Hey guys (Silence is oppressive isn't it?)

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 10, 2013 7:40 AM GMT
    It's 3:40 am and I don't know why I am writing this but I am in a very confused place right now emotionally. Can I talk to someone just to unburden my mind?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 10, 2013 7:44 AM GMT
    What's on your mind?
  • Just_Tim

    Posts: 1723

    May 10, 2013 7:47 AM GMT
    What's the trouble?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 10, 2013 7:55 AM GMT
    I don't usually like posting the inner workings of my mind (for fear of being mocked or chicken little'd by the people here) but here goes...

    I'm just a bundle of feelings all mashed into one and I don't know what to feel which to process in the right order (damn neurotic mind kicking in begging for order, organization and structure) im just angry and sad and lonely and depressed all rolled into one and I dont know which to feel. But now for context, I'm stuck up here at Uni for the next couple of days (past deadlines) because my mom has an out of state business conference and can't pick me up (I cant drive) and so all of my friends have left and I am completely alone in a big empty dorm building outside of having the hall director come in at 9 am (this is the sad and lonely feelings) I'm depressed because due to finals I hadnt seen the bf in like 2 weeks (both been so busy and we pledged homework/grades before relationship) and Im just starving for attention/affection/just to fucking hold him Im angry because Im lonely and starving and no one is here for me, Im angry that my friends left and Im all alone, I desperately fear and hate being alone/abandoned. (God I feel like a neurotic nutcase lol- the silence/lack of other people here is getting to me- it's too damned quiet)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 10, 2013 8:08 AM GMT
    Well, we all get lonely sometimes. Just be thankful that you have friends, your BF and a mother there for you (except for right now, ofcourse.) You can always use this time alone to write, workout more, meet new people. . . Plenty of possibilities.

    How long until you get to see everyone again?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 10, 2013 8:11 AM GMT
    Mom will be back from her business conference (yay out of state business conferences that drag out away from things ) by Monday so yeah its another 3 days of silence. (More backgrounds, please don't try and placate someone who suffers from depression with "everyone gets lonely sometimes" for some even basic situations like this can be emotionally crushing a bit )
  • chadwick1985

    Posts: 391

    May 10, 2013 8:17 AM GMT
    I know the feeling. What kind of stuff do you have to keep yourself occupied?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 10, 2013 8:18 AM GMT
    graniteknighte saidMom will be back from her business conference (yay out of state business conferences that drag out away from things ) by Monday so yeah its another 3 days of silence. (More backgrounds, please don't try and placate someone who suffers from depression with "everyone gets lonely sometimes" for some even basic situations like this can be emotionally crushing a bit )


    Ha. Trust me, I am NOT trying to undermine depression in anyway. This is coming from someone who has been diagnosed with Bipolar disorder and goes through depression almost everyday. This is coming from someone who has been on Bupropion, Hydroxyizine, Effexon and depakote for the past year because of all the depression/insomnia I go through.

    I'm right there with you. I know how you're feeling.

    However, trying to meet new people, writing, and workingout (like I suggested in my last comment), always helps me free my mind.
  • chadwick1985

    Posts: 391

    May 10, 2013 8:20 AM GMT
    Is there anywhere you can go during the day? Shopping mall, movies etc. You don't have to have money to go to the mall. Sometimes just walking around and window shopping with other people around helps.

    I also hit the gym a lot when my roomies are all out. I don't know if you play online video games but if you do that usually kills time.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 10, 2013 8:26 AM GMT
    Funny you mention that. I had a friend of mine who is an amateur bodybuilder (ripped to dear sweet god hot yess and the perfect bubble ass that bounced when he walked) promise me, swear up and down that we would train this semester to get me over the last few bumps I've had (it really does make a difference for someone if they have someone there to protect you from your own insecurities and fears of worthlessness when at a gym) However, during like the beginning of the semester (couple of weeks in now) he just drops me abruptly and goes off to be with other friends/workout buddies, like (how the hell to phrase this correctly but you should know what I mean) the promises he made me didnt matter. (self deprecating laugh)

    So that kind of took the sails out of the whole let's go to the gym thing because of the fear of rejection I have and massively negative self image issues (more self deprecating laughter) I mean I've still dropped a shit ton of weight but I haven't bulked like he promised lol...
  • chadwick1985

    Posts: 391

    May 10, 2013 8:34 AM GMT
    I joined my gym 14 months ago. I went from 185/190 lbs of chewed bubblegum to where I am now. I haven't bulked up either despite my efforts, supplements etc. you have to learn to like yourself before you can expect people to like you.... I had to learn that. I go alone 99 percent of the time so I have learned to do it on my own. I know my body maybe nice for some to look at but honestly I don't do it for other people. I did it for me. Now that I like how I look without my shirt on I have more confidence and a higher self esteem.

    When I am bored and no one is around I go to bed early and wake up early so I can go out and do anything. From walking the mall, walking around down town, going to the gym etc.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 10, 2013 8:46 AM GMT
    I'm just still all jumbled up and I don't know what emotion to process first.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 10, 2013 8:50 AM GMT
    graniteknighte saidI'm just still all jumbled up and I don't know what emotion to process first.


    Why don't you get a trainer. It is very awkward training with people not on your level as it slows down both parties.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 10, 2013 8:53 AM GMT
    Short answer: I don't have the money, I am a poor college student lol.
    Long answer: I don't know where to look, I don't know how to trust them- I don't trust the world around me sometimes. (insert statement about always being judged and mocked and being made fun of here)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 10, 2013 10:33 AM GMT
    I'm just angry, deep down truly inside that im not worth what they(read as: the "betters" of society, the hotter, more attractive etc) are that I never got the attention they did, say what you will) but no one ever stopped and told me, reinforced in me "Hey, these are your positive traits" these make you a worthwhile person, so I'm here just average bloody me and that's not worth much is it?

    Any advice guys?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 10, 2013 10:37 AM GMT
    read a novel....It's great time pass, when no one is around.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 10, 2013 10:42 AM GMT
    graniteknighte saidI'm just angry, deep down truly inside that im not worth what they(read as: the "betters" of society, the hotter, more attractive etc) are that I never got the attention they did, say what you will) but no one ever stopped and told me, reinforced in me "Hey, these are your positive traits" these make you a worthwhile person, so I'm here just average bloody me and that's not worth much is it?

    Any advice guys?

    Don't look for attention, it only betrays you.
    You don't need someone to tell that you have these +ve traits. You can know all by yourself...If you have some good quality...quality which benefits not only you but also for others then it's a +ve trait...
    Just saying, no one is perfect and that includes me.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 10, 2013 10:49 AM GMT
    How can I know if I've never been taught to recognize them?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 10, 2013 10:57 AM GMT
    graniteknighte saidHow can I know if I've never been taught to recognize them?

    If you don't know, why don't you ask your friends? and then think about it yourself....
    If they give some +ve's don't be pleased.
    If they give some -ve's don't be upset.
    cause sometimes what looks -ve to others may actually is a +ve and same in the opposite.
    Just think about what they say whether you really have those qualities and decide it for yourself. If you think you have, focus on those, try to improve it if it is needed.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 10, 2013 6:16 PM GMT
    Yep, that sounds like me. I'm starting to wonder if all college students are like this on the inside.

    If I were you, I'd take the time to reflect on everything. Your family, your friends, your personal needs, and your current abilities.

    Maybe theres something you need to overcome so you can be alone in the future? Trust me, as much as you don't like it, it will come up alot so you should probably get used to it.

    Maybe it's time to learn how to drive? Or maybe get a part-time job so you can affort a personal trainer?

    I'll just finish up by telling you a bit about me. I am a college student like you. I have no money, no car, and no friends. I spent all my time doing homework, and using video games to escape an awful reality. But then I realized that I had no right to hate the world, when I was the one who needed to change. I've started changing. Over a year, I've lost 50 pounds. I've started applying to job, and I don't let the word "never" or "impossible" stop me. Obviously I want to do alot, but right now, I'm putting the wheels in motion, and that's enough for me.

    The most important thing is to focus on you. Based on your situation, obviously you have the right to be angry. But what can you do, how can you make yourself stronger, so this doesn't happen again?

    Feel free to message me anytime if you need someone to talk to. icon_biggrin.gif
  • Import

    Posts: 7190

    May 10, 2013 6:34 PM GMT
    Buy some weed, listen to some good music and just relax braah. Why u stressin?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 10, 2013 6:57 PM GMT
    i know that feeling, man. with that said, just play some video games or write your feelings down. you sound like you need a hug though.
  • FRE0

    Posts: 4863

    May 10, 2013 7:05 PM GMT
    Exercise can be a very effective way to help cope with unpleasant emotions. Running a few miles can work wonders. Even a long walk can be helpful. Although exercise may not actually solve problems, it can reduce tension enough to make rational thinking and planning possible.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 10, 2013 8:36 PM GMT
    Oh god, spare me.

    tumblr_inline_mi407hfvRJ1qz4rgp.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 10, 2013 9:22 PM GMT
    graniteknighte saidI'm just still all jumbled up and I don't know what emotion to process first.
    colleges usually offer counseling for free...