Won't get tested...?

  • xy28

    Posts: 19

    May 02, 2013 4:13 AM GMT
    I just came out of the closet not too long ago and I have been dating an awesome guy for 5 months now. Everything is great but he refuses to get tested and he said he already was tested for HIV through a quick test a few months ago but I don't know if I should believe him....he seems really honest told me about his past and who he has been with etc but apparently he has a needle phobia...

    I have tried everything to get him to go. I went right after we started dating and got tested for everything then showed him the papers that said I was negative for all.

    Has anyone else experienced this?

    Two reasons I have thought of:
    1). Scared of the results
    2). Actually has a needle phobia
  • PolaroidSwing...

    Posts: 1131

    May 02, 2013 4:17 AM GMT
    There are oral swab tests that you can buy at the pharmacy; there's no reason why he can't take the test.
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    May 02, 2013 1:52 PM GMT
    Needles are not necessary -- I've had oral swabs done.

    Maybe he is afraid of the results, or else has something to hide. Maybe a red flag is waving here?
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    May 02, 2013 1:53 PM GMT
    mileshelvetica saidNeedles are not necessary -- I've had oral swabs done.

    Maybe he is afraid of the results, or else has something to hide. Maybe a red flag is waving here?


    This. Huge red flag.

    There is only one reason not to get tested, and that is because you know you are positive, just saying.
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    May 02, 2013 2:06 PM GMT
    xy28 saidI just came out of the closet not too long ago and I have been dating an awesome guy for 5 months now. Everything is great but he refuses to get tested and he said he already was tested for HIV through a quick test a few months ago but I don't know if I should believe him....he seems really honest told me about his past and who he has been with etc but apparently he has a needle phobia...

    I have tried everything to get him to go. I went right after we started dating and got tested for everything then showed him the papers that said I was negative for all.

    Has anyone else experienced this?

    Two reasons I have thought of:
    1). Scared of the results
    2). Actually has a needle phobia


    Tell him it's the only way you're willing to continue. If you're having sex, you have ever right to ask him to get tested... Hell do it together - it could be a bonding experience... a rather odd one, but eh...

    Depending on how active you are (how many peeps you're enjoying) you should get tested at least once every six months... but some people will tell you they do it quarterly (sluts ;) ). Being safe is the only way to play this game. Get with the program.
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    May 02, 2013 3:35 PM GMT
    xy28 saidI just came out of the closet not too long ago and I have been dating an awesome guy for 5 months now. Everything is great but he refuses to get tested and he said he already was tested for HIV through a quick test a few months ago but I don't know if I should believe him....he seems really honest told me about his past and who he has been with etc but apparently he has a needle phobia...

    I have tried everything to get him to go. I went right after we started dating and got tested for everything then showed him the papers that said I was negative for all.

    Has anyone else experienced this?

    Two reasons I have thought of:
    1). Scared of the results
    2). Actually has a needle phobia


    He's not that awesome. There's no justification.

    Apologies for being so blunt.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    May 02, 2013 3:40 PM GMT
    Ya, do it together as an odd bonding experience. Hell I bonded with my partner when he threw up on me on a boat after scuba. If he won't even do the swab test, you can't touch him again. And get yourself tested. Give him the benefit of the doubt. He's just scared. But don't give him any more time.
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    May 02, 2013 8:23 PM GMT
    They have some sort of bounty system going in PDX. You get a gift card that's good at the Freddy's (Kroger) or a sexy underwear store. Every time you take a guy in for testing, they load $20 on it. And he also gets $20. icon_cool.gif
  • BlackBeltGuy

    Posts: 2609

    May 03, 2013 2:00 AM GMT
    meninlove for the win:

    He's not that awesome. There's no justification.

    CORRECT.
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    May 03, 2013 2:06 AM GMT
    My boyfriend in college had never been tested for HIV and refused to (he claimed he was scared). This was a major issue in our relationship. Finally, we ordered a take home test (this was 2005 so you couldn't get one at the pharmacy, we had to actually have it delivered). It turned out to be a huge catastrophe (imagine a Sophomore and Junior trying to extract blood and put it on a tiny piece of paper).

    It turned out he was negative but it was still a problem.

    Ask if your BF will do an oral test and if he still says know, I'd dump him.
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    May 03, 2013 2:08 AM GMT
    dude, if he will not get tested then you need to tell him you will never have unprotected sex with him ever
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    May 03, 2013 2:13 AM GMT
    there is no excuse to not get tested. I would dump him if he refused.
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    May 03, 2013 5:36 AM GMT
    Also, it's worth noting that the latest batch of alleged "cures" is due to early testing and early meds. (Hypothetically because the virus is arrested before it can get into the deep tissues.) If you don't keep up with regular testing, that chance evaporates.
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    May 04, 2013 12:33 AM GMT
    I'm with everyone else on this one - go buy him an oral swap test and tell it like it is - test or hit the road.
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    May 04, 2013 12:43 AM GMT
    There are many ways to test without the need for needle, just be protected at all times.
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    May 04, 2013 12:56 AM GMT
    I'm surprised the "assume everyone you meet is positive" faction hasn't jumped all over this one. (BTW, assume everyone you meet is positive.)

    I'm squeamish about needles, too. But I get tested regularly. If he won't get the swab, which is painless and usually free at gay health centers, you should consider what else he may be hiding.
  • SeattleGreenl...

    Posts: 124

    May 04, 2013 9:02 PM GMT
    This would cause me some concern.... There are oral swab kits that are FDA approved at the pharmacy that you can do in your own home and have results in less than 30 minutes.
  • Joeyphx444

    Posts: 2382

    May 04, 2013 9:18 PM GMT
    Give him a paper cut accidently and bring it to a lab
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    May 05, 2013 4:30 AM GMT
    shortbutsweet saidI'm surprised the "assume everyone you meet is positive" faction hasn't jumped all over this one. (BTW, assume everyone you meet is positive.)

    I'm squeamish about needles, too. But I get tested regularly. If he won't get the swab, which is painless and usually free at gay health centers, you should consider what else he may be hiding.


    Me too thats how I always approach sex. And I hate needles too but just turn my head away when the needle goes in. I can handle most things but watching my own blood bubble into that little vile makes me faint.
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    May 05, 2013 6:15 AM GMT
    Try the non-needle tests. That should give you an answer.

    He may just feel like there is no need to test so much.

    I'd just be careful around him when it comes to anything that could spread and std (or sti. Whatever they are called)
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    May 05, 2013 8:58 AM GMT
    Agree with all above. EXCEPT, the OraQuick home test is NOT available in Canada, even by mail from the US. I just phoned their 24/7 info number. As far as I know the OraQuick is the only home oral swab kit approved in the US. It's the same product that our local free testing centers use, but packaged singly with instructions for self-administration.
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    May 05, 2013 8:59 AM GMT
    1252348534460.png

    you in danger gurl.
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    May 05, 2013 9:02 AM GMT
    Having a "needle phobia" is not a good excuse. . . He should get tested just like you did.
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    May 05, 2013 9:16 AM GMT
    37541490.jpg

    As for the needle discussion, interestingly I have no fear of needles, provided they're sterile. I've had my fair share of drawings done for lab work as well as getting flu shots in my childhood. So there's a slight pinch, but it's nothing. And the blood in the vial doesn't bother me.
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    May 05, 2013 11:36 AM GMT
    Make it a date.