Why does it seem so hard for 'us' to socialize at the gym?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 09, 2013 7:29 AM GMT
    I kind of miss the social atmosphere like it was back in high school. I know gym isn't priority for that, but it'd be nice to have the opportunity. I'm not shy by any means, and there's been times I've created ways to chat with someone or shoot the shit. But so far it hasn't turned into much of anything yet. I don't always know who's who, and I often feel pressured to make the first move...but I like it when someone atleast gives me a sign. I'm not trying to flirt with a member of the Mexican mafia by mistake lol (my gym is like 98% white/mexican on any given day)

    The thing that leaves me most dumbfounded is guys will tell me on Grindr, that they've see me at the gym but NEVER come up to me. It's like what the fuck is there to be afraid of? I've come across like 3 guys on Grindr who say they seen me at the gym, but yet they've never come up and said anything. One guy was chasing me persistently on grindr for awhile. I noticed him last week for the 1st time, and went up and started chatting with him. He said he's been going there for a couple months. I thought, you can chase me on a phone app, saying how you want to do this, that and the 3rd; but you can't even come up and say hi to me at the gym? That's just plain weird. On an average day at the gym, I rarely ever get a single person so much as even acknowledge me and I go there 3-5 times a week or more. It just makes no sense. Do I need to switch to a small family-owned gym?

    Not that I'm there specifically to meet people, but it just makes you wonder why there isn't a more social attitude to it amongst ourselves. I'm thinking this might just be a Colorado thing. People here so timid and intimidated. They'll spend 3 years chasing you online, but won't even look you in the eye at a bar. Makes me wonder how anything gets done around here. Are people afraid if they walk up to another guy it'll make em look gay? What is it? Just because you chat with a guy does not make you look gay or even cruising them.

  • thegaymessiah

    Posts: 214

    May 09, 2013 10:50 AM GMT
    It's not you, it's not a 'gay thing', it's because you're a guy...

    men are hard-wired to be competitive, aggressive, asshole-ish and have things go our own way completely. (even the gay ones) Interacting with another just usually leads to conflict unless one is comfortable submitting to the other's wishes. (not likely in my experience.)

    Think about what you're asking me.. you want me to think you're a nice, safe friendly person but you have big muscles which to easily crush me. You're a walking contradiction. "Sporty" women or women who are taller/stronger than me aren't much better either.

    For some the challenge is the fun of it but I don't see it that way. I kinda naturally push where it's softer and avoid what is tough/brittle like anybody else.

    If you want ppl to approach you more, I suggest doing things that are more approachable, which is about coming off as 'softer' and not as 'jockish' but if who you are is a jock who loves the gym... why would you change that.

    Then there is really highly egoic thing a man does when you can't ever convince them they are actually *wrong* about something when they actually are, which is frustrating as it is infuriating. Then there is the really friendly buddy buddy nice sean cody gay fantasy jock but I think that's a porn fantasy for a reason. How often in real life do we get somebody that perfect?=p

    It's hard to trust ppl and some of us are just really sensitive so if u want us to talk to you, you have to earn that trust ... it's not about walking on eggshells it's just about proving you are a person worthy spending our time with. and why would another guy talk to me anyway if he didn't wanna bully me or cum inside me... creepy men and their intentions i see right through u all!!!

    ((but yet I really crave deep intimacy with a man yet I know how quickly a man will resort to caveman like behaviors when he doesn't get his own way... being a man myself. You see my dillmema?))



  • thegaymessiah

    Posts: 214

    May 09, 2013 10:59 AM GMT
    you get mad when others act like they are afraid of you, but yet you also spend so many hours a day at the gym developing your physical presence to be alpha male king of the jungle....

    honey it's about realizing that you can't always have your cake and eat it too. if you want others to approach you more, you might have to look like some nerdy fag, but then you would get the bad attention along with the good... and you would lose your 'im a gay jock bitch' sex appeal.

    in life there is always trade-offs.

    if you want to come off as a person that's more social and nicer, then you would have to be a bit more vulnerable about your vulnerable qualities and going to the gym is NOT one of those things....

    try "god im such a dork sometimes haha" that usually makes people lighten up and talk more, even the super shy ones. they are usually the friendliest though and ppl you really wanna befriend and impress. ;)

    then once trust is built you can take a nice guy back to your apartment and do the jock pec trick and be really nasty with him. make it more earned u know. =D
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 09, 2013 12:22 PM GMT
    No idea about any of this tbh.

    For me the gym about 0.05% noticing other guys and 99.95% getting a quality workout in the very limited time I have to be there.

    So I crank up my tunes, tune everyone out, and push as much weight as I can.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 09, 2013 12:45 PM GMT
    A lot of guys just want to concentrate' on their workouts. I'm sure it's nothing personal.

    As for the guys that say they wanted to come up to you but didn't, I guess they just don't want to get in the way of you finishing your workout.

    The gym is a great way to meet guys, but don't let that be your main reason for going.

  • May 09, 2013 2:20 PM GMT
    TheBody54 saidA lot of guys just want to concentrate' on their workouts. I'm sure it's nothing personal.

    As for the guys that say they wanted to come up to you but didn't, I guess they just don't want to get in the way of you finishing your workout.

    The gym is a great way to meet guys, but don't let that be your main reason for going.


    ^This.

    I think that it would be a bit tactless to start hitting on someone in the middle of their workout, especially if he didn't know that you were interested beforehand. If he wasn't your type... now he feels bad and you have a somewhat awkward situation when you run into each other.

    Many people see the gym as a sanctuary where their only purpose is improving their body/health ("don't crap where you eat").

    Now that you both seem interested, why don't you just arrange to meetup outside of the gym?
  • gwuinsf

    Posts: 525

    May 09, 2013 4:35 PM GMT
    Some guys are not at the gym to socialize and meet guys. The gym is for working out. Grindr is for meeting guys.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 09, 2013 5:33 PM GMT
    gwuinsf saidSome guys are not at the gym to socialize and meet guys. The gym is for working out. Grindr is for meeting guys.


    I know Grindr is to meet guys. But don't you think it's a bit weak to not be able to still introduce yourself to that person in public? The guy who was chasing me, his Grindr pics did not do anything for me, so we never met up. When I see him person, I thought, not bad. Grindr shouldn't have to be the ONLY outlet to meet guys. And besides, after 2 months, it stopped being a way to meet guys. Way too many flakes on there. I can't list the number of guys who hit me up or I've hit up and they never get around to meeting. A few have, but most haven't.

    I can meet someone at a bar, swap numbers and go home and then meet them again the next week in 3 hours or less, compared to being on Grindr playing wall-ball for days on end and STILL never meet the person. That's just a cop out way to meet for guys with social anxiety.
    thegaymessiah said
    if you want to come off as a person that's more social and nicer, then you would have to be a bit more vulnerable about your vulnerable qualities and going to the gym is NOT one of those things....

    So if I wore a pink tank-top workout shirt that's cut low, some short shorts, or a shirt designed by Whittall and Shon, does that not make me look gay enough?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 09, 2013 5:51 PM GMT
    madcityrunner87 said<
    I think that it would be a bit tactless to start hitting on someone in the middle of their workout,


    You're absolutely right. It is. But, I'm not suggesting hitting on someone "in the middle of a workout". See, it's a whole other subject when it comes to "how and when" to approach someone. Doing it when they are in the middle of something is not a way to do it.

    What I'm talking about is when the oppurtunity presents itself. There's been many times a guy I noticed earlier is walking out at the same time with me. Or they walking across the room, in between sets...those are oppurtune times, but many guys won't even act on it. You're not disturbing anybody by doing that. I can think of a million things to say to someone that is not even 'I'm hitting on you" but it opens the door for them to know, I may be interested.

    The only reason I don't do it more often is A) My gym isn't anywhere near the gay area of town and B) as a minority, I still have to realize that alot of people where I go probably have little to no interaction with Black people on a week to week basis...so many of them may even think it's ODD to be acknowledged by one. They only used to seeing who they see everyday.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 09, 2013 7:19 PM GMT
    I get how you're feeling. But, you need to realize that not everyone at the gym is looking to meet someone, and many of them may be straight anyway. You stated yourself that the gym in question isn't in the gay section.

    My suggestion is to work out just to work out, and not concentrate so much on looking for guys.