Dealing With A Confusing "Open" Relationship

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 22, 2008 1:57 AM GMT
    I'm in my senior year in highschool and I got invovled with my first "boyfriend". A week before school started this guy i liked started talking to me more and more. Eventually he began joking around and saying "I love you". Then a few days before school started he invited my friend and I to his house, well my friend had to go home. We went upstairs after saying goodbye and he laid on the couch and I asked "Where am I supposed to sit?" and he replied by telling me to just lay with him. I laid there and after a few minutes i looked at him and he was smiling and then he kissed me. For the next few days I went over there and we made out. On the first day of school I saw him and went to say hi and he acted as if nothing happened, and this continued for the next few days. I was worried that I did something wrong so I had one of my friends talk to him and they told me he said he liked me a lot but that he was trying not to make it obvious that we were invovled. After that I would go to his house on the weekends and we would hang out there and whenever I was at his house I would feel that he cared about me. Well then one time his friend came over and he told me that was his ex. The next day he told me that he never wanted to break up with him but felt he had to since he moved far away and he said that I was a rebound. A few weeks went by where he never talked to me and then one day he invited back to his house and kissed me again and said he loved me. This is where I'm all confused, does this mean he really feels this way or just wants me to be his rebound again.
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    Oct 22, 2008 2:05 AM GMT
    Your profile says you're 18, so I'll offer a reply. I don't discuss these isssues with anyone under 18.

    Sounds like your friend suffers from a simple case of immature behavior. We could probably analyze this till dawn, about his ex, fears about being too out at school, and so on.

    But in the end, I think he just needs to grow up some more. I wouldn't invest too much of your emotional capital in him right now, cause you'll end up with your heart bankrupt (forgive the topical economic analogy).

    Stay friends, have what fun you can, but don't expect too much out of this guy right now, so you don't get hurt.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 22, 2008 2:58 AM GMT
    Red said it all.
  • bigtallguy

    Posts: 243

    Oct 22, 2008 3:25 AM GMT
    just kissing?

    If you're not having sex it's not a relationship
  • jc_online

    Posts: 487

    Oct 22, 2008 3:25 AM GMT
    You're in Walnut Creek. Isn't that near San Francisco? It might be helpful for you to contact the local lgbt center and discuss your feelings and your friend's behavior with a counselor there.

    I'm not a counselor, but I can tell you that your feelings of confusion are normal and seem to be justified. Talking to a professional will help you understand your frined's behavior and your feelings about the whole situation. Best of luck bud, it'll turn out OK. Get some support from someone who knows exactly how to help.

    www.sfcenter.org

    1800 Market St
    San Francisco, CA 94102
    (415) 865-5555
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 22, 2008 5:54 AM GMT
    good advice from red vespa an jconline.
    follow thru and get yourself the help you need...be good to yourself and don't beat up on yourself too much...your just starting out and theres a lot of life to live.....without this guy...OK. Good luck.
  • EricLA

    Posts: 3461

    Oct 22, 2008 6:01 AM GMT
    Yup, agree with the above. The guy doesn't know what he wants. And whether he's intending or not he's messing with your head and your heart. He's the kind of guy you run from. Yes, friendships are fine, but I know if I was in your position I'd likely get sucked into more and get my heart broken. It's not worth it dude, trust me.
  • swimbikerun

    Posts: 2835

    Oct 22, 2008 6:29 AM GMT
    At 18 you'll learn the most by simply having sex with him. Ah youth, wasted on the young!
  • pcsean28

    Posts: 161

    Oct 22, 2008 7:32 AM GMT
    When I see that people are able to come out at a younger and younger age I'm usually kinda jealous. But this sounds miserable! Being closeted (even to myself) sounds a lot better than this shit!
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    Oct 22, 2008 7:35 AM GMT
    lol, sean I am trying to imagine you closeted, for some reason all I think of is you at rehearsal O_o
  • pcsean28

    Posts: 161

    Oct 22, 2008 7:36 AM GMT
    Haha you mean I'm closeted at rehearsal?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 22, 2008 7:37 AM GMT
    no I wonder how anyone couldn't tell! icon_razz.gif jk <3
  • pcsean28

    Posts: 161

    Oct 22, 2008 7:39 AM GMT
    Haha okay crazy. Cya soon.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 22, 2008 10:41 AM GMT
    I couldn't just walk away from this myself, there would be too many What If?'s.

    So talk to him. He himself told you that you were his rebound? Ask him what he sees as a future, if this is a serious relationship or just attention to tide you both over until something deeper comes along. I have friends that make out or cuddle or just talk about each other's lives and we both know there is no deep attraction (yet?) but it's kinda like a symbiotic relationship. icon_razz.gif

    So open up to him, have this conversation with him, nothing happens if you dwell on it and unless you are ok with this worry even the negative impact will benefit you, though it may not feel like it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 22, 2008 11:23 AM GMT
    silly kids trix are for rabbitsicon_rolleyes.gif
  • Aquanerd

    Posts: 845

    Oct 22, 2008 12:44 PM GMT
    bigtallguy said just kissing?

    If you're not having sex it's not a relationship


    If your serious, I'm sorry.

    While not as intimate as it can get, any interaction between to people, especially at that age, where kissing and one or both parties saying, "I love you," can constitute a relationship, a relationship for the Alpo set but still something that can seem deep and real, and can result in the same thrills and pains that a more mature/intimate relationship may have or you. Lucky, it appears that at is young age Tetsuo1 realizes this, since he used quotation marks when he wrote.

    Tetsuo1,
    As confused as you are, remember that he is probably just as confused. Maybe for different reasons, but just as real. You to have different ways of dealing with the feeling you have. You are not going to change someone, the earlier you understand that the better for you. If he is not ready to have a"relationship" at the same level as you, then move on. Friendship can be as powerful and fulfilling in the long-term. But you, and only you, can determine if you want to deal with his confusion, and let this relationship develop or end.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 22, 2008 1:03 PM GMT
    He is being a huge dick. If you like the guy, be there as a friend to help him sort out his painful fucking drama but don't you dare kiss the mother fucker until he gets his shit straight.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 23, 2008 2:26 AM GMT
    All of your responses are so helpfull.
    My best friends are telling me to just move on and that its not worth it.
    Next time we're together I'll try my hardest to talk about where we stand, I just keep thinking to myself that he might end up hating me for it. But your right, I do need to talk to him. I don't want to let go but if he's not going to take for the best this thing seriously then I need to.