Is he a player?

  • Rich_Chambo

    Posts: 22

    May 24, 2013 4:26 PM GMT
    Sorry for the long post I'm about to write...

    I went on a date while ago (3 months ago) with a guy I met online. He contacted me first and we seemed to get on well online and sent loads of emails. A week later we met up and the date was ok. I was very nervous because i am a shy guy which he knew and he treated me well. He gave me 2 kisses at the end of the night so to me I thought he was interested. We continued chatting online (well Facebook as he asked me to be his friend on Facebook) and texting each other for about a week after the date. Them we both decided mutually it was going to be difficult to meet as our work hours didn't really work to meet. We stayed friends on Facebook.

    About a month later he contacted me again saying he wanted to try again as he really liked me and that the work situation was sortable. So I said yes. Then he started telling me things saying he only wants me and no one else (as in dating 1 person at a time online) then I noticed him online on the dating website. I questioned him and he went a bit funny with me and saying it logs on automatic when on computer. Then he ignored me for about a week. Then I asked him about meeting up then he said he's not ready for a relationship because he's changing jobs and is stressed and needs to sort that out then will contact me when he's less stressed.

    We started talking again a couple of weeks later and said it needs to work between us as it hasn't really worked out the previous 2 times. 3rd time lucky he said. We started chatting (again) and this time seems to be going well although I still haven't been on that second date with him yet (3months after the 1st date!). He has told me he hasn't dated anyone else between the times we wasn't chatting and said he only wants me. My concern is that on his Facebook page he has become friends with a few gay guys recently (since talking to me again) One of which I have seen on the dating website who lives hear me. (The guy I have been trying to date for 3 months lives 2 hours away from me). Should I be worried seeing as he said he is only into me? Is he playing with me? My gut says he is and they say trust your gut instinct but I really don't want to because I really like him. Also he only finds time to talk early morning or late at night. When he rang me one time in the day the phone cut off mid conversation so i rang back straight away because I thought it was the signal but it rang and he never answered and he never gave a reason why he didn't answer when I sent him a text.

    Am I over thinking things? Should I question him about the friends who I know are on the dating site (I know we're not exclusive so he has the right to date other guys its just what he has told me makes me worry I am being played)
  • jackooh

    Posts: 109

    May 25, 2013 12:24 AM GMT
    well you're far from exclusive you've had one date so he can go and shag who he wants, but if he said he only wants you that is a lie and you should call him up on it

    its not just a coincidence he befriended a gay guy near you, but thats not a crime he's playin around, maybe he does really like you, i'd say tell him you know he's been scoutin n if he's honest about it carry on n go from there, its only the second date!!! plenty of time to figure out what an asshole he is from there ;)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 26, 2013 2:48 AM GMT
    You put a lot of thought into someone who is clearly not interested. Are you experienced in relationships? When a guy is interested, he doesn't let months pass in between the 1st and 2nd dates.
  • NeuralShock

    Posts: 411

    May 26, 2013 2:56 AM GMT
    My advice is to let him go.

    He is just one guy in the world, and surely isn't worth this much time and energy. There will be others.

    Let me rip a prime example from the text you posted:

    #1: "Then he ignored me for about a week."

    This shouldn't fly. This is almost an instant dealbreaker, and a sign to move on. Being ignored in any capacity just shows you there is no reciprocated feelings.

    #2: "Then I asked him about meeting up then he said he's not ready for a relationship because he's changing jobs and is stressed and needs to sort that out then will contact me when he's less stressed."

    Ding ding ding. Warning sign!

    Option one: The guy is either a liar. and I personally hate liars, so immediate downfall there.

    Option two: The guy cannot function socially at all when under stress. Which isn't appealing at all. If something as basic as switching a job is going to make him completely unavaliable then he is certainly stable material for any sort of relationship. Whether that be friendship, hook-up, etc. No, just no.

    #3: 3rd time lucky he said

    It shouldn't feel like luck. A relationship should feel natural. As soon as you say things like luck you've instantly moved into a relationship being a dredgery.

    #4: he never answered and he never gave a reason why he didn't answer when I sent him a text.

    Lack of communication on his part. Which is unappealing as well.


    Know what? Let me make this simple for you.

    Stop texting him
    Delete his phone number
    Remove him from facebook
    And remove him from anywhere else you have him on

    Don't send him a message or anything. You're done. That is my sincere advice. Because at this point he clearly isn't worth an ounce of your time, and you're way too invested into a guy who just charmed you with two kisses.

    I could give you two kisses. Your grandma could give you two kisses.

    This guy isn't anything special, and actually sounds like he has a lot of problems going on. So just delete him everywhere and move on. That is the healthy and safe thing to do.
  • Rich_Chambo

    Posts: 22

    May 26, 2013 4:30 PM GMT
    I have finally gave up on him! I feel better already icon_smile.gif

    I just wish i had done something sooner rather than leave it this long. But that's what you get when you like someone i guess?

    Time to move on to someone who finds the time and effort to actually want to meet up and not only just want me to talk on Facebook at specific times of the day (i know, that as another warning sign i should have took notice of..)

    But hes now deleted. Plenty more guys out there who actually want a relationship.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 26, 2013 5:21 PM GMT
    He is really not that into you as he is claiming to be. To me it seems like he likes you but but he is keeping you as a back up option in case no one else comes along. I would suggest moving on and letting him know that you are seeing other people.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    May 26, 2013 5:35 PM GMT
    Cell# blocking. It's in your carrier billing site somewhere.

    Best invention ever.
  • Rich_Chambo

    Posts: 22

    May 26, 2013 8:42 PM GMT
    I have deleted him from Facebook and me being silly decided to tell him why because I am an honest person.

    I told him I'm moving on from him because i knew nothing was going to come of this so it was pointless carrying on and I even said he was a nice guy and that it was nice talking to him for a couple of months and even wished him luck finding someone else and told him I needed to move on for my own sake. He basically said that it was my opinion and for me to say nothings going to happen was insulting!

    I was the one wanting it to go further but he kept finding reasons not to meet so how does he expect me to feel? I also told him we are very different in terms of interests and how we see things (which is true, there is a 10 year age gap) and he was saying I'm patronising and insulting.

    He seems fine when it comes to messing me around but as soon as I tell him what I feel he can't face it. I have also noticed in the past with his friends on Facebook that he is a very controlling person and doesn't like it if he doesnt get his own way. Even a family member said to him that he thinks he's better than anyone else and he is very opinionating.

    I'm glad I'm now out of it. I just feel silly for only just realising it. And he is a player. Most of the signs have been staring me in the face but I just didn't want to believe it because I really liked him.

    Time to move on!!!!

    Guys like him are not worth the time and effort.