Stood up...after being asked to reschedule.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 24, 2013 2:46 AM GMT
    I think I need a fresh perspective from someone else on this situation.

    I just moved to San Diego and met someone who asked me out for a drink on Sunday. We ended up watching a movie after that and cuddling at his place, but I didn't spend the night or do anything further than making out because I don't move that quickly.

    He flirted and complimented me the whole time and asked me as I was leaving when he could see me again. I said Tuesday night. On Tuesday, I texted him to ask if we were still on for dinner and he said he forgot about his friend's birthday and asked me to reschedule to Wednesday night instead. He told me he had an event on Wednesday night but would text me when it ended so we could meet up.

    But that's the last I heard from him. I haven't messaged him or called because I feel it was very rude to ask me to reschedule and then to completely blow me off like that.

    I think I'm just going to call it a loss and move on. Is dating always this hard? I don't understand why someone would ask to see me again and then just forget all about me a couple days later.

    Ah well...water off a duck's back (as Jinnx Monsoon would say).

    Sorry, I just wanted to vent a little I guess. Looks like dating here in SoCal is going to be no easier than dating in Iowa, but for different reasons.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 24, 2013 3:01 AM GMT
    The ball was in his court when he said he would text you Wednesday after the "event" he went to ended. This is Thursday - so I'm guessing this is 24 hours later. Do you think the guy was disappointed Sunday night because you wouldn't put out? I see nothing wrong with slowing it down a bit - just as you did. (Unless something is just a hook up and everybody is cool with that). I would not text or call the guy. I checked out your profile, and I'm sure you'll attract much higher quality guys. Just give it a chance!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 24, 2013 3:18 AM GMT
    My guess....he's met someone else. But I agree with jockbod48 that you need to give it a chance; which requires time and patience.
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    May 24, 2013 3:48 AM GMT
    Erik101 saidMy guess....he's met someone else. But I agree with jockbod48 that you need to give it a chance; which requires time and patience.


    Why on earth would you suggest the OP waste time on someone who clearly thinks he's a third or fourth option...
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    May 24, 2013 3:49 AM GMT
    Thank you guys for the input!

    I think I'll just leave it alone for now and if he decides to message me again I can figure out how to respond at that time.

    I'll just be patient and hope to meet some guys here who are looking for something long-term. In the meantime, I'll just work my frustrations out in the gym and prepare for the day when I meet someone who wants to keep seeing me for dates.
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    May 24, 2013 3:57 AM GMT
    brodyg said
    Erik101 saidMy guess....he's met someone else. But I agree with jockbod48 that you need to give it a chance; which requires time and patience.


    Why on earth would you suggest the OP waste time on someone who clearly thinks he's a third or fourth option...


    In my post, "He" is referring to the other guy, not the OP!
  • onefortified

    Posts: 1630

    May 24, 2013 4:26 AM GMT
    Some guys are flaky. One little thing is off and the whole thing is done
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    May 24, 2013 5:03 AM GMT
    assplode him
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 24, 2013 5:17 AM GMT
    SoCal...to Seattle. Relationships take effort and...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 24, 2013 5:39 AM GMT
    When you first meet someone and are interested in that person, that is when you are trying to impress and are on your best behavior and are being extra polite and courteous. If this is his best behavior I would be very leery.

    And yes, dating is that hard. I've been with my man for more than 10 years, but I met a lot of turds before I found him.
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    May 24, 2013 5:45 AM GMT
    Tanooki saidThank you guys for the input!

    I think I'll just leave it alone for now and if he decides to message me again I can figure out how to respond at that time.

    I'll just be patient and hope to meet some guys here who are looking for something long-term. In the meantime, I'll just work my frustrations out in the gym and prepare for the day when I meet someone who wants to keep seeing me for dates.


    This is a good plan. What you may find is that he's just one of those people who don't take commitments seriously. If he is, you have to decide whether that is a quality you can live with.

    Yes, dating is always hard, precisely because of incompatibilities like this one.

    Of course, this is all speculation. What others have guessed may also be right.
  • USMCjock

    Posts: 89

    May 24, 2013 6:29 AM GMT
    it's know colloquially as the "San Diego Fade"...ignore someone and eventually they get the hint- no need to say anything... this sleepy little Navy town has become a victim of it's beauty- A-Holes (And O-holes) from the east coast have brought their crappy attitudes here and diluted the laid-back SoCal lifestyle.. We need more Iowans and Texans here! Mean people suck (And HOLY Jeebus- they cannot F-ing DRIVE!!)

    Aside from that- WELCOME to San Diego!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 24, 2013 7:21 AM GMT
    oh my, sometimes you just need to throw off silly rules lol.

    If you are interested in him, text him back and ask him what happened?

    Just because men don't act exactly as you would like... does not make them flaky.

    It's fine to have a set of rules, but there are 1,000 different reasons he didn't text you back on wednesday.

    I've found that a lot of guys take dating super informally.. and while that might not work with your style, sometimes you have to compromise.

    It's fine to have rules, but just understand that your pride will cost you. I went on a date with someone from RJ, I liked him and then he mentioned he was dating other people in addition to me.. which is fine i guess, but it doesn't fit with how I see dating, so I ended it. I don't regret doing it, but I do acknowledge that he wasn't being flaky, he was being himself and it's just incompatible with my ways.
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    May 24, 2013 12:26 PM GMT
    People seem to have a lot of trouble with honest communication. If he's was not interested, or waiting to get laid, he should have at least texted you. I am baffled by people not willing to just tell others they are just not interested.
    It's much more civil to be honest, even with somewhat bad news, than to just disappear.
  • Beeftastic

    Posts: 1747

    May 24, 2013 12:30 PM GMT
    He's just not that into you lol
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    May 24, 2013 12:41 PM GMT
    I say move along and don't think about it in the least. You gave him consideration and he blew it. If he does nothing, move along and forget him.

    If he contacts you with some explanation, evaluate it, but you've been given yellow flags, whether you give him another chance is up to you.
  • musicdude

    Posts: 734

    May 24, 2013 1:07 PM GMT
    this problem runs rampant everywhere
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 24, 2013 1:12 PM GMT
    Better to find out he's not terribly considerate now than down the line when your heart is in it.

    As for your first meet-up, it sounds like he might have wanted a booty call and isn't into taking his time.

    At any rate, que sera sera.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 24, 2013 1:45 PM GMT
    Tenebrism saidBetter to find out he's not terribly considerate now than down the line when your heart is in it.

    As for your first meet-up, it sounds like he might have wanted a booty call and isn't into taking his time.

    At any rate, que sera sera.

    Even semi-attractive gay guys can get laid with an online ap. If you want men to remain interested, quit playing the tease with ease game and put out quickly.
    Otherwise you will be posting countless topics on here on why men are so flaky, mean, disinterested or just disappear.
  • Import

    Posts: 7190

    May 24, 2013 2:15 PM GMT
    USMCjock saidit's know colloquially as the "San Diego Fade"...ignore someone and eventually they get the hint- no need to say anything... this sleepy little Navy town has become a victim of it's beauty- A-Holes (And O-holes) from the east coast have brought their crappy attitudes here and diluted the laid-back SoCal lifestyle.. We need more Iowans and Texans here! Mean people suck (And HOLY Jeebus- they cannot F-ing DRIVE!!)

    Aside from that- WELCOME to San Diego!


    yo bitch im from the east coast, and am now living in san diego!
    are u calling me fat?!!?!

    what the fuck dude? What did I do to u?
    Your "laid-back SoCal lifestyle" doesn't really even exist anyway. U wanna believe it does, but SD is just like everywhere else... so dont go acting like outsiders are destroying your utopian city.... cuz to be honest. EVERYONE in san diego is an outsider-- including u, white man.

    OP had one weird experience and now he's painting the whole san diego area in a "woe is me-- SoCal guys suck" way.

    OP, keep going on dates, you'll meet some cool people definitely. Hang out in Hillcrest...it's kinda boring but you'll meet some people im sure.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 24, 2013 2:23 PM GMT
    Tanooki saidThank you guys for the input!

    I think I'll just leave it alone for now and if he decides to message me again I can figure out how to respond at that time.

    I'll just be patient and hope to meet some guys here who are looking for something long-term. In the meantime, I'll just work my frustrations out in the gym and prepare for the day when I meet someone who wants to keep seeing me for dates.

    Keeping a positive attitude about yourself and about dating is essential, so good. Dating offers a poor rate of return, and I often compare it to sport fishing: few nibbles, fewer bites, and many fewer keepers. Patience, perseverance & self-confidence are 3 qualities needed for both of these "sports".

    But I might question your "looking for something long-term". Most of us are looking for that, but not on the first date. Unless you simply mean the long-term of another few dates

    Dating should be its own reward, serve its own purpose. When a date becomes an audition for an LTR then you'll find yourself using the wrong tools for the wrong task, and trying too hard, being too serious. Guys can sense this and it can spook them.

    Instead, date guys for the moment, because you like dating itself for the sheer pleasure of it. Expect to date many, the fishing analogy. When the right guy comes along you'll both know it without having to think too much about it. And the more guys you date the better your chances become, and the better your catch is likely to be.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 24, 2013 3:08 PM GMT
    madfacts saidPeople seem to have a lot of trouble with honest communication. If he's was not interested, or waiting to get laid, he should have at least texted you. I am baffled by people not willing to just tell others they are just not interested.
    It's much more civil to be honest, even with somewhat bad news, than to just disappear.



    This is a standard behavior for gay man. They dont have the balls to tell you that they aren't interested so they just fade. The initial contact was fueled on horniness.

    This just happened to me again this week... it was my ex this time! He initially contacted be again, while he was no doubt horny, and then he flaked and faded again .... I dumped his ass in Sept because of this shit. They have no idea that this behavior pattern is annoying to people that have a brain.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 24, 2013 3:50 PM GMT
    Import said
    USMCjock said

    OP had one weird experience and now he's painting the whole san diego area in a "woe is me-- SoCal guys suck" way.

    OP, keep going on dates, you'll meet some cool people definitely. Hang out in Hillcrest...it's kinda boring but you'll meet some people im sure.


    Just to be clear, I think San Diego is an amazing place filled with friendly, outgoing, and very charismatic people so far. I don't mean to paint a bad picture of everyone...I just wanted to get a fresh perspective.

    I'm very comfortable with who I am and if it's not someone is looking for, that's completely understandable. I just wish if someone wasn't interested, they wouldn't ask me to reschedule and then not follow through. My time is important to me.
  • GWriter

    Posts: 1446

    May 24, 2013 3:55 PM GMT
    I've been through similar situations several times. The fact that it does seem to be standard behavior for gay men, as others have pointed out, does not make it less annoying! icon_confused.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 24, 2013 3:58 PM GMT
    Alpha13 said, "This is a standard behavior for gay man. They dont have the balls to tell you that they aren't interested so they just fade."

    Here let me fix that for you.

    "This is an all too common behavior of people. They don't have the class to tell you that they aren't interested so they just fade."

    You're welcome.