Having a change of heart...

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    May 23, 2013 11:36 PM GMT
    I have known I had some sort of sexual attraction to being with another man for a long time. I was always ashamed of it.. I guess because I believed I was supposed to be. After going through the seperation and divorce process with my wife I was devastated. But as I am accepting that its over and ready to move on and get back out there all I can think about is hooking up with dudes!! At first this flustrated me.. because like I said I " believed" I had to be straight. I guess for my family and the way I was raised to believe. But I wanna try so so bad!! So I figured I would just find a hot guy somewhere and slaughter his ass!! (Lol sorry it has been over 18months since I had sex.. I know pathetic) to find out what these feelings where all about. BUT I have had a change of heart since joining this site and receiving and interacting with a few members.... I have decided I DO NOT wanna hook up with some random dude!!. I find one and give these feeling a real chance and date one.. take it slower and see where it leads. That way if I am gay I don't have to always hide it maybe. If I am gay and wanna be with a man and I fall in love I will come out to my family.. otherwise it will just hurt them if they find out and its just a sexual thing. In that case they don't need to know!! But if I am I don't wanna live hiding it and scared. I wanna find a soul mate accept how ever I am and who ever I love and just enjoy life!! Thank you to those who have helped, showed support to me at this confusing time in my life and helped me gain a better perspective on my feelings. And I've only been a member a few days!! So glad I joined!

    P.s sorry if this is hard to read posting from phone/ with no edit
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    May 23, 2013 11:54 PM GMT
    jdkrush saidIf I am gay and wanna be with a man and I fall in love I will come out to my family.. otherwise it will just hurt them if they find out and its just a sexual thing. In that case they don't need to know!! But if I am I don't wanna live hiding it and scared.


    Love is not justification for sexual orientation.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    May 23, 2013 11:59 PM GMT
    Just because you like men it doesn't mean you need to give up who you are and what you want. If you want to have sex with someone only after you feel a connection and you know them, that's fine. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
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    May 24, 2013 12:14 AM GMT
    Timbales saidJust because you like men it doesn't mean you need to give up who you are and what you want. If you want to have sex with someone only after you feel a connection and you know them, that's fine. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.


    Yeah I am just coming to terms with it all. I have no idea where it will lead. I have never really went farther than fantasizing.. I am just deciding on my own the more I explore and entertain these feelings how I wanna go about figuring it out. I never really thought it could be more than sexual. And maybe its not. IDK I know I am ready to have a person in my life and for the first time in my life the more I become comfortable with how I feel, the more I feel.. why couldn't I like a guy like that?? I'm trying to open my mind. I admit I have done all I could to make these feeling go away... but fuck it!! I'm tired of being ashamed of me!! Sorry to vent all this guys. This shit has been in me a long damn time. I'll figure it all out and not be such a spaz lol. Anyway I now I may sound like a fresh green newbie to all this and sound like a dumb fuck but ya know what.. that's ok. I know in the end I will get my life back.. my happiness back. And I will love life again. Whether I screw guys, girls, or both the rest of my life..
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    May 24, 2013 12:20 AM GMT
    There's no right way or wrong way. The one you have to please is looking at ya in the mirror. I was probably the last one people would suspect of being "different". Love yourself and everything will eventually fall in place.
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    May 24, 2013 12:27 AM GMT
    smk425 saidThere's no right way or wrong way. The one you have to please is looking at ya in the mirror. I was probably the last one people would suspect of being "different". Love yourself and everything will eventually fall in place.


    That's what I am starting to see.. just always been proud of my family to ya know?? I am a small town country boy. My family don't accept or understand things like this. I don't either. But at 32 I am no longer letting there believes define me. I wanna find myself, embrace all I am. And be free of all the chains that hold me down. That being one. I won't know nothing till I give myself a chance to sort thongs out. Until then its all to be determined.
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    May 24, 2013 12:28 AM GMT
    Lol thongs.. I'm not even gonna edit that haha
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    May 24, 2013 12:51 AM GMT
    jdkrush said
    smk425 saidThere's no right way or wrong way. The one you have to please is looking at ya in the mirror. I was probably the last one people would suspect of being "different". Love yourself and everything will eventually fall in place.


    That's what I am starting to see.. just always been proud of my family to ya know?? I am a small town country boy. My family don't accept or understand things like this. I don't either. But at 32 I am no longer letting there believes define me. I wanna find myself, embrace all I am. And be free of all the chains that hold me down. That being one. I won't know nothing till I give myself a chance to sort thongs out. Until then its all to be determined.

    You're proud of your family, and maybe now is the time they can demonstrate being proud of you in turn, regardless of your orientation.

    This thread is over a year old. I remember it cause I responded and someone else commented that I must be pretty aggressive with my family. I don't think I am, but I took a stand. Aside from my message, you might benefit from the general discussion.
    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/2329993/
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    May 24, 2013 1:09 AM GMT


    That's what I am starting to see..
    You're proud of your family, and maybe now is the time they can demonstrate being proud of you in turn, regardless of your orientation.

    This thread is over a year old. I remember it cause I responded and someone else commented that I must be pretty aggressive with my family. I don't think I am, but I took a stand. Aside from my message, you might benefit from the general discussion.
    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/2329993/[/quote]

    Thanks I will definitely check that out. In time some of my family probably would accept it, others may even be happy for me.. but one thing that is for sure is some will not.. I am from the bible belt and my family lives by that book, they ain't perfect Christians, but they are advid believers and live the life quiet honestly. I even have issues with the whole religion. I've always struggled to believe the way they do. It seems so silly to me sometimes the stuff they believe in... I respect it, but it has never been the same for me. I've never "felt" God like they seem too. I love them so much and in a w
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    May 24, 2013 1:18 AM GMT
    Cut off my post.. anyway I was just saying they would have a hard time accepting that those feelings are natural. They would think we could just pray it all away. I'm coming to terms that these "feelings" are natural. Because I feel them. They still are part of a simpler way of thinkin'. They very right wing and proud of that way of believing. Even though I am accepting that way of thinking is wrong.. it would still hurt to feel like I let them down. And it only be because they didn't understand. Some would but my dad, step dad, and brothers would not. My family is the greatest blessing I've ever had. They are all I have right now. I would hate to put a wedge between any of us. But I am deciding I am gonna find me and be me no matter who that is. Take me or leave me..
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    May 24, 2013 1:28 AM GMT
    I only read the OP.

    But holy shit, this is so, so ridiculously cute. I mean, I've been drinking, but reading this kind of brought a tear to my eye.
    Seriously, I really hope OP finds happiness, and not just because he's hot as hell.

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    May 24, 2013 1:43 AM GMT
    silent_weapon saidI only read the OP.

    But holy shit, this is so, so ridiculously cute. I mean, I've been drinking, but reading this kind of brought a tear to my eye.
    Seriously, I really hope OP finds happiness, and not just because he's hot as hell.


    Lol thanks!!! I will find it man. Im start in to feel better already!!
  • creature

    Posts: 5197

    May 24, 2013 1:55 AM GMT
    jdkrush saidCut off my post.. anyway I was just saying they would have a hard time accepting that those feelings are natural. They would think we could just pray it all away. I'm coming to terms that these "feelings" are natural. Because I feel them. They still are part of a simpler way of thinkin'. They very right wing and proud of that way of believing. Even though I am accepting that way of thinking is wrong.. it would still hurt to feel like I let them down. And it only be because they didn't understand. Some would but my dad, step dad, and brothers would not. My family is the greatest blessing I've ever had. They are all I have right now. I would hate to put a wedge between any of us. But I am deciding I am gonna find me and be me no matter who that is. Take me or leave me..


    That's all that matters. For your sake, I hope your family continues to love you and accepts you for who you are. You spent all these years loving them, with them love you back, it'll be heartbreaking to see that effort crumble because you happen to be attracted to men.

    But we don't pick our family. I know some people have the attitude that you need to stick by people simply because they're family. But sharing DNA is a weak excuse. You should surround yourself with loved ones, whether they be kin or not,

    I hope you can find someone who can be that support you'll need when it's time to come out to your family.
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    May 24, 2013 3:32 AM GMT
    Aristoshark saidGood luck to you, man. All of us have had to deal with those feelings sooner or later. It's never easy for anyone. But RJ is a supportive community when we're not tearing each other to pieces.icon_smile.gif


    +1

  • calibro

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    May 24, 2013 5:00 AM GMT
    so what you're saying is you want to go to king burger before we hook up?
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    May 24, 2013 5:02 AM GMT
    calibro saidso what you're saying is you want to go to king burger before we hook up?


    tumblr_lottemnMHB1qbkyo1o1_500.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 24, 2013 5:18 AM GMT
    To the OP -

    I'm glad that you said that you want to try to be with a guy instead of just sleeping with them. I think in both cases you will find out what you want. However, if you have already been with a woman, I feel like your decision has been made, you just have to accept it.

    A lot of times being gay is very complicated. Actually admitting that you like the same sex. It's hard enough for some people. Then having to tell other people is a whole other story. And all you (and other people) can do is hope that they will still love you. After all, it is just sexual preference.

    When I came out to my parents this is (not exactly) what i said

    "Mom, dad, I'm gay. I'm just gay. And I hope that you're ok with that, because I'm ok with it." And that was that. lol. But I don't know how your parents would react to that.
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    May 24, 2013 5:39 AM GMT
    Congratulations on your progress so far! It's great that you want to form a connection with someone on a deeper level. But there's also no shame in satisfying that sexual frustration in the meantime.

    The way you'll explain it to your family, when the time comes, is the way you explained it to us. You didn't want to believe this could be true, didn't want to accept who you are, but you just had to. They should accept it as well, because you're just doing what comes naturally.

    Right?
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    May 24, 2013 8:42 AM GMT
    Good luck dude. I'm not sure if I'm reading it correctly, but it sounds like you want to lustfully fuck dudes like an animal, but you "think" that having a relationship with one dude is more civil and appropriate?

    Why not screw being logical and "rationalizing" what is civil and proper? You've been civil and proper for a long while now that's why you ended up with a wife. Instead follow your instincts this time. This includes whether being monogamous or not. In any case, best of luck.
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    May 24, 2013 8:47 AM GMT
    Incredible insight! Life is a journey of discovery and change. Enjoy the trip!
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    May 24, 2013 8:56 AM GMT
    Have fun on your journey, man. I'm glad you're finally accepting yourself.
    Sorry if I come across a bit aggressive in the "first kiss" thread. It's nice to get a bit of background in your situation.

    My partner's brother just came out aged 38! I've never seen him happier.
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    May 24, 2013 11:29 AM GMT
    thank so much for all the support!! This site has been a blessing in coming to terms with all this!! I look forward to getti ng to know more people and finding myself !! Thanks again to everyone dfor all the4 comments and suppot. just what I neee
    ded!!
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    May 24, 2013 12:03 PM GMT
    You sure needed a lot of courage to accept that, but I think it will make you happy. All the "straight" guys hooking up with guys I knew were deeply desperate people.
  • starboard5

    Posts: 969

    May 24, 2013 3:22 PM GMT
    Therapists are hit or miss but if you can find a good one you're comfortable with he/she can provide a safe haven, neutral ground where you can sort out all your thought and feelings while you're going through this. Serously consider this instead of going through it alone and taking a risk of ending up more hurt and confused.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    May 24, 2013 3:28 PM GMT
    Hey glad you are here and that the site has had a great positive inpact! It can, way beyond fitness routines and exercise recommendations.

    Sounds like it has been a very hard process for you, I just hope you can make some friends here that can help you along the way and give needed input. Welcome again, glad you've joined the site and hope you have nothing but happiness ahead!

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