Fat boy syndrome and dating....

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 13, 2013 5:30 AM GMT
    Hey guys, first off I'd like to say that it's nice meeting a lot of you guys. I am new to this site and have already found wonderful & helpful threads in regards to health and fitness.

    Just a little background/introduction on myself:

    I am sort of in a dilemma right now... well maybe for the past 5 years. I used to weigh 240 lbs and slimmed down to about 170 (with just cardio and diet), I was "skinnier" but still unhealthy (skinny fat). I recently got a personal trainer a few weeks ago and have been starting my strength training routine, and have been seeing great results.

    I have no relationship experience. I realize that I am still young and have opportunities ahead for this type of thing. But I seem to have the "fat-boy syndrome" mentality still. No matter what I see in the mirror now, however more toned I am - I still see my old fat self and I cant seem to get over it. I feel like this is keeping me back from dating guys.

    How do I go about overcoming this battle that I have with myself? I feel like gay standards are up so high.

    Thanks.... and sorry for the long post. icon_redface.gif
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    May 13, 2013 8:21 AM GMT
    disregard gay standards, acquire happiness
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 13, 2013 8:50 AM GMT
    Persian_Leo saidHey guys, first off I'd like to say that it's nice meeting a lot of you guys. I am new to this site and have already found wonderful & helpful threads in regards to health and fitness.

    Just a little background/introduction on myself:

    I am sort of in a dilemma right now... well maybe for the past 5 years. I used to weigh 240 lbs and slimmed down to about 170 (with just cardio and diet), I was "skinnier" but still unhealthy (skinny fat). I recently got a personal trainer a few weeks ago and have been starting my strength training routine, and have been seeing great results.

    I have no relationship experience. I realize that I am still young and have opportunities ahead for this type of thing. But I seem to have the "fat-boy syndrome" mentality still. No matter what I see in the mirror now, however more toned I am - I still see my old fat self and I cant seem to get over it. I feel like this is keeping me back from dating guys.

    How do I go about overcoming this battle that I have with myself? I feel like gay standards are up so high.

    Thanks.... and sorry for the long post. icon_redface.gif


    Totally know what you are going through, I didn't have the fat guy syndrome, I had the ugly duckling syndrome. I was absolutely atrocious to look at. I eventually grew out of it, but to this day I still look in the mirror sometimes I still see that boy from the past that had so many issues back in the day. I guess it's like a scar. Visible etchings on our bodies that represents our own insecurities.
  • LEANDRO_NJ

    Posts: 1118

    May 13, 2013 12:05 PM GMT
    m4rf_ saiddisregard gay standards, acquire happiness


    +1
  • LEANDRO_NJ

    Posts: 1118

    May 13, 2013 12:06 PM GMT
    Mesmer said
    Persian_Leo saidHey guys, first off I'd like to say that it's nice meeting a lot of you guys. I am new to this site and have already found wonderful & helpful threads in regards to health and fitness.

    Just a little background/introduction on myself:

    I am sort of in a dilemma right now... well maybe for the past 5 years. I used to weigh 240 lbs and slimmed down to about 170 (with just cardio and diet), I was "skinnier" but still unhealthy (skinny fat). I recently got a personal trainer a few weeks ago and have been starting my strength training routine, and have been seeing great results.

    I have no relationship experience. I realize that I am still young and have opportunities ahead for this type of thing. But I seem to have the "fat-boy syndrome" mentality still. No matter what I see in the mirror now, however more toned I am - I still see my old fat self and I cant seem to get over it. I feel like this is keeping me back from dating guys.

    How do I go about overcoming this battle that I have with myself? I feel like gay standards are up so high.

    Thanks.... and sorry for the long post. icon_redface.gif


    Totally know what you are going through, I didn't have the fat guy syndrome, I had the ugly duckling syndrome. I was absolutely atrocious to look at. I eventually grew out of it, but to this day I still look in the mirror sometimes I still see that boy from the past that had so many issues back in the day. I guess it's like a scar. Visible etchings on our bodies that represents our own insecurities.


    You got to be kidding!? you are anything but ugly!
  • LEANDRO_NJ

    Posts: 1118

    May 13, 2013 12:17 PM GMT
    Persian_Leo saidHey guys, first off I'd like to say that it's nice meeting a lot of you guys. I am new to this site and have already found wonderful & helpful threads in regards to health and fitness.

    Just a little background/introduction on myself:

    I am sort of in a dilemma right now... well maybe for the past 5 years. I used to weigh 240 lbs and slimmed down to about 170 (with just cardio and diet), I was "skinnier" but still unhealthy (skinny fat). I recently got a personal trainer a few weeks ago and have been starting my strength training routine, and have been seeing great results.

    I have no relationship experience. I realize that I am still young and have opportunities ahead for this type of thing. But I seem to have the "fat-boy syndrome" mentality still. No matter what I see in the mirror now, however more toned I am - I still see my old fat self and I cant seem to get over it. I feel like this is keeping me back from dating guys.

    How do I go about overcoming this battle that I have with myself? I feel like gay standards are up so high.

    Thanks.... and sorry for the long post. icon_redface.gif


    Fuck gay standards! your standards is what matter! keep up the good work and do it for your good health. Although I can definitely understand your sentiments! since I've lost close to 60 lbs and currently going through the body toning period of my total body image metamorphosis, gay men who never gave me the time of day are all being turned down, uh sweet revenge!! I go for the guy with a good heart, who also have high moral standards. Good luck sweetie, and i do hope you learned your lesson! never ever forget where you came from, keep humble, and choose a mate for who he is not for who he looks like!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 13, 2013 1:55 PM GMT
    LEANDRO_NJ said
    Mesmer said
    Persian_Leo saidHey guys, first off I'd like to say that it's nice meeting a lot of you guys. I am new to this site and have already found wonderful & helpful threads in regards to health and fitness.

    Just a little background/introduction on myself:

    I am sort of in a dilemma right now... well maybe for the past 5 years. I used to weigh 240 lbs and slimmed down to about 170 (with just cardio and diet), I was "skinnier" but still unhealthy (skinny fat). I recently got a personal trainer a few weeks ago and have been starting my strength training routine, and have been seeing great results.

    I have no relationship experience. I realize that I am still young and have opportunities ahead for this type of thing. But I seem to have the "fat-boy syndrome" mentality still. No matter what I see in the mirror now, however more toned I am - I still see my old fat self and I cant seem to get over it. I feel like this is keeping me back from dating guys.

    How do I go about overcoming this battle that I have with myself? I feel like gay standards are up so high.

    Thanks.... and sorry for the long post. icon_redface.gif


    Totally know what you are going through, I didn't have the fat guy syndrome, I had the ugly duckling syndrome. I was absolutely atrocious to look at. I eventually grew out of it, but to this day I still look in the mirror sometimes I still see that boy from the past that had so many issues back in the day. I guess it's like a scar. Visible etchings on our bodies that represents our own insecurities.


    You got to be kidding!? you are anything but ugly!


    I agree! Mesmer has very beautiful eyes!
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    May 13, 2013 2:25 PM GMT
    m4rf_ saiddisregard gay standards, acquire happiness
    i agree with m4rf, i think you have to seek out some help. just like you sought help to help you with your fitness goals. i think you need to seek out a doctor to help you with you mental goals. once you do that you will slowly build your self-esteem, no your self-worth and will not worry about the gay standards.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    May 13, 2013 2:35 PM GMT
    m4rf_ saiddisregard gay standards, acquire happiness


    Does this mean he should have no standards, or just rely on straight standards?icon_confused.gif

    Personally, I think you should stick with the weight training. You'll come out of your shell once you start dating more. Good luck!
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    May 13, 2013 6:11 PM GMT
    Thanks for all the replies. I definitely need to grow a pair.


    tuffguyndc said
    m4rf_ saiddisregard gay standards, acquire happiness
    i agree with m4rf, i think you have to seek out some help. just like you sought help to help you with your fitness goals. i think you need to seek out a doctor to help you with you mental goals. once you do that you will slowly build your self-esteem, no your self-worth and will not worry about the gay standards.



    This is what I'm thinking. Maybe I'll seek out a professional and talk to them about it. Hopefully this summer wont be another lonely one. I am going to stay positive and try to step outside my comfort zone a little more.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 13, 2013 6:13 PM GMT
    HottJoe said
    m4rf_ saiddisregard gay standards, acquire happiness


    Does this mean he should have no standards, or just rely on straight standards?icon_confused.gif

    Personally, I think you should stick with the weight training. You'll come out of your shell once you start dating more. Good luck!


    I've been going really hard! I just got to stay motivated and think about the bigger picture. icon_smile.gif thanks!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 13, 2013 6:27 PM GMT


    If so many cute guys here are having problems then maybe i have no hope icon_biggrin.gif

    Just be yourself and always take a chance if you like someone.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 13, 2013 6:38 PM GMT
    m4rf_ saiddisregard gay standards, acquire happiness


    :-)
  • Eccomi09

    Posts: 203

    May 13, 2013 9:13 PM GMT
    m4rf_ saiddisregard gay standards, acquire happiness



    Everyone! Listen to HIM.
  • nubScotty

    Posts: 282

    May 14, 2013 12:14 AM GMT
    I'm in the same boat as you, used to be 250#'s, currently in the 170's; yet I still feel like the fat kid. It's something I struggle with everyday, and even accepting compliments used to be a battle as I just thought people were being nice.

    However I have recently accepted(its odd to say it that way, but it fits) that I'm a fairly good looking dude; has helped that I'm at a new job with coworkers who have told me girls from other units/departments are asking if I'm single icon_rolleyes.gif

    As others have said, disregard "gay standards" and also don't set standards for yourself that are unrealistic, I know that is something I used to do. Be proud of what you've accomplished and where you are headed! What you see in the mirror, is nothing close to what others see. I have a bit of extra skin that I'm incredibly self-conscious over but have actually asked guys I used to date who are now friends about ti and the overall consensus was "Knew it was there, didn't care, still wanted you naked"

    Good luck!
  • psycsnacha

    Posts: 161

    May 14, 2013 12:58 AM GMT
    Don't try. Keep working out, "improving," and be natural. You'll be fine.