Ostracized from the gay scene

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 29, 2013 5:44 AM GMT
    I am done trying to make gay friends.

    I have been stood up, lied to, taken advantage of, called vile names by several of Sacramento's finest over the last few months.

    The last straw being today.

    I met a guy a couple weeks ago on jack'd. I put specifically on my profile that I don't want a date and just looking for new tennis/ running/ workout buddies, since I am still pretty new to the city I live in. The guy has a boyfriend so I figured it was all good.

    We met at a bar last Sunday and talked..seemed to hit it off

    Then a few days ago he texts me saying he wants to meet me for tennis on Sunday (today). I told him I could meet him after I got off work.

    So I go out of my way to the courts and wait for him, I call and text him, I see on my iphone that he has read the text message. No response.

    Then 2 hours after we are supposed to meet he sends a text saying "ugh. I'm sorry."

    I feel like I have been excommunicated from the small, close knit gay community here in Sacramento. They don't want me in. They play with me. I'm fucking so disgusted with gay men right now. Purposefully trying to hurt someone and play with them. Leave them looking like a fool, waiting around while they are off snickering and talking shit about you to their little friends.

    Or should I take it as a right of passage that these little faggots (pardon my language but this really is the best adjective for them) don't want anything to do with me and that I will never step foot into another gay bar or gay social event in this city ever again because of their cuntiness?
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    Apr 29, 2013 5:46 AM GMT
    Do you reall think its one big conspiracy to keep you out of their little gay world or just a few assholes who don't know what kind of guy they're messing with?
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    Apr 29, 2013 5:52 AM GMT
    My point being I'm not going to purposefully try to make gay friends any more, just do what I like to do and hopefully meet gay men through that. The scene is a snake pit. I don't fit in, for better or worse.
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    Apr 29, 2013 5:53 AM GMT
    I'm sorry

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    you know what, come here.

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    Don't let it get to you okay.

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  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 29, 2013 5:54 AM GMT
    timshel saidMy point being I'm not going to purposefully try to make gay friends any more, just do what I like to do and hopefully meet gay men through that. The scene is a snake pit. I don't fit in, for better or worse.


    Well that's good that you aren't going to force it. I'm sure you'll meet other gay men somewhere in the city along the way who also hate the scene.
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    Apr 29, 2013 5:55 AM GMT
    I came for the encouragement, I stayed for the gifs. icon_biggrin.gif <3
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 29, 2013 5:57 AM GMT
    timshel saidI came for the encouragement, I stayed for the gifs. icon_biggrin.gif <3


    Lol are you saying my encouragement wasn't enough?
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    Apr 29, 2013 5:59 AM GMT
    timshel saidI came for the encouragement, I stayed for the gifs. icon_biggrin.gif <3


    No problem

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    Apr 29, 2013 6:01 AM GMT
    I honestly doubt it's a big conspiracy against you. Like you said, just go about your daily life and let them come to you. I find that finding any good friends is hard, but when they initiate, they are usually serious about starting a relationship of any sort.

    Then again, I've never had to deal with the gay community. icon_neutral.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 29, 2013 6:05 AM GMT
    NOT A CONSPIRACY

    Jesus this is how gay gossip gets started, I said nothing about being a conspiracy. I eluded to it being a pattern and that I don't fit in, and they have been pretty nasty, flaky, and fake.
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    Apr 29, 2013 6:06 AM GMT
    timshel saidNOT A CONSPIRACY

    Jesus this is how gay gossip gets started, I said nothing about being a conspiracy. I eluded to it being a pattern and that I don't fit in, and they have been pretty nasty, flaky, and fake.


    Okay I get your point.

    Maybe those particular people you met were just bitches though.
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    Apr 29, 2013 6:12 AM GMT
    I am being a little melodramatic, but I just wanted to vent to people that may have had similar things happen to them. It really made me feel like a fool! This shit happens in high school and maybe college, but 30s?? Wtf!
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    Apr 29, 2013 6:13 AM GMT
    timshel saidI am being a little melodramatic, but I just wanted to vent to people that may have had similar things happen to them. It really made me feel like a fool! This shit happens in high school and maybe college, but 30s?? Wtf!


    It's happened to me before. Some gay men are so used to being flakey in their romantic lives if you can call what they do romance it carries over into other facets of their lives.
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    Apr 29, 2013 6:31 AM GMT
    timshel saidNOT A CONSPIRACY

    Jesus this is how gay gossip gets started, I said nothing about being a conspiracy. I eluded to it being a pattern and that I don't fit in, and they have been pretty nasty, flaky, and fake.


    "I feel like I have been excommunicated from the small, close knit gay community here in Sacramento. They don't want me in. They play with me. I'm fucking so disgusted with gay men right now."

    Conspiracy: A joining or acting together, as if by sinister design.

    The use of "they" makes it seem like they were acting as a group, or that they knew each other. Then again that may be just my interpretation.

    Sorry dude, but they go together pretty well. Even if you didn't mean for them to.

    timshel said
    I am being a little melodramatic, but I just wanted to vent to people that may have had similar things happen to them. It really made me feel like a fool! This shit happens in high school and maybe college, but 30s?? Wtf!



    Vent all you want. It is unacceptable behavior. It shouldn't happen even in college, but I've encountered my fair share of flakes. Just know that you are the better man for trying.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 29, 2013 6:32 AM GMT
    Was never like this when I lived in SF. SF is an awesome place to meet gay men. I think it's a small town clique type thing.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 29, 2013 6:41 AM GMT
    timshel said
    I met a guy a couple weeks ago on jack'd. I put specifically on my profile that I don't want a date and just looking for new tennis/ running/ workout buddies, since I am still pretty new to the city I live in. The guy has a boyfriend so I figured it was all good.

    We met at a bar last Sunday and talked..seemed to hit it off

    Then a few days ago he texts me saying he wants to meet me for tennis on Sunday (today). I told him I could meet him after I got off work.

    So I go out of my way to the courts and wait for him, I call and text him, I see on my iphone that he has read the text message. No response.

    Then 2 hours after we are supposed to meet he sends a text saying "ugh. I'm sorry."


    1. If the guy bailed out on your on Sunday for hanging out with his boyfriend, I will say it would be acceptable and understandable.

    2. A guy with a boyfriend cruising J'd for sports buddies, but meeting guys in a bar instead of sports venues sounds too good to be true.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 29, 2013 6:44 AM GMT
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  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 29, 2013 6:46 AM GMT
    McQueen saidtumblr_lny8ygyays1qjssc0o1_500.jpg


    Wow original, shouldn't you be queenscaping your double wide vagina?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 29, 2013 6:49 AM GMT
    zukunft said
    timshel said
    I met a guy a couple weeks ago on jack'd. I put specifically on my profile that I don't want a date and just looking for new tennis/ running/ workout buddies, since I am still pretty new to the city I live in. The guy has a boyfriend so I figured it was all good.

    We met at a bar last Sunday and talked..seemed to hit it off

    Then a few days ago he texts me saying he wants to meet me for tennis on Sunday (today). I told him I could meet him after I got off work.

    So I go out of my way to the courts and wait for him, I call and text him, I see on my iphone that he has read the text message. No response.

    Then 2 hours after we are supposed to meet he sends a text saying "ugh. I'm sorry."


    2. A guy with a boyfriend cruising J'd for sports buddies, but meeting guys in a bar instead of sports venues sounds too good to be true.


    Hence why we were supposed to meet on the tennis court.

    >1. If the guy bailed out on your on Sunday for hanging out with his boyfriend, I will say it would be acceptable and understandable

    So you think it is understandable to stand someone up and not text them to let them know you can't make it?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 29, 2013 6:52 AM GMT
    timshel saidWow original, shouldn't you be queenscaping your double wide vagina?
    u kno a flaweless icon like me dont need to scape nothin cuz im perfect
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Apr 29, 2013 6:53 AM GMT
    I'm sorry that happened to you. Those guys sound like jerks but yeah, just do what you want and I'm sure you'll meet guys along the way. I think one of the good things you have is that you genuinely want to hang out with people and do activities and probably get to know someone so I say, don't change yourself. You'll see, you'll meet some people. icon_smile.gif

  • RunnerMD

    Posts: 157

    Apr 29, 2013 11:53 AM GMT
    I've been in a similar boat. I would be using tools like that for just meeting up with people socially or for non-sexual stuff and I would get the exact same response in DC area. I've had to cancel plans I've made myself. I don't begrudge people that. I even give allowances to people who cancel last minute, as I've done. However when it is a pattern, and it is with many a gay guy out there, then it is incredibly disrespectful or annoying. You feel like you are being BBD'd at best or at worst just being flat up lied to.

    My favorite was the time I intentionally detoured to hang out with a friend whose city I was driving by so we could do lunch. Everything sounded good the day before but the day of I get there and I wasn't getting any responses on phone or texts, nor any responses for hours afterward. Supposedly one of his friends had a last minute emergency and where he was had poor cell phone reception. OK, I get it. The next time we made plans the exact same silence happened, although it stretched on for days. I just gave up making plans with the dude.

    I would say keep on trying and try other venues besides Jack'd. Jack'd, from my limited experience should have been named Suck'd. I find the guys on Scruff to be more down to earth, well at least they were a couple years ago. This site has had some good connection points as well, but I haven't had the opportunity to meet people here that I've never met before.

    Lastly, if it's any consolation, I've heard similar stories from straight friends so I think it's a case of "people suck" versus something intrinsic to gay people.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 29, 2013 12:06 PM GMT
    faggot is not the best adjective to describe them. also what McQueen said
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Apr 29, 2013 12:45 PM GMT
    wow, i am sorry to hear that you are having a hard time making gay friends. i guess my question to you is why do they have to be gay? why can't you make friends with straight people? i have very few gay friends. i probably have a handful of gay friends. i feel like most times if gay guys can't sleep with you or want to sleep with you then they have no interest in you. its nice to know that its pretty much the same everywhere.
  • owen19832006

    Posts: 1035

    Apr 29, 2013 12:49 PM GMT
    sorry to hear that buddy!!
    come to glasgow! i'll be your new best friend, we'll play tennis, go swimming and to the gym!!! (says the guy with hardly any gay friends!)
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    hope things change for the better for you x