So bad shit happened today....

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 20, 2013 5:39 PM GMT
    So I went to visit Ben in jail today and we both agreed we should just be friends. I told him this was stressful for me and he said he didn't wanna lead me on because he was gonna be there for a while. So we ended things off nicely and agreed to be friends. Then his ex sends me a picture of a letter in Ben's writing that Ben is saying he is still in love with his ex and that I'm just some dumb nigger who is kidding himself thinking he's really dating me. So yeah I'm hurt and offended and I'm crying and I hate men.

    So I'm staying single for a long time.
  • LoveAndPeace

    Posts: 460

    May 20, 2013 5:44 PM GMT
    what.gif
    I'm so sorry you had to go through that.His ex is an asshole honey. Its good you ended that relationship but don't say your going to give up on men because of one failed relationship.You will find someone who will truly love you.
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    May 20, 2013 5:47 PM GMT

    Heyyyyyyy, there there.

    bobpic11.png

    *hands you a Kleenex*

    *sits you down*

    Grieve, and do it well and deeply to acknowledge your heart and how much you loved. To do less is to invalidate those feelings.

    However, my good man, do not ever ever ever ever ever let Ben control your future happiness.

    *looks into your eyes*

    Are you with me so far?
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    May 20, 2013 5:53 PM GMT
    LoveAndPeace saidwhat.gif
    I'm so sorry you had to go through that.His ex is an asshole honey. Its good you ended that relationship but don't say your going to give up on men because of one failed relationship.You will find someone who will truly love you.


    I know what you're saying but it's just like I tried SO hard to keep this relationship going and he was just using me so I could be some cheap ass for when he got out. I thought he cared about me and here he goes saying I'm just some expletive to him.
  • tazzari

    Posts: 2937

    May 20, 2013 5:54 PM GMT
    Don't stay single for too long - a good partnership can be pretty wonderful.

    Remember, all this only hurts as much as you let it; and nothing can harm you unless you let it make you a worse person.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 20, 2013 6:16 PM GMT
    You don't "become" asexual. You can become celibate, however.
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    May 20, 2013 6:21 PM GMT
    Neight saidYou don't "become" asexual. You can become celibate, however.


    I was being dramatic.

    But I just feel numb right now. Broken. Used.

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    May 20, 2013 6:32 PM GMT
    I am not going to say that I know how you feel but I have been in a similar situation..

    I did the celibacy thing from 2002 to 2006. Then after having two failed relationships partly due to me, I went into my most recent one with the 3 strikes and your out attitude. I really wanted that one to work. I did everything right, but in the end it was out of my control. I was like you are now, ready to call it quits again all together and even 2 years later that is still a viable option for me. However, I don't think I have ever really given up hope despite the fact that I have probably been on 2 to 4 dates over the 2 year span. I definitely want to fall deeply in love again.... but I will not do it blindly.

    Hope you feel better soon buddy.
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    May 20, 2013 6:39 PM GMT
    dudewithabeard saidI am not going to say that I know how you feel but I have been in a similar situation..

    I did the celibacy thing from 2002 to 2006. Then after having two failed relationships partly due to me, I went into my most recent one with the 3 strikes and your out attitude. I really wanted that one to work. I did everything right, but in the end it was out of my control. I was like you are now, ready to call it quits again all together and even 2 years later that is still a viable option for me. However, I don't think I have ever really given up hope despite the fact that I have probably been on 2 to 4 dates over the 2 year span. I definitely want to fall deeply in love again.... but I will not do it blindly.

    Hope you feel better soon buddy.


    Thanks for your kind words. I may try it again but I just need some time to lick my wounds. I ignored a lot of red flags to be with Ben. I just need to learn to trust my instincts more and not be so desperate to be with someone. I just need time to heal.
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    May 20, 2013 6:42 PM GMT
    I'm sorry to hear that. .
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    May 20, 2013 6:45 PM GMT
    Slim2010 saidI'm sorry to hear that. .


    You were the first person I was going to tell.
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    May 20, 2013 6:47 PM GMT
    MisfitToy said
    Slim2010 saidI'm sorry to hear that. .


    You were the first person I was going to tell.


    Yeah. I read it on your FB earlier. How are you feeling?
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    May 20, 2013 6:51 PM GMT
    Slim2010 said
    MisfitToy said
    Slim2010 saidI'm sorry to hear that. .


    You were the first person I was going to tell.


    Yeah. I read it on your FB earlier. How are you feeling?


    Like shit. Like an idiot. Reading those words made me sick. He said he loved and cared about me but he was just playing one of his games. His ex is trying to hook me up with one of his friends. I don't think ill be ready for a while.
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    May 20, 2013 6:57 PM GMT
    MisfitToy said
    Slim2010 said
    MisfitToy said
    Slim2010 saidI'm sorry to hear that. .


    You were the first person I was going to tell.


    Yeah. I read it on your FB earlier. How are you feeling?


    Like shit. Like an idiot. Reading those words made me sick. He said he loved and cared about me but he was just playing one of his games. His ex is trying to hook me up with one of his friends. I don't think ill be ready for a while.


    Yeah, Do what you feel is best for yourself.

    What does the ex think of all this? Does he want to get back with Ben, are y'all now friends?
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    May 20, 2013 7:03 PM GMT
    Slim2010 said
    MisfitToy said
    Slim2010 said
    MisfitToy said
    Slim2010 saidI'm sorry to hear that. .


    You were the first person I was going to tell.


    Yeah. I read it on your FB earlier. How are you feeling?


    Like shit. Like an idiot. Reading those words made me sick. He said he loved and cared about me but he was just playing one of his games. His ex is trying to hook me up with one of his friends. I don't think ill be ready for a while.


    Yeah, Do what you feel is best for yourself.

    What does the ex think of all this? Does he want to get back with Ben, are y'all now friends?


    His ex is mad that Ben thinks he's a lair and hates that Ben is back to his old self and hasn't changed so he's been talking to another guy and they might start dating.

    I'm just so mad at myself for ignoring all the signs. Why would he do this to me? Why would he hook up with me only to hurt me like this? He went after me. He chased me. What the fuck? I'm just so hurt and confused.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 20, 2013 7:03 PM GMT
    Um a think a lesson here is that people should not go looking for true love in a jail cell or with people who are in jail for beating up ex boyfriends.

    This is also your second topic saying you are going to be "celibate"

    .....
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    May 20, 2013 7:06 PM GMT
    RadRTT saidUm a think a lesson here is that people should not go looking for true love in a jail cell or with people who are in jail for beating up ex boyfriends.

    This is also your second topic saying you are going to be "celibate"

    .....


    He didn't go looking for true love in a jail cell.
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    May 20, 2013 7:07 PM GMT
    Slim2010 saidHe didn't go looking for true love in a jail cell.
    Yeah he did. He has had multiple posts about it...and me and him have talked about it privately. What Misfit really needs is a Slap in the Face with some hardcore down to earth reality, not a bunch of people online coddling him. And he knows I am right.
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    May 20, 2013 7:10 PM GMT
    RadRTT saidUm a think a lesson here is that people should not go looking for true love in a jail cell or with people who are in jail for beating up ex boyfriends.

    This is also your second topic saying you are going to be "celibate"

    .....


    I haven't had sex with anyone.

    I'm just not going to be looking anymore.

    And I didn't go to jail with the purpose of looking for a guy. It just happened and it shouldn't of but I'm smarter for it.
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    May 20, 2013 7:11 PM GMT
    RadRTT said
    Slim2010 saidHe didn't go looking for true love in a jail cell.
    Yeah he did. He has had multiple posts about it...and me and him have talked about it privately. What Misfit really needs is a Slap in the Face with some hardcore down to earth reality, not a bunch of people online coddling him. And he knows I am right.


    Did he go to jail hoping to find true love? No.

    Like he said, Ben came after him and lead HIM on. Isaiah shouldn't be blamed because he fell for this guys games.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 20, 2013 7:12 PM GMT
    RadRTT said
    Slim2010 saidHe didn't go looking for true love in a jail cell.
    Yeah he did. He has had multiple posts about it...and me and him have talked about it privately. What Misfit really needs is a Slap in the Face with some hardcore down to earth reality, not a bunch of people online coddling him. And he knows I am right.


    I didn't go there looking for a relationship. However I didn't use my judgment when I should of and you were right and I did ignore a lot of signs to be with him. And I feel stupid and you were right because I should of broke up with him a longtime ago.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 20, 2013 7:12 PM GMT
    MisfitToy saidI haven't had sex with anyone.

    I'm just not going to be looking anymore.

    And I didn't go to jail with the purpose of looking for a guy. It just happened and it shouldn't of but I'm smarter for it.
    Okay you haven't had sex with anyone....why make a 2nd topic about it? Just post in the old one....I haven't ha sex since Christmas Eve 2012 and then before that it was 3 years... Lots of guys on this site don't have sex for long periods of time, and they don't all go making threads after threads about it.

    And I didn't mean you went to jail for the soul purpose of getting in a relationship. But you are smart enough to realize that the whole thing was a mistake and you still did it.
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    May 20, 2013 7:15 PM GMT
    RadRTT said
    MisfitToy saidI haven't had sex with anyone.

    I'm just not going to be looking anymore.

    And I didn't go to jail with the purpose of looking for a guy. It just happened and it shouldn't of but I'm smarter for it.
    Okay you haven't had sex with anyone....why make a 2nd topic about it? Just post in the old one....I haven't ha sex since Christmas Eve 2012 and then before that it was 3 years... Lots of guys on this site don't have sex for long periods of time, and they don't all go making threads after threads about it.

    And I didn't mean you went to jail for the soul purpose of getting in a relationship. But you are smart enough to realize that the whole thing was a mistake and you still did it.


    I know I should of known better but I was so tired of being alone. And so I let myself get charmed by this guy even though in the back of my mind I knew there were things about him I should of avoided. I guess because he was so attractive and that he made me feel special was what seduced me but even still he was in jail for a reason.

    And this is my second one about it.

    Other people make repeated threads about their hats and shoes.

    I'm just saying.

    I wasn't really talking about my sex life though. I was talking about why this experience has made me realize I need to be more focused on me and how I got played. Just venting, sorry if that offends you.
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    May 20, 2013 7:30 PM GMT
    It doesn't offend me that you are venting....what gets me is that this is a normal occurrence for you. And then when members give you advice, GOOD ADVICE, you get defensive and don't listen. Then when stuff happens you write about. It is a circle with you.

    Again I am not saying this to be mean, but to make you hear something that will actually help you...You wonder why no one gets you...the truth is we do get you, you don't get yourself and a lot of members are tired of it. A lot of members keep telling me to stop giving you advice...and I don't think I ever will but it will get harsher and harsher as you dig yourself a deep hole.
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    May 20, 2013 7:33 PM GMT
    RadRTT saidIt doesn't offend me that you are venting....what gets me is that this is a normal occurrence for you. And then when members give you advice, GOOD ADVICE, you get defensive and don't listen. Then when stuff happens you write about. It is a circle with you.

    Again I am not saying this to be mean, but to make you hear something that will actually help you...You wonder why no one gets you...the truth is we do get you, you don't get yourself and a lot of members are tired of it. A lot of members keep telling me to stop giving you advice...and I don't think I ever will but it will get harsher and harsher as you dig yourself a deep hole.


    Well I'm not being defensive now and you're right. It is a pattern for me. I do this in real life too. Sometimes I guess I am sometimes looking for someone else to justify what I know is wrong. I need to learn to either take advice when I ask for it or shut the hell up and suffer in silence.

    I appreciate you being hard on me. I was being an idiot and willfully blind.