Intersex?

  • Marcus1958

    Posts: 5

    May 23, 2013 2:31 PM GMT
    Several months back I met this guy and we had fun doing things together. I really liked him, so I finally asked him out and we had a few great dates.

    So a few weeks ago we went out to dinner, and after dinner headed back to my place. Things started heating up, and I was really into him, and he into me. One thing led to another and then my hand was in his pants, when I realized he didn't have standard issue equipment. It didn't really deter me at the time and we continued to make out.

    Later he told me he was born intesex with weird genitals and internal female organs so his parents raised him as a girl. He eventually had reconstructive surgery and is now a man.

    Shouldn't he have told me this beforehand? I'm not sure I can be with someone sexually who used to be a woman! Has this happened to anyone else?
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    May 24, 2013 2:19 PM GMT
    I'm easily distracted sexually. Even a cock ring is a turn off for me. I did once wind up in a public heavy petting session with whom I thought a stunning guy but then there was something missing down there and so I couldn't take it further than some clothed action, which was surprisingly still pretty damned hot as that person had a lot of passion.

    My encounter was obviously to both of us a trick so I guess they get a pass on being so surprising. If a few dates were involved first I'd expect full disclosure beforehand only because that seems more like an intentional set up even if they were simply nervous. I'm not sure how that works.

    Seems a tough call. What's the difference between that and having sex for the first time after a few dates and finding yourself in bed with a guy with a 2 inch dick? Or what if it's a pencil dick or an ugly dick or uncut if your prefer cut? How much do you expose before you expose?

    Just imagine those who marry without ever even having had sex with their partner first. Speaking of potentially very fucked up situations. Life can be odd. When I've the time and inclination, I click preview first to check for typos.
  • in_this_corne...

    Posts: 704

    May 24, 2013 2:43 PM GMT
    Read 'Middlesex'. Fantastic book. Basically this story.
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    May 24, 2013 2:48 PM GMT
    sorry, now you have aids... are pregnant.
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    May 24, 2013 3:15 PM GMT
    Life is a banquet; you should at least try each dish that is set before you.
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    May 24, 2013 3:23 PM GMT
    Intersex takes in a whole spectrum of conditions and affects a larger population than you might think. Unfortunately as you experienced when the genitalia are ambiguous doctors/parents have made arbitrary decisions about altering them one way or the other, and then frequently the person identifies as the other gender when they start to mature. There is a movement against altering intersex genitals until the person is old enough to make an informed decision for his/her self to prevent stuff like this.

    As far as when to tell you, that is hard to say. Do we expect people to wear a sign? We all have things about ourselves which are not readily apparent when in casual conversation, and -- as I am sure you can understand -- a person in this situation may be reticent to throw it out there to everybody they meet. He may not have planned on things going that far that quickly (ever happen to you?) and thus didn't get the opportunity to prep you.

    Whatever you decide to do, I hope you do so with some compassion. While I have never experienced it, I have learned a little about intersex as part of the volunteer work I do and it is Gay Guy Problems x 10 because it is so not-understood by the general public.
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    May 24, 2013 3:25 PM GMT
    leo23 saidThis is hard to believe the story! The first conclusion that anyone would made after reading that. She is he! A transgender? You should find about this. If you are more into him.

    P.S you have provided too much of info about your intimacy with him!


    Too intimate a sharing? How about instead we publicly discuss our personal relationships with God.

    This guy just flew into the tree right in front of the window here (2nd time this month, yay)
    IMG_3646_1_zps5d6429b7.jpg
    red-shouldered hawk
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    May 24, 2013 4:33 PM GMT
    It must be hard for your date. From his perspective, what point is a reasonable time to discuss this topic? And it's not the easiest to drop into conversation.

    "Shall we stay for desert or a coffee? What's on the menu? The cheesecake looks good. Oh, I have neither a penis nor a vagina."

    ....not easy.

    He will have found himself in this situation (ie sexual) before with other partners and would've been very conscious of your reaction. Maybe he has discovered that the best option in revealing his "secret" is in letting it occur naturally during the act.

    If you like him and want to continue dating him, discuss it, now that he knows you know. He will probably be more comfortable discussing it than you will.
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    May 24, 2013 5:44 PM GMT
    theantijock said
    leo23 saidThis is hard to believe the story! The first conclusion that anyone would made after reading that. She is he! A transgender? You should find about this. If you are more into him.

    P.S you have provided too much of info about your intimacy with him!


    Too intimate a sharing? How about instead we publicly discuss our personal relationships with God.

    This guy just flew into the tree right in front of the window here (2nd time this month, yay)
    IMG_3646_1_zps5d6429b7.jpg
    red-shouldered hawk


    Awesome photo. Thanks for sharing.
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    May 24, 2013 10:30 PM GMT
    NJShiftyJK saidAwesome photo. Thanks for sharing.


    You're quite welcome.

    You can tell by his feet how big he is which belies the senses when he flies so silently, effortlessly. Wu wei. Just the other week I was headed out to the veggie patch and one must have been on the ground, I hadn't seen him. But he must have been right near me because when he took off, he flew so close that I felt the wind from his wing breeze my face. I'd never experienced that before. They're very fast. I understand they can get over 30 mph. He was clear across the garden by the time I ever saw him.

  • May 24, 2013 10:46 PM GMT
    theantijock said

    You can tell by his feet how big he is


    Are we talking about the guy or about the bird?

    Sorry for the joke...
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    May 24, 2013 11:14 PM GMT
    This is why I bang someone before I go on a second (or first) date. If someone doesn't do it for me sexually but I like them as a person than by dating them I might fuck up the chance to make a friend and/or hurt their feelings.
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    May 25, 2013 12:09 AM GMT
    VictorBrazil88 said
    theantijock said

    You can tell by his feet how big he is


    Are we talking about the guy or about the bird?

    Sorry for the joke...


    Well, you know what they say about big hands and big feet: big gloves and big shoes.

    blackstrap saidThis is why I bang someone before I go on a second (or first) date. If someone doesn't do it for me sexually but I like them as a person than by dating them I might fuck up the chance to make a friend and/or hurt their feelings.


    You always did strike me as a practical thinker. I'm going to bet that you don't kiss on the first fuck.
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    May 25, 2013 12:23 AM GMT
    If we are already in coitus, I am probably too drunk to even know where I am. All of that and I can recite Flaubert from memory. icon_biggrin.gif
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    May 25, 2013 12:34 AM GMT
    I really feel for the many people who were assigned the wrong gender at birth. I won't even post the horror stories I've read. I hope people who care can find the right answers for them.