I drunkenly outed my ex yesterday..

  • dexterboi1231

    Posts: 40

    Apr 19, 2013 8:41 PM GMT
    Last night I got extremely drunk. Never been like that before. I started crying about my ex to my two friends (who are also his friends). Well, they didn't know he was gay (well, bi) and then one of them told him I told them. I haven't spoken to him in a year since I cut off all contact, but as you can see I'm not 100% over him. I feel terrible for doing this, and I already even typed an apology up but some of my friends are telling me that since we don't even talk, it's better to just leave it alone. One of my friends says she doubts he event wants to hear from me or see me now. So I'm torn..do you guys think I should apologize?
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    Apr 19, 2013 8:49 PM GMT
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    I agree with your friend. Usually I would say you should, but, If I were you. no.

    To be honest I don't think you owe him a thing. So what you said the truth. Who cares. He should know better then to try to eat his cake and Ice cream too,

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  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 19, 2013 8:55 PM GMT
    Yes, you should try and apologize; but if y'all haven't talked in over a year, don't expect a reply from him.
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    Apr 19, 2013 10:18 PM GMT
    Some things are obviously best done when super drunk. So, get completely wasted and give him a call.
  • LuckyGuyKC

    Posts: 2080

    Apr 20, 2013 12:57 AM GMT
    Apologize for his sake and also for your sake. I will lighten your burden of guilt by making a sincere apology.
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    Apr 20, 2013 1:04 AM GMT
    smartmoney saidSome things are obviously best done when super drunk. So, get completely wasted and give him a call.


    :-)

    In ten years you probably won't know who they are. If you still feel guilty then it may be true guilt and not all about you. Life will go on.
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Apr 20, 2013 1:17 AM GMT
    smartmoney saidSome things are obviously best done when super drunk. So, get completely wasted and give him a call.


    that's how i won the battle of titanic galactica
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    Apr 20, 2013 1:27 AM GMT
    I would send a sincere email to apologize. It probably won't change much, but at least you made the effort.

    Just out of curiosity - if these friends were mutual friends, how did they not know you two were dating? Or did they just think you were good friends?
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    Apr 20, 2013 1:30 AM GMT
    dexterboi1231 saidOne of my friends says she doubts he ever wants to hear from me or see me now. So I'm torn..do you guys think I should apologize?

    You should tuck your tail between your legs and slink away, before you damage your reputation further.

    I had a gay friend with a drinking problem. When drunk he would tell all kinds of confidential information I had shared with him, with guys who in turn would use it against me. One in particular was an ex I had broken-up with, who still bore me a grudge, and was obsessed with stalking & hurting me.

    This friend apologized each time he did it, but what good did that do? The confidences were already made public. You can't put the genie back in the bottle. And I knew he was gonna be a continuing risk to me, every time he touched a drink.

    I dropped him as a friend. And your friend would be wise to do the same with you, so save your apology.
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    Apr 20, 2013 1:32 AM GMT
    Hmmm you know what...Don't contact him....
    I once made the dumb mistake of telling someone whom I wasn't close with that I had a crush on a guy in her class...She confronted him in front of people ..It took me a full year to earn his friendship back...But things were never the same....

    I cut off my contact with that dumb bitch and she still tries to add me on facebook to this day.
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    Apr 20, 2013 1:33 AM GMT
    calibro said
    smartmoney saidSome things are obviously best done when super drunk. So, get completely wasted and give him a call.


    that's how i won the battle of titanic galactica


    OMG you have some of the most hilarious and random comments
  • BoostToChase

    Posts: 103

    Apr 20, 2013 1:50 AM GMT
    Seric said
    I agree with your friend. Usually I would say you should, but, If I were you. no.

    To be honest I don't think you owe him a thing. So what you said the truth. Who cares. He should know better then to try to eat his cake and Ice cream too


    This is the only reasonable advice in this thread. The rest was either too lighthearted icon_razz.gif, or unnecessarily severe icon_question.gif.

    You don't deserve to be made out to be the bad guy. People fuck up. That's a life constant. That said, if drinking sends you downhill, don't drink.

    You don't owe him an apology. Dating comes with risks. Losing your confidence is one of them, even if your disclosure is shitty (and it is). If it wasn't you, it'd be someone else, some other time...
  • dexterboi1231

    Posts: 40

    Apr 20, 2013 2:58 AM GMT
    ART_DECO said
    dexterboi1231 saidOne of my friends says she doubts he ever wants to hear from me or see me now. So I'm torn..do you guys think I should apologize?

    You should tuck your tail between your legs and slink away, before you damage your reputation further.

    I had a gay friend with a drinking problem. When drunk he would tell all kinds of confidential information I had shared with him, with guys who in turn would use it against me. One in particular was an ex I had broken-up with, who still bore me a grudge, and was obsessed with stalking & hurting me.

    This friend apologized each time he did it, but what good did that do? The confidences were already made public. You can't put the genie back in the bottle. And I knew he was gonna be a continuing risk to me, every time he touched a drink.

    I dropped him as a friend. And your friend would be wise to do the same with you, so save your apology.


    Lol what? My reputation's fine and we aren't friends, having spoken to him in a year, I just feel bad
  • dexterboi1231

    Posts: 40

    Apr 20, 2013 3:01 AM GMT
    BoostToChase said
    Seric said
    I agree with your friend. Usually I would say you should, but, If I were you. no.

    To be honest I don't think you owe him a thing. So what you said the truth. Who cares. He should know better then to try to eat his cake and Ice cream too


    This is the only reasonable advice in this thread. The rest was either too lighthearted icon_razz.gif, or unnecessarily severe icon_question.gif.

    You don't deserve to be made out to be the bad guy. People fuck up. That's a life constant. That said, if drinking sends you downhill, don't drink.

    You don't owe him an apology. Dating comes with risks. Losing your confidence is one of them, even if your disclosure is shitty (and it is). If it wasn't you, it'd be someone else, some other time...


    Sounds reasonable. I cut off contact with him for a reason and I'd bet any contact between us would not be..constructive. And as stupid as this sounds, one of the reasons I WANT to apologize is because a part of me does want to hve some contact with him. Which isn't healthy. Im not proud though
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    Apr 20, 2013 3:01 AM GMT
    If you truly feel bad, then a simple apology goes a long way, keep it short and simple, details only digs the wound deeper. I have learned that from past experiences.
  • dexterboi1231

    Posts: 40

    Apr 20, 2013 3:04 AM GMT
    Ive never gotten so much mixed advice ahh
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    Apr 20, 2013 3:08 AM GMT
    If the breakup was bitter....which I think it was, then no! Do not apologize

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    Apr 20, 2013 3:15 AM GMT
    Agamemnon saidIf you truly feel bad, then a simple apology goes a long way, keep it short and simple, details only digs the wound deeper. I have learned that from past experiences.


    I think this works. I mean at the end of the day you were wrong, even if someone does something bad to you, coming out is a personal thing to do and should happen at everyone's own time, so you were wrong and you know it.
    A simple, heart-felt apology is the best you can do, but don't beat yourself up too much, it would happen eventually, life goes on.
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    Apr 20, 2013 3:25 AM GMT
    Take my advice. WHY? Because this happen to me with a good friend but just in a different way. Place yourself in his shoes. If this had happen to you what would you want from him if you had to see or hear from him again.

    My advice. Sincerely apologize. Whether he accepts it or not, the point is that you truly feel sorry for what this caused upon for him, and you are working towards resolution. Doing something shows you care. If he is a good person and wise he will grow to respect you for acknowledging your drunken mistake.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 20, 2013 3:35 AM GMT
    Let it go - doing more will only make it worse. Your contact has already been severed so just leave it that way.

    Either way, take note not to confide in that friend again if you want things to remain confidential. Sure you fucked up, but they added to the drama by telling your ex. Forgive yourself and move on.

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    Apr 20, 2013 3:38 AM GMT
    Integrity11 saidTake my advice. WHY? Because this happen to me with a good friend but just in a different way. Place yourself in his shoes. If this had happen to you what would you want from him if you had to see or hear from him again.

    My advice. Sincerely apologize. Whether he accepts it or not, the point is that you truly feel sorry for what this caused upon for him, and you are working towards resolution. Doing something shows you care. If he is a good person and wise he will grow to respect you for acknowledging your drunken mistake.


    +1 This. Well stated.
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    Apr 20, 2013 3:43 AM GMT
    dexterboi1231 saidIve never gotten so much mixed advice ahh


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  • great_scott

    Posts: 519

    Apr 20, 2013 3:52 AM GMT
    Before you do anything, you should at least admit to yourself that you did what you did without putting the blame off on alcohol. Apologizing without accepting full blame will just add insult to injury.
  • Eli_jah

    Posts: 1391

    Apr 20, 2013 3:54 AM GMT
    dexterboi1231 saidLast night I got extremely drunk. Never been like that before. I started crying about my ex to my two friends (who are also his friends). Well, they didn't know he was gay (well, bi) and then one of them told him I told them. I haven't spoken to him in a year since I cut off all contact, but as you can see I'm not 100% over him. I feel terrible for doing this, and I already even typed an apology up but some of my friends are telling me that since we don't even talk, it's better to just leave it alone. One of my friends says she doubts he event wants to hear from me or see me now. So I'm torn..do you guys think I should apologize?



    Yeah, that is Capital F Fucked Up and you should feel bad. But you were wasted and we all did regrettable shit while out of our skulls. So you should apologize.
  • killercliche

    Posts: 948

    Apr 20, 2013 3:58 AM GMT
    BoostToChase said
    Seric said
    I agree with your friend. Usually I would say you should, but, If I were you. no.

    To be honest I don't think you owe him a thing. So what you said the truth. Who cares. He should know better then to try to eat his cake and Ice cream too


    This is the only reasonable advice in this thread. The rest was either too lighthearted icon_razz.gif, or unnecessarily severe icon_question.gif.

    You don't deserve to be made out to be the bad guy. People fuck up. That's a life constant. That said, if drinking sends you downhill, don't drink.

    You don't owe him an apology. Dating comes with risks. Losing your confidence is one of them, even if your disclosure is shitty (and it is). If it wasn't you, it'd be someone else, some other time...



    I actually have to disagree. I think this is the worst advice on the thread, but it depends on the abstracts in life that you prioritize. I, for instance, take great care in being a confidante. I believe that your ex was absolutely owed something from you -- loyalty -- and you betrayed him.

    I think you also realize this. I think that sending a sincere apology and expecting nothing in return is the most honorable course of action. It is what I personally would do and what I would hope someone would do in return if he betrayed my trust in such a way.

    But I stress this is only if your intentions are to acknowledge the wrong in your actions and do the little you can to make it right. If your intentions are somehow laced with getting close to him again... maybe you should leave the situation alone entirely.