Well now I just feel stupid.

  • plc0590

    Posts: 23

    May 08, 2013 11:16 PM GMT
    This is the second time I've posted here and sadly enough, it's regarding the same topic I posted nearly a year ago on this very site.

    Last year, my bf of 1.5 years broke up with me since he was getting feelings to stray and that I wasn't the right one. I was absolutely devastated and I had never been so in love with before and so serious. About a month later, he came back crawling (after having messed around) and said he didn't know what he was thinking and that he fucked a very good thing up. Against the advice of basically everybody including my own parents, I took him back into my arms and forgave him.

    Throughout the rest of the year, we battled fidelity issues on and off. I caught him talking to two randos off of Grindr and confronted him about it. Eventually the talk of threesomes came in on and off and I wasn't having any of it. He left to spend several months abroad and at first, we had a dramatic break up where we both cleared out a box of kleenex in my room one night but then decided to do an "open" relationship two weeks later.

    At this point, it was painfully evident that he wanted his cake (me) and eat it too (sleeping around). We basically talked everyday and that fall after Thanksgiving, I had taken up the whole open thing and was sleeping with another cute guy. I was about to call it quits with my ex but then my ex fought back. Fought so hard to keep me there and told me how much he cared and loved me and all that bullshit.

    I listened. I knew the boy I was hooking up with was not bf worth. And I still deeply cared about my ex. So I waited patiently, ended things with the guy I was seeing, and waited through a few more months until he got home. We both had the money so we chipped in together for a ticket to visit abroad as he was wrapping his program up. About a month after the trip and everybody back home, I could feel him being distant again. Same feelings as a year ago. And I asked him if there was anything he wanted to talk about.

    Well, I got the same bullshit answer, I don't think you're the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. And I want to see whats out there. He's planning on moving into NY and I know he wants to be a whore.

    I walked out, I didn't want anything to do with it anymore. I was so tired, so numb to have been lead on for all these months. I felt lied to this entire time. And now, I feel like a huge idiot. I let my heart take over. He was an incredibly attractive boy who looked like a model, incredibly masculine, and he was everything I wanted in a boyfriend. Our family and friends all knew each other and we were basically destined to get married.

    But I should've known, the moment he started having a wandering eye, I should've walked away. But his charm worked on me so fucking well.





  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 09, 2013 12:23 AM GMT

    As awful as it was (and I know because I went thorough similar once upon a time with a man, and not just once), perhaps if you hadn't tried you would have always wondered.

    *sighs*
    *hugs you*

    This is a song I played when it happened the first time (Stevie Wonder), sung this time by a fellow on Youtube - he's pretty good!







    Here's a song I played after it was over:



    You tried, bravely, until you were sure. That speaks of strength to me.
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    May 09, 2013 1:31 AM GMT
    plc0590 saidHe was an incredibly attractive boy who looked like a model, incredibly masculine, and he was everything I wanted in a boyfriend.



    I am very sorry this happened to you. No one deserves this. All I can tell you is to give yourself time, and move on.

    If I may be so bold, I noticed you said the above. One thing I believe, is that you may know what you want, but you'll never know what you need. Stay open to the possibilities, and love will find a way.
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    May 09, 2013 6:31 PM GMT
    Some guys are faithful only until they see something better. Learn to recognize them.
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    May 09, 2013 8:04 PM GMT
    I can't say I feel too sorry for you. I think part of the problem is because you might be a little young and still naive about the whole thing. If I learn anything from the gay dating world - that people/I deserve to be treated with respect. He treated you like this twice because you let him. It doesn't really matter how *hot a guy may be, if he crossed me or done something unforgivable, it's time to move on. There were so many signs that you chose to ignored.

    Oh well, kiddo, you're 22, live and learn, find someone else to mend your broken heart and try to not be jaded.



  • Import

    Posts: 7190

    May 09, 2013 9:25 PM GMT
    fucking kill him!

    jk. im sorry tho, baby =(
    That really sucks. it sounds like you 2 have been through so much and to have that happen again is beyond annoying.

    I recently broke up with my boo too, so I can relate.
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    May 09, 2013 10:09 PM GMT
    Thank you for sharing your story. Glad you moved on, albeit sad that he couldn't commit to you as you deserved. No worry, my friend, there are many other wonderful fish in the sea. Just remain open to love and be willing to ride the roller coaster of dating & relationships... BTW, don't feel stupid. He's stupid. He wouldn't know true love if it bit him on the nose (you did bite him on the nose, right?). icon_eek.gif
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    May 09, 2013 10:27 PM GMT
    "Fool you once, shame on him. Fool you twice, shame on you."
  • gwuinsf

    Posts: 525

    May 09, 2013 11:30 PM GMT
    They both had growing up to do. Everyone has to go through these experiences before they learn anything. That's what they mean when they say "young and naive".

    Chalk this up to part of your life experience. Just know that someday down the road you'll look back at this relationship and be grateful that it made you the wiser person that you will be.
  • plc0590

    Posts: 23

    May 10, 2013 12:30 AM GMT
    I know this is a part of growing up. I just wanted to believe it would work and I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. But I was fighting an up hill battle and I should've known from the very beginning.

    Yes, I know, blunt reality is I fell for the same trap. Twice. Things are clear as mud when you're filled with emotions.

    My friend put it very eloquently "You know it's time to move on when you're happier remembering the memories rather than making new ones"

    And she was right- I was stuck thinking the boy I fell head over heels for was the same guy years later. icon_neutral.gif
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    May 10, 2013 12:35 AM GMT
    If there is anything that I can add to this conversation, it is that telling yourself you should have known is blaming yourself for not knowing the future; you shouldn't have known, because you aren't a mind reader. There is no way to fully predict the future or how someone else will behave, so give yourself the space, if you can, to not beat yourself up for not knowing that things would go this way.

    Also, I wouldn't chalk up the OP's actions to "youth" and "naïveté" so readily. Wanting a relationship to work, being willing to stumble while still pursuing someone you love and wanting to spend your time with, isn't dismissively youthful at all; it is human.
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    May 10, 2013 12:43 AM GMT
    wow ...did both of you manage to age drastically during your time together? i dont think any relationship is worth all this stress.
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    May 10, 2013 2:35 AM GMT
    tereseus1 saidwow ...did both of you manage to age drastically during your time together? i dont think any relationship is worth all this stress.


    Do people really age fastest when they're stressed from love?