Social skill quality on dating sites/apps?

  • psycsnacha

    Posts: 161

    May 11, 2013 10:49 PM GMT
    What are your experiences with the quality of social skills online?

    Variable of course, but overall, the consensus (at least in NYC) is that communication quality is poor. What do you think are the reasons?

    I ask because I know many guys who complain about being chronically single, yet who's going to date you if your online social skills are poor (lol)?

    What do you think?
  • barriehomeboy

    Posts: 2475

    May 12, 2013 1:38 AM GMT
    It all went down the shitter a long time ago. Ever people face to face can't get it right today. The millennials are not to blame. They are victims of technology.
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    May 12, 2013 1:57 AM GMT
    The vast majority of people are stupid. You hear it daily listening in on stupid people talking on cellphones. Life used to be a mystery when people only spoke on a phone in their house or office, but with morons walking and talking all the time you realize how crass, banal and idiotic many people really are. The same is true with Internet everything, the stupids go online and communicate and chat and do whatever these semi-humans do.
  • psycsnacha

    Posts: 161

    May 12, 2013 2:44 AM GMT
    Agreed with the above. The instant gratification culture of ours lends itself to e-ADD and broken communication styles/skills

    I'd love to hear from guys who've had bad experiences, which make them guarded/timid when meeting others.

    What underlies the endless back in forth ("hey's" or other meaningless exchanges), random drops in communication, and random restarting of communication, that it takes to get some dudes offline and face to face?

    I'm a psychology/psychiatry fan so have always been curious as to why people communicate and behave in counterintuitive ways.

    Have any of you ever started a convo, communicated your interest, and outside of scheduling conflicts or find out something crazy about the other person, stopped at random? If so, why?




  • hrdcoach

    Posts: 19

    May 12, 2013 5:51 AM GMT
    People have identified two sources of the rudeness on line the desire for instant gratifacation, the other is poor conversation skills generally. Another reason is the nature of line comunication know one knows who you really are and no one really expects to see the people you meet online in real life. As long as this is true it's not likely to get better.
  • Amelorn

    Posts: 231

    May 12, 2013 11:03 AM GMT
    I see two problems in my area: (1) the generally uninteresting and (2) those catering to the(ir) lowest common denominator.

    "Generally uninteresting" is fairly universal. Most people that I have encountered really aren't much more than working drones looking forward to their next pay day, feeding, and/or fucking.

    In Brisbane, the bog standard man is basically a chap advertising "sports, beer, gym." It makes for some good aesthetics, but an utterly shallow and bland person to converse with. Sporting related conversations mean nothing. Beer is something I drink occasionally, and the gym is a place where I go to stave off the ravages of a Western diet. They are not lifestyles.

    Further, given the limitations of personal information on a site like manhunt (400 characters), it is often difficult to find something of substance to talk about. Most are not willing to put in the effort and are OK with the prospect of semi-anonymous sex. For better or worse, I require a basic connection before hopping into bed, or otherwise the sex stinks.

    Anyone putting in the effort to communicate is a rare jewel of a man, especially if he is under 30.

    Another musing: I wonder if the use of formal English is off-putting to those in the younger age group. I have never had a conversation work out where I write as I am accustomed to, and he replies in a rough blend of slang, liberal quantities of smilies, phonetic spellings, and (occasionally) a variety of ebonics.
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    May 12, 2013 11:55 AM GMT
    Yeah I chatted once with this really hot guy here on RJ. He was also local which I find to be very rare in my case for mutual visual attraction. Sad thing is, for some reason the conversation wasn't stimulating me at all. Looks are one thing, but if a guy can only chat about gym, stats and being bored, I got to say I loose interest pretty fast. I ended it before the conversation drove into a ditch and started discussing size, top, bottom etc. I guess I am just a hopeless intellectual Or maybe I just wasn't horny that night. icon_confused.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 12, 2013 7:00 PM GMT
    I am chronically single and don't know why. I've only been able to find lunatics to date. The last guy I dated was so whacked out he literally couldn't remember what side of the road to drive on. The guy before that was very secretive and I finally found out he already had someone. Most people here seem mature and intelligent. Maybe I'll get lucky. icon_wink.gif
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    May 12, 2013 8:09 PM GMT
    Amelorn saidI wonder if the use of formal English is off-putting to those in the younger age group. I have never had a conversation work out where I write as I am accustomed to, and he replies in a rough blend of slang, liberal quantities of smilies, phonetic spellings, and (occasionally) a variety of ebonics.


    I think it is.

    It was years before I realized I got along best with the people at work who had some sense of grammer.

    And TRUE DAT on everything said above.
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    May 12, 2013 9:35 PM GMT
    In my experience, the majority of guys I've talked to online didn't have many. I'm not saying I'm perfect, I'm the most introverted person I know and I am shy but I do try to at least be a little social. It's more easier when I have something in common with them.

    In the whole online thing, I met only one person who I felt a little connection with. He was much older than I was though but he looked attractive to me and we had a few things in common. The drawback was he was a somewhat closeted bi man. He started getting less communicative as time rolled on and that's what burned the little relationship out but compared to the other guys, he was probably the best in the beginning for me.

    Like another user said, I'm not one for meaningless anonymous flings. I would need at least some little connection to feel comfortable doing it. I feel this is a big reason why guys lose interest in me real fast. Moreso the people who chat me up with little words like this...

    Guy: Hey
    Me: Hey
    Guy: How are you doing?
    Me: I'm doing alright. How about you?
    Guy: Good but I'm a little horny. Got any dick pics?
    Me: Sorry, I don't do nude pictures.
    Guy: *doesn't respond*

    That's the majority of how some of the chats I get go. I don't post nude pictures and in my profile, I make it clear to not ask me but they still do. icon_rolleyes.gif

    I also have to agree with Integrity, I once chatted with a guy who I thought was hot on a site and all he would talk about was working out, being bored, and sex. And while that would be ideal for a lot of guys, it isn't for me. I like to workout but I don't like talking long periods about it. So the conversation wasn't very stimulating to me and I grew disinterested in the guy. So it proves looks open the door but it doesn't always mean you stay in. Or something like that. lol

    I also agree with the whole ebonics thing. I don't text/write in ebonics and when I do get someone who message me or I message and the type like that, it really makes me cringe a bit. lol
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    May 13, 2013 3:33 PM GMT
    And here I thought having chiseled abs was enough---now you want brains and brawn???


    OK fine, but I draw the line at kindness.icon_mad.gif
  • ThatSwimmerGu...

    Posts: 3755

    May 13, 2013 3:57 PM GMT
    From what i have noticed. The ones who just use text speak and have poor grammar seem to be only wanting dick pics.
    I feel like I'm lucky to get a full "How are you?" instead of "hru".
  • Amelorn

    Posts: 231

    May 15, 2013 10:13 PM GMT
    JohnSpotter said
    Amelorn saidI wonder if the use of formal English is off-putting to those in the younger age group. I have never had a conversation work out where I write as I am accustomed to, and he replies in a rough blend of slang, liberal quantities of smilies, phonetic spellings, and (occasionally) a variety of ebonics.


    I think it is.

    It was years before I realized I got along best with the people at work who had some sense of grammer.

    And TRUE DAT on everything said above.


    The problem: I am in that younger cohort, except I don't find shitty English cute.
  • psycsnacha

    Posts: 161

    May 15, 2013 11:04 PM GMT
    I can forgive grammar mishaps, as it's the "culture" of e-communication. However, an inability to sustain a point-directed exchange of convo when both parties clearly have a point that they'd like to reach, is a red flag for an idiot to me.
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    May 15, 2013 11:29 PM GMT
    "Online social skills" is an oxymoron.
  • psycsnacha

    Posts: 161

    May 15, 2013 11:53 PM GMT
    paulflexes said"Online social skills" is an oxymoron.


    For those without them. Yes. lol