Date a guy with an STD?

  • TJ310

    Posts: 1

    May 25, 2013 12:33 AM GMT
    A few months a ago I found I had HPV genital warts. My doctor is optimistic that this will be my only outbreak since by immune system has been able to fight it with treatment. Obviously I'm going to tell my future partner that I had it because they have a right to know. I'm wondering if this would be a deal breaker? When should I tell him and how?
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    May 25, 2013 2:42 AM GMT
    It really depends on your future partner and what he thinks. If you read some of the past threads regarding dating someone with an STD (especially HIV), you will find that many guys absolutely refuse to date anyone with a sexually transmitted disease.

    I don't believe it's a 100% deal breaker because many guys are educated enough to know that you two can still be safe while dating. In my opinion, you should tell him immediately and educate him on areas about HPV that he doesn't understand. If necessary, have your partner go with you to your doctor's clinic and ask all questions on STD prevention. You can probably get this information also from your local gay community center.

    Your doctor's optimism is appropriate because at your age along regular checkups, I believe HPV will be an issue that you and your future partner can rank as least important.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 25, 2013 12:11 PM GMT
    TJ310 saidA few months a ago I found I had HPV genital warts. My doctor is optimistic that this will be my only outbreak since by immune system has been able to fight it with treatment. Obviously I'm going to tell my future partner that I had it because they have a right to know. I'm wondering if this would be a deal breaker? When should I tell him and how?


    You have a moral obligation to full disclosure prior to any sexual relations. When is up to you, and best assessed in the context of your interaction with other parties.

    It is wrong if you take the ability of an informed and qualified decision away from other parties. They have a right to be fully informed, whether you like it, or not.

    Some folks will be o.k with it, and some won't. That is your world.
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    May 25, 2013 12:15 PM GMT
    >Date a guy with an STD?
    short answer no
    long answer no
  • RunnerMD

    Posts: 157

    May 25, 2013 12:56 PM GMT
    TJ310 saidA few months a ago I found I had HPV genital warts. My doctor is optimistic that this will be my only outbreak since by immune system has been able to fight it with treatment. Obviously I'm going to tell my future partner that I had it because they have a right to know. I'm wondering if this would be a deal breaker? When should I tell him and how?


    You need to tell anyone you'll be having genital to genital, oral to genital or anal to genital contact with, since it can spread through all those mechanisms. I would tell them before things start getting hot and heavy but when it looks like it is going in that direction.

    For me personally, someone having HPV wouldn't be a deal breaker for dating. STD's are something that can be managed and long term relationships are more than just sex.
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    May 25, 2013 2:01 PM GMT
    Straight away, since its possible you may have recurrence of your HPV infection.

    You want to make sure you and he will use condoms correctly, and its likely you will both want to avoid uprotected oral too.

    He may want to get a Gardasil vaccine.
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    May 25, 2013 2:05 PM GMT
    How long should the aforementioned "obligation to tell/right to know" element remain in effect? It seems like a statute of limitations of some sort might apply here.
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    May 25, 2013 2:45 PM GMT
    hpv causes butt and peen cancer
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    May 25, 2013 3:23 PM GMT
    Misandry said
    calibro saidhpv causes butt and peen cancer


    Just vaginal cancer.


    no, it causes, anal, penile, and throat cancers in men... but for you, yes, cervical cancer
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    May 25, 2013 3:38 PM GMT
    calibro said
    Misandry said
    calibro saidhpv causes butt and peen cancer


    Just vaginal cancer.


    no, it causes, anal, penile, and throat cancers in men... but for you, yes, cervical cancer


    Lol. Be nice fellas.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 25, 2013 4:04 PM GMT
    calibro said
    Misandry said
    calibro saidhpv causes butt and peen cancer


    Just vaginal cancer.


    no, it causes, anal, penile, and throat cancers in men... but for you, yes, cervical cancer


    He's right, there is a potential for anal, penile, and throat cancer. Most strains that cause warts are not cancerous, but they can be. I am getting some surgically removed next week and the doctor is going to biopsy to make sure that none of it is cancerous. Hopefully they don't come back.
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    May 25, 2013 5:20 PM GMT
    I think that as long as you are honest to your partner, it could work out. It's really better to be upfront about it as I'm sure the guy will have more respect for you if you tell him.

    Me personally, I don't think I could date a guy with an STD but just because I wouldn't, doesn't mean another guy thinks that way. So yeah, just continue with your checkups and meeting guys while being honest. icon_smile.gif
  • TroyAthlete

    Posts: 4269

    May 25, 2013 6:16 PM GMT
    If you value being honest and responsible, tell them. If they would rather hookup with an irresponsible, untreated, contagious chap who will just lie to them and sleep with them anyway, you should know that up front.
  • slimnmuscly

    Posts: 541

    May 25, 2013 10:16 PM GMT
    The strains that cause warts do not cause cancer. Also, most gay men who have had more than one sexual partner already have HPV, whether they know it or not, including the people on this thread saying it's a dealbreaker. So anyone who won't date you because of it is doing you a favor by letting you know early on what an idiot he is.
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    May 26, 2013 3:19 AM GMT
    slimnmuscly saidThe strains that cause warts do not cause cancer. Also, most gay men who have had more than one sexual partner already have HPV, whether they know it or not, including the people on this thread saying it's a dealbreaker. So anyone who won't date you because of it is doing you a favor by letting you know early on what an idiot he is.


    I was under the same impression that the wart causing strains are not cancerous, but when speaking to my dermatologist and the surgeon who is going to operate on me, they both said that they can be. My dermatologist told me she had a case in which the man had warts on his penis and they turned out to be cancerous. It is unlikely that they usually are that cancerous, but again, the potential is there.
  • slimnmuscly

    Posts: 541

    May 27, 2013 5:16 AM GMT
    ItzDaBreeze said
    slimnmuscly saidThe strains that cause warts do not cause cancer. Also, most gay men who have had more than one sexual partner already have HPV, whether they know it or not, including the people on this thread saying it's a dealbreaker. So anyone who won't date you because of it is doing you a favor by letting you know early on what an idiot he is.


    I was under the same impression that the wart causing strains are not cancerous, but when speaking to my dermatologist and the surgeon who is going to operate on me, they both said that they can be. My dermatologist told me she had a case in which the man had warts on his penis and they turned out to be cancerous. It is unlikely that they usually are that cancerous, but again, the potential is there.


    True - there's potential for all kinds of things. Potentially, you could turn into a jack-o-latern in the next five minutes. You won't, of course, but potentially, you could.
  • rdberg1957

    Posts: 662

    May 27, 2013 6:02 AM GMT
    Estimated number of new sexually transmitted infections annually

    TOTAL: 19,738,800
    Young people (15-24) represent 50% of all new STIs

    From the Centers for Disease Control Website. Includes HIV, chlamydia, HPV, syphilis, gonococcal, herpes, and three others.

    Hmm. If 20 million people a year become infected with some STI, it becomes difficult to eliminate all people who have any STI from your potential dating pool.

    The CDC statistics don't even include crabs and scabies (mites). If you want to remain free of all STI's, don't have sex.

    Of those transmissions, 41,400 were of HIV in 2011.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 27, 2013 6:25 AM GMT
    I used to pretend I had STDs just to test the idiocity of certain dates...

    Some people don't get that STDs are pretty much unavoidable, most of us probably dated guys with some sort of STDs and they just didn't tell us about it. So when someone tells you up front that they have STD X, that speaks volumes, it should make anyone feel good to know that they are dating someone they can trust, someone willing to take the necessary precautions during sex.
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    May 27, 2013 6:32 AM GMT
    slimnmuscly said
    ItzDaBreeze said
    slimnmuscly saidThe strains that cause warts do not cause cancer. Also, most gay men who have had more than one sexual partner already have HPV, whether they know it or not, including the people on this thread saying it's a dealbreaker. So anyone who won't date you because of it is doing you a favor by letting you know early on what an idiot he is.


    I was under the same impression that the wart causing strains are not cancerous, but when speaking to my dermatologist and the surgeon who is going to operate on me, they both said that they can be. My dermatologist told me she had a case in which the man had warts on his penis and they turned out to be cancerous. It is unlikely that they usually are that cancerous, but again, the potential is there.


    True - there's potential for all kinds of things. Potentially, you could turn into a jack-o-latern in the next five minutes. You won't, of course, but potentially, you could.


    Let me rephrase that then, it is rare that strains that cause warts are cancerous, but they can. As I said before my doctor encountered a man with penile genital warts and it was cancerous. And there is a reason my surgeon is going to take 4 biopsies during my surgery on Friday.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 28, 2013 9:13 AM GMT
    charlitos saidI used to pretend I had STDs just to test the idiocity of certain dates...

    Some people don't get that STDs are pretty much unavoidable, most of us probably dated guys with some sort of STDs and they just didn't tell us about it. So when someone tells you up front that they have STD X, that speaks volumes, it should make anyone feel good to know that they are dating someone they can trust, someone willing to take the necessary precautions during sex.


    There's some sound logic there (about folks being honest; not about being a liar), and it speaks to integrity.

    Many folks don't know they have a STD.

    The only way to know is to not just take a HIV test, but, to do a STD battery / panel. (Like I did two weeks ago...:-)

    Some folks don't have STDs, because we've practiced safer sex, etc.
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    May 28, 2013 9:32 AM GMT
    ItzDaBreeze said
    slimnmuscly said
    ItzDaBreeze said
    slimnmuscly saidThe strains that cause warts do not cause cancer. Also, most gay men who have had more than one sexual partner already have HPV, whether they know it or not, including the people on this thread saying it's a dealbreaker. So anyone who won't date you because of it is doing you a favor by letting you know early on what an idiot he is.


    I was under the same impression that the wart causing strains are not cancerous, but when speaking to my dermatologist and the surgeon who is going to operate on me, they both said that they can be. My dermatologist told me she had a case in which the man had warts on his penis and they turned out to be cancerous. It is unlikely that they usually are that cancerous, but again, the potential is there.


    True - there's potential for all kinds of things. Potentially, you could turn into a jack-o-latern in the next five minutes. You won't, of course, but potentially, you could.


    Let me rephrase that then, it is rare that strains that cause warts are cancerous, but they can. As I said before my doctor encountered a man with penile genital warts and it was cancerous. And there is a reason my surgeon is going to take 4 biopsies during my surgery on Friday.
    Good luck with your surgery and the biopsies.

    HPV is a fairly common STD that's out there, fellas, and a lot of folks don't even know they're infected.

    And I hate to break it to you, but condoms do not afford full protection against transmission. So unless your dating strategy involves joining a monastery, best to put on a helmet and deal with it as best you can.