Are you happy?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 17, 2007 3:30 PM GMT
    A little bit ago I asked how much you think about love (http://www.realjock.com/u/topic/2658/).

    I have a follow up question.

    Whether you are in a relationship or not, how happy are you with love?

    This can be relationship, romance, dating, any aspect, process, or whatever of the topic of romantic love. Just, are you happy?

    It be cool if you said why, but not necessary.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 17, 2007 6:52 PM GMT
    I would count myself as a happy person. I think the more I travel and see the world I appreciate what I have in term of health and at home. I know that i am truley blessed to be with a guy that loves me so much. I have health, love and make a good living (not wealth). It is very easy to get wrapped up in worldly things "BLING, BLING" that we would like to have. But thing don't bring happiness, I know I have lots of things, but that happiness is a state of mind. You need to wake up each morning with something to be grateful for and decide that it is going to be a great day. Also to stay away from negative people is key, they can bring you down, choose your friend carefully! But yes, I am a happy individual!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 18, 2007 3:05 PM GMT
    hell yeah! a lot of things are going right in my life this last year and one of them is my boyfriend!

    things "break" and aggravate me often but the sum of the day is that i'm definitely happy. one of the strangest things is that i've been dating my bf for 5 months and we've never had an argument. we have a very comfortable and fulfilling relationship and i think he's pretty spiffy :D
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    Mar 18, 2007 9:45 PM GMT
    very happy
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    Mar 18, 2007 9:54 PM GMT
    I'm happy where I am. I'm single but I think in realiy I'm looking for something that is very hard to find (something real, substantial, long lasting), specially in my area. So more or less I'm just enjoying life and where I am right now until I actually do run into what I want. It may take a long time, but I have patience in spades :)
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    Mar 18, 2007 10:32 PM GMT
    Can say I am deliriously happy with my "Boo"....this whole experience blindsided me....been a few months and rarely go ga-ga over someone....have everything else going in my life and this is just the icing on the cake. Just do not want to use the L word to soon.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 18, 2007 11:15 PM GMT
    I am not happy but I am gay.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 18, 2007 11:30 PM GMT
    Met a great guy. He's mad awesome and a great athlete. He wasn't over his ex so I got the shaft after only one date and I guess I'm supposed to believe it was not just a hook-up?

    I was used :-(

    No I'm not happy. I thought this was the one. I shouldn't be so competetive because I feel as if I lost.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 19, 2007 10:07 PM GMT
    i'd say i'm happy in general. lots of friends, very social and outgoing and people say i always get what i want ;)
    most importantly, i have a boyfriend -- it's been 6 months and it's going well.
    there's a lot i want to accomplish and plenty of things i don't know how to do, and i'm always afraid something terrible could happen and it could all be lost... but yeah, i'm happy :)
  • treader

    Posts: 238

    Mar 19, 2007 11:02 PM GMT
    Being single and over 40, I would probably have to say that I'm leaning more toward unhappy than happy in terms of love. (Not in regards to my entire life - just love.) Kinda feel that love is for younger people sometimes. That it's sort of illusion. There's no perfect guy out there. We're all brought up differently, had different experiences, heading in our own directions, after different things. There's no guarantees in life. Maybe you're meet someone, maybe you won't. Life goes on in either case. You can only control you. You have to accept the rest. Anyway, that's where I'm at.
  • MarkX

    Posts: 101

    Mar 19, 2007 11:44 PM GMT
    I'll agree with the sum of treader's observations, but not with the conclusive whole. Whether love is an illusion is ultimately irrelevant, because its myriad effects are real.

    My last relationship lasted 5 years. We were great for each other, we grew apart, we're still close friends. My current BF and I have I've been happily-ever-aftering it for 6 years. It's been full of compromises, but it's also been full of love and a sense of romance that's grown comfortable yet remains undiminished.

    There may be no perfect guy out there. But I'd wager that any successful (happy) couple will report that happiness depends, in part, on a certain amount of adjustment and concession from both parties. I think that everyone has a good number of potentially compatible mates out there.

    For example, I'm in love with and committed to my boyfriend...yet I admit to being just a little smitten with madapollo. (Okay, it's more of a tangent that an example.)
  • dfrourke

    Posts: 1062

    Mar 20, 2007 1:18 AM GMT
    ...currently single and currently very content...I usually tend to like being in a relationship as I like the growth that comes from it, but I am realizing [over the past year]...I have some things to learn on my own...

    ...it's been very empowering to be on my own for the past year and not intertwined with someone else...

    - David
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 20, 2007 1:50 AM GMT
    I'm gonna sound very corny, but I make it a point to cultivate my relationships, to take care of my body and my mind, to listen to my insticts, to follow my bliss and to assess my life on a regular basis (and make the changes that I see fit) so I can actually answer such a question with a resounding "yes". I am blessed - by no merit of mine - with an amazing family, great friends and general health. That's a great start-off point. More importantly, I try to be thankful for each new day even when I am alone in bed.

    I know, Corny !
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    Mar 20, 2007 3:56 AM GMT
    I can honestly say the for the first time in my life i am happy...not just happy with the feeling but happy internally...i have realized in my life for to me to be authentically happy, i had to deal with all of my insecurities and childhood issues in order to truly move forward...I broke up with my ex 7 months ago because I had reached the lowest point in my life...i had become to reliant on him and things were dark in my life...i realized i had to end the relationship in order to gain my life back...he thought that was extremely selfish of me to not think of him, but the reality is that i couldn't continue to allow my life to go down the drain...we are responsible for our own happiness...since that time, my life has did a 360...I found myself again, just got a great new job and everything has and is falling in place...if I had not ended it, i would still be stuck in a serious rut...I think about him alot - not wanting him back, but just him in general...in his mind, i am non-existent and he holds grudges to the end - which is fine, but his life is better and so is mind...and if not speaking to me ever again in life helps him to deal with the situation from his perspective, I completely understand and respect it...
    I can honestly say that i everything has truly fallen into place for me and I excited about the rest of the year...you teach people how to treat you, when you aren't happy with yourself, think poor thoughts about who you are, that's how people, boyfriends, etc. will treat you...you have to get connected with you...When you start to treat yourself like gold or platinum others will follow and if they don't you can let them go because you know you are worth being treated better...I am currently single with no interest in dating currently because i am still falling in love with me, not in the egotistical way, but just appreciating me for all that I have, where I come from and all that I have to offer...I will tell you my next relationship with be utterly beautiful and full of bliss because that's where I am headed...I know he, where ever he is, is expecting my arrival...And i look forward to the day when I eyes lock, heart become intertwined and our souls unite...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 20, 2007 4:03 AM GMT
    I can honestly say the for the first time in my life i am happy...not just happy with the feeling but happy internally...i have realized in my life for to me to be authentically happy, i had to deal with all of my insecurities and childhood issues in order to truly move forward...I broke up with my ex 7 months ago because I had reached the lowest point in my life...i had become to reliant on him and things were dark in my life...i realized i had to end the relationship in order to gain my life back...he thought that was extremely selfish of me to not think of him, but the reality is that i couldn't continue to allow my life to go down the drain...we are responsible for our own happiness...since that time, my life has did a 360...I found myself again, just got a great new job and everything has and is falling in place...if I had not ended it, i would still be stuck in a serious rut...I think about him alot - not wanting him back, but just him in general...in his mind, i am non-existant and he holds grudges to the end - which is fine, but his life is better and so is mind...If not speaking to me ever again in life helps him to deal with the situation from his perspective, I completely understand and respect it...I wish him the best...
    I can honestly say that i everything has truly fallen into place for me and I excited about the rest of the year...you teach people how to treat you, when you aren't happy with yourself, think poor thoughts about who you are, that's how people, boyfriends, etc. will treat you...you have to get connected with you...When you start to treat yourself like gold or platinum others will follow and if they don't you can let them go because you know you are worth being treated better...I am currently single with no interest in dating currently because i am still falling in love with me, not in the egotistical way, but just appreciating me for all that I have, where I come from and all that I have to offer...I will tell you my next relationship with be utterly beautiful and full of bliss because that's where I am headed...I know he, where ever he is, is expecting my arrival as I am anticpating his...I look forward to the day when I our eyes lock, our hearts become intertwined and our souls unite...
  • OptimusMatt

    Posts: 1124

    Mar 20, 2007 5:46 AM GMT
    There are lots of things in life that make me unhappy - but that's life, it ISN'T happiness and sunshine all the time. The mouse the owl caught is probalby pretty fuckin bummed, but the owl is probably pretty pleased. Life is full of that - duality.

    To claim I am happy now all the time is a pretty big stretch. But I'm not unhappy all the time either. It can't be done - evveryone has times and days when they couldn't be more excited to face life, and they probably number the amount of times when you wish that it could just be fucking over and done with.

    I feel I'm pretty balanced - example, I'm stoked about my trip with my brothers this weekend to montreal - we're gonna party our asses off. I'm dreading my exams 3 weeks from now, because I feel totally unprepared because I haven't started studying. BUT the dread and unhappiness I feel about my exams is causing me to change, to set a schedule and start studying, so that I can ultimately feel happy because I did my best.

    You cannot appreciate happiness if you never experience its opposite.
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    Mar 20, 2007 6:04 AM GMT
    Bravo BioMatty. For years I dealt with rejection and nerdiness by becoming the ultimate stoic. But numbness is not life.
  • atxclimber

    Posts: 480

    Mar 20, 2007 6:24 AM GMT
    I wonder if "numbness" is particularly common among gays, especially in cases where it wasn't okay to come out until the 20s or later. My friend described himself using that exact word when he came out at 32. I got myself a therapist at 22 and that was the exact word I used, and the precise reason I started going, because I just felt numb.

    That said, once you learn not to emotionally repress all the time, it's a handy skill to have, for cases when you actually need to be calm and controlled under fire, or whatever. Like the man says, duality -- every blessing is a curse, and vice versa.
  • OptimusMatt

    Posts: 1124

    Mar 20, 2007 6:54 AM GMT
    Please don't misunderstand me - I'm really not numb all the time, lol (which is an edit of what I was ORIGINALLY going to post, that I'm not) but there are things in life that do it to me.
    When I think about people that work to aquire things I'm working my ass off towards understanding and eradicating. Why bother?
    It was so incredibly disheartening to watch a documentary about bug chasers...it was like someone had scooped out my insides and I had to work at not caving in. Ever see the video for Radiohead's song "Just"? With the guy just laying on the sidewalk staring at nothing...and everything? How demeaning towards the men and women who have devoted thier lives towards finding a cure, who are filled with such a profound sadness for complete strangers. What kind of a slap in the face is it to those who slipped up once and are paying for their lives? Or those who had no choice?

    I can't even get angry about it, that's how profound the feeling is. A year after watching that documentary, and it can still bring me to the edge.

    You're right - numbness

    But even that has it's opposite - why bother? Because for every 'bug chaser' out there there are hundreds of thousands who aren't, who weren't, who are innocents caught in the drive-by. Because there are people suffering and it's not their fault and it's not fucking fair.
    It's also not fair to give up on people, on humanity, because I'd be giving up on life. We are constantly going forward, we can't go back, and even if we could - why would you want to? The experiences I've gone through, good AND bad, have shaped me and forced me to change into someone a little bit better, day by day.
    I can't go back.

    I'm not numb all the time - but if you can't see both sides, if you can't experience them both, you cannot grow - you stagnate. The two sides don't cancel each other out, they balance and support each other - they are not separate.

    Hopefully my example and my explanation clears that up a bit..lol, it probably only confused you guys even more. Lol, basically, talk to anyone I know and they won't be describing me as numb...but I can be. Just like I can be happy, and I can be sad, and I can be hopeful,disheartened, and I can be humbled too. Life is always changing.
  • Laurence

    Posts: 942

    Mar 20, 2007 11:22 AM GMT
    Generally I am a happy sort of guy.

    I think a lot of people are happy by nature and they are very lucky.

    Some people, like myself, have to work at it a lot more to achieve a state where I'm happier more than I'm not.

    Some people find it really hard to be happy, due to their circumstances and also their character.

    As I get older I find myself more happy and more content with things than I did a few years back. I think age has mellowed me and made me appreciate all I have (good friends, great house, fab relationship) and not get too wrapped up with the things I don't have.

    I believe it's perfectly natural to be sad sometimes and that that makes the happy times more special. If you are unhappy a lot of the time though, maybe you need to work to change things.
  • MelB4Ever

    Posts: 147

    Mar 20, 2007 6:12 PM GMT
    at the moment, not too happy but then again maybe because I'm not looking actively enough. I dont know, at the moment I'm feeling like shit and even thinking it sux to be gay. hope it will change *yawns*.
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    Mar 20, 2007 6:17 PM GMT
    Happy and blessed here. I'm about to celebrate my 31st anniversary with my life partner; and we've been dating a great guy for a little over a year. My cup runneth over!
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    Mar 23, 2007 6:02 PM GMT
    There are lots of people in this world who are less fortunate than we are, hungry, unfulfilled, desperate, sick, mistreated, suffering, abusing themselves or others... The fact that I even have the leisure to contemplate this shows how lucky I am.

    I think there is value to being a little stoic. There is a fine balance between being overwhelmed by petty feelings/desires/passions and not being in touch with one's feelings. In order to find meaning one has to let go of excessive passions.

    Happiness is a combination of different things to me, not the least how the rest of the world is doing; the well-being of my loved ones, friends, and colleagues; of course what I have most control of is how myself is doing, for which I expect a degree of healthy lifestyle, grounded and profound mindset, continued learning and growth. I'm doing ok there, and I'm happy for that. Having found my life partner certainly changed a lot of myself for the better, and I'm deeply grateful.
  • christomax

    Posts: 30

    Mar 23, 2007 6:47 PM GMT
    I think outwardly I present that I'm happy. I'm typically not though.
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    Mar 29, 2007 1:09 PM GMT
    I think it's interesting the many meanings or implications of happiness in the posts. I also think it might be helpful if we looked at the assumptions behind what we think will make us or is making us happy. First of all, for me happiness is not whiskers on kittens and bright satin sashes but a deep contentment and an awareness that regardless everything is going to be alright. To me it is an alignment of the heart and mind, it requires effort, but only the action of letting go (sometimes over and over and over again). And the opposite of happiness is unhappy, not sad.

    But we all have our own definition and definitions (I am not consistent), and some of the meanings of happiness here, as in regards to love, have to do with being satisfied, or imply that one must be in a relationship to be happy in love. I'm not saying this is wrong at all, just pointing it out. Happiness also has to do with make-up, like you are inherently happy. Happiness is also something you look for or make, it exists outside yourself. Happiness is connected to notions of success or achievement. It is a spiritual journey or a discovery through age and experience.

    Whatever one's definition of happiness is, it is interesting to look at what it is made of to see if you are ever going to be there or how. I would be happy if everyone who read this were happy.