Getting too old for kids?

  • TheBigB79

    Posts: 40

    May 18, 2013 5:12 AM GMT
    So my friend and I were talking the other night, and the topic of kids came up. He sees someone wanting to have kids and a family a highly desirable trait in a guy that he potentially wants to date. I've gone back and forth on the idea, sometimes thinking that I do want kids, and other times dismissing it. Generally the reason I find myself abandoning the thought of kids is the same each time, I feel like I'm getting too old.

    Now obv I don't really believe that 33 is too old to have children. But when I consider that I'm not in a serious relationship, it seems like a daunting task. First it takes time to meet someone. Not having had a serious relationship that lasted more than 8 months, and never having lived with someone I've dated, I figure that the minimum amount of time before I would think about having kids with someone is at least 3 years. Then you add on more time to decide whether to adopt or do surrogacy, neither of which I have any basis to appropriate a given amount of time to, so let's say a year to decide and then another year for the process. That puts me being a father at 38 years old, assuming I were to meet said partner immediately. That means I would be nearly 60 by the time my kid graduated high school, let alone his siblings if there were to be any.

    Maybe it's because I grew up with young parents, and young grandparents, but I hate the idea that someone would be unable to tell if I'm the parent or grandparent. Would I be able to really relate to my kids? At least in the same way my parents did with me? I had friends whose parents were much older than they were and there def wasn't the same kind of relationship I had with mine.

    I don't know, what do you guys think?
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    May 18, 2013 5:29 AM GMT
    You should drop everything and not let another day go by until you have adopted some precious children. You're too old to wait another second!!!icon_eek.gif
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    May 18, 2013 5:39 AM GMT
    Honey straight men crank out heirs in their 40's and 50's all the time. Don't worry about. Live your life, shoot for someone considerably younger to child after the kids lol and go forth and multiply.
  • jackooh

    Posts: 109

    May 18, 2013 10:27 AM GMT
    my parents were 35-38 when they had me n they're pretty awesome, dont worry about being 60 when they're 20, 60 is the new 40! n by that time 60 will be the new 30
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    May 18, 2013 10:39 AM GMT
    Not everyone is supposed to have children.
  • LEANDRO_NJ

    Posts: 1114

    May 18, 2013 12:09 PM GMT
    Children are precious to have at any age! nowadays gays can have or adopt with relatively no problem. Here in New Jersey is perfectly legal and widely accepted for gays to raise a child. I Love kids and they adore me! My only problem is finding another gay guy who is paternal and very serious about being part of a child's life for life!!!
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    May 18, 2013 2:02 PM GMT
    It is very hard for us "gays" on this aspect especially for someone who has a dream for having children.Until you find and settle down with "The" partner, it can never get to the thought of having children unlike if you will be completely ok to raise children as a single parent.

    And anytime is the right time to have kids.
    Unconditional love is what we are all after. Whether it is kids or pets.
  • Drift

    Posts: 217

    May 18, 2013 2:02 PM GMT
    You will bring different things to the game when you're older than younger. That much is true. But I don't know that you can judge the worth of what you bring before you've done it. If you love your kids, then you love them, and hopefully you will provide many positive experiences for them regardless.
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    May 18, 2013 2:14 PM GMT
    i think u r thinking a lot about something that is probably not going to happen until you get into a long-term relationship. Once you are in it, having kids may not seem so daunting...
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    May 18, 2013 2:24 PM GMT
    I was a biological father at 38 and 42. But I was extremely active back then, still in the service. As they say, 40 is the new 30. I took my kids camping, canoeing, hiking, biking, swimming, stuff my own Father never did with me.

    But I do think you should do some "backward planning" as we called it in the Army. You want your kids to turn into adults not much past your early 60s. Not only so they can experience having an active father, but also benefit from when you're at the peak of your earning power, to put them through college and get them started on their own.

    So count backwards from there, and that becomes your cut-off age for fathering, or adopting a child of a given age.
  • conservativej...

    Posts: 2465

    May 18, 2013 2:30 PM GMT
    Lol. At 33 you are a youngster. I turned 55 on January 15th and my first child arrived on the 23rd. A few weeks later my second child was born. Yes, double diapers but I am fortunate enough to have a diaper brigrade of helpful hands.

    I would not however have been pleased with having two children arrive in the U.S. (I did not look at your profile to see where you are located.) Where I am located my children with have full freedom to choose their futures without the heavy hand of government (social liberalism) forcing their paths.
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    May 18, 2013 2:39 PM GMT
    if you want kids,,you dont need a man to make that happen,,,,,,,,,,,icon_eek.gif just get a kid
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    May 18, 2013 3:07 PM GMT
    My parents had kids since they were 18, and didn't stop until they hit 43 ish. They'll be near 60 when the last one graduates high school.
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    May 18, 2013 5:05 PM GMT
    TheBigB79 saidFirst it takes time to meet someone.


    A fellow rock climber from the Midwest with a dog? Come out to California! icon_biggrin.gif

    Seriously, though I do hear you. I think it comes down to wanting on some level the same childhood for your kids that you had. But there are many different paths to happiness and functional adulthood. Young parents or old parents, knowing your grandparents or not. It will work out.
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    May 19, 2013 2:11 AM GMT
    As someone with kids, I'm glad I had them in my 20s and early 30s. I'm in my mid 50s now and glad I don't have kids that are young. I now have grandchildren and love that I can hold them, hug them, play with them and teach them and then leave them with their parents... Being 40 and having kids would NOT be my idea of fun, but that's just me.
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    May 19, 2013 3:21 AM GMT
    Coworkers pushing 60 spending their weekends ferrying their offspring to baseball, gymnastics, practice, tutoring...are wondering what career choice would allow them to take monday off to recover.

    My parents turned 40 while I was in high-school. I kindof sortof came out ok.
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    May 19, 2013 3:46 AM GMT
    I was 34 when my son was born. He graduates this month. At my age now, I'm done with kids... in fact when i hear my neighbours kids (5 and icon_cool.gif I want to punch them... LOL. Well, not really.... hehe... icon_rolleyes.gif
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    May 19, 2013 3:53 AM GMT
    TheBigB79 saidSo my friend and I were talking the other night, and the topic of kids came up. He sees someone wanting to have kids and a family a highly desirable trait in a guy that he potentially wants to date. I've gone back and forth on the idea, sometimes thinking that I do want kids, and other times dismissing it. Generally the reason I find myself abandoning the thought of kids is the same each time, I feel like I'm getting too old.

    Now obv I don't really believe that 33 is too old to have children. But when I consider that I'm not in a serious relationship, it seems like a daunting task. First it takes time to meet someone. Not having had a serious relationship that lasted more than 8 months, and never having lived with someone I've dated, I figure that the minimum amount of time before I would think about having kids with someone is at least 3 years. Then you add on more time to decide whether to adopt or do surrogacy, neither of which I have any basis to appropriate a given amount of time to, so let's say a year to decide and then another year for the process. That puts me being a father at 38 years old, assuming I were to meet said partner immediately. That means I would be nearly 60 by the time my kid graduated high school, let alone his siblings if there were to be any.

    Maybe it's because I grew up with young parents, and young grandparents, but I hate the idea that someone would be unable to tell if I'm the parent or grandparent. Would I be able to really relate to my kids? At least in the same way my parents did with me? I had friends whose parents were much older than they were and there def wasn't the same kind of relationship I had with mine.

    I don't know, what do you guys think?


    I stopped reading this half-way through because it turned into a bunch of superstition. My parents were both 39 when little bully popped out and into the big world and I turned out alright- in fact, some people have told me that I turned out better because of it. Think about it like this- you may be in your 40s when you have a kid, but hopefully you will be more financially secure and very very mature compared to your fellow PTA members who had their children in their 20s and 30s. I really wouldn't give up having kids. Age is just a number now and people are living longer than they ever have.
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    May 19, 2013 5:09 AM GMT
    lol

    "little bully"

    had to be C-sectionicon_wink.gif
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    May 19, 2013 10:02 AM GMT
    It depends on your mindset... especially if you have to ask. I've seen a lot of parents having kids later in life, early 40's and it keeps them young. Then i've seen others.... and it's like the kids are with the grandparents. Generally people that keep an active lifestyle tend to fit right in with the younger generation.