I'm feeling a little all over the place and I need a little advice I'm new here so hopefully this is the place :)

  • quebec90

    Posts: 3

    Apr 21, 2013 9:33 AM GMT
    Hi well I've only just joined the website today hopefully to find some advice on something I really need to get of my chest.

    I recently accepted my feelings towards guys in specific I'm 23 and still a innocent guy I have never had sexual intercourse.

    At a young age I did not know what I wanted I was pretty much going through a really dark time I was 15 and became homeless I ran away from home because I hated my home life, my home life was not so great and I never got a long with my mum or brother and family was too distant away to talk to when I needed help. There was a lot of violence towards me I remember a lot of it was from my mums boyfriends who held the upper hand in the household but it came across equally both from my mum and which ever man she was with at the time.

    I lost contact with my dad 15 years ago I was really young I cannot remember what he even looked like and I never really had a father figer to look up to but I some times blame this for the way I feel now.

    School life was really hard for me to, I was a bullied kid like all other lonely kids at school I guess and I was pretty much introverted and did my own thing in the corner of the classroom, I never had any aspirations to do anything other than the most important thing to me that was music in my life, I write and sing when I have my own space to express .A lot of this was hidden purely because I would have felt ridiculed for what I wanted to do in my life and that many people see it as a dream but to me music is a big reality in my life now I'm 23.

    Now I'm older there's a lot of things that I want to do and experience in my life without beings judged for what I like or do.

    I always use to put an act on across to people that I was straight in fact I'm very much straight edge when it comes down to my personality a lot of people can't see me heading in that direction. I have already opened up to my closest friend he says he's fine with it but he don't like to talk about it much.

    I feel like a stronger person but I have certain feelings for a guy I really like and find attractive, smart and we share the same interests and love the same things in our everyday live's such as my love to go travelling and music he loves that too along with many other things.

    For safe precautions I don't want to sound like I'm stalking this guy but since it's my first time looking for someone to truly love me I did some digging to make sure that he was who he says he was. It all come back positive and I felt warm inside.

    I felt a bit crazy at first because I didn't know whether it was lust I was feeling or because I felt like I wanted to be loved and seek a true friendship and bond with someone who knew clearly how hard I had it and has been so understanding and would give 110% back.

    This is what I'm scared about coming out to a wider audience I don't fear what my mother might think of it because she could not care less about me but I'm concerned what my close friends might think.

    I think to myself that it's a small part of me that wants this feeling it does not change the person I am and what I love nor the way I act I wont change the way I act either, I'm not camp (No offence to people who openly are that way they do) I have upmost respect for every walk of life be it Gay Bi Lesbian or Straight.

    I really want to meet him up so badly my heart feel fluttery and my stomach feels like butterflies it sounds weird but I can't stop thinking of him.

    Recently we had a conversation that sort of worried me bearing in mind I'm new to all of this and one of the things we spoke about was intimacy in a relationship and role's I told him I'd like to think I would be like try both sides out (Top/ Bottom) I've always had a feeling inside of me like we do of wonder what it feels like until I do it I wont know now.

    He told me the same but he was more submissive I asked the question in which he replied he had limited experience in top and found bottom a turn on.

    I'm the type of guy who does not all believe that one thing like sex in a relationship or what ever it may be, be the only thing I love to explore and express my love I like to adventure new things and share my love in many ways.

    How am I going to go on about this If I really like some one I don't wan't to be pushed in what they expect me to do I want him to be open and explore with me and hope for him to work on his limited experiences. But I don't want to push this on him I'm no that type of person it's dreadful to stuff like that.

    But before I even attempt any intimacy I want friendship, loyalty and bounded trust that I won't used which me and make me feel disappointed.

    Has anyone ever been through that situation where you rally like someone
    you feel a little connected spark and you want to meet them.

    I'm taking my time this is the first guy I really feel for and I will speak to him longer until I feel confortable over time we shall eventually meet if this is the case.

    Another issue is not a big one but I live in a city in the UK called Derby he Studies in Manchester it's a good 1hr.30 on the train there and 1hr.20 car on a good day but public transport is my only option at the moment. But I would travel distances for him.

    What should I consider ?

    You're help will be really appreciated.

    Thank you icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 21, 2013 2:20 PM GMT
    Practical advice:

    Read up on safe sex. This is essential advice for anyone that joins the party late: everybody else knows what that's all about, and you are old enough that you are assumed to know. So, know!

    Don't expect too much. You are new to this whole thing, and you want to get rid of all your issues by means of this relationship. That's both economical and cute, but it's highly impractical. Choose your primary reason for this relationship: maybe you want to know how gay sex feels. or maybe you really need someone to talk to, or maybe you need intimacy. Pursue that, and if it doesn't work out in other areas, don't be disappointed.

    Fill out your profile. There may be someone right around the corner on here that is just waiting to meet you. Maybe someone is going to move close and can find you that way. Or maybe you can meet people that think you are the hottest shit and live two million light years away, but you can talk about life and things online. I have friends who always felt unlovable until they created a full profile on a gay site, and suddenly the interest completely overwhelmed them.

    Enjoy. Once you come out, you get a lot of grief from some people, but all in all it's hugely liberating and empowering. Be careful, but have lots of fun!
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Apr 21, 2013 4:45 PM GMT
    stick around for more than a month, post a picture, and then i'll answer
  • MuscleComeBac...

    Posts: 2376

    Apr 22, 2013 8:10 AM GMT
    calibro saidstick around for more than a month, post a picture, and then i'll answer


    ^this
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 22, 2013 8:17 AM GMT
    themachine saidPractical advice:

    Read up on safe sex. This is essential advice for anyone that joins the party late: everybody else knows what that's all about, and you are old enough that you are assumed to know. So, know!

    Don't expect too much. You are new to this whole thing, and you want to get rid of all your issues by means of this relationship. That's both economical and cute, but it's highly impractical. Choose your primary reason for this relationship: maybe you want to know how gay sex feels. or maybe you really need someone to talk to, or maybe you need intimacy. Pursue that, and if it doesn't work out in other areas, don't be disappointed.

    Fill out your profile. There may be someone right around the corner on here that is just waiting to meet you. Maybe someone is going to move close and can find you that way. Or maybe you can meet people that think you are the hottest shit and live two million light years away, but you can talk about life and things online. I have friends who always felt unlovable until they created a full profile on a gay site, and suddenly the interest completely overwhelmed them.

    Enjoy. Once you come out, you get a lot of grief from some people, but all in all it's hugely liberating and empowering. Be careful, but have lots of fun!



    Well said.
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    Apr 22, 2013 8:29 AM GMT
    calibro saidstick around for more than a month, post a picture, and then i'll answer

    LOL, calibro, the welcome queen of RJ icon_biggrin.gif

    He does have a point, though. I'll get to that.

    In the mean time, welcome to RJ, quebec90. Damn, that is one long first post. You've put it all out there for the RJ world to see. Sorry your life has been so fucked up. Shit like that leaves scars on us but hopefully we grow and get stronger and wiser as time goes on.

    Part of the problem is, despite everything you've said, we don't really know you yet. Some people show up, post something like this, then, poof, gone for good, which is why calibro in his inimitable style takes the minimalist approach. You have a lot of questions, serious questions, but answers -- I mean answers that really work in real life -- are harder to come by. You can't get from point A to point Z without passing through other letters along the way.

    So, what themachine said is a good place to start. Educate yourself. Sort of dig through the forums on the subjects that you're trying to figure out. Tell us more about yourself and ask us more questions. True, it is a forum and sometimes what goes on is either just silly or worse, but sometimes something comes through that really helps. You never know.

    As for intimacy, there are lots of different levels to that. I mean it isn't just sex, obviously. I think it is a good idea to just take it slow. Baby steps if need be. Like the whole top/bottom question. Well, you know, one can have a very pleasurable time without butt sex. In fact, some people prefer that. But the point is, you have to test the waters and find out what you like and what you don't. Besides, intimacy (in my book) is making love, not just having sex, and making love is an art. And like all art, it takes practice until you find a way to make it easy. As a musician, you should be able to relate to that concept. You want to make beautiful music with your partner but how can you if you've never played before?

    So, take it easy. Relax. Enjoy. Take your time. Get to know yourself and your guy and see where that goes.

    Play safe, of course. That should go without saying but unfortunately it doesn't.
  • quebec90

    Posts: 3

    Apr 22, 2013 1:18 PM GMT
    Thank you too everybody who has replied to my post I'm glad I've come by this website and I will sure be sure to be willing to get to know a few of you on here in time.

    It has been difficult for me over the years and yes it has left scars but I'm a stronger person now.

    I will take it slowly I really like this person because I know he can fulfil a lot in my life we both love the same things and ideas so its a great things and vibe I'm getting from him.

    Who knows how it will turn out I hope and pray it turns out for the good.

    icon_biggrin.gif
  • CarbGoggles

    Posts: 705

    Apr 22, 2013 1:45 PM GMT
    Hmmm the best thing you can do is delete your acct and reject your feelings for men. Trust me, you'll be much happier icon_wink.gif
  • quebec90

    Posts: 3

    Apr 22, 2013 5:08 PM GMT
    Thank you I appreciate you're reply unfortunately I cannot reject my feelings how can I ? thats the way I am :/ nor will I want to delete my account icon_smile.gif

    But thank you

    icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 22, 2013 5:26 PM GMT
    themachine saidPractical advice:

    Don't expect too much. You are new to this whole thing, and you want to get rid of all your issues by means of this relationship. That's both economical and cute, but it's highly impractical. Choose your primary reason for this relationship: maybe you want to know how gay sex feels. or maybe you really need someone to talk to, or maybe you need intimacy. Pursue that, and if it doesn't work out in other areas, don't be disappointed.


    Yeah, so... Don't expect anything! And don't choose your primary reason for the relationship in any case, if you don't want to be with the person just to be with them, then don't be with them you will make them a favor.

    And good luck.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 22, 2013 5:42 PM GMT
    First of you will get judged so stop and get over it. If you’re not ready to come out it’s ok but don’t lie to people about being straight or have girlfriends that will confuse them. Aww you’re in love, cute. I think it’s a good idea to take things slow at first so I feel you’re doing the right thing. Take care and good luck.icon_smile.gif