DILEMA....Should I initiate or hold back?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 30, 2013 11:43 AM GMT
    icon_sad.gif Hi All,

    Please help me get some insight into this guy.

    This guy has been giving me strong eye contact for the past 18 months. We are doing the same majors in college.
    We have only spoken once during this period, when he asked me if there was a class, and I answered no. And during this 18 months he has been doing things like:
    1. Staring at me. When I am not looking. When catch him he looks away. But sometimes he doesnt look away, he just looks at me straight in the eye with a serious, angry look which makes me look away from him
    2. He will walk past me, but being careful to not bump into me.
    3. At times he does treat me like I do not exist. And ignores me.
    4. I have also heard him pay me compliments when he is with his friends. His friends just LOL.
    5. He is always early for class. And When I walk into class,he stares at me and he starts to figit alot and stuff. And when my friends tease me he laughs and smiles.
    6. Last year, he did try to approach me, when I was sitting all by myself. He looked like he wanted to say something. Then my friend showed up, and she just ruined it. He hasnt tried again till today.
    7.Last week Wednesday in class, I realised something. I sit right in front, in the first row in class. He sits in row 4, which is more elivated. I caught my own reflection from a reflective material that is placed just behind my professors lecture podium. I then realised that hes had full access view of me for the passed 18 months! So the next day, when I walked into class, I saw him. He was gazing at me as usual. He talking to his friend at same time. I followed his eyes, and he expected me to sit where I usually sit.
    BUT, I sat away from the reflective material. And futher away from him.
    I didnt expect this reaction- HE WAS PISSED!!! He began talking louder to his friend( sort of agressively). The prof. walked in and began the lecture. He kept glacing at me alot throughout it. But the look in his eye....His gaze was glittery and there was also a look of hurt/dissapointment.
    8. I have come to realise that he must be very shy. I also have the hots for this guy, but I dont know if he genuinely wants me and is interested and wants a relationship with me. And he is very straight acting and I am not sure if he is gay.... Does he like me?
    icon_question.gificon_question.gificon_question.gif
  • chadwick1985

    Posts: 391

    Apr 30, 2013 12:16 PM GMT
    Start casual conversation, see if anything comes up. I wouldn't immediately ask if he wants to go out but start talking and see what happens.

    Sometimes people miss their chance with someone who could end up being their life partner because neither seized the chance. However I never recommend flat out hitting on them until you know where they are coming from as this could have negative results and even if he is gay it may startle him and become a set back as opposed to a step forward.
  • helloandgoodb...

    Posts: 620

    Apr 30, 2013 12:21 PM GMT
    you always regret NOT making a move. If you make a move and nothing comes of it, you can move on. but start with something like a question about homework or something non threatening and see how it goes. physical attraction is not always an indication of compatibility
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 30, 2013 2:22 PM GMT
    Sometimes we see things that arent really there. Like if you like someone, you end up reading into EVERYTHING...hoping they are signs that this person likes you back. I am speaking from experience here.

    You need to find a way to confirm that he's 1) gay and 2) into you, probably in that order. If you're not worried about outing yourself, then ask his friends or someone else in class if they know anything about him. If that fails, a Private Eye could work icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 30, 2013 2:37 PM GMT
    Thank you guysicon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 30, 2013 8:41 PM GMT
    Come in a bit late and sit next to him next time, and ask if he has a pen you could borrow.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 01, 2013 3:46 AM GMT
    Ohno saidCome in a bit late and sit next to him next time, and ask if he has a pen you could borrow.


    Thats a good idea, I know I should not presume anything, but all these Ive mentioned have really happened. Could he really like me?
  • jackooh

    Posts: 109

    May 01, 2013 10:44 AM GMT
    i have a girl at work, i dont fancy her n am not particularly good friends with her (though shes a nice enough person) n our eyes ALWAYS manage to interlock n stare at each other,
    n i'm pretty sure she doesnt fancy me either
    i think sometimes people just have these mysterious connections sometimes lol, could be different with yours though! never know icon_smile.gif
    get to know him! its been 18 months just go sit next to him one day why not!

    you could try asking him about a previous assignment or tell him your friend you usually sit next to is pissin you off as potential conversation starters ;D
  • whytehot

    Posts: 1165

    May 03, 2013 12:38 AM GMT
    18 months is a long time to be silently creeping each other out.
  • deep388

    Posts: 859

    May 03, 2013 12:45 AM GMT
    Agree with the statement above. 18 months is long long time! You need to initiate something, you never know where it could lead you to.
  • Skulldisco

    Posts: 30

    May 03, 2013 12:36 PM GMT
    I think only you can answer that question! And you are the only person that can do something about it.

    First of all a shy guy that you don't know he is gay is or not, is not going to jump into a relationship. That happens in movies not in real life :p.
    But what I would do is sit down next to him. And ask questions about the lessons or ask for a pen. You know pratical things. See how he reacts. And if he acts normal just tease him a little. Guys like that :p
    But you also have to give him also a smile or something else. So he knows that you like him. Mabye he doesn't know that about you liking him. Ever thought about that? Maybe he was pissed because you ignored him. And playing hard to get in that way will get you nowhere. You have to give him somthing.

    But what do you mean by strong eye contact?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 03, 2013 12:53 PM GMT
    BillyD_964 said he just looks at me straight in the eye with a serious, angry look which makes me look away from him


    For what it's worth, I have been told that I look pissed off when it's the furthest thing from the truth.

    I would act like you have not noticed any of these things and talk to him as you would any classmate. If he sees that you don't bite the heads off live animals (you don't... do you ??? icon_eek.gif ) maybe he'll come out of his shell.

    You're running out of time, bro; semester's almost over. Time to shit or get off the pot.
  • Aodhan

    Posts: 3828

    May 03, 2013 12:58 PM GMT
    Jump on him!

    Na serious just talk to him, you'll never know unless you try
  • Linus3

    Posts: 4

    May 03, 2013 2:19 PM GMT
    I agree with everybody else. If he is interested in you, he is probably sitting back, waiting on an opportunity. Create that opportunity (in a way where you're not "putting yourself out there"). Sit next to him. If he is straight, your subtle gestures will go unnoticed. Straight dudes are oblivious to this shit. If he is not into you, it'll be a cold exchange. If he IS into you, he will recognize your gesture (in sitting right next to him) and reciprocate somehow. If he doesn't, you've done all you can, and he is either not interested, not gay, or shy to the point of no return.

    I also agree though that 18 months is a LONG TIME! Man, you guys need to figure that shit out. lol. Although I am not the best at all when it comes to confidently engaging closeted/questionably gay dudes, 18 months is enough time to where you should be able to "bump into him" in the hallway and even initiate random conversation ala "What's up, man? You're in my Chemistry class, right? I'm BillyD."... and then have some small talk cued up after that.

    Figure out a not-so-obvious way/situation to initiate small talk with him. If he is interested, he will help the conversation along. If he is not interested, the conversation will fall flat, and then no harm, no foul.