent personal relationship, if not a romantic one.

    Those surface-level disappointments and letdowns never get to build themselves up when you walk right up to someone and say, "Hi, I'm Brad," smiling as you shake their hand and offer up an ice-breaking conversation. Try it, and seek out common interests in things other than romance first. As a career-oriented go-getter, perhaps the nature of your career may allow itself professional networking opportunities with other unpartnered gay individuals. Or maybe your hobbies and interests outside of work may lead you to a LGBT fan club or organization of some kind. Face-to-face, in-the-flesh conversation from the jump allows the positive aspects of your personality to shine through. From your newfound friends and colleagues, you may find yourself a worthy life partner.

    On the matter of building online relationships, try conversing with people who you may not think you'll have a "looks"-based romantic interest but may share something else of interest to you. The internet is all about attracting our visual senses above all others, often to our detriment when it comes to dating. Often, our first instinct is to go after all the Prince Charmings of the world, sidestepping the frogs along the path, then we think the problem is ourselves when all the Princes turn our advances down.
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    Apr 17, 2013 3:04 PM GMT
  • jtz03932

    Posts: 200

    Apr 17, 2013 6:45 PM GMT
    Prepare to be depressed and rejected for a while. You're going to be in for a lot of disappointment.... Everyone is vicious. Ignore what most people say, because if you are either a minority or ugly people won't give you a second look.

    Real life and online.
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    Apr 17, 2013 6:47 PM GMT
    MrBlogger saidHi Guys! I am 19 years old. I have been single my entire life...I started chatting to some guys over the net, I would meet them and my hopes would be high afterwards only to find that they don't like me back or I'd send them pictures after days of sending flirty texts then they'd tell me they are not interested. I just hate this, being gay is awful for me, I know I don't look like Ricky Martin or anything but still. I really wish I were straight, then maybe SOME girl may find me attractive, I don't get it...maybe it's my looks! I am a good, honest guy who's also career-orientated...why is this happening to me? Is it so hard to find a guy who doesn't care about looks? A guy I can fall in love with and hold his hand? Please help me guys! I would really appreciate your guy's advice, PLEASE!


    I have been in this phase and it is very much harder. Please accept my bear hugs. Internet never helped me, not even one %. And so is the reality as people come with so many expectations. Some were really rude on me when all i wanted was a simple friendly talk. I didn't change but it so happened I had to be in different places which helped me. May be change places because perceptions change from location to location. And don't forget to Live passionately.
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    Apr 17, 2013 7:14 PM GMT
    jtz03932 saidPrepare to be depressed and rejected for a while. You're going to be in for a lot of disappointment.... Everyone is vicious. Ignore what most people say, because if you are either a minority or ugly people won't give you a second look.

    Real life and online.


    How is that at all helpful?
  • jtz03932

    Posts: 200

    Apr 18, 2013 1:32 AM GMT
    Slim2010 said
    jtz03932 saidPrepare to be depressed and rejected for a while. You're going to be in for a lot of disappointment.... Everyone is vicious. Ignore what most people say, because if you are either a minority or ugly people won't give you a second look.

    Real life and online.


    How is that at all helpful?


    I'm giving him a heads up of what to expect. Don't give him smoke and mirrors.
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    Apr 18, 2013 4:52 AM GMT
    Thank you guys so much for you advice ey, I really appreciate it a lot. You guys are awesome!!
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    Apr 18, 2013 1:49 PM GMT
    MrBlogger saidHi Guys! I am 19 years old. I have been single my entire life...I started chatting to some guys over the net, I would meet them and my hopes would be high afterwards only to find that they don't like me back or I'd send them pictures after days of sending flirty texts then they'd tell me they are not interested. I just hate this, being gay is awful for me, I know I don't look like Ricky Martin or anything but still. I really wish I were straight, then maybe SOME girl may find me attractive, I don't get it...maybe it's my looks! I am a good, honest guy who's also career-orientated...why is this happening to me? Is it so hard to find a guy who doesn't care about looks? A guy I can fall in love with and hold his hand? Please help me guys! I would really appreciate your guy's advice, PLEASE!

    Well one observation: being single your "entire life" at only 19 isn't a great tragedy by most standards. Not being snarky, but 19 is when you START meeting guys and dating. I'd be more concerned if you WERE partnered at 19, for rushing things, before you had enough time to get some life experience under your belt.

    So what are you doing or not doing? Are you meeting ANY guys, dating anyone? Hopefully you're going out and socializing, meeting as many guys as you can in many circumstances. I don't know what you have available in Pretoria, SA. But don't limit yourself to bars & clubs (can you drink there at 18?), consider gay social clubs and volunteer work, sports teams, etc, same advice I give to guys over here.