It's not a boyfriend most of us need

  • Eli_jah

    Posts: 1391

    May 20, 2013 6:28 AM GMT
    It's true self acceptance. Most of us grew up silent and misunderstood, maybe even invisible and unloved, and that leaves a hole in the heart and a longing for something that never was. I just don't understand what we are seeking when we have endless meaningless sexual encounters. Each time we fuck a man and toss him aside like garbage it is almost as if we are destroying a little bit of our own souls.

    I think the best thing most gay men can do is to learn how to be alone. There is nothing wrong with being alone. Quite the opposite. And stop being involved so much. If you go to a bar, sit in the corner, drink your beer and just look at the people around you (not that way). Disconnect. Don't be afraid silence, because that is when you will start to actually hear yourself.

    And stop wanting so badly, you're repelling the cosmos with your desperation.

  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    May 20, 2013 7:18 AM GMT
    I don't want to be alone.icon_cry.gif
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    May 20, 2013 7:37 AM GMT
    I'm tired of being alone.
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    May 20, 2013 11:41 AM GMT
    NeutralObserver saidIt's true self acceptance. Most of us grew up silent and misunderstood, maybe even invisible and unloved, and that leaves a hole in the heart and a longing for something that never was. I just don't understand what we are seeking when we have endless meaningless sexual encounters. Each time we fuck a man and toss him aside like garbage it is almost as if we are destroying a little bit of our own souls.

    I think the best thing most gay men can do is to learn how to be alone. There is nothing wrong with being alone. Quite the opposite. And stop being involved so much. If you go to a bar, sit in the corner, drink your beer and just look at the people around you (not that way). Disconnect. Don't be afraid silence, because that is when you will start to actually hear yourself.

    And stop wanting so badly, you're repelling the cosmos with your desperation.



    Well said.
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    May 20, 2013 11:46 AM GMT
    This is a realization I came to quite recently. Learning to be alone and be ok with that.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    May 20, 2013 12:18 PM GMT
    Geez, I was involved with my partner before I ever came out or had really accepted who I was... I had "self acceptance" and a boyfriend at the same time. I didn't know what it was like to be "alone" honestly.

    I do agree with the acceptance part, however. There are some of you I'd certainly date, so not sure why you are alone!

    icon_eek.gif
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    May 20, 2013 12:21 PM GMT
    I don't mind being alone
  • HPgeek934

    Posts: 970

    May 20, 2013 12:27 PM GMT
    HottJoe saidI don't want to be alone.icon_cry.gif


    I'll be with you
  • TroyAthlete

    Posts: 4269

    May 20, 2013 12:34 PM GMT
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    May 20, 2013 12:45 PM GMT
    Often we find we want a boyfriend, but arent sure why - it should fill a need that we cant express..

    Introspection and making room in our lives for someone is like the difference between eating a good meal or eating fast food - one truly nourishes the soul, the other just sates us until the next meal.
  • user1969

    Posts: 1

    May 20, 2013 12:54 PM GMT
    I think guys need to be more open to differences from other people and not be looking for everything on their wish list before settling...it's prob not gonna happen. Instead, be open to the differences you and someone else have. Enjoy life with someone. Life is too short to be alone. You will get older and realize how much life you have missed.
  • Eccomi09

    Posts: 203

    May 20, 2013 12:55 PM GMT
    Perfectly said. I was told by my friends when I was in my teens to stop looking. Found a guy and dated 4 years. Then I was alone for another 4. That second time I finally began to get it. If I just observed, I'd see how people behaved and make a decision based upon that.

    As for the sleeping around part, well, I'll still say have fun but its the tossing the other out like garbage that is terrible.

    I see an awful lot of judging on here. That's not pretty.
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    May 20, 2013 1:07 PM GMT
    HndsmKansan saidGeez, I was involved with my partner before I ever came out or had really accepted who I was... I had "self acceptance" and a boyfriend at the same time. I didn't know what it was like to be "alone" honestly.

    I do agree with the acceptance part, however. There are some of you I'd certainly date, so not sure why you are alone!

    icon_eek.gif


    Same here. I had a bf when I came out. I've always liked getting to know someone over a hook up. I don't know about the alone thing. I've dated and got to know people I've met. The Sex will come. Being alone is choice. There are 10s of thousands of single gay men online.
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    May 20, 2013 1:17 PM GMT
    NeutralObserver saidIt's true self acceptance. Most of us grew up silent and misunderstood, maybe even invisible and unloved, and that leaves a hole in the heart and a longing for something that never was. I just don't understand what we are seeking when we have endless meaningless sexual encounters. Each time we fuck a man and toss him aside like garbage it is almost as if we are destroying a little bit of our own souls.

    I think the best thing most gay men can do is to learn how to be alone. There is nothing wrong with being alone. Quite the opposite. And stop being involved so much. If you go to a bar, sit in the corner, drink your beer and just look at the people around you (not that way). Disconnect. Don't be afraid silence, because that is when you will start to actually hear yourself.

    And stop wanting so badly, you're repelling the cosmos with your desperation.



    I think you got part of that right, the aspect of growing up silent, but I'm not sure it applies entirely in the direction you took it.

    Certainly people should be comfortable alone with themselves. But I don't view tricking as treating people like garbage. I see it as mutual fun. Though certainly I can see others using it that way, taking out their issues sexually. I just don't think it is necessarily so. Most people I've known into tricking are very aware of and comfortable with themselves and respectful of the feelings of others.

    On the contrary, I think it more likely that those who don't engage in what you call meaningless sex are more likely to treat others badly, who don't consider how their actions effect others. Who pretend to but really don't care.

    From what I've seen, people more likely treat each other like garbage when they pretend to be more than tricking. When they jump from friend to friend (dumping the first to concentrate on the next) or relationship to relationship (claiming monogamy each time). They come off as easy going and friendly but then drop you like a quick turd as soon as someone else comes along who they think might be more fun or simply new. And then of course they later drop that person too. So don't take it personally.

    It's not necessarily the people having what you call meaningless sex, you know, the people enjoying their bodies with others. Not those just out to have some anonymous fun but those who set up expectations of something more, the manipulators, the users, the social butterflies who treat people like shit.
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    May 20, 2013 1:23 PM GMT
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    May 20, 2013 1:44 PM GMT
    i think the best thing we can do is stop creating self-aggrandizing threads where we offer stupid commentary on life
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    May 20, 2013 1:48 PM GMT
    calibro saidi think the best thing we can do is stop creating self-aggrandizing threads where we offer stupid commentary on life


    not nice
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    May 20, 2013 1:59 PM GMT
    One of the many things that my long term man and I have in common is our need to spend time alone/away from the other....and not taking offense at the other's need for time alone.
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    May 20, 2013 1:59 PM GMT
    Aristoshark said
    calibro saidi think the best thing we can do is stop creating self-aggrandizing threads where we offer stupid commentary on life


    220px-The_Grinch_(That_Stole_Christmas).


    anyone who says we need to stop repelling the cosmos is asking for cunt punt.

    Jim%20Benton%20Old%20Shark.jpgIMAGE HTTP ADDRESS GOES HERE
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    May 20, 2013 2:04 PM GMT
    Yeah... my best friend when i lived Canada (who was in is early 40s and I was early 20s) was always saying he had everything in life figured out at 25 too...

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    May 20, 2013 2:15 PM GMT
    agreed - being alone helps us figure out who we are
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    May 20, 2013 3:22 PM GMT
    calibro saidi think the best thing we can do is stop creating self-aggrandizing threads where we offer stupid commentary on life


    Exactly!

    From OP:

    "Most of us grew up silent and misunderstood, maybe even invisible and unloved, and that leaves a hole in the heart and a longing for something that never was. I just don't understand what we are seeking when we have endless meaningless sexual encounters."

    Generalize much? If you are not finding the love of your life doesnt mean no one else is.

    What always amazes me is people saying oh I am sick of the endless meaningless sex? I want love.. and blah blah... am invisible and unloved.

    If you are so invisible and unloved then how are you getting endless sex? Are you sleeping with the worst of the lot who are even more invisible and unloved than you?

    You want a prince charming, a beautiful stud, to come to you in a white horse with a PhD from MIT, trust me that's not gonna happen.

    Anyways you are only 25, so ...... whatever.
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    May 20, 2013 3:28 PM GMT
    Love OP!

    Totally true. You will never be fulfilled until you entirely love, and are proud of, who you are. Achieve this, and finding a true life partner will follow easily.
  • FitGwynedd

    Posts: 1468

    May 20, 2013 3:32 PM GMT
    NeutralObserver saidIt's true self acceptance. Most of us grew up silent and misunderstood, maybe even invisible and unloved, and that leaves a hole in the heart and a longing for something that never was. I just don't understand what we are seeking when we have endless meaningless sexual encounters. Each time we fuck a man and toss him aside like garbage it is almost as if we are destroying a little bit of our own souls.

    I think the best thing most gay men can do is to learn how to be alone. There is nothing wrong with being alone. Quite the opposite. And stop being involved so much. If you go to a bar, sit in the corner, drink your beer and just look at the people around you (not that way). Disconnect. Don't be afraid silence, because that is when you will start to actually hear yourself.

    And stop wanting so badly, you're repelling the cosmos with your desperation.



    Worthless unwanted advice of the day
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    May 20, 2013 3:35 PM GMT
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