Always being the initiator at everything

  • LoveAndPeace

    Posts: 460

    Apr 25, 2013 2:58 AM GMT
    Whenever I go clubbing I always have to walk up to someone and ask to dance or I always have to start text convos or Skype convos..does anyone else hate this?
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Apr 25, 2013 3:56 AM GMT
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    Apr 25, 2013 4:08 AM GMT
    LoveAndPeace saidWhenever I go clubbing I always have to walk up to someone and ask to dance or I always have to start text convos or Skype convos..does anyone else hate this?


    Such is Life.... icon_neutral.gif

    #prettypeopleproblems#
  • He_Man

    Posts: 906

    Apr 25, 2013 4:10 AM GMT

    Yes, I hate this. This is a big problem with many gay guys. They will sit around and wait for everyone else to approach them and then complain about not finding friends, boyfriends or booty calls.

    Hell, you can have two guys that are so into each other, but both being stubborn asses as they are, will refuse to approach the other and just wait and hope that the other will approach them.

    I swear we need a National Geographic show on the mating habits of gay men. I would pay good money to see that!
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    Apr 25, 2013 4:13 AM GMT
    well, i'm shy and nervous so it takes a lot for me to approach someone and if someone approaches me, forget it.
  • LoveAndPeace

    Posts: 460

    Apr 25, 2013 4:20 AM GMT
    He_Man said
    Yes, I hate this. This is a big problem with many gay guys. They will sit around and wait for everyone else to approach them and then complain about not finding friends, boyfriends or booty calls.

    Hell, you can have two guys that are so into each other, but both being stubborn asses as they are, will refuse to approach the other and just wait and hope that the other will approach them.

    I swear we need a National Geographic show on the mating habits of gay men. I would pay good money to see that!
    THANK YOU I agree 1000 percent.
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    Apr 25, 2013 8:19 AM GMT
    If the other person is a normal human being and is as much into you as you are into them, they will find the time and effort to initiate as well.

    Except, if they are really busy at their job, they probably won't have time to initiate texts and such until their day is not so busy anymore.
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    Apr 25, 2013 12:49 PM GMT
    He_Man said
    Hell, you can have two guys that are so into each other, but both being stubborn asses as they are, will refuse to approach the other and just wait and hope that the other will approach them.


    I think part of the problem is when people who may be just shy or introverted or out of practice, or never had practice to begin with, get taken for stubborn asses.

    It is strange to me that introversion is so hard to understand for people who don't have it. Same goes for social anxiety, which is very common. Instead, the people in question are taken to be asses by people who think everything is about them.

    Many gay men never got the socialization in dating behaviors that straight people learn in their teens and early 20s, so I think many gay men just don't even know how to approach someone. Also, since many gay men don't have the socialization to act appropriately with dignity and kindness when they are being approached, those who make the first move often get treated badly, which makes the problem worse.
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    Apr 25, 2013 12:55 PM GMT
    LoveAndPeace saidWhenever I go clubbing I always have to walk up to someone and ask to dance or I always have to start text convos or Skype convos..does anyone else hate this?

    You might as well enjoy it and make the first move. That sort of confidence can be rather sexy. icon_smile.gif If it happens that the tables are turned, then you'll just be amazed and enjoy the interplay all the more!
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    Apr 25, 2013 2:16 PM GMT
    it's a terrible, terrible problem to have icon_redface.gif
  • Splendidus_1

    Posts: 611

    Apr 25, 2013 2:48 PM GMT
    Thank god someone created this thread. I was too afraid of starting it myself (icon_cool.gif)
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    Apr 25, 2013 2:52 PM GMT
    Some of this stuff you just can't take personally.

    I have some friends who are very nice to me. They invite me over. They take me boating. They call if they haven't heard from me in a while. When I visit they insist I stay the night and they try to get me to stay longer.

    But they never visit me. It's just an hour drive. No reason they can't come over for lunch. They say they want to get to my area to hit the malls and see my new place but then they never do.

    I mostly thought it was just quirky but on our last conversation I had this awkward moment where I wanted to invite them up but they always come up with some excuse so I didn't say anything and then I felt uncomfortable. It's natural for me to be inviting. I had the party house growing up and with my first bud we took a lot of friends boating, my parents were always throwing parties and taking people boating, so hosting comes very naturally to me.

    So I called a mutual friend living about an hour from where our friends used to live and ask if they ever visited him, getting the answer I suspected: No. Only one time in many years when his house was on the way to a party they were all going to. Otherwise whenever they got together, my one friend drove out to visit with our friends who won't drive to me.

    And this is how absurd it gets: from the guy who won't visit, I get a phone call one day while he's on the road to some convention. Knowing the roads he'd take, the interchange of one highway to the next placed him about 10 minutes to my house. Did he veer from his course for lunch? No, he called from his car long after he passed that junction.

    It might be a little passive-aggressive but everyone has their issues so you can't take everything personally. Some people are just odd. Enjoy them anyway. Just put yourself out there. Otherwise life's nothing but a room full of wallflowers and nobody gets to dance.
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    Apr 25, 2013 3:20 PM GMT
    Splendidus_1 saidThank god someone created this thread. I was too afraid of starting it myself (icon_cool.gif)

    icon_wink.gif
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    Apr 25, 2013 3:23 PM GMT
    When a thing happens once or twice, it might be someone else.

    When a thing keeps happening over and over again, it's probably you.

    It just means you're an insufferable cunt. :-)

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    Apr 25, 2013 3:48 PM GMT
    Splendidus_1 saidThank god someone created this thread. I was too afraid of starting it myself (icon_cool.gif)


    LMAO.

    No one ever approaches me at a club but I think it's kind of fun to hit on a guy at a club to see their reaction. You can actually make a sport of it . The next day they generally admit that they were to shy to make the first move but that is the definition of a bottom anyway.
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    Apr 25, 2013 3:50 PM GMT
    Ive been spoken to by guys before but I also for me I'll see a guy that's clearly into me he'll stand there and watch me while I'm dancing on the floor staring me down looking infatuated , but never come over and ask me to dance, but the next day find me on facebook and send me messages telling me that im cute and they want to go out with me and the reason why they didnt ask me to dance is because they didnt want to bother me........ Wtf who goes to a club NOT to be bothered
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    Apr 25, 2013 4:10 PM GMT
    Or - you could have the opposite problem. Instead of having to be the initiator of everything, you could be hit on and approached so much in your youth that you actually don't get a chance to develop your skills at crossing a room and approaching other guys. This is what happened to me. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed it all when I was in college - out and about at pubs and places, but I never learned how to make the first move - - - until I got older and the boyish hotness began to fade. Now I'm comfortable either way - - - being approached or doing the approaching.
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    Apr 25, 2013 5:05 PM GMT
    Yes. But at least I'm much more confident...when I'm rejected. icon_razz.gif
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    Apr 25, 2013 5:13 PM GMT
    So annoying ugh
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    Apr 25, 2013 7:13 PM GMT
    Hmm...I just don't approach people. If they want something they just ask. If I need something I will ask. I'm nice to everyone so if some random person comes up to me I'm always welcoming even if I'm not interested. Just not my personal style I guess to go up to people who interest me.
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    Apr 25, 2013 7:16 PM GMT
    Fucking boring when you always got to be the one to get the party started.
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    Apr 25, 2013 7:18 PM GMT
    You don't HAVE to do it.
  • TroyAthlete

    Posts: 4269

    Apr 25, 2013 7:48 PM GMT
    It's cuz they all want to bottom.

    I don't mind taking charge.
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    Apr 25, 2013 8:06 PM GMT
    The ones that approach me are the ones that only want to get into my pants, so I just walk away. Now the good ones are the ones that never speak up! icon_evil.gif
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    Apr 25, 2013 8:09 PM GMT
    Yes I hate this too. I used to go to clubs trying to look cute so guys would talk to me and buy me drinks. Shit I ended talking to a bunch of old queens and getting myself drunk.