How can I convince my parents to allow me more freedom?

  • easterndude69

    Posts: 632

    May 12, 2013 10:52 PM GMT
    Okay, so I'm 20 and I'm coming home from college for summer once again. But I wanna have a good time during the summer with my friends, go places, party out late, etc. I still live in my parents' house though. They don't let me stay out late or drink. I still drink anyway and still plan to when I can get away with it without them knowing. They don't want me drinking because it got me in trouble with the school last year, but I haven't gotten into trouble since then and I still drink and party even though they don't want me to. I also smoke weed, which I doubt they'd approve of. They also always want to know where I am where I'm going, when I'll be back, etc. They don't like me being out too late either, but in college, I stay out late often, so I wanna be able to do that at home as well. I would move out, but I don't have a car and only 1000 in the bank(I discussed this in another topic), so it prob wouldn't be a good idea. Still, I want to have a fun summer with my friends and do the things I want to do without them cutting off my college funding.

    What can I do to convince them to allow me a bit more freedom and allow me to stay out late/overnight. I get good grades, have a 3.5 GPA, am in good standing with judicial at my school now, and I still talk to them even while away and we're friendly with one another, but it's difficult to get them to trust me. I'm also trying to get them to let me go to a music festival in a week to perform at cause I just joined a band with some friends and there's a 2-night music festival we're performing at. I would just do as I please, but I wanna be respectful to them so as to not have them cut off my college funding, cause I can't pay for it on my own at this point. Also, I feel like they'd disapprove of my friends since they do drink and smoke, but they're good ppl and they treat me as a friend should, so I know they're my friends. How can I let them allow me some more freedom? Any ideas?
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    May 12, 2013 11:00 PM GMT
    maybe you should learn to respect your parents first and that way they'll respect you back. some of the things you mentioned such as them being okay with you drinking at your age, i don't know where you think any respectable parent would give you a pass for that shit. that's underage drinking. some things are better left unknown to your parents and you fucked up in terms of that. why do you think that your parents would be cool with you drinking at your age period?

    if you want to do your own thing, you need to move out. otherwise, your parents home=their rules. on terms of staying out late. that's different, you should let your parents know who your friends are to an extent that way it would be harder for them to say no to you if you want to stay out late. getting a car will help too.
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    May 12, 2013 11:07 PM GMT
    You're 20, and admit to drinking and smoking weed...publicly, online?

    If you want your parents to treat you as a mature adult, it would help to act like one. icon_wink.gif
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    May 12, 2013 11:08 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidYou're 20, and admit to drinking and smoking weed...publicly, online?

    If you want your parents to treat you as a mature adult, it would help to act like one. icon_wink.gif


    that's typical shit that people around their 20s do though. i did both around his age but i damn sure didn't let my parents know about that shit. they would have a fit.


    i think dude doesn't realize that he's not going to have the same taste of freedom living back at home with his parents then how he was in college. his parents and the world around him didn't change when he went off to school.
  • easterndude69

    Posts: 632

    May 12, 2013 11:08 PM GMT
    pazzy saidmaybe you should learn to respect your parents first and that way they'll respect you back. some of the things you mentioned such as them being okay with you drinking at your age, i don't know where you think any respectable parent would give you a pass for that shit. that's underage drinking. some thing are better left unknown to your parents and you fucked up in terms of that.

    if you want to do your own thing, you need to move out. otherwise, your parents home=their rules.


    Well, now they are under the impression that I don't drink(which is not true of course). My dad was ok about it before I got in trouble with it from the school. He suspected it because it's college and my sisters drink(though not often- and they rarely get drunk). Well, they don't need to be ok with that as there are ways to get away with it without them knowing.
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    May 12, 2013 11:10 PM GMT
    There has to be that trust, trust = more freedom. It's funny that you want freedom from your parents while I want my parents to leave me alone asking that I should get out more, and make some more friends.

    Want to trade lives? icon_smile.gif
  • easterndude69

    Posts: 632

    May 12, 2013 11:11 PM GMT
    pazzy said
    paulflexes saidYou're 20, and admit to drinking and smoking weed...publicly, online?

    If you want your parents to treat you as a mature adult, it would help to act like one. icon_wink.gif


    that's typical shit that people around their 20s do though. i did both around his age but i damn sure didn't let my parents know about that shit though.


    Agreed. Alot of ppl do those things around their 20s. I don't think of it as immature or irresponsible if it's not harming anyone and you're on the good side of the law. But I guess it's a perspective thing. I feel you can be responsible and still do those things though. And this is an online forum, so of course I'm gonna speak my mind and not worry about who consequentially hears it. There's no one on this site that I know of from real life.
  • easterndude69

    Posts: 632

    May 12, 2013 11:13 PM GMT
    Mesmer saidThere has to be that trust, trust = more freedom. It's funny that you want freedom from your parents while I want my parents to leave me alone asking that I should get out more, and make some more friends.

    Want to trade lives? icon_smile.gif


    Yes, let's do it!icon_lol.gif Haha but I get what you mean. Some people just want time to themselves, and then there are those parents that want you out all the time. My younger brother feels that way, because he just wants to be inside all day playing video games and on his computer. My parents think that's lazy though and urge him to get outside more and call some people up to hang out.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    May 12, 2013 11:16 PM GMT
    Smoke moar weed!!icon_cool.gif
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    May 12, 2013 11:17 PM GMT
    easterndude69 said
    pazzy saidmaybe you should learn to respect your parents first and that way they'll respect you back. some of the things you mentioned such as them being okay with you drinking at your age, i don't know where you think any respectable parent would give you a pass for that shit. that's underage drinking. some thing are better left unknown to your parents and you fucked up in terms of that.

    if you want to do your own thing, you need to move out. otherwise, your parents home=their rules.


    Well, now they are under the impression that I don't drink(which is not true of course). My dad was ok about it before I got in trouble with it from the school. He suspected it because it's college and my sisters drink(though not often- and they rarely get drunk). Well, they don't need to be ok with that as there are ways to get away with it without them knowing.


    that's what you have to do. icon_wink.gif at least until you're 21. not just with your parents BUT at school too since you're underaged. as much as this sucks, you legally can't drink and underage drinking is an offense. treat it like weed for the moment. even when you're 21, you still gotta be careful because the police and schools will get you for public intoxication so you're not entirely off the hook with drinking.

    you're better off living on your own though if you want to do everything at home and have your freedom. start off by getting yourself a car.
  • easterndude69

    Posts: 632

    May 12, 2013 11:18 PM GMT
    HottJoe saidSmoke moar weed!!icon_cool.gif


    They don't know that I even do smoke. I bet they wouldn't approve of it, so I'd never tell them. At least it's easy to get away with...as long as I do it away from home. It's hard to tell if someone's high.icon_lol.gif
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    May 12, 2013 11:22 PM GMT
    easterndude69 said
    Mesmer saidThere has to be that trust, trust = more freedom. It's funny that you want freedom from your parents while I want my parents to leave me alone asking that I should get out more, and make some more friends.

    Want to trade lives? icon_smile.gif


    Yes, let's do it!icon_lol.gif Haha but I get what you mean. Some people just want time to themselves, and then there are those parents that want you out all the time. My younger brother feels that way, because he just wants to be inside all day playing video games. My parents think that's lazy though.


    Well, my parents thought there was something wrong with me, when I was in public school, that because I didn't have any friends, and my quite disposition that I was in some form of depression, so they sent me to see a therapist. Found out that I was just introverted. So they always push me to make friends, and encourage me to get out of the house more.

    I sometimes envy extroverted people like yourself, but then I start drawing on my sketch pad or star playing the piano then I forget about it, lol. icon_razz.gif
  • easterndude69

    Posts: 632

    May 12, 2013 11:32 PM GMT
    pazzy said
    easterndude69 said
    pazzy saidmaybe you should learn to respect your parents first and that way they'll respect you back. some of the things you mentioned such as them being okay with you drinking at your age, i don't know where you think any respectable parent would give you a pass for that shit. that's underage drinking. some thing are better left unknown to your parents and you fucked up in terms of that.

    if you want to do your own thing, you need to move out. otherwise, your parents home=their rules.


    Well, now they are under the impression that I don't drink(which is not true of course). My dad was ok about it before I got in trouble with it from the school. He suspected it because it's college and my sisters drink(though not often- and they rarely get drunk). Well, they don't need to be ok with that as there are ways to get away with it without them knowing.


    that's what you have to do. icon_wink.gif at least until you're 21. not just with your parents BUT at school too since you're underaged. as much as this sucks, you legally can't drink and underage drinking is an offense. treat it like weed for the moment. even when you're 21, you still gotta be careful because the police and schools will get you for public intoxication so you're not entirely off the hook with drinking.

    you're better off living on your own though if you want to do everything at home and have your freedom. start off by getting yourself a car.


    Yeah that's true. That's how I'm playing it. I feel like if I got a car, my parents would still try to control when I use it because they would feel they have that authority. But as long as I had enough saved up then to pay for my car and apartment, yeah, I would move out then.

    I'm thinking I may need to push them a little. Someone in the other topic mentioned that I could negotiate with them or push them more and more(and frustrate them) by staying out later than they want me to(or overnight). They could threaten to cut off my college funding as a result, but it prob wouldn't last long. They'd cool off and decide to still pay it.

    I think I might try just telling them what I'm doing, but not seeking their permission to- unless it requires the car, that I would need permission for, and then I'll tell them when I will be back or if I'm going to stay overnight, then have my friends pick me up and go out. I wouldn't make it a big deal, I'd just let them know every time I'm going out. I'd be like "I'm going to my friend's party. I'm crashing at his place. I'll be back in the morning or early afternoon." For this music festival(this is tricky), I'd prob be like "Hey, I'm in a band now and we have concerts this weekend at a music festival. I'll be staying overnight for two nights camping out with them. I'll be back on like Sunday afternoon probably." Actually I haven't brought it up to them yet; the tricky part is that I'd be gone for 2 nights, almost 3 days. They didn't like it when I went out with my friends and stayed overnight in a hotel; they got the impression that my friend was a travel agent/entrepeneur, so that's why I'm thinking they might not let me stay overnight at a festival. I need to stay at least one night there, or have them drive me back and forward two days. But then it wouldn't be as much fun, and I do want to hang out with my friends in the band there.
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    May 12, 2013 11:45 PM GMT
    All that really matters in your situation is "Their house, their rules."
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    May 12, 2013 11:49 PM GMT
    dudewithabeard saidAll that really matters in your situation is "Their house, their rules."

    Wow ... Exactly what I was going to say ... Until you are on your own, you need to abide by their rules
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    May 12, 2013 11:53 PM GMT
    AMoonHawk said
    dudewithabeard saidAll that really matters in your situation is "Their house, their rules."

    Wow ... Exactly what I was going to say ... Until you are on your own, you need to abide by their rules


    Great wise minds think alike icon_wink.gif
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    May 12, 2013 11:56 PM GMT
    If you don't want their rules, stay near school over the summer.

    Your next option is to show your parents that you are being responsible. Use that to get them to allow you more freedom. Get a job, take a class or two, volunteer. Show your parents that you are doing something productive with your summer and they might back off and let you have some time to have fun too.
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    May 12, 2013 11:58 PM GMT
    You'll have plenty of freedom in another year or two when you graduate and then you on your own!
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    May 13, 2013 12:05 AM GMT
    dudewithabeard said
    AMoonHawk said
    dudewithabeard saidAll that really matters in your situation is "Their house, their rules."

    Wow ... Exactly what I was going to say ... Until you are on your own, you need to abide by their rules


    Great wise minds think alike icon_wink.gif

    Yeaaaah baby!icon_biggrin.gificon_wink.gif
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    May 13, 2013 12:24 AM GMT
    You don't get freedom by asking...you have to earn it...
    earn it by actions, not by requests...
    one of the best ways is to gain their confidence towards you...
    but, how to gain?
    Listen to what they say, do what they say...wait, wait...
    what if, something they say to you is wrong in your view?
    this is where you'll get a chance to gain confidence...
    prove them that they are wrong(don't do it in an insulting way)...and then...it is followed by them having confidence towards your judgement, actions...and finally towards you.
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    May 13, 2013 12:33 AM GMT
    I have a spare bedroom.
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    May 13, 2013 1:34 AM GMT
    Ask for respect. If they don't give it to you, respect their decision. It's hard to do anything when you are under their thumb, trust me.

    Is it possible to stay with a friend for a couple of days? Maybe someone can give you a break and let you stay over every once in awhile.
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    May 13, 2013 1:38 AM GMT
    turbobilly saidI have a spare bedroom.


    and no rules.

    My brother loves telling his kids: Why don't you just go to your uncle's house. He's got no rules.

    To the OP, sorry, but you already screwed up. You were supposed to have the rents trained by the time you hit 14. So you can just kiss those dreams of subsidized independence goodbye.
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    May 13, 2013 10:54 PM GMT
    As long as you're taking their money...they make the rules.
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    May 13, 2013 11:21 PM GMT
    I seriously think the question you should be asking is "How can I convince my parents that I deserve more freedom?"

    I agree with what many Rjers have said so you pretty much just have to step up and show that you can have fun but still be responsible and avoid trouble. You certainly don't have to be locked in your room for the whole summer to show them that, it's all about the choices you make that shows respect for them and for yourself.
    Just two side notes:
    1. As much as some people find this hard to believe, one doesn't have to be drunk to have fun.
    2. Hardly will parents bargain their children college funding over irreverence and disrespecting household rules. So try to look at these rules as your parents genuine concern over you and their way to protect you. Trust me, makes it so much easier to understand their side and take their demands into consideration, when you're still having the fun you want!

    But seriously, man, just enjoy! What you don't do today, you'll do tomorrow, and if you don't do this, you'll do that. Enjoy the ride! Enjoy the summeeeer!

    Cheers