Homewrecking...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 27, 2013 7:59 PM GMT
    Met a really hot guy through friends a month ago... he had a great personality and we became friends pretty quick. He flirted very obviously, with lots of light touching whenever we're together, and I reciprocated... until last weekend we met, where his friends mentioned his boyfriend of 5 years. That didn't deter him, nor did his friends say anything to discourage it. It's been awkward, because both my friends and his friends know we're really into each other.

    Since that weekend, I had to fight every urge to reciprocate his advances. The guy is a 9/10 even without the hot body, and I'm only average looking, so guys who look like him aren't exactly easy to come by. My friends even encouraged me to "go for it", despite knowing he has a boyfriend.

    He's been asking me to go for drinks together or chill at my place, while I keep altering these plans into group activities. The other day, he had no place to stay after a drunk night out together with 2 of my friends, and asked to stay at my place, I was caught off-guard and agreed. One frd, who also has an apartment nearby, offered to house the other friend, specifically so that I can get it on with this guy. I awkwardly insisted "he has a boyfriend damnit". The friend challenged me to swap guests to remove temptation - which I should prefer if I was honest about my intentions - so I said "yeah, that's better", but he sensed my reluctance and changed his mind, citing an inconvenience to the other friend, "nah, have fun!". At that point I was 50/50 as to whether to give into temptation. For all I know, it might not be the first time he's cheated on his boyfriend.

    We watched a movie at my place while cuddling, where I kept having to remove his hand as it drifts to certain places lol. Afterwards he tried to make out, but I said "you have a boyfriend!", and banished him to the sofabed. That was painful to do lol. I know I'm sending lots of mixed signals and the answer to my dilemna is obvious, so I'm just venting icon_sad.gif

    Edit:
    The boyfriend lives several hours away due to grad school, but they seem serious, at least enough to both be among the groomsmen at their friend's wedding. I might have also overstated his personality... he's really nice to me, but I find him somewhat vapid. I don't even know how he managed to stay in a relationship for 5 years... they must have amazing chemistry. For me, he is 75% looks.

    Hence even if it isn't going well between him and his bf, I couldn't justify telling him to break up with the bf, for what probably be just a summer fling (unless he matures over time). And if they're in an open relationship, I want nothing to do with it.
  • tckrguys

    Posts: 133

    Apr 27, 2013 9:16 PM GMT
    Be honest with him and tell him you don't want to go any further than friends since he has a boyfriend.
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    Apr 27, 2013 9:22 PM GMT


    Hmmm....if he were to fool around on his BF and then dump him for you, you would then have won a person who fools around on his boyfriends then dumps them. Something tells me you want more than that. icon_wink.gif
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    Apr 27, 2013 9:24 PM GMT
    What?!? He didn't tell you his boyfriend is in an iron lung and has just weeks to live?
  • rudolphe

    Posts: 156

    Apr 27, 2013 10:04 PM GMT
    I admire your willpower OP, if he was as hunky as you say I might not have been able to act likewise. And I would also caution you about going out with him, he just proved to you he has the Propensity to cheat after all :/
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    Apr 27, 2013 10:15 PM GMT
    Props to you dude.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 27, 2013 10:36 PM GMT
    As hard as it may be, you're doing the right thing.

    But you may want to have a serious heart to heart with him to set boundaries for the future.
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    Apr 27, 2013 10:47 PM GMT
    I swear I've used this gif so many times in this site it should be posted in one of the advertisement boxes permanently.

    tumblr_m3od0qqnm31qbb166o1_400.gif
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    Apr 27, 2013 10:52 PM GMT
    meninlove said

    Hmmm....if he were to fool around on his BF and then dump him for you, you would then have won a person who fools around on his boyfriends then dumps them. Something tells me you want more than that. icon_wink.gif
    this
  • Fable

    Posts: 3866

    Apr 27, 2013 11:48 PM GMT
    It's just emotions... Taking me ovvvverrrr
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    Apr 27, 2013 11:51 PM GMT
    blueyedItalian said
    meninlove said

    Hmmm....if he were to fool around on his BF and then dump him for you, you would then have won a person who fools around on his boyfriends then dumps them. Something tells me you want more than that. icon_wink.gif
    this


    Perhaps, but just because someone has 1 drink does not make them an alcoholic or even a drinker at all. Just because someone "cheats" once when you don't know the circumstances of their relationship as an outsider does not make them a cheater. It makes you an uptight judgmental old nettie.
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    Apr 28, 2013 12:02 AM GMT
    bluey2223 said
    blueyedItalian said
    meninlove said

    Hmmm....if he were to fool around on his BF and then dump him for you, you would then have won a person who fools around on his boyfriends then dumps them. Something tells me you want more than that. icon_wink.gif
    this


    Perhaps, but just because someone has 1 drink does not make them an alcoholic or even a drinker at all. Just because someone "cheats" once when you don't know the circumstances of their relationship as an outsider does not make them a cheater. It makes you an uptight judgmental old nettie.


    tumblr_mdyptbML5h1rxl1gv.gif

    if you cheat, you're considered a cheater.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 28, 2013 12:09 AM GMT
    meninlove said

    Hmmm....if he were to fool around on his BF and then dump him for you, you would then have won a person who fools around on his boyfriends then dumps them. Something tells me you want more than that. icon_wink.gif


    tumblr_m85sgp2LOG1qj9z2s.gif

    rDIQpV8.gif

    24799_original.gif
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Apr 28, 2013 12:44 AM GMT
    dude, you need to stay away from him. u are just one drink away from making a very decision. if you are truly a friend than do not put yourself in that situation. i say remove yourself from that situation all together
  • Montague

    Posts: 5205

    Apr 28, 2013 12:47 AM GMT
    Go for it!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 28, 2013 1:03 AM GMT
    Here's how I see it:

    With the legalization of gay marriage, it ain't adultery if he ain't married. Plus, it's adultery anyway to be sleeping together when you're not married.

    Okay...so I'm promoting cheating in gay relationships. NOT! But you know what...if a guy who is involved hits on me and chases me, I'm more okay with that. But I won't be doing the chasing. These days, people be lying left and right. You can meet a guy on Grindr and he can have a BF and never tell you. "My people perish because of lack knowledge" but ignorance sure is bliss baby.

    One guy who has a BF texted me today, "When are you going to come sit on my face again."
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 28, 2013 1:11 AM GMT
    Even if you like the guy there's obviously no trusting relationship there. If he's cheating with you, he'll be cheating later. So unless you're just in it for the sex, caution forward!
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    Apr 28, 2013 1:16 AM GMT
    bluey2223 said
    blueyedItalian said
    meninlove said

    Hmmm....if he were to fool around on his BF and then dump him for you, you would then have won a person who fools around on his boyfriends then dumps them. Something tells me you want more than that. icon_wink.gif
    this


    Perhaps, but just because someone has 1 drink does not make them an alcoholic or even a drinker at all. Just because someone "cheats" once when you don't know the circumstances of their relationship as an outsider does not make them a cheater. It makes you an uptight judgmental old nettie.


    lol, ouch to the insult, bluey. I'm sorry you feel that way. This isn't a single incident, really, but a repetitive effort to come on to the OP.

    Like so:
    "He's been asking me to go for drinks together or chill at my place, while I keep altering these plans into group activities.
    The other day, he had no place to stay after a drunk night out together with 2 of my friends, and asked to stay at my place, I was caught off-guard and agreed. One frd, who also has an apartment nearby, offered to house the other friend, specifically so that I can get it on with this guy. I awkwardly insisted "he has a boyfriend damnit". The friend challenged me to swap guests to remove temptation - which I should prefer if I was honest about my intentions - so I said "yeah, that's better", but he sensed my reluctance and changed his mind, citing an inconvenience to the other friend, "nah, have fun!". At that point I was 50/50 as to whether to give into temptation. For all I know, it might not be the first time he's cheated on his boyfriend."

    ...and as well this:

    "We watched a movie at my place while cuddling, where I kept having to remove his hand as it drifts to certain places lol. Afterwards he tried to make out, but I said "you have a boyfriend!", and banished him to the sofabed. That was painful to do lol."

    With these kinds of repeated advances, I suggest the OP sit him down and tell him if he's serious, to break up with the BF first and take it from there. icon_wink.gif



  • jackooh

    Posts: 109

    Apr 28, 2013 10:22 AM GMT
    why would you like this guy? I just dont understand it, being a cheater is the biggest turn off in the world.
    If it were me, even if he was the hottest thang ever n there was mega chemistry/flirting if i found out he had a boyf I would then be repulsed by him, my face would literally scrunch up in a disgusted manner with half a raised upper lip and a disgruntled grunt at the thought of him.
  • LEANDRO_NJ

    Posts: 1116

    Apr 28, 2013 11:55 AM GMT
    jackooh saidwhy would you like this guy? I just dont understand it, being a cheater is the biggest turn off in the world.
    If it were me, even if he was the hottest thang ever n there was mega chemistry/flirting if i found out he had a boyf I would then be repulsed by him, my face would literally scrunch up in a disgusted manner with half a raised upper lip and a disgruntled grunt at the thought of him.

    ^
    this!
  • LEANDRO_NJ

    Posts: 1116

    Apr 28, 2013 11:59 AM GMT
    meninlove said
    bluey2223 said
    blueyedItalian said
    meninlove said

    Hmmm....if he were to fool around on his BF and then dump him for you, you would then have won a person who fools around on his boyfriends then dumps them. Something tells me you want more than that. icon_wink.gif
    this


    Perhaps, but just because someone has 1 drink does not make them an alcoholic or even a drinker at all. Just because someone "cheats" once when you don't know the circumstances of their relationship as an outsider does not make them a cheater. It makes you an uptight judgmental old nettie.


    lol, ouch to the insult, bluey. I'm sorry you feel that way. This isn't a single incident, really, but a repetitive effort to come on to the OP.

    Like so:
    "He's been asking me to go for drinks together or chill at my place, while I keep altering these plans into group activities.
    The other day, he had no place to stay after a drunk night out together with 2 of my friends, and asked to stay at my place, I was caught off-guard and agreed. One frd, who also has an apartment nearby, offered to house the other friend, specifically so that I can get it on with this guy. I awkwardly insisted "he has a boyfriend damnit". The friend challenged me to swap guests to remove temptation - which I should prefer if I was honest about my intentions - so I said "yeah, that's better", but he sensed my reluctance and changed his mind, citing an inconvenience to the other friend, "nah, have fun!". At that point I was 50/50 as to whether to give into temptation. For all I know, it might not be the first time he's cheated on his boyfriend."

    ...and as well this:

    "We watched a movie at my place while cuddling, where I kept having to remove his hand as it drifts to certain places lol. Afterwards he tried to make out, but I said "you have a boyfriend!", and banished him to the sofabed. That was painful to do lol."

    With these kinds of repeated advances, I suggest the OP sit him down and tell him [b]if he's serious, to break up with the BF first and take it from there. [/b]icon_wink.gif



    You have got to be kidding, right!?
  • wherewillwebe

    Posts: 120

    Apr 28, 2013 12:15 PM GMT
    if they have an open relationship and you don't mind a blow and go, wny not?icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 28, 2013 12:19 PM GMT
    gooddaytoday said
    I know I'm sending lots of mixed signals and the answer to my dilemna is obvious, so I'm just venting icon_sad.gif

    Obvious to ME, but what's obvious to YOU?

    meninlove already stated one problem, that a cheater will cheat again. Would you ever fully trust him if he broke up with his current BF? You say you're only average looking (unless you're being modest), so would you fear every hunk as a rival for your own hunk, especially knowing his history with his BF?

    And until they do break up, what are you gonna be able to do with him? Mostly stay indoors watching movies? Because won't there be a risk of running into the BF if you go around town together? The way you describe this guy and his clingy, hands-on approach the BF would see that you guys aren't just ordinary friends. You probably won't want that awkward scene, but avoiding it would be a lot like living in the closet.

    Sometimes the worst gifts come in the prettiest wrapping paper.
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    Apr 28, 2013 1:26 PM GMT
    Yes! I 100% Agree with meninlove.

    Neither you deserve this guy nor his boyfriend. The actual homewrecker is the one you are attracted to! Beware!

  • coolarmydude

    Posts: 9190

    Apr 28, 2013 1:38 PM GMT
    gooddaytoday said The guy is a 9/10 even without the hot body, and I'm only average looking, so guys who look like him aren't exactly easy to come by.


    I fail to see how a narcissist serial cheater still rates a 9/10, "even without the hot body."