Cheated on for six years...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 05, 2013 7:06 PM GMT
    How would you handle it? We have known each other for almost nine years now and were FWB before we decided to have what I thought was going to be a monogamous relationship. Found out after the break up about all the cheating and a rough estimate on the frequency of said events. We still live together because we're financially stuck in the situation. I haven't moved on completely and its still painful, more so when he brings the new boyfriend around, and tells me that I could tell any of his friends that he cheated on me and they wouldn't care. Right now I have plans to move to move to a completely different state, away from everything and everyone I know and start completely over.

    How would any of you handle this in terms of resolutions, closure, etc.?
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    May 05, 2013 7:14 PM GMT
    Run his toothbrush around the under rim of the toilet to show him how it feels to be treated like shit.
  • WApilot

    Posts: 191

    May 06, 2013 8:19 AM GMT
    HottJoe saidRun his toothbrush around the under rim of the toilet to show him how it feels to be treated like shit.


    What he said... icon_eek.gif
  • jackooh

    Posts: 109

    May 06, 2013 11:29 AM GMT
    wow what a dicck.. good riddance! Take comfort in knowing that one day in the future he'll cheat on his new guy or the new guy will cheat on him n he will be in a neverending cycle of dramabullshit that you got out of! icon_biggrin.gif

    ...also i concur with the toothbrush prank, maybe even shit in his bed before you go hahaha
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 06, 2013 11:42 AM GMT
    Get out as soon as you can. So sorry this has happened.
  • ASHDOD

    Posts: 1057

    May 06, 2013 11:57 AM GMT
    WApilot said
    HottJoe saidRun his toothbrush around the under rim of the toilet to show him how it feels to be treated like shit.


    What he said... icon_eek.gif


    +1
    hot pepper in his food or tooth paste maybe?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 06, 2013 12:10 PM GMT
    TheQuest saidGet out as soon as you can. So sorry this has happened.

    This
    That guy is filth! don't poke him, he'll contaminate you.

    How would any of you handle this in terms of resolutions, closure, etc.?
    that's a difficult thing...some guys look bad but they actually are very good. And some look good, but they actually are evil in disguise.
    So, if you discover a guy is bad, just try to change him or if not possible walk away.
    It hurts, but be strong, you can't change the past by feeling sad, so consider it as an opportunity for a better life in the future.

    Once again...
    That guy is filth! don't poke him, he'll contaminate you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 06, 2013 12:13 PM GMT
    my sympathy with u, its feels the worst when some u love cheats you
    u should confront him & definitely kick his butt bad
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    May 06, 2013 12:21 PM GMT
    HottJoe saidRun his toothbrush around the under rim of the toilet to show him how it feels to be treated like shit.


    Good response.. I'd seriously.. do it and I'm not into that kind of thing.
    He's trash. It makes you wonder whether he ever cared.

    Don't, however, react emotionally regarding moving away, unless you have a sound job in hand and have a support system in place. Maybe you do.
    "Running away" doesn't help. Do your homework. I can understand why you'd want to get the fuc@ away from this shit, but do it the right way and when you can, throw him away like a piece of used tissue....
  • Shark100

    Posts: 234

    May 06, 2013 12:29 PM GMT
    I guess this kind of things cannot be forgotten easily, and forgive probably is almost impossible, but I always say, If I am not the one who cheated, even when painful, I was not the one who failed, the one who was a slut and the one who broke the trust I gave. Honestly that bastard does not deserve a guy less than what he is a slut.

    Move away mate, you just have to feel sorry for people like that as they will not have a good end. Smile buddy, life goes on and in the same way you came to this world you are gonna leave it, alone, so find comfort in the cool things this life has, friends, family, faith if you have!!!. Probably it is a good time for you to find out what was happening, it could be worse.....icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 06, 2013 12:40 PM GMT
    It's time to leave once and for all. Bring closure.
    He doesn't love you.
    You deserve better.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 06, 2013 2:01 PM GMT
    jackooh saidTake comfort in knowing that one day in the future he'll cheat on his new guy or the new guy will cheat on him n he will be in a neverending cycle of dramabullshit that you got out of!



    This is probably what will happen and while it may not make you feel better, the "joy" of that knowledge which came true months after my ex was with his new bf was not long lasting, it did and does give me strength to know that I am better off that I am no longer with a cheater.


    sorry this happened to you, hope your situation changes sooner rather than later. You deserve better. We all deserve better than to be cheated on. icon_neutral.gif
  • Import

    Posts: 7190

    May 06, 2013 2:09 PM GMT
    Why u gonna let one guy move u out of a state?

    Just move out of the place u two are sharing. I understand u are upset, thats only natural. However, it's not the worst thing that could have happened. It's not like u were diagnosed with terminal cancer and have 6 months to live... or u were in a debilitating car accident that left u in a wheel chair.

    All im saying is, move out. If u move to a whole new state u will still be feeling hurt and prob more lonely because u dontknow anyone.

    Why cant u meet new ppl in Ashville? I'm sure you can. Surround urself with new ppl in thw town you're in.


  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 06, 2013 2:20 PM GMT
    nclover609 saidHow would you handle it? We have known each other for almost nine years now and were FWB before we decided to have what I thought was going to be a monogamous relationship.



    You guys were friends with benefits and then you both decided to become monogamous? Big talk etc?

    If so, then your plan to get out of there is a damn good idea.

    As soon as he had doubts about being able to do this (monogamy) he should have come to you. There's a topic going about this.

    You deserved the chance to decide whether to go back to FWB or end it, and you didn't get to.

    Here's a grossly inadequate online hug for what you'e going through ( I went through it a few times with different men before Bill) , and I can tell you that for me, the hurt slowly became part of my history rather than my present. In that respect it lessened considerably.

    icon_sad.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 06, 2013 2:22 PM GMT
    HottJoe saidRun his toothbrush around the under rim of the toilet to show him how it feels to be treated like shit.
    I like this one...
  • Nayro

    Posts: 1825

    May 06, 2013 2:23 PM GMT
    Thats a long time.. You never noticed anything?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 06, 2013 2:25 PM GMT
    I'm not willing to throw him under the bus until I hear both sides of the story. There's always 2 sides to every story and seldom are they the same. Sorry it didn't work out, good plan to move out and move on. Consider what you've gone through as experience to educate you on the next relationship. Good luck.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 06, 2013 2:27 PM GMT
    I have a support system and its spread out to where there are a few people in various areas of the country. This area is small and its basically an incestial community of everyone sleeping with everyone. I never got involved with it because I didn't want that kind of experience and I had someone that I loved. I've tried to branch out and meet new people but it seems like somehow my ex has had some kind of cheating contact with everyone I have met since the break up.

    The last time I started over was in 2003, it feels like its time to do it again. New environment, meet new people, new possibilities this town can't provide since it focuses on beer and drugs lol

    @Daelin: I was probably naïve. I thought because I knew I was trustworthy, that he would see it and give me the same respect. Obviously wrong and hindsight is 20/20.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 06, 2013 2:32 PM GMT
    HottJoe saidRun his toothbrush around the under rim of the toilet to show him how it feels to be treated like shit.


    Better still, don't do it, but when you've parted, tell him you did, every day, after you found out he was cheating.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 06, 2013 2:33 PM GMT
    nclover609 said, " I've tried to branch out and meet new people but it seems like somehow my ex has had some kind of cheating contact with everyone I have met since the break up."

    Oh yuck, I went through that. At one point I became so angry I could have exploded light bulbs at a glance.

    Right on for being able to make a complete getaway.
  • ATLANTIS7

    Posts: 1213

    May 06, 2013 2:36 PM GMT
    I am so sorry and feel for you.
    What goes around?

    You will find better out there be patient.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 06, 2013 2:36 PM GMT
    Check if you contracted anything that he might have passed to you from other men. It sucks, but gotta accept the facts. Be glad he's no longer around you. You don't want cheaters in your life. Also, don't be too hard on yourself. You loved and trusted someone, but don't let the experience derail you in the future.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 06, 2013 8:43 PM GMT
    My heart aches for you. Running out of the state? He's not worth it. You have every right to take up space and live a great life - you're the one who did right by him. You have no need for shame, and you're leaving will only hurt you unless you've got a great support system and a job out of state. If so, time to get packing.
  • madsexy

    Posts: 4843

    May 06, 2013 8:50 PM GMT
    There isn't any good answer for this because no matter what you do, it won't change that he betrayed your trust. A loved one who betrays trust is tantamount to a pedophile - no excuse whatsoever.

    You are obviously a decent man and clearly intelligent (based on your articulation here). The best you can do is put this one on the shelf and chalk it up to "wasted time". And look forward with hope and a bit more experience.

    All the best to you - you deserve it!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 06, 2013 8:54 PM GMT
    Just out of curiosity, you've known him for 9 years, were together for 6 or more years, started out as FWB and how did he exactly manage to keep his cheating hidden from you for that long?
    Did you have no clue at all or did you have an inkling that you didn't follow?
    Did he seem like the cheating or non-committing type for the first 'x' amount of years you knew him before you were FWB or in a relationship?

    Anyway regardless, I'm sorry this happened to you.
    I suppose I'd just try find a way to get out of the financial ties you have with him as soon as possible so you can be rid of him as soon as possible.
    That of course depends on what kind of financial strains you're facing, that's pretty much going to be specific to your case.
    Maybe a financial advisor might give you a more pragmatic solution to freeing yourself financially from him.