Hookup etiquette

  • Piers40

    Posts: 31

    May 09, 2013 7:34 AM GMT
    So as I'm sexually active again, I've started picking up guys in clubs. This has led to many different situations and got me wondering. So I'm going to list a few questions that have been playing on my mind below. Assuming you go to another guy's house for a hookup after a night out:

    1. Hygiene. Is it perfect reasonable to ask to shower before hooking up? Especially after a night of sweaty dancing? Or a little OCD?

    2. Intimacy. I've observed some guys are not so into passionate kissing or even hugging on bed. I can't decipher if this is because they don't want to get attached or they're just not that into me personally, or that they just aren't touchy-feely. How do you figure out personal boundaries. For me part of the fun is hugging and caressing.

    3. Staying in touch. Am I right in assuming a substance-fuelled night out and subsequent hook-up will rarely lead to a regular fuck-buddy/friendship. All my past experiences suggest that at most 1 in 20 will want to stay in touch...

    4. Is it totally reasonable to go up to someone who you previously hooked up with in a club and say hi or would you be freaked out? I've observed gay guys generally seem to ignore each other after a hook up.

    5. If you saw someone making out with someone else you liked in a club would you be put off the next week of approaching that guy?

    6. Is it generally polite to dismiss yourself the next morning after a one night stand/hook up? Or do you wait and see what the host wants? I'm guessing if the host suggests you leave then its not a good sign...
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    May 09, 2013 8:41 AM GMT
    Piers40 said
    1. Hygiene. Is it perfect reasonable to ask to shower before hooking up? Especially after a night of sweaty dancing? Or a little OCD?


    I think that's very reasonable, but rather than making it seem like a prissy demand why don't you say "I'd like to jump in the shower quickly and freshen up, want to join me?" You can start the action right away!

    Piers40 said
    2. Intimacy. I've observed some guys are not so into passionate kissing or even hugging on bed. I can't decipher if this is because they don't want to get attached or they're just not that into me personally, or that they just aren't touchy-feely. How do you figure out personal boundaries. For me part of the fun is hugging and caressing.


    Read the body language, do what feels good to you and if they aren't responsive to it then try something else, that's the dance of having sex surely?

    Piers40 said
    3. Staying in touch. Am I right in assuming a substance-fuelled night out and subsequent hook-up will rarely lead to a regular fuck-buddy/friendship. All my past experiences suggest that at most 1 in 20 will want to stay in touch...


    I think this is completely variable and depends on all sorts of factors, if YOU want to keep in touch with them/see them again then ask for their details and follow up, you'll soon find out if they are interested in seeing you again or not. You can make it clear what your expectations are though so they don't mistake you wanting to hook up with them again as meaning you want to settle down and have their babies.

    Piers40 said
    4. Is it totally reasonable to go up to someone who you previously hooked up with in a club and say hi or would you be freaked out? I've observed gay guys generally seem to ignore each other after a hook up.


    This is a tricky one - I don't think personally you should go up to someone and start chatting to them - you don't know who they are with, what their situation is, what they may or may not have said to whoever they are with, it could be an embarrassing/awkward situation for them. Best just to smile and say hi in passing if you don't feel right just ignoring them (which I agree is a bit weird).

    Piers40 said
    5. If you saw someone making out with someone else you liked in a club would you be put off the next week of approaching that guy?


    It would probably put me off a bit but that's just life, you snooze you lose.

    Piers40 said
    6. Is it generally polite to dismiss yourself the next morning after a one night stand/hook up? Or do you wait and see what the host wants? I'm guessing if the host suggests you leave then its not a good sign...


    Again, gauge the feeling by how you're interacting and body language, don't outstay your welcome but if you both want to hang out more then what's the harm in that?
  • Piers40

    Posts: 31

    May 09, 2013 10:13 AM GMT
    Thanks, all very good answers, I guess with the saying hi to someone you hooked up with, it can easily be misinterpreted, best to smile and nod, and if organically it develops to a friendship but don't expect anything...