settling for hot guys with no personality

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 21, 2013 8:59 AM GMT
    Ever since I broke up with my ex in 2011, I've been a total prude in my search for that perfect guy with good ethics and character.

    A few months ago, a friend of mine told me the story of why he broke up with his ex. When they met, they thought they were perfect for each other. They were together for 7 years... the first 6 years, they were totally in love and sexually compatible (both vers). Eventually both of them only wanted to bottom, and it went downhill from there.

    Hearing that was kinda demoralizing, because it seems like even if I find that perfect guy, things might change overtime, so why bother with LTR criteria for guys...

    Lately, a really hot new friend of mine has been showing interest quite obviously, except I haven't been reciprocating because he seems pretty vapid and queeny. But now I'm thinking "why not just go with it?" until I see someone better. Hell, overtime even he could change for the better. Not sure if that counts as using someone.
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    Apr 21, 2013 9:11 AM GMT
    take a guy for who he is not who you want him to be!
  • KZNindian

    Posts: 46

    Apr 21, 2013 11:42 AM GMT
    lilTanker saidtake a guy for who he is not who you want him to be!


    +1
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    Apr 21, 2013 12:15 PM GMT
    gooddaytoday saidNot sure if that counts as using someone.


    Yes. Regardless of whether it is mutual or not, you're using each other for your short-term needs/pleasure. Of course, that can evolve but ultimately, LTR means commitment. So many gay relationships don't last because people aren't fully committed (choosing to love and be with someone regardless of changes in preferences, through thick and thin, sickness, including betrayals, and working through reconciliations, forgiveness, etc.). We do not live our WORD.
  • LEANDRO_NJ

    Posts: 1114

    Apr 21, 2013 12:51 PM GMT
    My current boyfriend was not my ideal type nor is he the greatest looking guy I've ever dated, neither was he that good in bed in the beginning, BUT he have grown on me each passing day! why? he has character, charismatic, patient, a good heart, loving, honest, humble, genuinely caring, and very much emotionally available!! and since I appreciate those qualities/virtues in a person I make sure he knows that! as a result he have reciprocated and slowly but surely become a much all around better lover! Love is patience my friend, love is patience! give it time!!! good luck.
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    Apr 21, 2013 1:29 PM GMT
    lol what's going on with the gay world?
    It seems like it's either a guy with a great personality but no chemistry/attraction, or a physically attractive guy with a shitty personality.
    Either way I wouldn't string a guy along, having a relationship with someone just until you find someone better I personally would classify as using.

    Instead of doing that, focus your attention to something else like hobbies, career, self discovery etc. Don't be involved with someone just because you can, it is ultimately a waste of your time and his time too if you're heart isn't really in it.
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    Apr 21, 2013 1:33 PM GMT
    NerdMonastery saidlol what's going on with the gay world?
    It seems like it's either a guy with a great personality but no chemistry/attraction, or a physically attractive guy with a shitty personality.
    Either way I wouldn't string a guy along, having a relationship with someone just until you find someone better I personally would classify as using.

    Instead of doing that, focus your attention to something else like hobbies, career, self discovery etc. Don't be involved with someone just because you can, it is ultimately a waste of your time and his time too if you're heart isn't really in it.



    This!
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    Apr 21, 2013 1:34 PM GMT
    This is strange..... I know of many couples who start out both vers and end up being both tops, sometimes bringing a 3rd in, but I've never heard of two vers guys who end up both being bottoms....

    I feel like there is something they might not be telling you.... 6 years and all of a sudden at the SAME time they decide they're both bottoms? Sounds like they knew this a while before but both modified their wants to appease the other, before finally throwing in the towel....

    Anyways, it's a sad ending, but 6 happy years together is still a great testament to their relationships, no one can say they didn't try.

  • E_84

    Posts: 201

    Apr 21, 2013 1:45 PM GMT
    Men, for the most part, are stupid.

    They let their sexual desires control their actions, and are willing to forgo/risk a good thing for something so insensible.

    Your question, "What's the point in looking for that perfect guy?" is quite valid. I ask myself that too.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 21, 2013 1:46 PM GMT
    NerdMonastery saidlol what's going on with the gay world?
    It seems like it's either a guy with a great personality but no chemistry/attraction, or a physically attractive guy with a shitty personality.



    i've been noticing this and its frustrating
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    Apr 21, 2013 1:48 PM GMT
    If you want to be in a successful LTR, you need to remove the words "only", "never" and "always" out of your vocabulary. Especially when it comes to something as basic as fucking.
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    Apr 21, 2013 2:10 PM GMT
    Gays seem to have the "freedom" straights do not. The fact that we have been socially marginalized kind of make our commitment decisions to be based mostly on preference with very little social factor added to these decisions. Straight relationships evolve to be widely accepted: all our friends get involved, our family gets involved, and experiences develop and the bounding becomes more powerful as a result, specially when kids are also part of the equation. Most of the gay couples I know that have been in a LTR and married have the full support of their families and friends. It makes an enormous difference.
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    Apr 21, 2013 2:11 PM GMT
    LEANDRO_NJ saidMy current boyfriend was not my ideal type nor is he the greatest looking guy I've ever dated, neither was he that good in bed in the beginning, BUT he have grown on me each passing day! why? he has character, charismatic, patient, a good heart, loving, honest, humble, genuinely caring, and very much emotionally available!! and since I appreciate those qualities/virtues in a person I make sure he knows that! as a result he have reciprocated and slowly but surely become a much all around better lover! Love is patience my friend, love is patience! give it time!!! good luck.


    That's really beautiful your a lucky guy
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    Apr 21, 2013 2:43 PM GMT
    strapguy saidIf you want to be in a successful LTR, you need to remove the words "only", "never" and "always" out of your vocabulary. Especially when it comes to something as basic as fucking.


    tumblr_mbp10hMp991r3zat8.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 21, 2013 2:44 PM GMT
    This will never stop! The running after perfection and this will never stop. Not a peace for anyone and not a fulfilled life to live!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 21, 2013 5:46 PM GMT
    strapguy saidIf you want to be in a successful LTR, you need to remove the words "only", "never" and "always" out of your vocabulary. Especially when it comes to something as basic as fucking.


    +1

    These are very refreshing thoughts.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 21, 2013 5:49 PM GMT
    All I can say is stop acting so desperate... you won't meet anyone that way
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 21, 2013 7:06 PM GMT
    As you get older, the things you think are important don't seem so much so.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 21, 2013 7:31 PM GMT
    huhwhat saidAs you get older, the things you think are important don't seem so much so.


    So true. It's like a weight gets lifted from your shoulders. You learn that being tolerant of the flaws and differences of others isn't the same thing as "settling".
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    Apr 21, 2013 7:49 PM GMT
    There are no perfect guys out there. I feel like you can only look for so much.

    As the physical appearances concerned, I mean, as long as I think he's cute/attractive. I'll give it a shot. As far as body goes, if he's average and willing to train/go to the gym, then it's all good.

    Personality goes a long way, I dated pretty hot guys with shitty personalities before. Sometimes, it's like they're bipolar. icon_twisted.gif

    In order to get a boyfriend, try to be more genuine with people, try to date and make friends first. You can't really jump into it if both of you aren't into it.


  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 21, 2013 8:31 PM GMT
    Settling...

    ...if you think you're settling, you're not finding a partner who is right for you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 21, 2013 8:35 PM GMT
    E_84 saidMen, for the most part, are stupid.

    They let their sexual desires control their actions, and are willing to forgo/risk a good thing for something so insensible.

    Your question, "What's the point in looking for that perfect guy?" is quite valid. I ask myself that too.
    this
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 21, 2013 8:46 PM GMT
    if you're not interested in him, it's NOT going to work.
  • TroyAthlete

    Posts: 4269

    Apr 21, 2013 8:48 PM GMT
    E_84 saidMen, for the most part, are stupid.

    They let their sexual desires control their actions, and are willing to forgo/risk a good thing for something so insensible.

    Your question, "What's the point in looking for that perfect guy?" is quite valid. I ask myself that too.


    Nail meet head. There is no perfect guy, there's the guy that's imperfect but "perfect" for you if you're willing to work and to compromise.
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    Apr 21, 2013 10:43 PM GMT
    It would be nice if gay men would put down or turn off their goddamn phones once in awhile! I would make a great LTR BF! Guys don't have patience with me. Most men want it all right now. at least in my little sphere of the world. icon_rolleyes.gif