i am dating quite possibly the dumbest cheater ever...

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    Oct 22, 2008 3:08 AM GMT
    hey guys, i am in need of some advice. the other night, my guy went upstairs to go to bed early. downstairs i heard his text ringer go off about 7 times. that nite i was in the bathroom(the idiot didn't even keep it by his bed, or delete his messages) and read it. he was leaving for a business trip the next day, so he wouldn't be able to hook up with this guy till he came back from the trip.so i played it cool, and figured i would do some detective work. i knew the search terms he used when looking for hookups, and i just included all them in 1 ad, with an unbelievable picture(yes im crazy).i posted a craigslist ad in the town he went to.

    well, not much to my suprise, i get an email in from his pda. well right now i have it to where he thinks he is hooking up tomorrow with this imaginary dude. what would you guys do besides dumping him when he returns. should i see if he will follow through with it? i feel like teaching him a lesson (besides breaking bmw windshield)
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    Oct 22, 2008 3:22 AM GMT
    First, did you both agree to have a monogamous relationship? Second, are you innocent yourself? ("He who is without sin...")

    I have some ethical uneasiness about your going into his text messages. But I require total monogamy in my own relationships, so in my case I would dump him, when convenient for me to do so. And I wouldn't necessarily give him a heads-up, but play my cards close to my chest to my best advantage.

    Your other option is to present him with your evidence, see if he's defiant, or remorseful, promises never to cheat again, or whatever. And then make your decision.

    One last thing, taken from another thread here. Many men become HIV+ or contract other STDs while cheating on their partners/BFs. Watch out for yourself.
  • pcsean28

    Posts: 161

    Oct 22, 2008 7:50 AM GMT
    Please update us! Sounds exciting!
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    Oct 22, 2008 8:01 AM GMT
    just dont hurt the bmw . . if you wanna piss him off tell him it was stolen and give it to me ill take it to mexico they'll do anything for 20 bucks ill get the plates changed lol
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    Oct 22, 2008 8:59 AM GMT
    Similar plot to the song "Escape (The Pina Colada Song)" by Rupert Holmes. By the sounds of it monogamy was the expectation. Talk to him about it, but the way you went about proving it may cause some issues.

  • Oct 22, 2008 9:37 AM GMT
    Dont stoop to his level! Have you ever considered that he is isnt really dumb and that he is just setting it up for you to find out he is cheating? He's leaving you some really easy clues to find! All you have to do now that you know what you know is ask him "Are you cheating on me" ? Plain and simple and if he says no well than you need to seriously question what else he has lied to you about cause sounds to me you dont need him to validate the truth cause you arleady know ... but before you get all Carrie Underwood "Think before he cheats" video on him consider is it worth playing his game. Hes already shown you disrespect ,show yourself some by being the bigger and better person!! icon_cool.gif Let us know how it goes!
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    Oct 22, 2008 9:46 AM GMT
    Don't use anger. I'm all for second chances, but if you straight up ask him he will know you know and confess. If he doesn't, he's even more of an idiot. It seems you're already committed to ending the relationship, if that's the case do it without anger so you can look back on this without regret.
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    Oct 22, 2008 10:53 AM GMT
    I'd just tell him he's busted when he gets back and punt him to the curb. Playing games is just gonna make things tough. It's not as satisfying initially, but long term you get to say you were the grown up.

    I have an ex that would pull that crap, according to him, because he wanted me to snoop and get jealous, 'to show you care' or some infantile BS. Don't waste any more time.
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    Oct 22, 2008 11:14 AM GMT
    Chaos444 saidjust dont hurt the bmw . . if you wanna piss him off tell him it was stolen and give it to me ill take it to mexico they'll do anything for 20 bucks ill get the plates changed lol


    Hey I'm mexican icon_evil.gif ... So send me the bmw icon_twisted.gif

    I would say dump the mother f* and make him realize what he lost and that he's never getting it back.
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    Oct 22, 2008 11:39 AM GMT
    Dump him and move on.
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    Oct 22, 2008 1:03 PM GMT
    Why are you going through all this trouble? Unless you are enjoying the drama and if you are that is another post.

    You have the proof if you chose to stay then it is what it is and you learn to live with it. If you find that you can't be with him because he cheats and apparently he's the worse cheater on the face of the gay planet. He did not covering his tracks very huh?
    Get out and find you someone who will not cheat.

    Has it ever crossed your mind that he wanted to get caught? That he is using this as an out, so you''ll break up with him, because he hasn't got the nerve to end the relationship? I'm just sayin.

    Good luck to you. I would not stoop to his level, if you don't believe in cheating then don't do it. icon_biggrin.gif
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Oct 22, 2008 1:04 PM GMT
    Be the adult - kick him out and move on with your life.
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    Oct 22, 2008 1:08 PM GMT
    Be and adult - pee on all his cloths and then kick him out.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Oct 22, 2008 1:11 PM GMT
    Be an adult - eat a lot of asparagus, then pee on his clothes, then kick him out.
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    Oct 22, 2008 1:16 PM GMT
    Don't hurt the BMW. It's an innocent party in this.

    Not that I'm suggesting this, but... I'd be tempted to arrange for him to meet the most butt fugly fat man I could find on Craigslist.
  • Silent_Angel

    Posts: 63

    Oct 22, 2008 1:24 PM GMT
    ok well granted thid dude is a scum bag...so this is what you do....wait silently till he comes hom and ask him "did you have fun or did you get stood up?" and he will say "huh" the tell him that you knoe ...then simple...go tisha on him.(tisha=black girl crazy)
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    Oct 22, 2008 1:27 PM GMT
    txdude saidhey guys, i am in need of some advice. the other night, my guy went upstairs to go to bed early. downstairs i heard his text ringer go off about 7 times. that nite i was in the bathroom(the idiot didn't even keep it by his bed, or delete his messages) and read it. he was leaving for a business trip the next day, so he wouldn't be able to hook up with this guy till he came back from the trip.so i played it cool, and figured i would do some detective work. i knew the search terms he used when looking for hookups, and i just included all them in 1 ad, with an unbelievable picture(yes im crazy).i posted a craigslist ad in the town he went to.

    well, not much to my suprise, i get an email in from his pda. well right now i have it to where he thinks he is hooking up tomorrow with this imaginary dude. what would you guys do besides dumping him when he returns. should i see if he will follow through with it? i feel like teaching him a lesson (besides breaking bmw windshield)

    Oooooo....you did good! ...Great work seeting up the ruse. ...Finally a thread that isnt just whining, but gots good, solid evidence. ...I want to hear all about the confrontation and his swarmy attempt to extricate himself.

    RuBY! ...We need popcorn!
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    Oct 22, 2008 1:33 PM GMT
    well referring to "my guy" as an "idiot". I hope he had a better time than he's clearing having with you around. touch his BMW and it'll be you putting out at the local jail.

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    Oct 22, 2008 1:45 PM GMT
    Don't hurt the car, he'll need it to put his shit in and leave.
    However, you say he's dumb, being the constant thinker that I am, I gotta wonder, is he really?
    I think a man who is this blatant and seems this gullable might just be smart and spinning things just how he wants to spin them.
    The way he set things up just so you could bust him tells me one or two things: either he wants to get dumped or he has very little respect for you and thinks he can be blatant, but you'll still stay and you won't confront him.

    ....the bastard, dumping him immediately would be too kind, I say stretch it out painfully long: subject him to weeks of mood swings, irritability, no sex and unprovoked fits of rage. Show him what it's like to have the boyfriend from hell, but don't clue him in until you can tell his nerves are good and fatigued and then dump him in regards to something totally irrelevant. Like tell him,"hey babe, I've been irritable the past several months because at first I was ok with your small penis and bad breath, but now I'm totally done."

    Let him drive away wondering if you're just a crazy bitch or just smarter than he is.
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    Oct 22, 2008 2:06 PM GMT
    Nah dont break up until after Xmas and your birthday so you can get gifts then dump him. Haha.icon_biggrin.gif
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    Oct 22, 2008 2:17 PM GMT
    I'm with Red-- I don't think you were justified in going into his text messages to see what you could find. Trust works both ways and I think your boyfriend, however much of a shit you may feel he is, has a reasonable expectation of privacy.

    But, now you've found what you have and to a certain extent, discussions of privacy are largely academic and perhaps best saved for the next relationship.

    So, first I think you ought to confront him and give him a chance to explain himself. Be prepared to apologize for violating his privacy; you did, you should face up to it, and what you found does not justify the way you found it.

    Then, supposing that his explanation doesn't cut it, and it probably won't, dump him. If you agreed to be monogamous and what he's doing is a dealbreaker, then leave him; if you didn't, then you'll need to seriously rethink what you want in this and future relationships-- and to make sure you and your guy are on the same page about that.

    You owe it to yourself to maintain some standards about the men you date and the way they treat you. Don't break anything of his, that's childish behaviour that doesn't make you anymore right and him anymore wrong. Just ask him to leave and mean it when you say it.
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    Oct 22, 2008 2:32 PM GMT
    How do you read someone's text messages on their phone without them knowing. Mine always show as unread until I open them? And why would you go through his phone in the first place? That would infuriate me to no end. And how do you know what his search terms are for hookups? And how long have you been together or been living together (which appears to be the case)? Did you agree to be monogamous and are you free from sin yourself?

    All that said - I go with what others have said on here and that is ... that you already know the truth so there really is no reason to continue this ruse or to even confront him about what is undeniable. I'd just dump him and move on. However, if you want to at least see if he will respond truthfully versus deny it - then come up with some means to ask him if or when he has last cheated with you or more so - planned to cheat or communicated that possibility with another person to that other person. There's no need to even tell him about you reading his messages or setting up that ad - because there's no reason he needs to know this in order to respond truthfully.

    In the end - prob just dump him and move on. No need to act like children.
  • Aquanerd

    Posts: 845

    Oct 22, 2008 2:47 PM GMT
    Wow, there are a lot of thought running through my mine, especially after reading all he divergent responses.

    He's what I think, frommy point of view, I am not judging, I just ca't go bything thing else.

    1. Don't even begin to feel in anyway guilty about going through his text messages, if your in a committed monogamous relationship. If I enter into one, I would leave any pretense of "what his is his and what's mine is mine," t the door. If the other guy doesn't agree then it is a deal breaker.

    2. Communication is key. If you have any interest in maintaining the relationship, then you have to talk to him as an adult, and be prepared for any answers to any questions you might ask.

    3. I hope you have the ability to make leaving as painless as possible. If you are living together, I would have everything that you value out of that place before he gets back. At the time of the date, I'd text message him telling him that it was you that set up the date, and why. Tell him you are not giving up on completely, but there are a lot of questions that you both need the answers to, if the relationship is going to continue. Let him know that you have moved out and if he is still interested in a relationship he can call in a week.

    I'm praying for you both, bud.
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    Oct 22, 2008 4:53 PM GMT
    Ducky44 saidWhy are you going through all this trouble? Unless you are enjoying the drama and if you are that is another post.

    You have the proof if you chose to stay then it is what it is and you learn to live with it. If you find that you can't be with him because he cheats and apparently he's the worse cheater on the face of the gay planet. He did not covering his tracks very huh?
    Get out and find you someone who will not cheat.

    Has it ever crossed your mind that he wanted to get caught? That he is using this as an out, so you''ll break up with him, because he hasn't got the nerve to end the relationship? I'm just sayin.

    Good luck to you. I would not stoop to his level, if you don't believe in cheating then don't do it. icon_biggrin.gif


    it is made extra hard, because my apt and all my things were destroyed in a hurricane. ive been at his place a month or two. he invited me to move into his place, first it was short term, but he said he liked having me around.

    im confused because this started as a hookup. the first night he was saying how he wanted to take me out and get to know me, how great i was.well know that im getting emotionally attached he is being emotionally distant and quiet.im starting to think this guy has some serious issues (who doesnt i guess).


    he was not trying to get caught, i believe. he is 50 and seems oblivious to internet browsing history, saved texts. etc

    i have not hooked up with anyone else since we met in july, to answer a couple guys questions.
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    Oct 22, 2008 5:04 PM GMT
    and now the update on last nights events....

    well i had it to where he thought he was meeting a married guy (what is with some gay men and fetishizing married men) at about 11 at night. i was stringing him along and said i had a detour but would be half an hour late. well he hits me back and says am i cool with another guy?!!? wtf..yes im serious. so i said dude do you need me to bring condoms? a while later he said the guy was bi and got spooked and left. i basically had him stay up an hour or more till he gave up and went to sleep.

    so today its 11 am i had not received a text or phone call, i said is everything ok. he was very short, i guess it put him in a bad mood striking out twice last nite.

    i suppose he is addicted to sex or something though. who arranges a hookup before an afternoon meeting, then another one for the evening. this guy is such an asshole i swear!!