No idea what my sexuality is?

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    May 02, 2013 9:41 PM GMT
    This is something I've been thinking about for a while now but really haven't expressed it. I'm not "out" because I don't think I have a reason to be. I have a girlfriend who I really love, but there's definitely some sexual (not romantic) attraction to men. This is where the problem lies.

    Twenty years down the line, I see myself with a wife and kids living in Queens, NY, somewhere and having a steady law career; I'm currently working toward a Bachelor's in History and Lit and getting ready to apply to the Law school program. However, I'm definitely more sexually attracted to men. I've fooled around with guys before and, to be honest, I think the sex is better, which makes it hard when I sleep with my girlfriend; something about guy-on-guy action is just better.

    So I'm at a loss. When it comes to the romantic long-term, for me, I know it's going to be a woman. But when it comes to sex, I just think men do it better; in fact, so much better, that I've kind of become desensitized to hetero-sex. I hate using labels, but sometimes, I think, they are comforting. Right now, I just feel completely lost; I'd much rather someone just tell me, "You are [blank]." So has anyone else ever felt this way? Because right now, I just have no idea what's going on in my life - and for someone who's so used to having everything together...this is not a feeling I like!
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    May 02, 2013 9:46 PM GMT
    "Women are for procreation; men are for recreation."

    Are you sure you're not Muslim? icon_wink.gif
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    May 02, 2013 9:49 PM GMT
    paulflexes said"Women are for procreation; men are for recreation."

    Are you sure you're not Muslim? icon_wink.gif


    LOL! Yes, I'm sure I'm not haha. I do like that quote, though!
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    May 02, 2013 9:49 PM GMT
    First and foremost, if you're having doubts about your sexuality, you need to be a single person and figure yourself out, right now if you are doing things behind the girl you so say you love, then you're hurting her in the long run. i know its tough having these sexual confusion. Give yourself time to figure it out, but be yourself. don't drag others with in your journey only to hurt them in the end.
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    May 02, 2013 9:50 PM GMT
    You are bisexual.

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    May 02, 2013 9:54 PM GMT
    Agamemnon saidRigh now if you are doing things behind the girl you so say you love, then you're hurting her in the long run...don't drag others with in your journey only to hurt them in the end.


    I love my girlfriend very much and have not done anything physical with a guy since we've been together these past few months. I don't consider RJ a form of cheating because...well, nothing every comes from it.
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    May 02, 2013 9:55 PM GMT
    collegejockxxx said
    Agamemnon saidRigh now if you are doing things behind the girl you so say you love, then you're hurting her in the long run...don't drag others with in your journey only to hurt them in the end.


    I love my girlfriend very much and have not done anything physical with a guy since we've been together these past few months. I don't consider RJ a form of cheating because...well, nothing every comes from it.


    Don't be surprised if it does though. At least tell her how you feel so she can decide whether or not she wants be with someone who is sexually attracted to her. Try dating a guy to make sure you don't want men romantically.
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    May 02, 2013 10:01 PM GMT
    MisfitToy said
    Don't be surprised if it does though. At least tell her how you feel so she can decide whether or not she wants be with someone who is sexually attracted to her. Try dating a guy to make sure you don't want men romantically.


    Before I had this girlfriend, there was a guy who I hung out with quite a few times. We basically were dating, but I just never had the same romantic/emotional connection with him that I find with women.
  • MikeW

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    May 02, 2013 10:03 PM GMT
    I can relate. Don't want to tell my story all over again but suffice it to say, although I've always known I was homo (little to no sexual attraction to females), I had a gf in hs, slept w/ girls in college and ended up in a 10 year relationship with a woman. The latter is most interesting because I was out to her from the beginning but we were in love. This was pre HIV and during the 'sexual revolution' of the late 60s, early '70s, so, although libertine at the time, perhaps more approachable then than now. Since then I've had two male/male LTRs (and remain best friends with the woman I lived with).

    I identify as "gay" (not bi) but that is more a matter of social convenience than anything else. I mean, who has time to explain the details?
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    May 02, 2013 10:04 PM GMT
    collegejockxxx said
    MisfitToy said
    Don't be surprised if it does though. At least tell her how you feel so she can decide whether or not she wants be with someone who is sexually attracted to her. Try dating a guy to make sure you don't want men romantically.


    Before I had this girlfriend, there was a guy who I hung out with quite a few times. We basically were dating, but I just never had the same romantic/emotional connection with him that I find with women.


    Then maybe you are bisexual. Figure it out before you bring someone else into it
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    May 02, 2013 10:08 PM GMT
    collegejockxxx saidBefore I had this girlfriend, there was a guy who I hung out with quite a few times. We basically were dating, but I just never had the same romantic/emotional connection with him that I find with women.

    Maybe you haven't met the right guy yet. Or maybe you need to take a closer look at what 'love' is for you?
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    May 02, 2013 10:19 PM GMT
    venue35 saidTen years ago I fell for this guy who had a girlfriend but slept with men too.
    You remind me of him because he told me that he wished sex with men wasn't so hot...he liked being romantic with his girlfriend but he found sex with women kind of boring. He eventually got married and had kids and we would text each other and I got a phone call from his wife asking who I am and how come she never met me. She sounded very frightened. I never spoke to him again after that. These are very complex situations. Is the reason you can't be romantic and loving with a man because you are a suppressed homosexual?? Are you afraid of what will happen if you get emotionally involved with another man? Maybe you don't want that to happen because it comes in the way of your ambition to have a wife a dog and two kids. These are things that you need to sort out by your self. You are right though...there is nothing better than having sex with a hot man!


    I don't think it's suppression. I really tried to give the guy I was seeing my all - but it just didn't feel right. (Not in a suppressed homosexual kind of way; it just didn't feel the same as dating and loving a woman.) It's a sticky situation to be in...I'd much rather just be 100% into men or 100% into women!
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    May 02, 2013 11:17 PM GMT
    I can completely identify with this situation man. I've always dated girls, and Im in love with the idea of settling down and marrying one. But recently, Ive just been honest with myself in thinking, what if that idea stops the true love of my life from even standing a chance? So I just try to be open a bit more with who I am and those around me. I have a bit of a fascination with the male body. icon_rolleyes.gif
    Just because you dont identify with a certain sexuality means nothing. You cant define something that hasnt even come into completion yet. Who you are is what lies in your heart, and you know that, and your friends and lovers are who you give that too. So it should be enough for them to know that you will always be you. Just be true to yourself.
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    May 02, 2013 11:23 PM GMT
    Wolfrunner18 saidI can completely identify with this situation man. I've always dated girls, and Im in love with the idea of settling down and marrying one. But recently, Ive just been honest with myself in thinking, what if that idea stops the true love of my life from even standing a chance? So I just try to be open a bit more with who I am and those around me. I have a bit of a fascination with the male body. icon_rolleyes.gif
    Just because you dont identify with a certain sexuality means nothing. You cant define something that hasnt even come into completion yet. Who you are is what lies in your heart, and you know that, and your friends and lovers are who you give that too. So it should be enough for them to know that you will always be you. Just be true to yourself.


    wow

    sure know how to piss on the embers of an emerging flame war.

    and

    Rock , Mutton chops.
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    May 02, 2013 11:28 PM GMT
    What Wolfrunner said: Be true to yourself.

    There is really no need to pin yourself down and acquire a label. Gay, Bi or straight are all possible if you are generous with the definitions. You are not completely sure yet and that is ok. Just be open to opportunities and to the people you love. If the sex with the gf is not exciting, talk it over with her, maybe you can spice things up.