is Sex REALLY that Important when dating???

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 29, 2013 12:22 AM GMT
    Dating men has to be one of the most frustrating things out there. It feels like in the gay community, not offering sex by the 2nd or 3rd date is frowned upon. Most guys I've talked to have cut off all methods of communication with me; no calls, texts, nothing. They've made it clear that I'm too 'traditional' Personally, as a human being, I would love to get to know a person first , have wonderful and meaningful conversations (sounds crazy, I know right) but apparently most gay men don't like this.

    So, what is it with gay men? Afraid of commitment?

    Honestly, at this point I've lost all interest in dating. I'm just tired of this same cycle repeating itself.

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    Apr 29, 2013 12:29 AM GMT
    Jesse_Izales saidDating men has to be one of the most frustrating things out there. It feels like in the gay community, not offering sex by the 2nd or 3rd date is frowned upon. Most guys I've talked to have cut off all methods of communication with me; no calls, texts, nothing. They've made it clear that I'm too 'traditional' Personally, as a human being, I would love to get to know a person first , have wonderful and meaningful conversations (sounds crazy, I know right) but apparently most gay men don't like this.

    So, what is it with gay men? Afraid of commitment?

    Honestly, at this point I've lost all interest in dating. I'm just tired of this same cycle repeating itself.



    Dont give up! There are some like us still out there - too bad Im not 25 yrs younger! Strike one! Strike 2 - Im in NJ! Good luck with patrol...just dont apply to Stockton PD!
  • Apparition

    Posts: 3525

    Apr 29, 2013 2:40 AM GMT
    put it in your online dating profile. shouldnt be a shock then. might even be a plus for some.
  • BryUSC88

    Posts: 198

    Apr 29, 2013 2:45 AM GMT
    Sex isn't the end all, be all that it seems to be when you're a 16 year old virgin. I think it's an important part of a caring relationship, but I'm in NO hurry to jump in bed when I met someone I like. Now that I'm a bit older, I'm much more focused on having a stable relationship. The sex part for me comes later.
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    Apr 29, 2013 3:38 AM GMT
    Most guys seem to equate sex with someone hot as a relationship, as the whole part of a relationship and the rest is just company.

    It also requires effort and dedication to get to know someone on a level that's beyond just a physical. Most people lack the skills they need to do that.

    Don't worry one day your guy will stumble into your life and things will just work.

    Until then enjoy meeting people
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    Apr 29, 2013 6:18 PM GMT
    Nay! Just feel the wavelength. Kiss is a beautiful teaser. If your thoughts are only to look for a relationship, then enjoy the company, know him first and as said Kiss helps. I know its very difficult especially if you are attracted too much to someone, but come around as a person seeking relationship and no sex until the company is too beautiful to take it to the next level. My theory is the moment you meet someone and that you can talk to, the way he treats and respects you is how you end up going for second date, else don't waste your time. Lot of people are for sex and let them be how they are. Relationship seekers are very few and very precious. You may as well go for another date with someone else and who knows he may be the one for you. Somebody may infact be looking for a person like you.

    Best wishes mate!
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    Apr 29, 2013 6:19 PM GMT
    Jesse_Izales said
    So, what is it with gay men? Afraid of commitment?


    Bingo! icon_wink.gif
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    Apr 29, 2013 6:25 PM GMT
    Sex is an important part of a relationship for many. Several people want to have sex first so they can decide if the guy they would see for a second or a third date is worth the time or not.

    Meaningful conversations though very important and may sometimes be the deal maker, but bad sex/lack of physical chemistry is almost always the deal breaker.

    I would rather have somebody play with my body and then reject me rather than play with my emotions and reject me, the two are different things.

    I also wouldnt like to have too many conversations and then have sex and then find out that "no wasnt fun" and then be like "why did I share so many conversations with him and shared my emotions with him when most probably I would hardly see him again". All that talk we would become friends is kind of bs.

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    Apr 29, 2013 9:24 PM GMT
    Jesse_Izales said

    So, what is it with gay men? Afraid of commitment?




    bsi_wwtdd01.gif

  • Apr 29, 2013 9:51 PM GMT
    Jesse_Izales saidThey've made it clear that I'm too 'traditional' Personally, as a human being, I would love to get to know a person first , have wonderful and meaningful conversations (sounds crazy, I know right) but apparently most gay men don't like this.


    I've been in a relationship for 10 years and I can tell you that SEX LIFE is indeed extremely important for MANY guys.

    You can have all the great conversations but if Sex is not there, it may ruin the relationship unless you are okay with open relationship (which I don't think you will be).

    If I am dating again, Sex needs to be the first thing that needs to be compatible. And THEN we talk about other things. It truly sucks being in a sexless relationship when your sexual drive is so high.

    It is easier for not-so-horny guys to take their time to get to know the person... what if after one month, he realizes that you are not sexually compatible?

    And yes, SEX is really that important to many Guys.

    Let's just say I can have a very meaningful/long conversation with a "good friend" but my partner needs to be SEXUALLY COMPATIBLE. If not, let's just stay "friends". That's how I see it.
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    Apr 30, 2013 6:05 AM GMT
    Thanks for the advice guys!
  • JMex3

    Posts: 96

    May 06, 2013 11:46 PM GMT
    I didn't have sex with the guy I'm dating until a month in and we pretty much have been sleeping together every night since the first date; going onto six months now. This has been a first for me and that first time we did was amazing not just pleasure-wise but emotional connection as well. The feelings had gotten pretty strong by then and it's also a plus because our relationship didn't start off based on sex. It's the healthiest, best relationship I've been in, I had some doubts do to age gap (10yrs.) but overcame them. I definitely love the guy and I see him in my future but if it doesn't work out in the end I definitely am learning a lot. And of course after that first time we just have sex all the time but it's 1000x better w meaning behind the action.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 07, 2013 12:25 AM GMT
    Sex is important. I went out with this guy about 4 weeks, had pretty good dates. I slept over and let's just said the sex was disappointing. We connected on other levels, everything except the sex! So I decided to listen to my body and naturally kinda broke it off with him. I view Sex as an intimate act and I don't entertain the idea of 3 some/sharing. I want both the intellectual connections as well as the hot steaming sex. I mean, is it too much to ask? I feel like I settle for 2nd best if it lacks one or the other or both .....
  • ADL14

    Posts: 64

    May 07, 2013 1:32 AM GMT
    Apparently sex IS that important! It also depends on sex drive. I feel like even in a relationship, I wouldn't need to have sex very often so most guys would find that as a turnoff. idk...
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    May 07, 2013 2:14 AM GMT
    Apparition saidput it in your online dating profile. shouldnt be a shock then. might even be a plus for some.


    I second this.

    Communication is key - bring it up early on. You'll probably scare some people away, but it's a good way to weed people out. People serious about relationships, or at least the type of relationship you are looking for, will stick around. The others will not.

    Keep in mind that at your age you will probably get more people looking for fun rather than commitment. But they are out there, just keeping dating and try not to get discouraged by the ones who reject your decision to wait.

    If you're getting frustrated and/or burned out with dating - maybe focus on just meeting people as friends for now. There's less pressure for sex that way and who knows, you could meet someone who is boyfriend material and mutually decide to explore dating.