Dating... Age gaps

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 06, 2013 12:24 PM GMT
    How do you guys feel about the the age difference between two guys dating? I'm 24 (25 in June) and the guy i'm interested in, is 45.

    Honestly it doesn't bother me, but if any of you have any experience in dating in this type of scenario, please share. icon_smile.gif

    Pros? Cons? Suggestions?


    (I think I just need some inspiration and encouragement.)

    Thanks boys!
  • chadwick1985

    Posts: 391

    May 06, 2013 1:04 PM GMT
    One down fall is that the older half is usually in a completely different place in their life than the younger person. They view things much differently as their life experience has led them to do so. It can cause friction but I don't see a problem with it. You love who you love
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 06, 2013 2:30 PM GMT
    I've had bf's that were in their late 20s when I was in my early 50s. It's doable but you have to realize that there are differences and ensure that you have open communications to talk about them. If you want to discuss my experiences, from the older man's point, feel free to email me or ask specifics here.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 06, 2013 2:40 PM GMT
    eb925guy saidI've had bf's that were in their late 20s when I was in my early 50s. It's doable but you have to realize that there are differences and ensure that you have open communications to talk about them. If you want to discuss my experiences, from the older man's point, feel free to email me or ask specifics here.


    HUh! WHa? Early 50's? you don't even look 50 yet dude.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 06, 2013 2:41 PM GMT
    It will bother him more than you. At least that is what I have found. Younger guys dont seem to care. They live more "in the moment" and dont really think much beyond that. Which is normal. Thats one of the great things about being that age. The older guy will have a different perspective. The age gap can be a huge issue depending on what each of you want out of this.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 06, 2013 2:49 PM GMT
    A really big age gap, say, 20-30 years makes me uncomfortable. The redeeming aspect of it is that I always feel I am helping the young man to discover himself in the gay world.
    Doing what is right is not always easy. I do what I can to help.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 06, 2013 2:54 PM GMT
    It could work, but it could also go down in a ball of flames where the younger is accusing the older of being controlling and not letting the younger live his life and make his own mistakes... this sounds familiar right, like a parent with their child.

    Age is more than a number, it is a representation of one's life journeys. That being said, a newly out of the closet 40something may have more in common with a newly 20something than say someone like me who has been out of the closet for 20 years.



  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    May 06, 2013 3:02 PM GMT
    seriously? i'm going to cunt punt you.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    May 06, 2013 3:03 PM GMT
    turbobilly saidA really big age gap, say, 20-30 years makes me uncomfortable. The redeeming aspect of it is that I always feel I am helping the young man to discover himself in the gay world.
    Doing what is right is not always easy. I do what I can to help.

    If it works, it works. There's an old saying "You never know what goes on behind closed doors." It's talking about marriages but it applies to any relationship. Different people have different needs. My partner finds older men's physiques sexy and has no physical interest in young men (I see what porn he looks at.) I think youth is beauty. But the bottom line is I respect him, his goals, his efforts to achieve those goals, his heart, his empathy, and I just flat like his personality and he makes me horny. I don't try to guide him but we discuss things as any couple would. He likes me. What will happen in ten years, well, we'll just have to wait and see. As they say, you could get hit by a bus tomorrow. We've decided to just let the future surprise us. I think the likelihood of younger/older working is based entirely on the motivation of the individuals. Alex and I have been together for six years.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 06, 2013 3:05 PM GMT
    If you want to date someone older or younger, do so.

    If you want to date someone the same age, do so.

    #kthxbai
  • a303guy

    Posts: 829

    May 06, 2013 3:09 PM GMT
    chadwick1985 saidOne down fall is that the older half is usually in a completely different place in their life than the younger person. They view things much differently as their life experience has led them to do so. It can cause friction but I don't see a problem with it. You love who you love


    While for some it can be a downfall - for my BF and I, that's the up-side. We're getting close to 2 years together, and we're almost 30 years apart in age. That we are at completely different places in our respective lives is exactly what brings so much to the relationship. I appreciate his perspective, and he appreciates mine. As someone else posted, the age gap was definitely a bigger issue for me than him. I got over it, and couldn't be happier.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 06, 2013 3:28 PM GMT
    My amazingly awesome boyfriend is 23 years younger than me and I couldn't be happier and he feels the same way.
    I guess what I'm saying is that if everything else is good between you then don't let age get in the way -- what matters is that you're both happy.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 06, 2013 3:35 PM GMT
    I"ll just say this. If I hear one more person say age is just a number, I'm going to scream.

    Even if 20 year old and a 50 year old really do love and care for each other, its almost unavoidable one will get pulled into the other's sphere of existence. Should a 20 year old try to live with the vision of what a 50 year old is facing (body declination, retirement, etc.?) and vice versa? Yes I know that you can live your own lives and still be with one you live but at some point, you inextricably have to face the tremendous difference in where one is in life. This has nothing to do with judgement.... its just sensible.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    May 06, 2013 4:38 PM GMT
    Yogi567 saidI"ll just say this. If I hear one more person say age is just a number, I'm going to scream.

    Even if 20 year old and a 50 year old really do love and care for each other, its almost unavoidable one will get pulled into the other's sphere of existence. Should a 20 year old try to live with the vision of what a 50 year old is facing (body declination, retirement, etc.?) and vice versa? Yes I know that you can live your own lives and still be with one you live but at some point, you inextricably have to face the tremendous difference in where one is in life. This has nothing to do with judgement.... its just sensible.

    This seems sensible but it misses the point. I respect my partner to make intelligent decisions about his life. I respect my ability to guide my life. I will not impose my fears on him WHAT IF? WHAT IF? and he respects that there are going to be sacrifices I make for him as well. Yes, he has settled into my life but he is also pursuing his career and the time may come when we need to relocate to accommodate his life needs. That's what all couples do. All successful couples.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 06, 2013 5:05 PM GMT
    If the guy is as active as you and psychologically the same...then really does it matter... other than he'll have more wisdom on some things. Enjoy.
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    May 06, 2013 5:07 PM GMT
    personally i prefer someone closer to my own age. however, i do not object to anyone else dating someone that young. i do have find it disturbing when that is the only age category either will date. when a 20 something year old will only date guys in there 40s and 50's or a vice versa than I think something is mentally wrong with them. but that is just my two cents
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 06, 2013 5:11 PM GMT
    i seem to have your mentality, i dont know why, i just feel very comfortable talking to my much older friend about anything, i havent worked out what it could be because, though i dont see the harm (atleast atm lol)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 06, 2013 5:27 PM GMT
    youngRJ1 saidHow do you guys feel about the the age difference between two guys dating? I'm 24 (25 in June) and the guy i'm interested in, is 45.

    Honestly it doesn't bother me, but if any of you have any experience in dating in this type of scenario, please share. icon_smile.gif

    Pros? Cons? Suggestions?


    (I think I just need some inspiration and encouragement.)

    Thanks boys!



    If you are both living in the NOW rather than stuck clinging to the past then you can both experience life on a level playing field and can share it together. Coming out late is a huge advantage for me cus my gay experience level is equal to a much younger guy's. Youngin's tell me they rather hang out with me then douchy guys their age so its win win for us. It seems we are really treated well whenever we go so I sense community support.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 06, 2013 5:42 PM GMT
    tuffguyndc saidpersonally i prefer someone closer to my own age. however, i do not object to anyone else dating someone that young. i do have find it disturbing when that is the only age category either will date. when a 20 something year old will only date guys in there 40s and 50's or a vice versa than I think something is mentally wrong with them. but that is just my two cents


    Even if something is "mentally wrong" with them, as long as two couples are happy that's really all that should matter, right? A younger guy liking an older guy and vise versa could be chalked up to many things. When people don't understand something they immediately have to make up something in their mind to become more comfortable with it.
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    May 06, 2013 5:44 PM GMT
    Seriously, I did this when I was your age, it's gross only because of the age difference, but you already know this or you wouldn't ask. In the end, it is you life and your decision, enjoy what you got for now and maybe learn a few things. My bet is that he is pretty masculine and you are his bitch (so to speak) because he still hasn't transitioned completely from strait so he wants a young somewhat feminine feel as compared to a brute muscular man.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 06, 2013 6:12 PM GMT
    Anothr thread on this topic, WTF? If you like him, date him! If he likes you, date him! Time's a-wastin', get to it!!
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    May 06, 2013 8:32 PM GMT
    AMoonHawk saidSeriously, I did this when I was your age, it's gross only because of the age difference, but you already know this or you wouldn't ask. In the end, it is you life and your decision, enjoy what you got for now and maybe learn a few things. My bet is that he is pretty masculine and you are his bitch (so to speak) because he still hasn't transitioned completely from strait so he wants a young somewhat feminine feel as compared to a brute muscular man.

    Kind of a stereotype, wouldn't you say? That's the equivalent to my saying it is my bet that you are a feminine, nelly queen because I know you are gay! Really, man?
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    May 06, 2013 8:37 PM GMT
    324_o.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 07, 2013 12:37 AM GMT
    I like guys between 27-37, Guys who are too young and in their 40s/above, I found we have little in common and no attraction really.
  • barriehomeboy

    Posts: 2475

    May 07, 2013 12:41 AM GMT
    Life is crazy. The older I get the younger my boyfriends get. I'm more attractive than my deceptive profile pix. My last bf was 32. The guy that is chasing after me is 24. He's lean muscley and gorgeous with no self esteem issues. What's wrong with older guys being thought of as hot, unless you're ageist?