Is having no friends a deal breaker for you?

  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    May 12, 2013 9:20 PM GMT
    I won't lie in saying that I do have friends because I really don't. It's not that I hate people, I just have a hard time connecting with them... The only friend I ever had where I currently live moved to a different state and well yeah. Personally, while there are times when I do get lonely, I learned to enjoy my own company. I listen to music, play a game, draw, exercise/workout, and I try to go out and about at least once or twice every week (by myself but still, I don't like being cooped up for too long lol).

    Anyway, it got me wondering that if I did meet a guy who I liked, would he be turned off that I don't have a booming social life? I'm not into drugs, alcohol, or partying. It's just not who I am and I don't think I should lie about who I am. I'd much rather be at a rock show then a party haha.

    So yeah, what about you? If you were dating someone or talking to someone and learned he had no friends, would it put you off and make you not want to talk to the guy anymore?
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    May 12, 2013 10:17 PM GMT
    Well! I think this may not be a problem if you give him an impression that you are ok for him to move with his friends, else this may be the Hidden dragon later. This is what most men fear for if i am not wrong. And for future, strike a balance in your relationship unlike you end up being alone at home, while he is out with his friends mostly or you end up realizing that he is not spending his time with you even if he is meeting his friends rarely.

    RJ is a Friendly and a fun place icon_smile.gif Lot of Good people to talk to via Forums especially during hard times which is what I have learnt.
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    May 12, 2013 10:29 PM GMT
    the entire concept of having no friends is a little foreign to me, so it would definitely raise my curiosity. I wouldn't call it a deal breaker but it doesn't begin things on a good start. Personality would probably be the 'moment of truth' , if the guys all clingy, low confidence, etc etc (probably more common among ppl with no friends) it would kill my buzz, and reinforce the reasoning of why this person has no friends. So...make sure you don't act like you fit into that stereotype, and things will go better.
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    May 12, 2013 10:34 PM GMT
    It could just mean they are introverted and prefer to not associate with others. I'm very much introverted and as lucky as I am I have managed to make a few friends, and even then, It gets physically and mentally draining just hanging out with them.

    It wouldn't be a deal breaker for me.
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    May 12, 2013 11:27 PM GMT
    No, it wouldn't be a deal-breaker for me.

    Growing up, I was a very shy kid who had trouble making friends. I remember clearly the feelings of isolation and loneliness that I felt.

    Things have changed as I've gotten older - I'm much more confident and outgoing now, with a healthy circle of friends. However, I would never pass judgement on someone for having social difficulties, having experienced it firsthand. In fact, I would probably go out of my way to make that person feel as included as possible in my social life. Ditto even if he was just a friend rather than a potential boyfriend.

    On thing though - you probably will want to have an easy answer handy for the question of "why?, since it will inevitably come up.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    May 12, 2013 11:31 PM GMT
    My fiancé doesn't have a lot of friends, and I have quite a few friends. It's not a big deal!
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    May 12, 2013 11:46 PM GMT
    I don't know why you assume that people only have friends to do drugs and party. Some people make friends playing games, work out with friends, to concerts with friends. You find things you like doing and you meet others with similar interests.

    It's probably not an issue if you don't act like it's an issue. It means you'd have more time to spend with a guy you're dating.

    If I went on a date with a guy and he said he had no friends, it would raise a warning flag. It wouldn't be a deal breaker, but it would get me thinking.
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    May 14, 2013 4:34 AM GMT
    Macaque saidI don't know why you assume that people only have friends to do drugs and party. Some people make friends playing games, work out with friends, to concerts with friends. You find things you like doing and you meet others with similar interests.

    It's probably not an issue if you don't act like it's an issue. It means you'd have more time to spend with a guy you're dating.

    If I went on a date with a guy and he said he had no friends, it would raise a warning flag. It wouldn't be a deal breaker, but it would get me thinking.


    I never stated that those are the only people who have friends or those are the only activities people are into. I just brought that up because here in Vegas where I live, the majority of guys are interested in that lifestyle. Not that it's bad but like I said, I'm not a "life of the party" type of person. And yes, I have tried meeting people through interests but it never worked out for too long so that's all I meant in saying that I just have a hard time connecting with people.

    And again, there are times where I just don't mind going places on my own. Heck, for my 19th birthday, I went to a concert all by myself. Weird at first but I got relaxed once the bands started playing. So I guess part of me just got used to being all by myself.

    But okay, that's fair that you would raise suspicion on the guy. At least you're honest. icon_smile.gif

    VenkyjockWell! I think this may not be a problem if you give him an impression that you are ok for him to move with his friends, else this may be the Hidden dragon later. This is what most men fear for if i am not wrong. And for future, strike a balance in your relationship unlike you end up being alone at home, while he is out with his friends mostly or you end up realizing that he is not spending his time with you even if he is meeting his friends rarely.

    RJ is a Friendly and a fun place Lot of Good people to talk to via Forums especially during hard times which is what I have learnt.


    Oh well speaking for myself, I would have no problem if my boyfriend wanted to go hang with his friends. I have hobbies of my own that can hold my interest in so it really wouldn't be a problem haha.

    Adorexiathe entire concept of having no friends is a little foreign to me, so it would definitely raise my curiosity. I wouldn't call it a deal breaker but it doesn't begin things on a good start. Personality would probably be the 'moment of truth' , if the guys all clingy, low confidence, etc etc (probably more common among ppl with no friends) it would kill my buzz, and reinforce the reasoning of why this person has no friends. So...make sure you don't act like you fit into that stereotype, and things will go better.


    I think it's a little bit unfair of a generalization to assume that guys with friends have the traits you described but I won't argue because well... There is truth to it. I can admit that I don't have the most confidence in myself (It varies really, some days I feel proud and tall, other days, I feel a bit down). At least I can admit it. lol
    In any case, thanks for your honesty.

    MesmerIt could just mean they are introverted and prefer to not associate with others. I'm very much introverted and as lucky as I am I have managed to make a few friends, and even then, It gets physically and mentally draining just hanging out with them.

    It wouldn't be a deal breaker for me.


    I can relate. I can handle one or two people but if it's a crowd, it can be emotionally drowning for me. I wish I could change that but I just don't have the correct anxiety, at least not yet.

    Thanks for your opinion nonetheless.

    dc0776No, it wouldn't be a deal-breaker for me.

    Growing up, I was a very shy kid who had trouble making friends. I remember clearly the feelings of isolation and loneliness that I felt.

    Things have changed as I've gotten older - I'm much more confident and outgoing now, with a healthy circle of friends. However, I would never pass judgement on someone for having social difficulties, having experienced it firsthand. In fact, I would probably go out of my way to make that person feel as included as possible in my social life. Ditto even if he was just a friend rather than a potential boyfriend.

    On thing though - you probably will want to have an easy answer handy for the question of "why?, since it will inevitably come up.


    Well that's cool. I can relate. I was much more painfully shy when I was younger. Being a little older, I'm a little more socialble but only a little. I'm just not very good in social situations but I'm working on it.
    I'm happy you were able to come out of your shell more though, that's awesome. icon_smile.gif

    HotJoeMy fiancé doesn't have a lot of friends, and I have quite a few friends. It's not a big deal!


    Haha coolness. icon_smile.gif





  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 14, 2013 8:52 AM GMT
    He might think you're slightly odd for not having a social life so yeah.. It can be a deal breaker for some.
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    May 14, 2013 1:43 PM GMT
    In the past I wouldn't have thought much of it but now I'd at least have to take that into consideration as one of my closest friends who completely burned me was otherwise friendless. I was seriously her only friend in the world at the time.

    She was friendly with her many siblings so I guess I gave that a pass. When I met her, she did have one friend, a guy I liked, but during our 20 year friendship, he disappeared. When I asked her about that, she told me he'd met another women who didn't like her so she doesn't see him anymore. Only after she screwed me years later did I figure out what she'd done to him.

    She was an emotionally needy person yet had trouble with intimacy so I helped her as I could and never expected much back. I utilized a professor friend of mine to help her get her Masters when she was screwing up, I talked her through some boyfriend trouble when she gave that a try, I helped her understand some issues between her and her siblings, her and her mother. I really tried to be there for her. She had some very good qualities and that's what I focused on. I even instructed her on lucid dreaming whereby she was able to develop an experience with one. It only lasted seconds but she remembered it for the remainder of our relationship together. She'll remember that for life.

    So for 20 years, I was there for her. And then right when life threw me into death, when my bud died and my mom died and my dog died all at about the same time, right when I needed my friends, she fucked me over like I was some dangerous stranger, closing the door and locking it on our relationship. I couldn't fucking believe it. I should have known better. Now I know. Her one and only other friend never walked away from her. She threw him out, pushed him out of her life when he got too close. Maybe when he needed some support. She had no friends from growing up, kept no friends from school, had no friends at work. Never went to lunch with a colleague.

    Now I've known other people who screw people who are very adapt at making new friends and some of them go through people like toilet paper. So I would imagine that, conversely, there must people who don't make friends readily but who might be loyal if they ever managed to find the right person for them. So I don't discount it entirely, but it does now raise suspicion in my mind.
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    May 14, 2013 2:13 PM GMT
    That definitely raises a red flag. There might be reasons about it, like if one has been locked up for several years in their palace. But if one can't reach out to others in a platonic friendly manner, I can see it being difficult and problematic for that person reaching out at a more intimate level.
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    May 15, 2013 12:47 AM GMT
    Mcjr20 saidHe might think you're slightly odd for not having a social life so yeah.. It can be a deal breaker for some.


    Yeah well, at least you're truthful.


    MavoumeenLack of freinds is not at all deal breaker for me when it comes to dating a guy.
    I am an introvert person and usually don't start a conversation, but people find me affable and I do have friends. I'm equally comfy hanging out with them as I'm being alone at home reading. So, I will never have a problem with a guy who says he doesn't have any friends or doesn't have an exciting social life.


    Well that's nice that you aren't too bothered by the fact.

    theantijockIn the past I wouldn't have thought much of it but now I'd at least have to take that into consideration as one of my closest friends who completely burned me was otherwise friendless. I was seriously her only friend in the world at the time.

    She was friendly with her many siblings so I guess I gave that a pass. When I met her, she did have one friend, a guy I liked, but during our 20 year friendship, he disappeared. When I asked her about that, she told me he'd met another women who didn't like her so she doesn't see him anymore. Only after she screwed me years later did I figure out what she'd done to him.

    She was an emotionally needy person yet had trouble with intimacy so I helped her as I could and never expected much back. I utilized a professor friend of mine to help her get her Masters when she was screwing up, I talked her through some boyfriend trouble when she gave that a try, I helped her understand some issues between her and her siblings, her and her mother. I really tried to be there for her. She had some very good qualities and that's what I focused on. I even instructed her on lucid dreaming whereby she was able to develop an experience with one. It only lasted seconds but she remembered it for the remainder of our relationship together. She'll remember that for life.

    So for 20 years, I was there for her. And then right when life threw me into death, when my bud died and my mom died and my dog died all at about the same time, right when I needed my friends, she fucked me over like I was some dangerous stranger, closing the door and locking it on our relationship. I couldn't fucking believe it. I should have known better. Now I know. Her one and only other friend never walked away from her. She threw him out, pushed him out of her life when he got too close. Maybe when he needed some support. She had no friends from growing up, kept no friends from school, had no friends at work. Never went to lunch with a colleague.

    Now I've known other people who screw people who are very adapt at making new friends and some of them go through people like toilet paper. So I would imagine that, conversely, there must people who don't make friends readily but who might be loyal if they ever managed to find the right person for them. So I don't discount it entirely, but it does now raise suspicion in my mind.


    That's horrible. Well, I guess if I met someone like that who used me like that, I would be suspicious too... Sorry that happened...

    AidenmaximusThat definitely raises a red flag. There might be reasons about it, like if one has been locked up for several years in their palace. But if one can't reach out to others in a platonic friendly manner, I can see it being difficult and problematic for that person reaching out at a more intimate level.


    Well there could be many reasons on why people don't have friends but I guess it's fair to automatically raise a red flag when you hear it.

  • barriehomeboy

    Posts: 2475

    May 15, 2013 12:56 AM GMT
    If you meet this fictive new boyfriend online, then he'll be familiar with the concept of having no friends because that's why 90% of the guys on sites like RealJock are on them. Social misfits.

    If you find some guy in your realworld surroundings who is interested in you and asks about your friends, just lie. Tell him they all just moved away or were killed in a horrific airplane crash or something.

    Having no friends isn't a deal breaker but it makes the brakes go screeeech for someone who is trying to figure out if you're a potential soulmate.
  • Eccomi09

    Posts: 203

    May 15, 2013 12:57 AM GMT
    Elysian_Fields saidI won't lie in saying that I do have friends because I really don't. It's not that I hate people, I just have a hard time connecting with them... The only friend I ever had where I currently live moved to a different state and well yeah. Personally, while there are times when I do get lonely, I learned to enjoy my own company. I listen to music, play a game, draw, exercise/workout, and I try to go out and about at least once or twice every week (by myself but still, I don't like being cooped up for too long lol).

    Anyway, it got me wondering that if I did meet a guy who I liked, would he be turned off that I don't have a booming social life? I'm not into drugs, alcohol, or partying. It's just not who I am and I don't think I should lie about who I am. I'd much rather be at a rock show then a party haha.

    So yeah, what about you? If you were dating someone or talking to someone and learned he had no friends, would it put you off and make you not want to talk to the guy anymore?


    Nothing wrong with being introverted. I don't have many close friends because I enjoy it that way. I also end up staying out of the fray with drama. Win-Win!
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    May 15, 2013 12:57 AM GMT
    Well, I guess I got my answer. Might as well look into getting a dog (like cats but not much of a cat person lol).

    But on a serious note, it's interesting to hear all your thoughts on the matter. When I think about my past relations with people, I really was heavily introverted and shy. I would get nervous talking to people, especially in groups and I didn't always initiate first contact. When I was in elemetary school, I did make 2 friends who I became close-knit with but they were 2 years younger then me and by the time they got to middle school, we all drifted apart.. In middle school, I did make 3 friends around my apartment complex and they were great but they moved away. And then in high school, that's where I became more of a loner who didn't really fit in anywhere. I did have a few acquaintances but nothing really on a friend level. And when I had to move during my junior year, I had no one at all. I still remember this one day where I tried to make friends with this girl who I'd see walking to school the same route I took and everything seemed fine at first. Then the next day, she avoided me and her and her friends all pointed and laughed at me... I think that's where I felt the lowest of the low heh.

    Seriously, my twin brother got all the extrovertedness. He has like tons of friends and has no problem making new ones. Definitely was more popular and well liked lol. (If you have ever seen the show 8 Simple Rules, that's the best example I can think of). But yeah, I definitely was the shadow. So I don't really know. At this point, I just don't have the luck making friends and while I have gotten a tiny bit more out of my shell, I still have problems.
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    May 15, 2013 1:01 AM GMT
    Eccomi09 said
    Elysian_Fields saidI won't lie in saying that I do have friends because I really don't. It's not that I hate people, I just have a hard time connecting with them... The only friend I ever had where I currently live moved to a different state and well yeah. Personally, while there are times when I do get lonely, I learned to enjoy my own company. I listen to music, play a game, draw, exercise/workout, and I try to go out and about at least once or twice every week (by myself but still, I don't like being cooped up for too long lol).

    Anyway, it got me wondering that if I did meet a guy who I liked, would he be turned off that I don't have a booming social life? I'm not into drugs, alcohol, or partying. It's just not who I am and I don't think I should lie about who I am. I'd much rather be at a rock show then a party haha.

    So yeah, what about you? If you were dating someone or talking to someone and learned he had no friends, would it put you off and make you not want to talk to the guy anymore?


    Nothing wrong with being introverted. I don't have many close friends because I enjoy it that way. I also end up staying out of the fray with drama. Win-Win!


    Well that's cool. I mean, that you don't have to deal with drama. I'm the same way too. I may not have had any friends in high school but I observed enough to know that a lot of groups had drama and I was thankful I didn't have to deal with that.

    barriehomeboyIf you meet this fictive new boyfriend online, then he'll be familiar with the concept of having no friends because that's why 90% of the guys on sites like RealJock are on them. Social misfits.

    If you find some guy in your realworld surroundings who is interested in you and asks about your friends, just lie. Tell him they all just moved away or were killed in a horrific airplane crash or something.

    Having no friends isn't a deal breaker but it makes the brakes go screeeech for someone who is trying to figure out if you're a potential soulmate.


    I guess so... I don't know if I'd be a good liar though... heh.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 15, 2013 1:06 AM GMT
    What do you mean you have no friends? hehe, of course everyone has some sort of friends to a certain degree. It is not a deal breaker for me, Whoever I'm dating in the future, I like to be friends first then get to know him, his friends .... and him to know my friends !! etc.
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    May 15, 2013 1:40 AM GMT
    Not a deal breaker for me. Though it would make me curious as to why.
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    May 15, 2013 1:44 AM GMT
    I say this often, but it bears repeating. No matter what you may think are your flaws, someone will like you exactly the way you are.

    What you have to decide is whether you like being this way or would prefer to change.

    If you are happy being antisocial, find a partner who is antisocial as well. This only works if you can stand to be around each other. Otherwise, get a dog. But don't become one of those people who put their pets before their human relationships, or you will definitely be alone forever.

    If you would rather learn to be more extroverted, find a partner who will welcome you into his circle of friends, someone who is accepting of your shyness and wants to help you overcome it.

    As a recovering shy person, I can empathize with you. My first boyfriend was extremely antisocial (in a shy way, not an obnoxious way). I had to let him go when I realized that he was reinforcing my old, bad habits. I need to be with someone who will encourage me in the direction of growth, like every boyfriend since. Live and learn. But that's me. Only you can decide what is right for you.
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    May 15, 2013 1:46 AM GMT
    And BTW, you have been managing this discussion with aplomb, despite there being several participants. Perhaps you are more capable than you realize?
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    May 15, 2013 2:19 AM GMT
    I can kind of coalesce with your sentiment. I'm an only child and latch key kid raised by an single mom who was rarely around. I never really fit in in high school cause it was ghetto and I'm not. I had a small circle of friends but we went in separate directions in life and we grew apart. So, I guess my isolation is kind of self imposed but I'd rather be alone than in bad company. Anyway lately I've been getting out and doing all the activities on my bucket list and have been meeting nice people in the process.

    I would take shortbutsweet's advice and try to find someone that will help get you out of your shell.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 15, 2013 2:24 AM GMT
    Who needs friends

    I-dont-hate-people-I-just-feel.jpg
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    May 15, 2013 4:11 AM GMT
    shortbutsweet saidI say this often, but it bears repeating. No matter what you may think are your flaws, someone will like you exactly the way you are.

    What you have to decide is whether you like being this way or would prefer to change.



    This is excellent advice!
  • Joeyphx444

    Posts: 2382

    May 15, 2013 4:18 AM GMT
    No way
    I'd be more weary if you had A LOT of friends
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    May 15, 2013 4:19 AM GMT
    I don't know if it'd be a deal breaker, but I would be a little confused.

    I think I'd be more comfortable knowing that they have close friends, and I'm not their main social outlet.