Can long distance relationships work?

  • LoveAndPeace

    Posts: 460

    Apr 29, 2013 3:11 AM GMT
    Have any of you been in a long distance relationship? And if so did it go to shit?
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    Apr 29, 2013 3:17 AM GMT
    "Long distance never works.
    You're making a mistake cut your losses and say goodbye"

    (unless you work for an airline company and either one has plans to move)


  • LoveAndPeace

    Posts: 460

    Apr 29, 2013 3:19 AM GMT
    FuzzyPecs25 said
    Well th as t song pretty much sums it up.
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    Apr 29, 2013 3:22 AM GMT
    They rarely work.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 29, 2013 3:25 AM GMT
    They can work, but they are very difficult. Whether or not they work out in the long run depends on multiple factors.
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Apr 29, 2013 3:48 AM GMT
    They work when your bank account is in the millions instead of the hundreds
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    Apr 29, 2013 4:39 AM GMT
    Of course they will work!

    Look at the past...many couples lived separately for various reasons and with little communication (like, only few mails per year) and yet they love each other & lived happily when they are reunited.
    Now, the technology is so well developed that people not only talk but can also see the other person when he/she lives the other side of the world. & yet people still think log distance relationship doesn't work.

    When you're really in love, nothing can separate, even the long distance will feel like few feet away when you think about moving on.
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    Apr 29, 2013 12:33 PM GMT
    They work, but have realistic expectations. Sexual monogamy can be discussed but both parties should really be honest about what they feel and want. Lots of communication is key.
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Apr 29, 2013 1:00 PM GMT
    FuzzyPecs25 said"Long distance never works.
    You're making a mistake cut your losses and say goodbye"

    (unless you work for an airline company and either one has plans to move)


    what he said. they work if one of you are planning to move to be with the other person.
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Apr 29, 2013 3:26 PM GMT
    why, did you convince quasimodo to send you his nudes off of growlr?
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Apr 29, 2013 3:43 PM GMT
    They can work but they're tough. I've been in three. One, I got distracted by another guy, another long distance relationship, who then dumped me for someone local. Karma. But then, I met Alex who was also long distance, but only two hours away. After two years when he graduated Grad school, we moved in together. It can work but there has to be some end-point that you two can work towards and look forward to.
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    Apr 29, 2013 6:07 PM GMT
    Pretty much this.. "Once in a while it works, but it's not worth it.."

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    Apr 29, 2013 6:09 PM GMT
    they work for some people
    I think I could make one work - I own a tour company and get 75% off flights on most airlines and can work from anywhere so... I think I am an example of someone that it could work for (as long as he reciprocates the effort).

    Do you ask because you have met someone far away that you want to be with?
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    Apr 29, 2013 6:17 PM GMT
    Destinharbor said But then, I met Alex who was also long distance, but only two hours away. After two years when he graduated Grad school, we moved in together. It can work but there has to be some end-point that you two can work towards and look forward to.


    Well 2 hours is not really long distance. 2 hours can be the gay guy who doesn't happen to live near the city and has no dating options in his area. I'd consider dating someone 2 hours away. Especially if they have a car or live alone. But when you're talking about 200+ miles, it starts getting tricky. I can personally attest to one of my boyfriends from years ago moved 280 miles away. We met one time after that, and then we broke up shortly after. We also got into 2 'fights' while I was there. Typical when you don't see a person for a long time then spend a long time with them.

    The issue with long distance relationshps is even if you guys do meet, you're often forced to spend 2-3 full days together which is too much time if you barely know each other. The best way a long distance works is if there's no commitment on either part when away and you guys are just 'having fun'. There's a guy in Arizona who I see on that level. I'm committed to him if I decide to meet in Arizona, but we don't even talk once I get back home LOL.
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    Apr 29, 2013 6:23 PM GMT
    Harry7785 saidOf course they will work!

    Look at the past...many couples lived separately for various reasons and with little communication (like, only few mails per year) and yet they love each other & lived happily when they are reunited.
    Now, the technology is so well developed.


    What you're saying is double-edged sword though lol.

    Yes technology allows people to communicate more, but it also opens the door to more options. Why would someone want to date someone 500 miles away, when Grindr allows you to meet 20 guys that are 500 feet away? Sure, you may not meet all those 20 guys, but the mere option of having that is enough to not invest much into a long-distance thing.
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    Apr 29, 2013 6:28 PM GMT
    If you can get over the fear that your partner can and may hit on/ hook up with someone without you knowing then it might work.

    Unless its an open relationship XD
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    Apr 29, 2013 6:37 PM GMT
    My one attempt did not, but we both had a lot of growing up to do. In the same situation today, knowing what I've learned since... oh, yeah, I would probably not have gone for him.
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    Apr 29, 2013 6:50 PM GMT
    They can work. But it can be hard not being able to see each other whenever you want to. A very good friend of mine is in a LDR and there are times when she misses not being able to hold him or go out on dates together. She's leaving for Connecticut this summer and will be staying with her BF for a month.

    And to be honest, I wouldn't mind being in a LDR. I think it could work between me and the person I'm with as long as we communicate on a daily basis and 100% trust each other.
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    Apr 29, 2013 7:21 PM GMT
    Mine did not. I was in it to win it. He was not. Just keep in mind that its not for everyone.

    I know of a great example where they met in the navy and couldn't be with each other and dated for 2 years long distance before they got married. (This was back in the day where there was no internet.) They got married and have been together going on 30+ years.

    They work... just have to want it.

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    Apr 29, 2013 8:23 PM GMT
    I've never been in one.

    But I believe anything can work if both people want it enough.

  • Apr 29, 2013 9:55 PM GMT
    LoveAndPeace saidHave any of you been in a long distance relationship? And if so did it go to shit?


    Those that say "yeah, it works!" are the same type of people that would agree that jumping off of a tall building doesn't mean you are going to die for sure. They survived, but is it a "good advice"? Nope.

    Long-distance does not work well. For it work, both of you need to be very mobile. There are so many people in this world, cut the long D and find a local, or move closer both of you.

    Long D may work at FIRST if the eventual goal is to move closer. If there is no such goal, say Good Bye. Save your energy and time.

    My partner and I met during webcam meet and I lived in Vancouver Canada and he lives in Maryland. We talked on the phone for 3 months and then I moved to him. If I did not plan to move or he did not plan to move, I would not waste my time.

    It is such a TORTURE not being able to touch your mate. Why do people do that to themselves long-term?
  • Joeyphx444

    Posts: 2382

    Apr 29, 2013 10:07 PM GMT
    If you've met the person in real life more than 2x than yes, cuz at that point you KNOW each other, not just from chatting or skype.

    Long distance can just mean that you are in the same state but different cities or it could mean 2 different states but still close together. Of course it also can mean on the other side of the country or in another country. I think if you keep in good communication through talking on the phone, texting, skyping then the distance shouldn't hurt as much. Of course, flying 1000 miles is different than driving 100 miles on the weekends, but they do both take up time and $$$-things people seem to lack these days icon_sad.gif
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    Apr 29, 2013 10:28 PM GMT
    The first 6 years of my ongoing relationship were long distance. We saw each other every weekend, talked almost every night, did vacations together.

    Secret to our success: both wanting the same things.
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    Apr 29, 2013 10:35 PM GMT
    I think LDRs can work if they are time-limited. If you start a LDR with someone, there needs to be a point at which one of you needs to move closer to the other, otherwise the commitment fades and eventually the relationship just peters out.
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    Apr 29, 2013 11:35 PM GMT
    Aeois and Brix began a long distance relationship in 1995. It was a long distance situation for the first five years. We're still together today.

    For us, it may have been the thing that made our relationship as strong as it is. There were a lot of phone calls and a lot of emails and most special, a lot of letters. Real letters. We still have them to this day. We'd spend summers together while I was in grad school and spend as much precious time together as we could for the rest of the year.

    So yes, they can work.