Going on a date you don't want to go to...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 19, 2013 12:27 AM GMT
    This guy I met at a group gathering, that I don't really know, found me on fb, and asks me out on a date, but I don't really want to go, and tried my best to come up with excuses, to get out of it, from I work, to I already made plans, but he still won't get the message. So I finally ran out of excuses, to give him, and well I guess I have no choice but to go. I just know this is going to be an awkward date.

    I do want to say I'm not into him after this date is done with, but I don't know how to go about saying it. Is there any possible way of saying "i'm not into you" without hurting his feelings?
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    May 19, 2013 12:31 AM GMT
    How about "I'm sorry but I don't want to go out with you, thanks for the offer though," instead of being of doing something you don't want to?
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    May 19, 2013 12:32 AM GMT
    Karma's a Bitch
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    May 19, 2013 12:39 AM GMT
    well, my date isn't until Monday. I think I have to tell him tomorrow, that i'm not feeling it, and just cancel,

    Oh well, I guess this is what you would call tough love icon_neutral.gif
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    May 19, 2013 12:44 AM GMT
    Just use the good old classic date breaker..

    "I can't make it to our date. I have explosive diarrhea."
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    May 19, 2013 12:52 AM GMT
    Mesmer said I just know this is going to be an awkward date.
    I do want to say I'm not into him after this date is done with, but I don't know how to go about saying it. Is there any possible way of saying "i'm not into you" without hurting his feelings?

    You are going to hurt his feelings no matter what, so why not get it out there before both of you have to get through an excruciating evening?
    If you go through with it, it will be bad for you, but even worse for him. Imagine how it feels for him to realize more clearly with every lag in the conversation, every suppressed yawn, every stealthy glance at your watch, that you long to be elsewhere.
    Be merciful and cancel.
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    May 19, 2013 12:59 AM GMT
    TexDef07 said
    Mesmer said I just know this is going to be an awkward date.
    I do want to say I'm not into him after this date is done with, but I don't know how to go about saying it. Is there any possible way of saying "i'm not into you" without hurting his feelings?

    You are going to hurt his feelings no matter what, so why not get it out there before both of you have to get through an excruciating evening?
    If you go through with it, it will be bad for you, but even worse for him. Imagine how it feels for him to realize more clearly with every lag in the conversation, every suppressed yawn, every stealthy glance at your watch, that you long to be elsewhere.
    Be merciful and cancel.


    +1
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    May 19, 2013 1:02 AM GMT
    Do him the courtesy of telling him how you really feel. Leading him on to avoid an uncomfortable conversation is cruel. Learning how to let people down easy is part of dating. Get used to it.
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    May 19, 2013 1:33 AM GMT
    Mesmer saidThis guy I met at a group gathering, that I don't really know, found me on fb, and asks me out on a date, but I don't really want to go, and tried my best to come up with excuses, to get out of it, from I work, to I already made plans, but he still won't get the message. So I finally ran out of excuses, to give him, and well I guess I have no choice but to go. I just know this is going to be an awkward date.

    I do want to say I'm not into him after this date is done with, but I don't know how to go about saying it. Is there any possible way of saying "i'm not into you" without hurting his feelings?


    GIRL......HURT HIS FEELINGS!! People would much rather you let them down bluntly than have you toying around with them giving them the hopes that they actually have a chance....say what you have to say and let that be it.
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    May 19, 2013 1:34 AM GMT
    Why'd you say "yes", then?
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    May 19, 2013 1:36 AM GMT
    WillYUM saidWhy'd you say "yes", then?


    well it started out with me giving excuses not to see him, I thought he would figure it out.

    As for the advice above, you guys are Cray, lol.
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    May 19, 2013 1:39 AM GMT
    When you make excuses, you leave the door open for the possibly of going on a date later. Grow some balls and tell him no.
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    May 19, 2013 3:33 AM GMT
    I understand the awkward position you're in. I would just be honest with the man, no sense in stringing both he and yourself along on a date that really isn't wanted. Be honest, but kind about it. I guess you could say you're interested in somebody else and you don't want to string him along.

    Good luck with it!!! icon_biggrin.gif and Have a nice day!
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    May 19, 2013 4:02 AM GMT
    Don't let yourself be manipulated into going out with some one you don't want to go out with. We have worked hard to be free to be who we are. Learn to stand up for yourself and be strong. There is nothing wrong in telling someone, 'no', when you are uncomfortable doing something. Just say, 'thanks but I'm not interested.'
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    May 19, 2013 1:09 PM GMT
    Life is too short to do things you either don't have to or don't want to do. If it doesn't make YOU happy and you have the choice to not do it, DON'T!
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    May 19, 2013 1:53 PM GMT
    I would also encourage you to consider whether there is any "friendship possibilities" here....if you like chatting with him, but everything is based on "dating", maybe the best thing to do is to tell him you'd rather just be friends.

    On the other hand, I sort of picked up on the fact you don't seem to think of him that way either. If you don't think there is anything "redeeming" about time spent here, don't do it. You'll hate it, you'll be kicking yourself mentally as to why you did it and he might not get the message you want him to have. In that case, be polite, but firm, that you can't do it, you are not going to reschedule and wish him well.

    We all have people we don't click with.
  • Splendidus_1

    Posts: 611

    May 19, 2013 2:24 PM GMT
    Aristoshark said
    DudeInNOVA saidDo him the courtesy of telling him how you really feel. Leading him on to avoid an uncomfortable conversation is cruel. Learning how to let people down easy is part of dating. Get used to it.

    This.
    When I asked DIN out, he said "Not even if the Earth were hurtling towards the Sun in an unavoidable collision."

    I said, "So you're saying there's a chance?"

    He didn't reply.


    This story .. this story right here melts my heart.
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    May 19, 2013 2:36 PM GMT
    Wondertwink86 saidHow about "I'm sorry but I don't want to go out with you, thanks for the offer though," instead of being of doing something you don't want to?


    I like this, but would put the last part first and change it a bit. Like so:

    "Thanks for the kind offer, but I don't feel that way about you."




  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 19, 2013 2:37 PM GMT
    Telling a guy you're not interested in going on a date may hurt his feelings. Actually going on the date will allow his feelings to develop further, and then breaking it to him that you aren't interested will probably hurt his feelings even more.

    Please, just be honest. If you aren't interested, just say so. Giving excuses on why you can't go out may make it difficult to determine if you really are just busy and he should continue or if you aren't interested at all. Let the guy move on and not waste his or your time.
  • Import

    Posts: 7193

    May 19, 2013 2:38 PM GMT
    ummmm, why would u agree to go on a date with someone u didnt wanna go on a date with?

    pussy bitch much?

    Just tell him "naah braaah, i aint bout to go on a date with u" icon_rolleyes.gif
    ur rationale is like "ohhhh ok, I give up, i'll go!"



    that's lame as fuck
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    May 19, 2013 4:22 PM GMT
    Import saidummmm, why would u agree to go on a date with someone u didnt wanna go on a date with?

    pussy bitch much?

    Just tell him "naah braaah, i aint bout to go on a date with u" icon_rolleyes.gif
    ur rationale is like "ohhhh ok, I give up, i'll go!"



    that's lame as fuck


    I <3 you.....icon_redface.gif

    icon_lol.gif
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    May 19, 2013 4:41 PM GMT
    gUuRrL, jUsT gO gEtChU sOmE fReEe sTeAk AnD tHeN dOn'T pUt OuT. <333

    Note: It takes forever to type like that...worth it.