Soo I have been diagnosed with having Body dysmorphic disorder (BDD), anyone have anything similair

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    May 09, 2013 10:53 PM GMT
    Very sensitive issue I'm about to discuss, but its the website, majority of people on here are outside the UK and there's hardly any gay men in my little suburb outside London, so i'm not going to hesitate being honest.

    I constantly worry about what others think about my appearance. It stems from school when I used to get racially abused for looking different and being born with a ugly face. It also stems from my family. My cousins always used to pick on me for being the darker skin shade of brown compared to my brothers and sisters, and for having a wide nose. My parents never stood up to me because in their culture its a norm there's no such word as depression in their native language. They're the ones who paid for my nose job which I now really regret and would do anything to go back to my old nose. They would rather me change my nose in order for them to find me a good wife since they believe in arranged marriages. They don't know I'm gay yet, and if they did I would get threats from my extended family as they are conservative Muslims, and also I'm in higher education at the moment, so I'm dependent on my parents on survival. I used to get teased at school for having man boobs. I obviously made an effort to lose weight, but they still stayed, so its the only cosmetic surgery I have no regrets for.

    Reading stories about people who changed their radically got me thinking, I do not want to end up like them hence Michael Jackson and Lil Kim as I had a thought about a 2nd nose job which I have made up my mind and am going to go against it. I know i needed help so I went to my doctor who to a clinical specialist and a therapist. After a few days of assements and quality time, my healthcare workers said It was likely I had developed Body dysmorphic disorder. For treatement I have been prescribed drugs fluoxetine. Its going to take up to 12 weeks to get effective, but I'm willing to work hard. I GP is going to monitor this and will be going to talking therapists with a sepcialist, cognitive behavioural therapy in other words. My practitioners suggested I talk to people as well about my problem. I cannot talk to my family about this because of fear, they live in a stupid honour system and would feel embarassed because of this and unsafe. I will be attending a community center for a club.

    I wanted to know if any men here have gone through anything similar. I would appreciate if you could share your journey with me. I really could do with some help. I been stupid and agreed with cosmetic surgery before, I don't want to waste any money now. I just need some quality tips and advice =)

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    May 10, 2013 5:59 AM GMT
    Well I always think I'm fat. No matter what I do, I just always feel like that. It's annoying, but I push past it.
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    May 10, 2013 6:07 AM GMT
    I don;t think you have BDD. Tbh I u should have just gotten ur nostrils brought it.
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    May 10, 2013 6:11 AM GMT
    Well, it's a good thing that you recognize your problem and taking steps to correct it.

    I see you are going to a therapist. Good. Please stick with. However long it may be. A few weeks, months, even years. Just stick with it. Even if it's not to talk about stuff relating to your body. It seems you have some issues related to your parents and religion you should also address while you are there.


    Second. NO MORE COSMETIC PROCEDURES!!!

    Enough is enough. In the end, I don't think you will find what you are looking for. And if anything, you may come out worse than you are. Trust me. People know when you are going overboard. You don't want to end up like this woman....

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2320679/Korean-woman-Hang-Mioku-injects-COOKING-OIL-face-refused-plastic-surgery.html


    Third, I think a safe and healthy way to improve your body and self esteem is by going to the gym. You may be nervous at first, but if you really stick to a diet and fitness regimine, you may find the confidence in your body you never knew you had.

    Good luck!!! icon_biggrin.gif
  • LJay

    Posts: 11612

    May 10, 2013 6:11 AM GMT
    Go with the behavioral therapy and don't worry about posting here. It can be a very good place to gather ideas because no one agrees with everything. The opposing ideas can get interesting.

    The prescription will help you to worry less. Be sure to tell your doctor if it is giving you any problems, but be sure to stay with it. A lot of the time that stuff is not really noticeable, so give it plenty of time.

    From your profile pic, you are a long way from ugly to the rest of the world. Try some moderate exercise. A good trainer is a lot cheaper than plastic surgery. Explain what you want to get in shape and aim for overall fitness. This will help you both physically and mentally. You don't have to overdo it, jut exercise for general fitness.

    Ask your behavioral therapist how to find some places to hang out that you will enjoy, just for fun.

    Good luck. I'd be willing to bet that, in six months, you will feel very differently about yourself.
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    May 10, 2013 6:17 AM GMT
    good grief buddy, you have a lot going on in your life. wow, i say you deal with being gay first, seeking therapy for your racial hang ups that you suffered as a child and your body dysmorphic disorder. i am familiar with that disorder. a lot of men and women suffer from this disorder. most trainers have a small case of it. however, you seem to have a lot more stuff going on as well. anyhow, i think you need to move away and see if you can survive on your own. that way if your parents do not accept you for being gay you can always fend for yourself
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    May 10, 2013 6:23 AM GMT
    I have quite similar issue when I was a kid, but not so severe as yours I think....
    When I was kid, I like getting attention because everyone ignores me...I tend to be very careful at what I do because if I do anything stupid, I fear that the other person may leave me...I have friends but they all like 'use & throw' type.

    Now I don't care what others think because, I changed the way I think.
    & BTW I didn't have any medication because, I was too afraid to tell my parents that I feel very lonely and depressed & I looked normal on the outside.

    The way I changed it is by knowing the real reason behind it...you know, it's all in the thinking(the mind)
    If a friend makes use of me, now I pity them for they don't know the value of a friend
    If someone teases me, I just think they are bad person who don't know how to behave
    If an elder ignores me, I just think I'm better than them for I have better understanding at pain than them
    If no one can help me, then I should help myself.
    This way of thinking helped me a lot...Honestly speaking, if I meet anyone, in most cases, I can feel that the other person shows more interest in me than I in them (unless they are arrogant, over confident kinda people.)

    you see...all you need is in the thinking or how you think about yourself and outside world.
    If you need anymore advice or ask any questions, feel free to mail me.


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    May 10, 2013 1:07 PM GMT
    My experience has been strikingly similar. Surgery, psychiatrists, therapists, all those disorders trying to create identity blah blah. . . That's a hell of a life. Advice given was only as good as my ability to receive it. Solutions often require work, an internal job, more than swallowing a pill. Not that medication can't help (or exercise), but like many thread subjects on RJ, solutions are willfully thrown to the waste. We ask for a solution sometimes confusing it with our need for pity, the inflated self. The world is built on quickfix and convenience, such as diagnosis. Why would we ever want to work for outcomes?

    There was never any amount of 'positive thinking' or 'push through' to get past it for me. Today I still don't even know what those phrases mean. Seeing my flaws in character is not a positive experience filled with rainbows and sunshines, and pushing through seems like a tact of avoidance; I've always been an expert at avoiding things so that couldn't work here. I had to learn the task of acceptance which had nothing to do with my body but everything to do with fear.

    Courage is the space between acceptance and prayer. Mystically speaking, prayer is work and work is prayer. All the hope in the world can't change something that's irreversible, only work and sometimes it's only the attitude towards it that changed. Look at the courage you just exhibited by telling your secret-- if anything it's a shift in the right direction.

    Today there are constants in my life:

    1) Self-esteem is built by doing esteemable acts. Sometimes these acts are humbling that's why they were never done before. My ego function is that I am either the most wonderful, beautiful person in the room or I'm the most arrogant, ugliest-- there is no middle ground. My lack of self-esteem, which rests in the middle, just meant I had a huge ego. I would do anything to feel special, good or bad. Losing ten pounds so I could fit into a swimsuit for summer with the motive of getting laid was not esteembale because the moment someone didn't wake up next to me was the moment I was un-OK.

    2) My differences are very few today. Through difference we create sameness not shame. Shame is the feeling that I was a mistake, and that I have no purpose. Today I have purpose-- I may not know what that purpose is always, but the question just doesn't matter so much nor am I entitled to the answer.

    3) What others think of me is none of my business. I'm prone to being self-centered and self-absorbed-- just like everyone else. As much as I'd like to think and make things all about me, there's probably only three people that wake up thinking of me everyday, and I'm one of the three.
    I.E. I get an electric bill in the mail every month. That is my business and only my business. I pay it, and my lights stay on-- dependency.

    If I act to solely gain a positive opinion or attention from someone else than it's just like paying the electric company. I'm naturally making it my business and their opinion is what 'keeps my lights on'. What happens when they run out of energy?

    The only true change is a change in the soul, and it's probably gonna hurt before it feels better. Acceptance is a brutal battlefield with hope being the cornerstone of misery.
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    May 10, 2013 6:06 PM GMT
    mintx saidI constantly worry about what others think about my appearance.


    I'm an "other" and I think your appearance is fine. I am sure there are other "others" on this site and in your life who think your appearance is fine. Focus on that and to Hell with your cruel family members who would attempt to tear you down to build themselves up. They are the pathetic ones.
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    May 12, 2013 7:20 PM GMT
    Thanks for sharing Guys =)
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    May 13, 2013 2:14 AM GMT
    I used to think my ass was too big. It's hard when you're gay and closeted and trying to be something you're not.... You just have to love yourself so you can make room for a guy to love you! icon_smile.gif
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    May 13, 2013 2:17 AM GMT
    Just looked at your pics. You're gorgeous! Stop worrying about your looks!!
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    May 13, 2013 10:00 PM GMT
    HottJoe saidI used to think my ass was too big. It's hard when you're gay and closeted and trying to be something you're not.... You just have to love yourself so you can make room for a guy to love you! icon_smile.gif


    I love big Asses icon_biggrin.gif....Hopefully I will be able to love myself one day pal x
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    May 13, 2013 10:03 PM GMT
    LittleDudeWithMuscles saidJust looked at your pics. You're gorgeous! Stop worrying about your looks!!


    I looked at your pics too and you are very handsome! Thanks for the compliment, maybe after effective therapy sessions and a few good months/years I will be able to see what you can see through your eyes icon_wink.gif
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    May 13, 2013 10:33 PM GMT
    i very much doubt you have textbook BDD. This is a very serious condition with severe psychological ramifications and your very decision not to get a second nosejob (which is a great step forward regardless of your diagnosis, congrats) suggests its more likely a simple image-based insecurity. An individual with BDD is more likely to diet themselves to near-oblivion, look in the mirror and say "I'm fat" or pile on pound after pound of pure muscle in the gym and see in the mirror the same 130-pound weakling they were in high school. On a more finite cosmetic note, a person with BDD might have a nose job to alter a perceived defect and, once healed, still see the same perceived defect in spite of the procedure. Your decision not to have another procedure removes you from that category
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    Jun 22, 2013 11:45 PM GMT
    I know all about Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD) since I've struggled with the way I look since I was 15. I've never liked the way I look. I didn't like it when I was 15 and I don't like it today.

    At one point I used to believe that the reason women weren't interested in me was because maybe they knew I really wasn't that into them (before I came to realize this for myself)

    Now I'm starting to wonder if men find me just as unattractive as women. Being unwanted by both sexes would tear me up inside because it would confirm my deepest held fear that I'm unworthy of being loved, but right now it would appear that's the case.