Do young boys need an adult male in their life?

  • comical44

    Posts: 723

    May 06, 2013 2:05 AM GMT
    I just watched a show Oprah did called "fatherless sons" and the importance of young boys needing an adult male in their lives and the importance of it. Its so crazy to hear about all these men who didnt have a positive/ consistent male in their lives.

    They discussed how they seeked out and needed an adult male relationship when they were younger and even to this day.

    Why do you think a young male needs a man in their life, whether that be a father, uncle, mentor, coach etc??

    I mentor 2 teenage boys in my own life. Their Dad is "there" but not in so many ways....he lives in the house but is kind of absent in so many ways.....I have a humble honest question that I would like to ask you guys....Will my consistent presence(regarding the 2 brothers I mentor) have an impact on them and the things they do as adults? would love to hear you opinion
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    May 06, 2013 2:07 AM GMT
    yes
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    May 06, 2013 2:23 AM GMT
    I think any decent adult role model will do. The whole kids need dads and men in their life jibe brings up the whole 'someone has to teach them how to be a man'. What is a man? That's just a social construct. Not a bad one but who says he has to fit it?
  • comical44

    Posts: 723

    May 06, 2013 2:23 AM GMT
    Explain?
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    May 06, 2013 2:27 AM GMT
    Whether it's you or some other "mentor" or a kid's own father, it depends on the adult. Some are great father figures. Some are not.

    Does a boy need a father figure ?
    I don't know.
    I don't think so.


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    May 06, 2013 2:27 AM GMT
    comical44 saidExplain?
    What makes you think a woman can't raise a couple of boys by herself?
  • comical44

    Posts: 723

    May 06, 2013 2:37 AM GMT
    I think a woman can raise her children all by herself and they can grow up to be amazing adults...Ive seen that happen.

    Its just that this show I just watched empasized that a young boy needs a male influence in his life as a kid/teen/young adult etc and it just got me thinking about the situation and whether or not I agree or disagree.

    So do you think my presence will have an impact on the 2 teenage brothers lives as a consistent male in their life. Im involved in SO many aspects of their lives on a daily if no weekly basis so This show got me thinking about my mentorship with these two teenage brothers. Will it have an impact on their lives?
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    May 06, 2013 2:40 AM GMT
    comical44 saidI think a woman can raise her children all by herself and they can grow up to be amazing adults...Ive seen that happen.

    Its just that this show I just watched empasized that a young boy needs a male influence in his life as a kid/teen/young adult etc and it just got me thinking about the situation and whether or not I agree or disagree.

    So do you think my presence will have an impact on the 2 teenage brothers lives as a consistent male in their life. Im involved in SO many aspects of their lives on a daily if no weekly basis so This show got me thinking about my mentorship with these two teenage brothers. Will it have an impact on their lives?


    I think positive adult influence will help them regardless of gender. You being a male adds a different twist to it that could and probably will be beneficial to them.
  • great_scott

    Posts: 519

    May 06, 2013 2:46 AM GMT
    Absolutely. They're called fathers, and there's no substitute. Bet you a lot of the needy, approval-seeking head cases in this forum grew up w/o their dads. icon_idea.gif
  • comical44

    Posts: 723

    May 06, 2013 2:47 AM GMT
    great_scott saidAbsolutely. They're called fathers, and there's no substitute. Bet you a lot of the needy, approval-seeking head cases in this forum grew up w/o their dads. icon_idea.gif


    huh?
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    May 06, 2013 2:48 AM GMT
    I think you will have a impact on them. Sometimes, all you need to do is be there, and listen and that is enough. I wish I had a mentor of sorts. Even if it was for a brief period of time. I had to grow on my own. Its a hard thing for a child to do.

    I have a bad father myself. I used to long for a good relationship, but now, I just want to be an adult and start my life. I honestly wouldn't care if I ever saw him again. But that's my problem.

    One thing I'd like to say, having no one there is better than having a negative relationship. You may be a better person because of it, but it will hurt you deeply.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    May 06, 2013 2:51 AM GMT
    No, they don't. Humans are resilient. We don't need our biological parents to raise us, which is fairly unique for mammals. Primates for instance need to be with their biological mothers for a period after they are born, and then they are weened. Humans on the other hand can be raised by an unrelated adult of either gender immediately upon birth.

    The grass is always greener on the other side, and no one gets a perfect upbringing no matter who raised them.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    May 06, 2013 2:52 AM GMT
    comical44 said
    great_scott saidAbsolutely. They're called fathers, and there's no substitute. Bet you a lot of the needy, approval-seeking head cases in this forum grew up w/o their dads. icon_idea.gif


    huh?


    He's saying his dad is better than yours.
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    May 06, 2013 2:55 AM GMT
    great_scott saidAbsolutely. They're called fathers, and there's no substitute. Bet you a lot of the needy, approval-seeking head cases in this forum grew up w/o their dads. icon_idea.gif


    Someone doesn't need a father or even a male influence to grow up right. Case and point children of lesbians.
  • comical44

    Posts: 723

    May 06, 2013 3:04 AM GMT
    very interesting insights
  • great_scott

    Posts: 519

    May 06, 2013 3:38 AM GMT
    MisfitToy said
    great_scott saidAbsolutely. They're called fathers, and there's no substitute. Bet you a lot of the needy, approval-seeking head cases in this forum grew up w/o their dads. icon_idea.gif


    Someone doesn't need a father or even a male influence to grow up right. Case and point children of lesbians.


    Facts is facts. Fatherless homes are more likely to produce high school dropouts and jailbirds. You just got out of the slam, no?
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    May 06, 2013 3:56 AM GMT
    great_scott saidFacts is facts. Fatherless homes are more likely to produce high school dropouts and jailbirds.
    Proof needed or you're just blowing hot air out your ass.
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    May 06, 2013 3:58 AM GMT
    great_scott said
    MisfitToy said
    great_scott saidAbsolutely. They're called fathers, and there's no substitute. Bet you a lot of the needy, approval-seeking head cases in this forum grew up w/o their dads. icon_idea.gif


    Someone doesn't need a father or even a male influence to grow up right. Case and point children of lesbians.


    Facts is facts. Fatherless homes are more likely to produce high school dropouts and jailbirds. You just got out of the slam, no?


    Yes I did and I had a father all the while I was growing up.

    How do you explain the children of homes where there is no father like with lesbians or single moms and the kids turn out fine? Like Obama?
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    May 06, 2013 4:01 AM GMT
    McQueen said
    great_scott saidFacts is facts. Fatherless homes are more likely to produce high school dropouts and jailbirds.
    Proof needed or you're just blowing hot air out your ass.


    His dad taught him well. He hides his face like a good beaten down homo.
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    May 06, 2013 4:02 AM GMT
    HottJoe said
    McQueen said
    great_scott saidFacts is facts. Fatherless homes are more likely to produce high school dropouts and jailbirds.
    Proof needed or you're just blowing hot air out your ass.
    His dad taught him well. He hides his face like a good beaten down homo.
    tumblr_mdxhhkT7k01r3vz25.gif
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    May 06, 2013 4:04 AM GMT
    Mmm..I kind of think boys need to identify with a male.

    Much the same as gay men often needing gay friends, or the cultural villages within cities. Maybe it's just a sense of comfort, I don't know.

    I was raised by my mother and turned out fine without a male influence but think it may have been nice to have one. As an adult I sometimes have a difficult time to relate well with men and naturally prefer the company of women.icon_confused.gif
  • great_scott

    Posts: 519

    May 06, 2013 4:11 AM GMT
    McQueen said
    great_scott saidFacts is facts. Fatherless homes are more likely to produce high school dropouts and jailbirds.
    Proof needed or you're just blowing hot air out your ass.


    Google is just a tab away, Queen. icon_wink.gif
  • great_scott

    Posts: 519

    May 06, 2013 4:18 AM GMT
    MisfitToy said
    great_scott said
    MisfitToy said
    great_scott saidAbsolutely. They're called fathers, and there's no substitute. Bet you a lot of the needy, approval-seeking head cases in this forum grew up w/o their dads. icon_idea.gif


    Someone doesn't need a father or even a male influence to grow up right. Case and point children of lesbians.


    Facts is facts. Fatherless homes are more likely to produce high school dropouts and jailbirds. You just got out of the slam, no?


    Yes I did and I had a father all the while I was growing up.

    How do you explain the children of homes where there is no father like with lesbians or single moms and the kids turn out fine? Like Obama?


    Surrrrrrrre you did. And the stats state more likely, not every single fatherless kid. There's a difference.
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    May 06, 2013 4:20 AM GMT
    great_scott said
    MisfitToy said
    great_scott said
    MisfitToy said
    great_scott saidAbsolutely. They're called fathers, and there's no substitute. Bet you a lot of the needy, approval-seeking head cases in this forum grew up w/o their dads. icon_idea.gif


    Someone doesn't need a father or even a male influence to grow up right. Case and point children of lesbians.


    Facts is facts. Fatherless homes are more likely to produce high school dropouts and jailbirds. You just got out of the slam, no?


    Yes I did and I had a father all the while I was growing up.

    How do you explain the children of homes where there is no father like with lesbians or single moms and the kids turn out fine? Like Obama?


    Surrrrrrrre you did. And the stats state more likely, not every single fatherless kid. There's a difference.


    I had a dad all my life. He was abusive. I've talked about him many times in here. Anyway I don't think boys need a man to grow up into decent biological adult males.

    This whole concept that they are to grow up to be 'men' is sexist and outdated.
  • great_scott

    Posts: 519

    May 06, 2013 4:56 AM GMT
    MisfitToy said
    great_scott said
    MisfitToy said
    great_scott said
    MisfitToy said
    great_scott saidAbsolutely. They're called fathers, and there's no substitute. Bet you a lot of the needy, approval-seeking head cases in this forum grew up w/o their dads. icon_idea.gif


    Someone doesn't need a father or even a male influence to grow up right. Case and point children of lesbians.


    Facts is facts. Fatherless homes are more likely to produce high school dropouts and jailbirds. You just got out of the slam, no?


    Yes I did and I had a father all the while I was growing up.

    How do you explain the children of homes where there is no father like with lesbians or single moms and the kids turn out fine? Like Obama?


    Surrrrrrrre you did. And the stats state more likely, not every single fatherless kid. There's a difference.


    I had a dad all my life. He was abusive. I've talked about him many times in here. Anyway I don't think boys need a man to grow up into decent biological adult males.

    This whole concept that they are to grow up to be 'men' is sexist and outdated.


    Well I can see why the author of the "Have you ever contemplated becoming the other sex?" thread would feel like that.