Fickle gay friends

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 25, 2013 9:55 AM GMT
    Why do gay guys ditch their mates when they get a boyfriend ? I'm partnered and I wouldn't do that to others .
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    May 25, 2013 9:59 AM GMT
    Because they are fake, and it's a very common thing for gay men to be fickle and fake.
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    May 25, 2013 10:10 AM GMT
    Do they? I've not known this to happen.
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    May 25, 2013 11:34 AM GMT
    blactor saidWhy do gay guys ditch their mates when they get a boyfriend ?
    For the same reason that straight guys stop hanging out with "the bros" when they get a girlfriend...the other half makes them stop hanging out, and they're too pussy whooped to do anything about it.
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    May 25, 2013 12:01 PM GMT
    You're probably not really a friend, just a hang out buddy, and when people meet a partner, they want to focus their time on that person and unimportant associates get pushed to the sidelines.
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    May 26, 2013 3:22 AM GMT
    madfacts saidYou're probably not really a friend, just a hang out buddy, and when people meet a partner, they want to focus their time on that person and unimportant associates get pushed to the sidelines.


    BINGO!

    I've had so many gay guys get pissed when I didn't call them or text them for a long time. I'm thinking, "Dude, we are so not friends, we've just had a few conversations and messed around a couple of times."
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    May 26, 2013 3:39 AM GMT
    because they get so consumed by their 'relationship', they forget about everything else
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    May 26, 2013 3:58 AM GMT
    This is not particular to gay men, nor is it particular to men.

    I blame it on the idea that someone can be your, "one and all," and that romantic love is, "real love."
  • AMoonHawk

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    May 26, 2013 4:11 AM GMT
    I think it is probably the same reason straight guys do the same thing when they find a girl friend ... the sex is good icon_twisted.gif
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    May 26, 2013 4:24 AM GMT
    I've wondered this as well, and I've seen friends practically disappear the instant they get into relationships.

    Some things to consider:

    When you get into a relationship, you make room for things from the life of your romantic interest. Part of that includes sharing in their social life and interests, and that person sharing in yours. There will naturally be a drop off in your friend socializing with you, assuming you have a solid position in his friend-zone.

    And of course there's the desire for some alone time between your friend and his romantic interest. It may be meant to focus on romance, or they may be activities that are better for just two people. That could further cut into it.

    Taken to the extreme, though, where you once saw a friend perhaps one time each week, and the socializing drops down to maybe once every few months or less, that seems a bit off.

    I don't have an answer though - if anything, when I'm in a relationship, I become even more social. I get more comfortable, more outgoing, and want to experience new things with my new-found heart throb.

    To each his own, I guess.
  • psycsnacha

    Posts: 161

    May 26, 2013 5:08 AM GMT
    AMoonHawk saidI think it is probably the same reason straight guys do the same thing when they find a girl friend ... the sex is good icon_twisted.gif


    Exactly. Don't grumble. Find your superman and you're "bro" would love to do couples dates.
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    May 26, 2013 5:10 AM GMT
    If your friend ditches you as soon as he gets a boyfried, then he probably wasn't your friend to begin with.

    Real friends wouldn't do that.
  • psycsnacha

    Posts: 161

    May 26, 2013 5:13 AM GMT
    Disagree. I hate needy friends that try to friend-date my bf. When my friends go into relationships, I understand when they drop off. It's only temporary (until the honeymoon phase ends). Stop hating.
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    May 26, 2013 5:19 AM GMT
    psycsnacha saidDisagree. I hate needy friends that try to friend-date my bf. When my friends go into relationships, I understand when they drop off. It's only temporary (until the honeymoon phase ends). Stop hating.


    Dropping-off during "Honeymoon Stage" is understandable; but since the OP didn't say "ditch their mates at the beginning of a new relationship", I'm assuming he means in general. Noone's hating.
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    May 26, 2013 5:23 AM GMT
    I've had female friends do the same thing. As soon as they got boyfriends or married it was like 'fuck you guys I got a man'. The only friends I have left are the ones who are either single or married but always envy or talk about me being single.

    Honestly though single people should have single friends and coupled up people should have friends in relationships. My friends who are in relationships NEVER bring up their relationships or drama unless I bring it up and that's not my rule. It's theirs. Because everyone remembers how much it sucked to have to listen to how cute someone's boyfriend was or how someone's boyfriend didn't give her a quality orgasm.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    May 26, 2013 5:54 AM GMT
    Part of it is that relationships are fragile when they're new. You need some time growing as couple without your friends. Each relationship has a secret language. It becomes less of an issue later on in the relationship.
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    May 26, 2013 6:53 AM GMT
    There's so much time in a day to try to do everything. I think most coupled people are probably busy with their partner, working, gym...etc. Then the weekend rolls around, you barely have enough time to sleep. When I coupled up in the past, I didn't really do too much with my other friends. It depends on how close we are, I tried to make an effort but I can't really just drop everything and run to him/her if they just ask me at the last minute. I hate that.

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    May 26, 2013 7:07 AM GMT
    I think gay guys would do it less than there heterosexual counterparts. There would probably be a higher percentage of gay males that enjoy doing the same thing their male partner does than straight females. Therefore the gay male partner does t have to subtract times from his partner's friends he can just join in. Whereas its more likely in the case of the female partner that she does not enjoy the activities of her male partner, therefore would time for herself.