Is he into me?

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    Oct 26, 2008 6:25 AM GMT
    So I was at this house party... typical drunken/loud festivities goin on. There's this guy... totally subordinate to me. He's two years younger, pledging for my fraternity. He comes up to me all in a drunken stupor screaming, "ohh damnit (my name here), I wish you were gay!! why aren't you gay?!" What the fuck does this mean??? How should I interpret this? Should i take it to the next step? Thanks for your help.
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    Oct 26, 2008 6:27 AM GMT
    I'd take it, he was disappointing you weren't gay.. thats the feeling I get.
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    Oct 26, 2008 6:29 AM GMT


    We both believe he wishes you were gay....?

    Ask him about it when everyone's sober.
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    Oct 26, 2008 6:42 AM GMT
    Are you out at your fraternity? If not, as his question implies, it means he's likely an idiot, with or without the help of alcohol. Sounds like he outed himself while he was at it.

    If you aren't out and want to remain that way, you shouldn't take it to the next step with this guy. He'll out you to the world the next time he gets drunk.

    If you are out, then you merely face the issue of how you want to deal with someone who may have problems with alcohol, assuming he's otherwise of interest to you. I'd observe his behavior while he's sober, perhaps ask him what he meant, as meninlove suggests.

    But even for just tricking, I'd caution you to watch out for immature behavior on his part. You might find yourself with a guy who hasn't yet learned how to control his emotions, let alone his alcohol.
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    Oct 26, 2008 7:08 AM GMT
    Red_Vespa saidAre you out at your fraternity? If not, as his question implies, it means he's likely an idiot, with or without the help of alcohol. Sounds like he outed himself while he was at it.

    If you aren't out and want to remain that way, you shouldn't take it to the next step with this guy. He'll out you to the world the next time he gets drunk.

    If you are out, then you merely face the issue of how you want to deal with someone who may have problems with alcohol, assuming he's otherwise of interest to you. I'd observe his behavior while he's sober, perhaps ask him what he meant, as meninlove suggests.

    But even for just tricking, I'd caution you to watch out for immature behavior on his part. You might find yourself with a guy who hasn't yet learned how to control his emotions, let alone his alcohol.


    Well, I'm out to only a handful of people in the fraternity. The pledge who asked me why I wasn't gay is out... so wasn't a complete surprise.

    I guess the main reason why I'm scratching my head is that he approached me in such an odd way... in a normal situation people usually ask, "are you gay" if they want to know your sexuality, not immediately conclude that you aren't gay. It's possible that he may have asked another brother if I was gay and the uninformed brother replied no.

    I'm super analyzing this situation only cause this guy is cute. I'll probably try to get to know him better and hope to god he isn't an emo baggage. I'll ask him about his drunken question in a 1:1 sober situation. I'll keep you guys updated.
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    Oct 26, 2008 8:01 AM GMT
    rcy420 said
    Well, I'm out to only a handful of people in the fraternity. The pledge who asked me why I wasn't gay is out... so wasn't a complete surprise.


    Pussy. I came out as a pledge. Next time your gay hunk is in the shower, join him and play around with him in a joking way and see how things go from there.
  • EricLA

    Posts: 3461

    Oct 26, 2008 5:00 PM GMT
    rcy420 said
    Red_Vespa saidAre you out at your fraternity? If not, as his question implies, it means he's likely an idiot, with or without the help of alcohol. Sounds like he outed himself while he was at it.

    If you aren't out and want to remain that way, you shouldn't take it to the next step with this guy. He'll out you to the world the next time he gets drunk.

    If you are out, then you merely face the issue of how you want to deal with someone who may have problems with alcohol, assuming he's otherwise of interest to you. I'd observe his behavior while he's sober, perhaps ask him what he meant, as meninlove suggests.

    But even for just tricking, I'd caution you to watch out for immature behavior on his part. You might find yourself with a guy who hasn't yet learned how to control his emotions, let alone his alcohol.


    Well, I'm out to only a handful of people in the fraternity. The pledge who asked me why I wasn't gay is out... so wasn't a complete surprise.

    I guess the main reason why I'm scratching my head is that he approached me in such an odd way... in a normal situation people usually ask, "are you gay" if they want to know your sexuality, not immediately conclude that you aren't gay. It's possible that he may have asked another brother if I was gay and the uninformed brother replied no.

    I'm super analyzing this situation only cause this guy is cute. I'll probably try to get to know him better and hope to god he isn't an emo baggage. I'll ask him about his drunken question in a 1:1 sober situation. I'll keep you guys updated.


    He approached you in an off way because he was drunk!!! Common sense gets thrown out the door. Maybe he has a problem being direct. He's obviously expressing interest in you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 26, 2008 6:28 PM GMT
    This sounds like the poorly written beginning of a ridiculous mid 90s Falcon porn movie.
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    Oct 26, 2008 7:03 PM GMT
    My interpretation: that was his clumsy, drunken way of asking you if you're gay. Some straight guys get offended when you ask them if they're gay ("Do I look like a fag to you???") and maybe he's had bad experiences before. By pretending to assume you're NOT gay, he deflects that. And he probably asked you when he was drunk because he was too shy to ask you sober. This way, he can always shrug it off later and say, "Yeah, I was drunk" (just like all the "straight" guys do).

    The loud shouting in a crowded room wasn't the best way to handle it, but once again, he was drunk. And don't listen to these old crusty dinosaurs telling you he has an alcohol problem. He's a pledge, so that means he's 18, right? Of COURSE he hasn't learned how to handle alcohol yet.

    The only thing I'd caution you about is that if you do start something with him, you'll probably be out to your entire fraternity. Sounds like they're pretty accepting, so that might not be a bad thing at all. But it's a decision you'll have to consider.

    Oh, and to answer your original question... yes. He's into you. Hugely.
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    Oct 26, 2008 7:22 PM GMT
    Your first problem is you go to IU. I mean, that just blows it right there. (ok, I kid.)

    He's young. He's drunk. He saw something cute and instead of going for it directly, he tried to ask you without asking you. Typical passive aggressiveness.

    Anyway, I'm in agreement with most of these guys. See what he does when he's sober.
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    Oct 26, 2008 8:33 PM GMT
    He's gay or he just wants a gay friend. Just go for it. if anything goes wrong, black ball him.
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    Oct 26, 2008 8:58 PM GMT
    He could be a horny drunk frat dude looking for a BJ from a gay guy. .
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    Oct 26, 2008 9:03 PM GMT
    RunintheCity saidThis sounds like the poorly written beginning of a ridiculous mid 90s Falcon porn movie.


    MMHHMMM!

    Just mention it when you get a chance...no biggie!
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    Oct 26, 2008 9:20 PM GMT
    Alpha13 saidHe could be a horny drunk frat dude looking for a BJ from a gay guy. .


    could be.. hey.. at least he's cute..
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    Oct 26, 2008 9:21 PM GMT

    Really Rcy420 , why aren't you gay ?? can you explain it?
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    Oct 26, 2008 9:26 PM GMT
    riptjock saidAnd don't listen to these old crusty dinosaurs telling you he has an alcohol problem. He's a pledge, so that means he's 18, right? Of COURSE he hasn't learned how to handle alcohol yet.


    Well, as the crustiest of the old dinosaurs here, I would agree with you that a teenager shouldn't be expected to handle his alcohol well. But that's still a PROBLEM, if this pledge can't handle himself and be discreet.

    Young age may be his valid excuse, but the negative consequences for our friend rcy420 can be the same. Messing with this guy is a risk, both in terms of his general maturity, and the danger to someone who's still semi-closeted.

    I'd still keep this guy at arm's reach for the time being, whether he's into rcy420 or not, until more is known about him. His being "into" someone does not make it all OK -- the other guy gets some say in this matter, too.
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    Oct 26, 2008 11:49 PM GMT
    Red, although I understand where you are coming from, these days, being young and gay doesn't have the same thing, yeah, he could have handled him self a little better, but, hes young and stupid and everyone makes mistakes, if hes obviously out then the fact we went up to this guy doesn't really mean squat, in all, the op should take it as a compliment.

    Personally, I wouldn't bother doing anything, if the kid was that interested, he'd find a way to see if it'll happen.